The Man Cold and Winter in Vancouver

I have a man cold. It has been said that only women who have delivered babies can fully appreciate the suffering inherent in a man cold.
The first night I considered making out a new will.  My head felt like it had suffered all the media lies and disinformation it could and my brains wanted to escape to some other galaxy.  How can you open the door when the pounding is from within.  My squinting eyes were watering with pain.
When I swallow my throat feels like I've radiactive sand lining the trachea. The worst is the sinuses.  I want to take a Dewalt Sawsall and cut a new drainage system into my face.  Skip cosmetics. Just 'git er dun'.  "Drain the swamp".  '
Satan is inside of me and I need exorcism.  There are demons hiding in my sinuses. Liberal socialist demons.  They're tearing up the membranes of my face and sharing them out among their corrupt regulatory beaurocratic soul. 
I may die. 
I had diarrhea.  The diarrhea surprised me.  I was glad I took the precaution to sit on the toilet to express my opinion about Canaadian politics. I was surprised by the extent of waste flowed out of me. 
Now I'm non human.  I'm a chemistry experiment. I've taken a cup of hot daytime COLD FX and rather liked it.  I'm binge sucking Ricola Mountain Herbs like they were nipples.
I popped several multi vitamins for men or 50 as well as elderberry tablets.  I been spray my throat with combination of Echinacea and zinc.
Zinc is in all these cough medicine.  Yet zinc is a sexual restorative, remembered as such by the catchy jingo, Zinc Zinc good for the Dink. It's also good for baby's bottoms as a barrier cream.  I don't care. None of this is terribly scientific.
I just walked into the pharmacy and grabbed anything that looked like it would help with "colds and flu'.  Were it not for the Canadian health care waitlists I'd go to a walk in clinic for a head transplant. Not that my body with medieval torture wracking pains is anything to keep but the head is really congested and a replacement head with all the Jihad activity couldn't be worse than this damaged mind processor.  I just want to whine.
Meanwhile my water lines frozen and I had to ration water last night.  My propane heater ran out but I had a spare I changed in the night and the propane delivery comes today. 
I have so much to do.
I've come to work because the sneaky 'infectious' period of viral illnesses is at the onset. Once you are symptomatic it means your body is fighting it off. It's most contagious when the symptons just show, like a couple of days ago when I just felt more out of shape and fatter and uglier sort of depressed and anxious. This was the 'early warning signs' that 'fear mongering' memes of liberal Climate Change nutbars had got through my force shield of intelligence and I was succumbing to the sheer masses of stupidity.  I had taken one too many hits of hearing about our boy Prime Minister, Justine Trudeau, "little potato', the communist, giving billions more of tax payer money to foreign corrupt governments and beaurocratic institutes.  It laid me low. 
But this yellow green snot I hork up with half a lung is evidence of the forces of good rallying to stop the invasion of free loader parasites.
There is hope in mucus. 
I am praying a lot too. Since I may die any moment from this 'man cold', I am arranging with God to get my own 'mansion in heaven'.  I will dance those gold lined streets in a new young body and be able to smoke again. I truly believe that smoking will be allowed in heaven, healthy smoke, not the stuff that leaves you susceptible to weather change and causes you to years later, despite 20 years of not smoking, to cough up a lung.  I miss the Liberal thinking I had back then when I'd smoke a menthol cigarette with a cold somehow thinking that this was good for me because it seemed so. I miss my youth at times, when my intellectual genius overrode all common sense and scientific data. Ah to be 20 years old with a stiff woody and a mind full of communism hanging out with Bernie and Karl and ignoring reality because the wine flowed free, the air was full of smoke, we had flowers painted on our faces and the women were 20 years old and magnificently loose.  The birth control pill was panacea back then and no one had AIDS. The Liberals promised everything 'free' and we had 'free' love.  God I miss the delusions "free" love and "free lunches" and everything "free".  Justin Trudeau is taxing Carbon and Carbon Dioxide but the scientifically illiterate Canadians don't realize he considers life a disease and is taxing the air we breathe.
Not that I know anything about air, wheezing and trying to suck in breaths through a dammed up nose..

My friends recommend whiskey. There just isn't enough on the planet to treat a man cold.

I'll just suffer through, soldiering on. whining. Whining helps a man cold.  It's about the only thing that does.