For what is a man advantaged?

KJV Luke 9:25  “For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself or be cast away."
Over and over again I rue the decisions I’ve made which have lost me hundreds of thousands of dollars. The opportunities increase in such a way for any who more forward in righteousness.  I think of the offer for $2000 a day writing prescriptions for marijuana.  I reflect on my friend who said he couldn’t continue to be a corporate lawyer in Toronto and remain a Christian.
I have so many times been ‘tempted’.  Temptation comes as ‘too good to be true’.  It’s like the promises of politicians.  They say that you must give them your money and they will no better how to spend it. Then they give it to strangers who are their friends whereas your friends who are not stranger go without.
In the story of Jesus, the devil tempts him with all manner of power and wealth and privilege but he turns it down as temporary gain choosing instead to honour his father and follow in the godly ways.
It is so tempting to do what is wrong. That which is wrong has that extra appeal.  There’s the pleasure in breaking taboos.  Betrayal has a sweetness too I supposed for betrayal has such appeal for some. I am loyal and loving and thoughtful for this is how I have been taught and over time it remains the way that works best as yet for me.
I spend within my means but my government and especially that child man Justin Trudeau waste money as if it grows on trees. But it doesn’t grow on trees. It comes from my labour.  It comes from the real labour of the working man so that the snake with forked tongue can take it and buy favours with his friends , not for all but for himself and his cronies.  Politics was ever thus, I fear.
I would seek the spiritual. In the depth there is more while on the surface there is ever less.  That said I like the luxuries as well. Having motorcycle and a car is wealth indeed.  I know the truly decadent minimize their wealth comparing themselves always with those with more while belittling those with less and pointing out to them their advantages rather than acknowledging their own.  They are like the friends of Job.
I feel my age.  There is an ennui in much whereas there is a desire to return to those places and activities where joy is remembered.  Youth pulls from behind. Even now I remember a place in a library where I struggled to understand and remember the latest learning preparing to help a person further along the way with the arcane bits of learning I had worked so hard to gain. Now I see that I could have lied and cheated and bullied and formed false alliances and bullied to the same end, perhaps.  Envy and lust and covetousness are found in comparison.  I am truly blessed.
The laughter is less.  I am more wary of the snakes.  Though I have won all the encounters with travail to date this day might well be the one they succeed to maim me.  It has been more often I than them that has caused me pain.  I am my own ‘friendly fire’.  The more I learn of life the more I see that I have stumbled and fallen in the ditch and no one has pushed me.  I have learned so much from the Zen of Motorcycling. It is where one keeps their attention that one goes and I’m forever looking everywhere like the Fool of the Tarot.
The meditator calls this the ‘monkey mind’ but to me it’s more the ‘puppy mind’.  I have the focus in helping another but in my own life I’m less focussed on reward and more focussed on gathering my wits and breath for another flight in the Battle of Britain.  The calls come increasingly in the night and the wee hours of the morning.  The insane sound like screams in a burning building.  I know their are others but more and more I see them turn their backs and I am falling too.  We are aging en mass and there is a turning away.
But I ask myself “For what is a man advantaged? If he gain the whole world or be cast away.?
I once felt outside the love of God and know that this is truly an impossibility but blinding myself I could not find my way back to the light and love.  That was when I knew Grace.  There are those who have not known the love of the Father or the love of the Mother. More and more in high places believe in the lies of Marijuana, Alcohol, Cocaine, Crystal Meth and Opiates.  So many look for the Architect in the Wall.
I am blessed beyond compare. I have known the love of God.  Anxiety is a measure of one’s distance from God.  I watch bodies die as men and women hold in their anger, despair and sorrow.  They are tough and put on brave faces while their blood pressures don’t lie and their eyes show how much the light has gone out and how much they have already died but continue to walk.  Zombies are among us even in high places.  Chameleons are common.  Yet the eyes don’t light and eyes that are lifeless are so tragic.
I am God said.  Asked his name, he said I am.  Being not consuming.  Living not dying. They are subtle in appearance but the difference in depth is akin to the man who built his home on rock as compared to him who builds his home on sand.
I would love God more and do thy will.  Guide me this day.  Hurry me closer to you.  Be with me now that I may know your will and do that which is true.  Thank you God for this day, for all that I know and have.  Bring me deeper into your safety and your love.  Thank you Lord. Thank you God.  Thank you Jesus.