Winter Christian

The rains have come back.  Winter is near.  There are more days of summer. Fall in Vancouver and southern BC is still a spectacular month.  The real rain doesn’t come till November.  I’d love to be in Arizona, Southern California or Florida, even Mexico November to February. That’s the “snowbird’ life of the wealthy Quebec retired set.  Easterners have always been able to afford a life of luxury paid for by the colonialist rape of Western Canada that persists today with the obscene Transfer payments.  

I awoke with nightmares from work, the PTSD remnants of thankless service. Yesterday was Recovery Day.  The toolbox says I should shake the dread and resentment and celebrate this day. I love reading Thomas Merton in the morning. The essence of a Christian monk the giving oneself to the will of God, negative feelings the resistance to his will.  

I am uplifted by church, the community, the congregation, the sharing in praise, the communion.  Laura needs an hour to get ready.  Morning spontaneity is only a thing that Gilbert believes in. I’m barely into my first cup of coffee, sitting in underwear. The sky is au drab.  It’s warm though.  Last night we watched Sandra Bullock in a red boots comedy,  my pleasure in getting the DVD and television functional in this little house. 

God is good. Thank you for the health of Gilbert and George. Thank you for the roof that doesn’t leak, the furnace that gives heat, the indoor toilet, the running hot and cold water, this table and this writing communication machine, these fingers.  Thank you for Laura and family and friends. Thank you for my motorcycles and truck and car. Thank you for this day. Help me to make it special as time is short as life is and should not be wasted or taken for granted.  How might I best serve you today God.  Thank you for coffee and milk and honey.  Thank you for work and the chance to be of service. Thank you for the good people in government and in the world. There’s always more than half of the world who are good at any one time. Help me to see the light. Help me to notice the good drivers on the road rather than focus on the bad. Help me to remember the good times rather than the times of stress and persecution. Help me to lift my head up and walk tall and be filled with your holly spirit. Come Holy Spirit Come.  Help me to be grateful and thankful for all the blessings as there is so much that is good and my mind is the principle problem when I feel badly. My mind is focussing on threat and negativity, attracting it indeed when I can be looking at the flowers, seeing how happy todays rain is for them and seeing the rain as saving the forest so devastated this year by fires. Thank you for the fresh air this morning after weeks of air that smelled of burnt toast.

Thank you Lord for your blessings. Forgive me for not getting out to your place of worship.  Thank you for the stove and the second cup of coffee coming. Thank you for Amazon and Kindle e books and the authors I so enjoy. Thank you for history and historical fiction.  Thank you for my nephews and their positive progress in their incredible lives. Thank you for the god kids and help their families.  Watch over my friends who now are struggling in their lives. Thank you for my friends who are happy. Thank you for the ‘turn down days’ ,the days of ‘fallow’, the days of rest and preparation.  

Thank you God. You are the creator of this intriguing interesting and multi varied life. I could not know joy without sorrow. So thank you for the texture. I could not know freedom from pain without the pain , so thank you for those positions and activities that are pain free. Thank you for the sunshine which I’d not so fully appreciate without this glum day of rain.  Thank you for the green of the glorious hedge outside my window.  Thank you for all the senses that Gilbert has despite his loss of eyes. Thank you for George and his odd little cat idiosyncrasies.  Thank you for showers and soap and hot tubs and pools.  Thank you for the sweet smell of perfumes and colognes and the rich smell of the incenses I burn. Thank you for planning and plans and the unfolding. Thank you for order in the chaos. Thank you for all the myriad positive events that occur and I can focus on and be witness too.  Help me to lift up my mind and protect me from the evil and the anger of the drug addicts who injured by others bite those who are closest to them and stoop to serve.  Protect me from the evil agencies that abuse their power while smiling with deceit and truly believing they are serving you when in reality they are serving Mamon and their own gluttony and avarice and pride. Help me to see myself when I am not being loving and caring and focussed and attentive to the needs of others. Help me to carry my burdens with more graciousness. Guide me to where I can be of greatest service 

You are loving God. Were you not loving I would know no joy and I do and have known joy. This is not a never ending experience of torture and pain and the contrasts are not so extreme. This can not be hell for there would be no Gilbert or George in hell and the flowers would  not be so beautiful and fragrant and the birds so entertaining.  All the evidence points to your being a loving God. Even the Books says as much.  It is the greatest irony that you came to earth in the body of your son and the authorities killed you.  The Herods and the Pilates abound but there are also the Peters and Pauls and Mary’s.  Help me to follow the path of righteousness. Help me walk in your steps of sacred service.  Help me know the flow, the synchronicities, the now, the experience of being in your presence.  Help me still my mind, guide my meditation and prayer. Help me know you always. My sweet Lord.  

God’s not dead, he’s surely alive. He’s living on the inside,roaring like a lion.  Thank you for gospel songs, writing and music.

Thank you for all that up lifts me. Thank you for St. Francis, St. Patrick, St. George, St. Theresa, St. John.  Thank you for Gilbert who even now is scratching under the door of the bathroom waiting for Laura to complete her shower so that he can be with her again. Thank you Lord for all the amusement others bring.  Thank you for this day Lord.