After a while I began to wonder why I was not as happy as I ought to be, since the one thing I had been yearning for all my married life [Bill's sobriety] had come to pass. Then one Sunday, Bill asked me if I was ready to go to the meeting with him. To my own astonishment as well as his, I burst forth with "Damn your old meetings!" and threw a shoe as hard as I could.
This surprising display of temper over nothing pulled me up short and made me start to analyze my own attitudes. ... My life's purpose of sobering up Bill, which had made me feel desperately needed, had vanished. ... I decided to strive for my own spiritual growth. I used the same principles as he did to learn how to change my attitudes. ... We began to learn that ... the partner of the alcoholic also needed to live by a spiritual program.AL Anon meetings can be found internationally. They are listed in the phone books or a meeting can be found through their on line site,http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
The standard meeting of Al Anon is to break up into smaller groups so that each individual who wants to has a chance to share. In these small groups individuals share their 'experience, strength, and hope ' regarding their exposure to individuals suffering the disease of alcoholism. It's recognised that often new comers arrive with low self esteem because they have had unrealistic expectations of 'control' over the drinking behaviour of others and have demanded 'perfection' often from themselves.
These are words from the latest Al Anon publication regarding relationships:
explained why, as the spouse of an alcoholic, she also required treatment.