(Temporary Backup) I don’t know

It’s another day and I’m grateful for Madigan, for family, friends, running water, indoor plumbing, heat and food. Coffee. I really like coffee.

I’m anxious about work. I don’t know what’s going on in the world. I hear a lot of misinformation and disinformation and I really can’t trust much of what the ‘experts’ are saying. The media collectively seems suspect.I talk to people who are hurting. They are in despair. They are confused, lonely, bitter, angry. I talked to several who wanted to commit suicide. I feel badly about complex families breaking down. 

It’s not biological. It’s not psychological. Some are marginal and now they’re having even more difficulty coping. Some are old. Some were poor and now are poorer. Even the rich are anxious.  There’s this overwhelming crisis in the world and everyone is reacting. War and rumours of war, is what the Bible described. But it’s not just war. It’s waiting for hope.  Vaccines are promised. The return of spring sunshine.  Hope for summer play.  The desire to travel. Hope for camping.  

Day by day there is more light. The rains have been bad this year. There’s been a lot of darkness. 

I pray. I ask God to help me say what needs to be heard. I ask for greater kindness and patience. I’m frustrated by the tech problems added to the people problems. I phoned tech support. It’s just the volume they said.  I’m looking forward to the weekend mid week. I’m weary after a day of hearing the terrible stress people are experiencing. It’s in their voices. The edge. The forlorn sounds of silence.

Thank you God for this day. This too will pass.  Be with me in all I say and do and help me to be a better person. Remind me that we’re all walking each other home and this will pass. I’m older and I’m afraid of dying, not death, by sickness and pain. I am weary of the pain. I”m struggling with following the good routines. Getting out , walking, exercising, doing the next right thing. I want to stay in bed and hit the snooze button too often. I delay showering and dressing . I missed a walk. I cheated on sit up. I ate bread and didn’t make dinner. It’s the little things. If I take care of the little things I feel better.  I must put one foot after another.  The world is in chaos and I don’t know what will come. I can only reassure and say I’m hanging in there. Let’s hang in there together. Another day. The flowers will blood. The leaves will turn green. Our bicycles and motorcycles and tents and campers will be waiting. We’ll be dancing in the streets.  It’s always like this.  Storms pass. It’s not you. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s the world this time. You’d be crazy if you weren’t anxious and if you weren’t a little depressed, confused and concerned.  We all are.  

Please God help us all.