Saturday, March 5, 2016

Sunshine Walk Brunette River

Glorious day.  Blue sky. Sunshine.  Sunshine burning off fog. Dog romping.  Big healthy poops.  River running below.  Call from friend in Hawaii. Walking along river. Birdsongs in the background.  Another life. Another world.  I’m here with the dog sniffing everywhere.  Hurrying little feet.  More poops.  Dribbles now.  More sniffing.  No Kingfishers this morning. But I’ve seen the Kingfishers. They’ve returned another year. Tried to get their picture on the iPhone but they flitted too fast..  Distinctive bird song.  Twitter.  She’s talking hard Bible and religion.  I’m walking along the gravel. Listening. Watching the dog on the leash. He’s no longer pulling me.  The walks settled into just that.  She’s anxious. It’s sad.  I’m thinking of family.  Trials close to home.  The slog of life. One foot after another. Here the sunshine today.  We got through the winter. I felt like the ancients this year wondering if the sun would return.  Worried I’d not done just the right ritual.  The superstitious cause of ritual and myth of control.  We contain our own anxiety in the bodily perfection. Leonard Cohen wrote, “I touched your perfect body with my mind.”   What comes out of our mouth is more important than one goes in.  I still swear.  We’ve moved from bowel movements to intercourse to genitalia and still the language lags.  Smegma may yet catch on or we could return to the disease swear words of medieval times.  Pox on you  Stupidity is timeless.  Our politicians are even called idiots and stupid and then the other charges one with disrespect for handicaps.  Swear words come out as lies.  It’s insane days. If this is end days then they’re insane days.  The bars on the asylum were to keep the nuts out and protect those within.  I’m enjoying the fresh air.  The after rain air.  As she speaks I remember sailing the Hawaiian islands. I miss my sailboat.  I took my truck into have it fixed yesterday.  I’m glad for that. I finally had the money to ensure I could pay for the repairs.  I’ve ridden with the sky roof not quite closing for months now.  The power steering fluid leak has just required carrying some power steering fluid.  Unfortunately they can’t fix the winch.  She talked of diets she has for her allergies and health.  Vegan.  She talked of doctors curing cancer with diet.  Anecdotal studies my mind responded.  I have cured cancer.  Placebo cures cancer.  We all cure cancer.  But cancer is that which you can say in no other way.  It’s also a way of dying or a way of resurrecting. I’ve stolen death from people who were unhappy with me for interfering. I’ve kept people alive for family to visit. I’ve fought with God and now have trouble walking at times. A reminder. It’s an individual thing. Something to be respected.  My disease of insanity is a choice. It’s always a choice or it’s always fate.  There’s attempts to mix fate and free will.  My favourite is that which I blame is fate. That which I revel in is free will.  I respect disease. I respect the individual.  I love the communication.  Kurt Vonneguts description of us as ‘peepholes on reality’.  Jung describing the collective unconscious and we’re all looking in from the circular sphere of it all.  This life so brief a kindergarten for reality.  The afterlife the real life. It’s all belief. What we don’t know is so unfathomably huge we call it the ‘mystery’  with the respect it deserves.  God is the mystery.  I am the observer. The creator and creation are the other.  She spoke of food formulas. I spoke of forgiving.  My Jewish ambassador friend can’t wrap his head around ‘love your enemy’.  But as the Sun shines on all and God loves all so to be god like we must love all.  We argue over coffee. His life is that of a mensch.  Mine is nothing in comparison. His wisdom and grace are transparent. I can only admire him and disagree.  I am a healer and a teacher. I have followed in the footsteps of Jesus.  His footprints are there. Every now and again I see them.  A life awakens to my touch. Mere coincidence.  Statistically I took a ward where there were 30 suicide attempts a year and 10 deaths and reduced that to 10 attempts and no deaths.  They were afraid we’d lose funding in administration. No good deed goes unpunished. Now they’re bringing in ‘physician assisted suicide.’  No one can afford a baby since they made abortion so cheap.  Now euthanasia will replace the waiting room at God’s door.  Suicide bombers are hurrying to their death all the while the drug addicts are dancing with death.  And we offer them different drugs.  Drugs with safety. But the thrill is gone.  Thanatos and eros.  The dog watches a bird on a tree.  She continues to speak of ex husbands and babies and homelessness in a personal  ancient pass.  I’m reading book of India and Afghanistan and the British and Russian there.  The British are trying to stop the sail of child brides and the businessmen are angry at the foreigners interfering with profit.  Wars and guns and whisky and opium.  It’s no different today.  Gilbert watches the passing dogs. Their owners don’t want to let their dogs play. Their dogs aren’t socialized like Gilbert.  He’s rude.  Sniffs butts too long and licks a genital when it’s only appropriate to sniff.  My gay friends say I should tell everyone he learns everything from me. He’s indiscriminate anyway.  Equally likely to lick a girl dog as a boy dog and worse he’s been known to lick a butt or two.  We say it’s the French poodle in his breed. The English cocker spaniel is not at all so rude.  But he never starts a fight. He never plays bully. He doesn’t try to get his neck over the other dogs. And the insecure dogs of all breeds make war not love, trying to prove themselves like adolescents.  Dominating.  Gilbert not a fighter but he will defend himself. I’ve seen him be an amazing little acrobat , biting his way free and then loving a chase.  The bully dog furious with his quick witted twists and turns.  I’m worried though. He’s healing from his paralyzing back injury.  He still tires easily climbing stairs.  I am always protective. He’s cried when a pitfall charged him and rolled him over in an attack.  So I grabbed the pitfall off the top of him by the butt skin and neck skin and threw the dog into the face of the owner who hadn’t had his dog on a leash. I followed it up by a verbal tongue lashing that had the two sociopaths cowering away.  Gilbert was actually surprised by ferocity of his back up.  It’s happened a couple of times. Men and women who are passive aggressive and act out their hostility by walking their big dogs off leash around the little dogs.  The civilized leash their dogs when they see aggression or disproportionate size.  In the wilds the dogs would pack and sort things out becoming friends but with psychologically disturbed masters, male and female, it’s never certain the body language these disturbed people are giving to their dogs.
I said goodbye to the friend on the phone glad to be back in the sunshine walking the dog.  Hopefully listening to their litany took off some steam.  I phoned a fellow who just had surgery telling him about the sunshine and how I’d thought of him walking my dog and hoping he’d be out walking his.
Now I’ve had coffee and peanut butter sandwiches.
I expect I’ll shower.
I’m so grateful for the sun.
I think that nuclear dirty bombing of the west would create a cloud cover that would destroy the solar panel energy grid for some time.  The high winds would knock out wind power.  I grew up in the cold war. We lived with sirens and bomb shelters in my formative years.  Now everyone is getting a home nuclear weapon and they’re carrying them around in suitcases.  But coal and oil still produce energy reliably in crisis. I found that at sea.  I loved my solar panels and wind generators but in crisis the diesel engine was the saviour.  But I’ve measured energy for 30 years. It’s crazy. I still have to figure out volts and amps and storage and here I’ve changed many alternators myself and installed coils batteries and solar panels and done all that work while every ignorant energy Facebook person like DiCaprio and Trudeau and their friends call me ignorant. I’ve got to stop associating with people who only read the news and lack any experience or competence. I enjoyed generating energy to power my iPhone on a mountain last year with wood smoke but how can you translate reality for the city pot smokers who argue to be big dog because the drugs have destroyed their soul and independence.
Right now I’m enjoying propane.  I’ve been living off electricity while my friend in Hawaii told me she’d lost her electricity.  For her this mean lights. I remember when the electricity went in Winnipeg  and up north , or the furnace went and I was face with freezing because heating is a matter of life and death.  The coal plants made the electricity for the north but then we got hydro electricity and later the nuclear electricity.  I’m thankful for electricity and heat.  I was cold yesterday waiting outside in the rain for an hour for a taxi.  The dog was shivering.  It was rush hour.  If I’d not phoned the taxi I could have walked home then.
I’ve been transparent.
I taught people years ago that if you turn over a stone and find all manner of bugs and awfulness you’re actually not nearly afraid of what is there as what is under the next stone.  Most people live tight little lives of terror refusing to look under ever a pebble of their lives.  One dimensional.  Silent.  Hidden.
A black man told me that the social workers know all about our families because we live in the open on the streets with no where to hide. The rich and powerful hide in their deceit.  When I fought a few of the rich and powerful I found them to be pedophiles and cowards and the dirtiest of all, canniabls that would eat Einstein and Justin Beieber and say that Justine Beiber tasted better.  I’ve known good people in authority but they’re pitted almost life and death equally with these neanderthals.
So I live transparently.  And those who hide behind thick walls and dark shades are more likely fucking the children and animals than us on the streets.
That’s not to say transparency is the answer. it’s a phase. It’s an art statement. It’s a change from the days of journalists writing high and mighty intellectual critiques judging everyone while they were stoned and fucking sheep in back rooms with vengeful pens. The lawyers and judges are like that today at times.  Parliament is televised and we see their how ‘human’ our leaders are.  The bankers are equally so. The judges too.  I’ve know judges and bankers personally and they are the salt of the earth. The doctors I trained with were collectively the finest people.
That’s what keeps me going. The idea of proportion. I believe 1 in 10 Hells Angels is probably a Christ like guy, misunderstood bad boy, struggling ethically and morally, like the media portrays him in Sons of Anarchy.  But by contrast I believe 9 in 10 police men are really stand up guys and gals.
It’s a way of thinking. There’s no idealism. I’m no longer naive. I loved the cartoon that said that picking politicians is like picking STD’s.  The taxman isn’t the saviour. Justin Trudeau and Obama and Putin and Merkel are all very narcissistic selfish people who are getting rich in their work. Hillary Clinton is a multi millionaire.  She’s covered in muck like her husband Bill.  There’s no Robin Hood or Santa.  I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny. I love the realism of the friend I made in Istanbul who told me that the people there understood politics. They knew that the people at the top got most of the gold and water but they tried to pick the one who’d let at least a trickle of the wealth get down to the people.  In Canada we are taxed to the point of slavery.  Now they have brought in Carbon Tax.  That’s Breathing Tax. That’s Carbon Dioxide Tax.  People are so ignorant scientifically that  they don’t know what CO2 is.  Now if they’d been told they was going to be an Oxygen tax they’d have paid more attention to the politics of the IPCC and Agenda 21 but that’s democracy.
In Moslem countries they’re still fighting against women getting education though in Pakistan and others women are becoming for scientifically literate than the average Quebecer.
I am simply thankful for O2 and Co2 and energy and the generator and this dog.
A friend just phoned and now I’ve a point on the day map. He’s on for going to the Outdoors show.  thank god for shower and a vehicle.  It’s a sunny day and we’re going to play outside.  Thank god for friends. I just mentioned it to him and here he is following up and wanting to get together. There goes aloneness.  I’m actually excited for an excursion.  Just wish I had the motorcycle to make it even more exciting.  That’s coming. Motorcycle weather next month.  Cherry blossoms are out. The Kingfishers have returned.  Daffodils and crocuses are up.  Soon there will be tulips.
Thank you God for another day.

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