Resentment

Dear God

I will continue today to try to overcome my tendency to resentment.

I know that anger comes from failed expectations.

It’s also related to the past.

Brother Lawrence, paraphrased in part in the Power of Now, teaches that we should live in the present.

God is here and now, in the present.

I do well when I get my head in the same room as my ass.

Holding a resentment is taking poison and hoping the other guy will die.

Holding a resentment is renting a room in my mind for free to my enemy.

My resentment is to government.

To this end I have a problem with authority.

The fact is government is good and bad.

Government personnel who I’ve dealt with have been both good and bad.

My tendency to focus on the bad is a product of my cognitive distortion.

The reason for this is that my brain is hard wired by myself to come to a conclusion of me as victim.

Resentment and self pity are lovers.

The basis of my resentment is that someone, some thing, or some institution or some principle 

Has conflicted with my Money, either taken my money, threatened to take my money or infringed on my future money.  

I like to think of myself as high minded but being a normal human in this society the fact is money is the issue.

If it’s not money, it’s sex.  The second most powerful motivator is sex.  We war over money and sex.

When I say, sex, I’m referring to power and passion and self will fun riot.  

The ability to attract a mate and have that experience of lust whether now, in the past or in the future 

Is simply something I get angry about if there’s any restriction or interference.

If it’s not money or sex that I’ve a resentment about then it’s ambition.  Ambition, my ego desire to increase my power,

To go where I want to go, to have what I want to have, to be who I want to be is the essence of ego.

So if I have a conflict it’s because ‘the other guy or gal’s’ ego driven path has crossed my ego driven path 

And I don’t want to change course. 

It’s it’s not money, sex or ambition that I have a resentment about then it’s personal relationships and status.

I want to be thought well of and another person can interfere with that through what they say or do.

I might want to be seen as a good guy but this other guy has through gossip or promotion of negative gossip

Somehow lowered my esteem in the world and I have a desire to get even or kill the messenger or silence criticism.

It’s not complicated. We’re simple creatures.  We like to think of all kinds of justifications.

I am quite willing to fight the battles a million times over all in an attempt to win what I perceived as a previous loss.

Resentment is the lover of revenge.

Revenge is the tribal consciousness of pay back, get even, annihilate, destroy.

Now all this is the opposite of Love.

I want to be a loving person.

I love my family and friends but so do animals and so do the worst people

Jesus taught that to truly love I must love my enemy.  

Jesus taught that Love God and Love your neighbour as yourself is the summation of spiritual teaching.

I have to see my enemy as less evil, more sick and even though I know he is wrong, it’s more helpfu to see him as suffering.

When I perceive him through a paranoid less I’m driven by fear rather than by love.

I must learn to detach with love.

I know my government and it’s employees are failing today. They are sick. They are using 19th century ideas and reasoning

To address 21’s century problems. I know they don’t feel good about themselves at the end of the day because of their illness.

I know that many are suffering deep soul sickness.

They are like rabid dogs lashing out at anyone who threatens their money, sexual relations, ambition, status and personal relationships.

They are afraid.

So it’s certainly not very spiritual or healing to increase their fear and anger.  

Anger doesn’t come from love as much as it comes from fear.  

Righteous anger is often the disguise fear wears.

I’m wanting to learn acceptance and tolerance and live and let live.

I’m wanting to be more loving and more spiritual.

I love the serenity prayer, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. - mostly that’s everything outside myself

Including the government and authorities.

God grant me the courage to change the things I can....that’s mostly me and my inner thoughts and feelings

Mostly God grant me the wisdom to know the difference.  

The institution of government is something I must accept.  There are leaders and followers.  The best leaders are also the best followers.

You don’t have to be a great leader to be a great follower but you do have to have been a great follower to be a great leader.

I must learn to follow better. That doesn’t mean I have to compromise my principles or do greater harm. There is wisdom to be learned.

I pray God for the wisdom and discernment that I need to go on.

I pray also that you have all of me the good and the bad.

I pray that you help me to grow in character and that I become more loving and have greater discernment.

I ask that my faith be increased as well so I will have less fear and trust more in You.  

Thank you Lord Jesus Christ, son of God.