June 12, 2020 Covid 19, What i believe now

Covid 19  June 2020  what I believe now.

1. Virology 101 - There are little organisms of rna that spread as parasites hitchhiking around the world on more complete entities, like human cells. They are smaller than bacteria. They are good and bad and neutral.  

2.  Covid 19 was a virus that was definitely in the Wuhan Virology Lab.  It was being studied there.  The scientists who initially said it couldn’t be from the lab were lying. The best knowledge to date says that they, including the infamous Communist ‘Batwoman’, were studying the process whereby a bat virus changes from being species limitted to being able to infcct humans.  This knowledge could lead to prevention, treatment and the development of bioweapons. Most authorities consider that this virus was not a bioweapon though no one knew this in Jan.  The virus began to infect people in Wuhan through coughs in December 2019.  The Communist Chinese Party and it’s military began lying and covering up the nature and origins of the virus.  The first great lie was the ‘wet market’ source. Half those who fell ill had no association with the wet market which didn’t sell bat food.  For 6 weeks the Communists could have stopped the virus in Wuhan but instead lied and included WHO in the spread of deceit and misinformation until mid January. This included the killing of doctors.  

3. As late as February the question if this was a lab created virus, something which could have been utterly lethal, remained uncertain.  The Chinese had paid millions of dollars to leading world researchers to publish misinformation.  Leading Nobel Prize Winning scientists said it was indeed a Chimera and that Fucin cuts in the code of the spike on the Cora virus which attached to ACe2 would not have occured naturally,. Natural development was most UN likely. It was highly difereent from it’s nearest relative.  Communist China has broken all the international laws regarding human and animal studies and experiments.

4. Given the uncertainty and the evidence that Italy’s health care system, one of the finest in the world was overwhelmed, a lock down occurred around the world to slow the spread of this virus. The simple formula that came out of Italy was that as an example 1 in 10 people over 80 would die if infected with Covid 19 but still had access to hospital and ICU. Without hospital and ICU the majority of 80 infected people (or with other major risk factors) would die.  The lockdown made medical and scientific sense given the lies of the Communist Chinese Party and Cover up and the WHO collusion.  (No different than the political machinations in Canada with Red Cross and HIV positive blood supply that killed hundreds). We still don’t know the long term consequences of this virus that is new and likely a chimera, the first of it’s kind to infect the human race. I don’t question the leaders about the lockdown at this point despite the horrible economic ramifications.  Most people in the western military perceived this as the latest Communist China ‘unconventional warface tactic’ extensively discussed in their military journals.  Think tanks in America estimated 1-2 million daeths in the US by July.  The WHO began saying that the death rate was very high 2.5% or some such thing.  The WHO has a recent history of self promotion, fear mongering and misinformation thought to be an attempt at gaining more funding. Who knows? Most world leaders erred on the side of caution.

5. Sweden did not. They quarantined the old and at risk.  Their numbers despite their radical departure from the western general approach ,after Italy , showed more early deaths than Norway but no greater deaths than Great Britain which did a full lock down.  The data from Sweden was most informative despite the leading epidemiologist later saying he felt that an intial lockdown would have been a better approach. The Sweden choice will not be truly comparable scientifically  for a year. 

6. Cruise ships full of elderly and at risk people were quarantined and we had a lab culture experiment in which only a third of the ship became ill and 2/3’s exposed to the virus remained well.

7. Asian democracies, Taiwan, Singapore, South Korea, Japan all excelled. If this was a world hockey tournament Taiwan would be the all time winner. The WHO, no longer a medical or scientific organization, but a lucrative political entity eventually bought by Communist Chinese military  for a measly 2 billion dollars, claimed to speak authoritatively about Covid 19 but refused to listen to Taiwan because Communist China doesn’t like , Taiwan the Republic of China, the last democracy beyond the military domination of the imperialistic Communist Chinese Party. Communist China  had invaded and genocided Tibet years before, , and was now using the Covid 19 to silence, arrest and break all international agreements with Hong Kong that had been a million person revolt before the Communist Chinese released the virus and invaded Hong Kong with overwhelming police., reenacting Tieanemen Square. 10,000 Chinese troops invaded India last month  which it had previously attacked and had waged war with only decades before. . Imperialistic world dominion seeking Communist China  This spring at the height of Covid began increasing its military presence in the China Sea, sinking Vietnamese boats and building up military across from Taiwan. The US has moved carriers to counter the deployment of 2 Chinese carriers as well as moving Destroyers and fighter jets into the region to counter the Chinese agression.  India is also mobilizing a response to the Chinese attack increasing rail and road movement for troops into the region China has invaded.

8. Taiwan to Covid 19 is like Goretsky to Hockey.  Ironically WHO and even Justin Trudeau refuse to talk or discuss the foremost success story. Taiwan, following age old public health principles, closed the border and airports to China early Jan along with Singapore.  Canada by contrast was the last of the western democracies to close the border to China and had thousands of Chinese from the Wuhan region flying in to Canada as late as late March perhaps April.  When provincial authorites asked that the international airport in Vancouver be closed to Chinese flights, the National Public Health Doctor, Dr. Tam , called the Canadians’ racist’ despite it being that the leading Asian democracies were first to close the border and stopped the spread of contagion.  In the US TRump was the first to close the border and flights from China in early Feburary and was called racist and widely condemned by the Democrat media. Today he is widely condemned by the Democrat media for not closing the border sooner and is still called racist.

9. The tests that have been most reported on the news have been tests of the ‘presence’ of the virus. These are actual sightings of the virus in disease.  Their importance is that they identify the cause of the disease and they identify presence of contacts of the diseased person who have the disease.  Covid 19 generally has a 3 week history, approximately 3 days of asymptomatic presence but still transmissible, by bodily fluids, spit, sperm etc, then at 3-5 days of actual illness high risk of spreading by coughing occurs. Then for the next two weeks the person is ill and can transmit the disease. In 3 weeks the vast majorité  recover and have natural immunity.  By contrast Antibody testing tracks the passing of the disease.  Think of the first testing as sighting of the wolf and the antibody testing as the footprints of the wolf.  The body produces antibodies and may dispell the infection without major symptons.  As an example 97% of Canadians have the antibodies to Herpes but only one in a hundred thousand or less have the disease or spread the disease.  

10. It is this concept of the test for covid and the antibody testing which has been beyond the comprehension of literally most journalists whether intentional or lack of basic scientific training which has been why compared to the success of Taiwan and Singapore and now New Zealand political leadership, the journalists and media have dismally failed.  Most Canadians think America has done poorly without knowing that Belgium and Brussels the seat of the European Union has had the worsst performance and worst government response.  The key to understanding medicine is ‘mortality’ statistics.  This is deaths per million.  Compared to Europe Canada and the US have done far better. Brussels And Belgium  did worse with tthe most deaths per million by country. The other one is that the US has 330 million whereas Canada has 33 million so commonly Canadians ignorant of science and presented with absolute numbers wag their finger at the US when as commonly as not the differences are only obscured by the ignorance of statistics of the reporters.  As an example the US has more beds per population than Canada.  The Italian health care system is superior in many ways to the Canadian health care system for a decade raped by failure of national health care spending. The Canadian health care system had the longest waitlists in the west, least number of doctors per population and most administration with beds always in the hallways.  So when Italy was overwhelmed Canadian health officials knowing how the national government had taken money taxPayers  thougtht was going to health  ,  but instead spent it on pet projects and cronyism, it fell to the provincial governments and premiers to save the day. All the while Dr. Tam was politicking and misinforming Canadians with WHO rants and racists rants, true vulgarity for a professionl, provincial health care minister’s like Dr. Bonnie Henry were indeed saving the day. In British Columbia Premier Horgan and Health Minister Dix literally pulled rabbits out of their hats to ensure that the populace was ready for the Pandemic,.  The BC Centre for Disease Control and UBC department of medicine continue to do increadible research and provide the latest updates. Dr. Bonnie Henry is lauded all over the world for her doctor’s doctors approach to the problem and reassurance to the population. Meanwhile, and what contributes to the collective anxiety is the misinformation and fear mongering at national and international levels from individuals who have now been identified as having supreme conflicts of interest.

11. CSIS, Canada’s equivalent of the CIA,  reported in March that Canada had been inflitrated by the Communist Chinese to the ‘highest levels in government, educations and media’.  Increasing numbers of leading Canadians and scientists were exposed as receving millions from the Chinese or as with leading Democrats and Liberals   having massive financial assets in China. The Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs one of the more recently identifierd owed the Communist Chinese 1.5 million dollars. Meanwhie over a hundred countries have sued China for reparations as their attempts at cover up unravel and the chimera nature of the virus becomes more appaent.

10. Iceland and later Stanford did massive antibody testing showing that 50% of the population may have contact with Covid and hot have symptons.  80% of cases were mild and had full recovery. However those who were admitted to hospital with lung disease developed chronic fibrotic damage of unknown nature. The response to the seriousness of this was that the American Military refused for life anyone entering the military who had Covid pnemonia. So well some people say it’s ‘just the flu’ , more seriously authoritative authorities know it’s not just the flu. However this unique virus now thanks to the information of multiple sources especially Taiwan and Singapore, Japan and South Korea Britain and France and Germany, it can be said as a rule of thumb, for those under 50 the risk is 1/10 that of the flu but for those over 65 or with other major medical illness the risk is 10 times that of the flu

11. None of this was known before the end of March. If this was ‘unconventional war’ then the ‘fog of war’ concealed much as China and the WHO continue to this day to be less than transparent.

12 The principle explanation for the covert passive aggression of the Communist Chinese in not stopping the spread of the virus when they could was that it served to stop the Hong Kong Revolt from spreading and secondly it was believed that the virus would cause economic collapse in the west. China due to the unfair trade practices which were at this time the centre of western and eastern trade negotiantions had many western and especially african entities in debt to them. In Australia a leading Chinese Billionaire businessman closed the leading 1500 bed hospital at the height  of Covid laying off staff and creating panic in government circles. Australia being first to recognize the aggressive nature of the financial affairs with China issued a law limitting Chinese ownership in the country to 40% after that. Meanwhile China like a payroll loan shark was foreclosing on ports and businesses and individuals around the world who starting in February because of the panedimic and lockdown couldn’t pay back their loans.  

13.  I studied Urban Combat Medicine and remember the most important lesson of the medical training regarding Terrorism. “There are always 2 bombs. The first is for the civilians , the second is for the first responders. “ Doctors must not run to help until the area is secured, And its sure that  there’s no second bomb and no snipers.  The Communist Chinese unleased the virus then sold Personal Protection Equipment to the rest of the world. 95% of the masks sold to netherlands were faulty and would have caused care givers to contract the virus. 250 respirators bought by Canada from China were faulty and would have killed the patients. Thermometers consistently registered 36 degrees when the patients fever was 39 degrees. Meanwhile Trudeau and the Liberals government incestuously involved with the Communist Chinese had given 17 tons of Canadas personal projection equipment to China in February as Covid began to infect caregivers at the bedside. Throughout the Wave caregivers suffered shortages of n95 masks and other equipment. Just as Fonda contineus to be called “Hanoi Jane”, Trudeau may wear the name Wuhan Trudeau for years to come in the eyes of the health care workers who were so betrayed. 

14. By April the lockdown as a treatment was becoming suspect. Dr. Bonnie Henry courageously declared at the beginning of May that the lockdown had accounted for more deaths than Covid 19.  It is critical to note that Taiwan and Singapore and other Asian democracies had little lockdown by comparison to the west. The essential workers and many others continued on the job however social distancing and masks and hand washing remained paramount. Taiwan the Goretsky of the Covid 19 games had been first to close it’s airport, and had also introduced strict quarantine and tracking measures, similar to steps that Dr. Bonnie Henry followed. Taiwan provided 3 masks a week and 5 masks a week to children.  The medical leader of the South Korean response emphasized the importance of masks based on their experience with the Sars epidemic and the Asian research. Meanwhile Dr. Fauci literally mocked people for recommending masks. Dr. Tam who had said flights from Wuhan were not a problem then said that there was monitoring in the airport which wasn’t occurring as Trudeau said that quarantine was adequate managed by ’trust’. In Asia quarantine was managed in stead and effectively byApps on phones and close monitoring. In the air port temperature non touch temperature checking was employed. Again,  despite the overwhelming success of the Asians, Dr. Tam poopahed their processes while thankfully Dr. Bonnie Henry recommended masks and followed what doctor doctor’s called ‘best practices’.

15. The most egregious medical events occured around the use of Hydroxychloroquine.  In France it was found to be effective preventing and helping people in early illness in cominbation with azithromycin or not.  It was used in China with benefit and celebrated by the Italian French and Spanish and Indian doctors.  Meanwile it was a medicine usedsafely by millions for 65 years for the treatment of malaria and arthritis. When I was working in the Emergency Medicine department of the Vancouver General Hospital during the height of the Aids epidemic being spat at and bled on and fearing death everything that was found to be beneficial was promoted and then tested. That was how with Covid 19 we learned that Zinc and Vitamin D and Sunlight were beneficial.  But when President Trump said HCQ was a potential cure and was optimistic trying to raise the spirits of a nation faced with despair, suddenly the Demcrat media and sadly Dr. Fauci began the campaign of ’nocebo’ . All of us are ’self healing’ so ‘placebo response’ often cited as 30% Of cure must be considered in the equation. Yet here was thousands of cases of recovery associated with the use of a safe 10cent pill compared the best big pharma solution , patentd ironically by China,  Remsifer, at $1000 a pill being literally discouraged. It was so different from the medical responses in the Aids epidemic which resulted in the celebration of health, good nutrition and exerice and the use of pharmacalogicall treatments that came along including treating the conditions traditonaly that developed to extend life. Hence with Aids we treated the pneumonias like with Covid 19 we are using Azithromycin. So why the hue and cry against standard medicine.  The most diabolitical of which was a couple of Democrat doctors in the VA creating a despicable political study suggesting HCG was deadly . The head of the VA subsequently apologised as reviews of the study showed its major flaws and partisanship. Similiar Lancet published an apparent great ‘review’ which was actually pulled by the editors and publishers of Lancet becasue the data base comnpany providing the stats was a Democrat front.  Even when the Republicans said that sunshine and freshair and exercise would reduce the spread of the virus suddenly this was mocked. It was always as if there was a segment of the society, dominated by the Communist Chinese and WHO and UN issues wanting to make a bad situation worse with media misinforming the public collectively about the science and the treatments.

16. This division between the ‘pro life’ and ‘pro death’, glass half full and glass half empty continues. Dr. Bonnie Henry reported correctly that the Lockdown was having dangerous side effects and starting May 1 ,increased  cardiac deaths from postponed life saving elective surgeries, just one example. Premier of BC, Mr. Horgan outlined increased return of personal freedom following in the footsteps of Taiwan and other world leaders. All the while Trudeau and TAm discouraged people working. Indeed the Prime Minister, young and healthy and never at risk, remained hidden in his palatial home only  coming out one hour a day and giving  himself and his co workers massive raises. Meanwhille Singapore politician cut their salaries.  Meanwhile in New Zealand the female prime minister with her baby at her side worked constantly and declared that Covid was conquered in New Zealand.  Further in Canads  when a side effect of lockdown a cabin fever crazed man shot and burnt 22 of his neighbours with illegal weapons actually one of which was obtained from the police the Prime Minister denied the influence of the Lockdown and threat of poverty and instead blamed the events on hunters and farmers who owned guns. Similir in the US when after months of lockdown facing increasing poverty people took to the streets to loot , this was consideed by democrats as a ‘racial’ issue. It was utterly bizarre.  The Chinese Communist Plan was for Xi Jinping to lead the UN and the new One World Order based on Commuhist princples in an alliance reminiscent of Hitler and Stalin, called Sharia Communism.

17 The actual stats of New York , the poorest performing US state which influenced the overal US stats, were directly a consequence of population density and age.  In addition the metal of elevators and need to take elevators factored in and the preference of the virus for Blacks after Asians. Latinos were least appealing to the virus. Further the US insurance companies were forced ,based on the experience of AIDS , to introduce a major fee for Covid 19 deaths and treatment. In AIDS the hospitals and doctors were at first fearful of treating. I volunteered because I was single, young stupid and immortal. I’d already acquired tuberculosis in an northern  tb outbreak and suffered a year of TB treatment subsequently. I  fortunately didn’t get meningitis when i was treating children in a meningitis outbreak. This Covid 19 was my 4th serious infectious disease crisis. I’d done a dual speciality in Community Medicine/Public Health training and Psychiatry, only completing the Psychiatry exams because I’m lazy and poor, i worked in public health especially enjoying the opportunbity to work with the Amazing CDC in Saipan.  Saipan , in the Marianas Islands,  has a major CDC centre with the finest staff because Saipan and Guam are where asian diseases first strike and the military has a major concern to protect citizens and troops.  

New York Governor Cuomo forced Nursing Homes to accept and keep COVID 19 patients.  By contrast Premier Horgan and Dr. Bonnie Henry in British Columbia quarantined people with Covid 19 and through outstanding public health policy and care limitted the institutional spread of Covid 19 as a priority. To put this in spectivie I’ve rather crudely stated that if during AIDS the governor had forced brothels to keep prostitues with HIV working the calamity would be equivalent. Which is just one of the reasons it seems that there are competing forces, one wanting to see the end and reduce the spread of Covid 19 and another one wanting to see the greater spread and economic collapse of the west. Based on the best scientific and medical information half the US states increased freedom and began the restoration of the economy as recommended here in BC by Dr. Bonnie Henry and being done by the Asian Democracies , while half the US for purely political reasons tried to maintain the lockdown and destroy the economy. Meanwhile in Canada the lockdown now accounted for massive increase in overdose deaths thanks to government giving  addicts thousands of dollars.  Further suicides skyrocketed and lay offs increased. At this time in Africa dependent on western supply lines disrupted by the pandemic, the projection was of millions of black babies dying from starvation before year end . It was so omninously reminiscent of the AIDS epidemic. A few million died in north american while 100s of millions of Africans died.  So rich powerful organizations like Antifa, BLM and criminal organizations intent on looting disrupted the economy causing chaos , the people most hurt would being black babies in Africa who no one seems to care about ever despite cries of racism and other such posturing.

18.  Bill Gates stated that the greatest money to be made today in investments was vaccines with 1 billion investment and 400 billion return.  The vaccine industry has been hurt by the lucrative but controversial flu vaccine with governments doing draconian things on behalf the the people, the notorious Nazi slogan that ultimately lead to the ‘final solution’.  Unfortunately it’s reminiscent of the last crisis in which ‘good stocks’ were combined with ‘bad stocks’ to create the Fanny May and Goldman Sacks debacle and government bail outs. Vaccines are good. Measles vaccine and Polio vaccines saved millions.  Now the latest immunological advances in the treatment and cure of cancer have been using vaccine type strategies. It’s like giving an airport dog a sniff of a criminals clothes and setting the dog free to track down and attck the criminal.  Moderna and Zeneca using this 21st century techniques have vaccines in human trials that could arrive as early as late fall this year because of the courage and availability of young volunteers.  I really do look forward to having one of these vaccines. Similarly Abcella labs in vancouver in combination with Lilly has developped an antibody test which is truly space age and the best of science. The Communist antibody tests again were grossly erroneous reporting false negatives and false poisitive and over repeating and under reporting disease.  By contrast the Vancouver based researcheers are true geniuses and have developed the most accurate antibody test.  

19 Unfortunately and highly suspciously the Chinese Communist Party Military has a vaccine which Wuhan Trudeau has agreed to study and brand with the Canadian name. Chinese products because of their defects, not because of racism, now have a most spurious reputation. The Chines vaccine is an old techonology based on abortus stem cells that may as well be wearing bell bottoms. It’s a disgusting adjuvant and vector that comes from the last century,.  Today stem cells can be made from any skin cells and don’t require the killing of babies. Meanwhile Communist China poisoned the world and now just happens to want to sell an antidote under the Canadian brand.  Conspiracy theorists saying that UN Agenda 21 and 2030 desire to depopulate the world of the non elite need look no further than this abomination which unfortunately scandalizes vaccines which are life saving. I really can’t wait to be tested for antibodies to see if I have natural immunity or to get a Moderna or Zeneca vaccine to induce natural immunity.  

20.That’s about where it is today.  Spritually there is a war between life and death and pro life forces and death forces. Freud called this to Eros and Thanatos.  When the Nazi came to kill him he finally said, ‘maybe the paranoids were right ‘ Like the Beatles “I don’t want a revolution’. I fear for the mentally ill, the pensioners and all those on fixed income or ill because whenthere is societal disruption,  and when gun laws are imposed and  totalitarianism follows, it is those who are the most vulnerable, the old and infirm, who are  first killed.  My friend who survived the Pol Pot concerntration camps said that saddest thing was seeing the patients murdered on mass but the intellectuals and professors followed. Half of Cambodia 2 1/2 million were murdered by that communist take over. Like China under Mao who brought in gun control and murdered 100 million Chinese.
22. Life is not worth much in totalitarian states like the dictator ruled states of the UN which now condemns Israel which is at this moment also producing cures and a vaccine.  The production of most of my patients medications had been outsourced to Communist china and they immediately threatened indirectly to cut off the supply. Fortunately we have 4 months supply in Canada, and Israel, first, followed by India and south American nations offered to up production along with American companies who have already begun to meet the threatened deficits.  Already in Canada Canadian companies are producing masks and other essentials that suddenly became absent when the Chinese producd defective equipment intentionally or unintentionally.  

22. I am wearing a Canadian mask when I’m around people in the Market. I’m washing my hands with an oil based soap. I’m taking Hydroxycholoroquine preventatively ,the lowest dose when I’m going to be in medical high risk settings. I’m taking zinc and vitamin d and walking my dog twice a day and getting out in the sun whenever it’s not raining .I”m socially distancing. I’m doing virtual work from home and thankful for the recommendations of the College of Physicians and Surgeons which literaly cut through all manner of bureaucratic nonsense and red tape and focussed 100% on patient care.  Again the guidance and leadership of the NDP in BC under premier Mr. Horgan, Health Minister Mr. Dix and Chief Medical Officer Dr. Bonnie Henry has been nothing less than miraculous. 

I was delighted to learn that Russia has producerd a new antiviral called Aguifer which shortens the disease to 4 days.  Amazing breakthrough.  The longer at risk populations can avoid getting ill the better the treatment potential. Thanks to the New York ICU doctors we learned that having patients lie on their stomachs could save them from needing ventilators. Thanks to the Milan sacrifice we learned that the respirators pressures needed to be low. 

The most exciting space age treatment is a UV insert in the lung that literally kills the virus in the ICU by internal light therapy. 100 % effective but unfortuantely to date prohibitively expensive and not readily availabe. The advances in the treatment of Covid 19 however can be likeened to doing in 4 months what took 4 years to do with AIDS. The scientific work is amazing. It really does follow Moore’s Law. Thanks to Dr. Bonnie Henry and Mr. Dix if I got sick today I’d get the medical resources from UBC Medicine a world leading infectious disease and clinical hospial and I’d survive with the increible nursing and medical staff.  I don’t want to get sick though and the later it is if I do the more likely I’d have HCQ , Azithromycin, and Aguafir and even a Moderna or Zeneca vaccine.  

June 9, 2020 The uncertainty continues

I awake to a new day. Rain is loud on the roof. The furnace kicks in.  I notice my back hurts still.  My faith is in the new chair. There were times I had to hang upside down to solve the sprain.  Everyday I do something different. The anti inflmatories work. Manipulation works.  Massage. Everything helps.

I’m here seeking God.  I know God in a variety of ways. Intellectually I accept that God is creator and he has created from himself. I live and breathe in God. I am God stuff myself.  God is all.  It’s intellectual. It’s intuitive. It’s emotional. God as mother, father,brother, and son.  I am co creator in creation. Does the butterfly think the philosopher or the philosopher think the butterfly.  Each day I ask to know God’s will and for the power to carry that out.  I want to do the next right thing. I want to love rather than fear. I want my faith to increase without crucifixion. I want to Grok God.  Holy Spirit come. I guess I want the orgasm of God. Hedonist God not the Stoic God.The rocketed into the fourth dimension God. NASA God. Being in the flow always.

Instead, I play hide and seek each day. I wake today and wish to know God more fully and do God’s will more fully. I make myself a cup of coffee and want to savour it more. I was to speak later this morning with wisdom. I want to channel the answers that people need. I want. I want. I want.  What does God want?

Like the Ladies who listen, I listen.  Meditation.  Listening to God.  

I want my back to be better and Gilberts heart to be better and Covid 19 to be cured. I want a manned space and sea, Buckminster Fuller geodesic domes galore, a space colony on the Moon, Mars and Europa. I want to meet with aliens from another galaxy and really be rocketed into the fourth dimension. I want to know puppy love. I want that nativity of childhood which became jaded with wear and tear to return with faith and maturity. I want. I want. I want.  What does God want?

For there in is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written. The just shall live by faith.  Romans 1:17

Faith.  Faith to faith.  Every day, every moment I trust in God.  Jesus said that God cared for a sparrow, would he not care for me? I awake and know God.  God is omniscient. God is omnipotent. God is omnipotential.  God is all.  God is now. God is expanding time inwardly outwardly transcendentally . God is all.  Life is alive. This expericience is palpable, breathing ,tasting, creative not the reductionist dead thing my mind makes with small ideas.  God is transcendent.  God is history. God is myth. God is fact and fiction. God is perception.  God is John Malkovich.  God is Keith Richards. God is Omar Shariff. God is Peter O Toole. God is the Pink Panther.  God is Disney. God is radiant. God is the most beautiful sunset, sunrise and symphony. God is the new born baby.  God is Gilbert. God is.  

Be Still and Know that I am God.  Be still and know that I am. Be still and know that I. Be still and know that. Be still and know. Be still and. Be still. Be.

Round and round and round.

Hide and seek with God.  I see you. I see me.  I see you. I see me. Thou art great. I am small. I am great. Thou art small. Humility and pride. The dance.  

It’s all about faith. Trust. Love.  God is the writer and director.  Do I trust the Script. Or do I improvise and change the words and make myself the centre of attention or do I accept in this scene I’m the potted plant. All the world is a stage.  I’m the kazoo in the symphony. I’m waiting now on the bench for my time to play in the game. I’m resting. I ‘m watching. I’m reflecting. 

Faith. When I get on my motorcycle I have to have great faith.  

When I sail alone at sea I must have great faith.

When I go to sleep at night I must have great faith.  

Faith.  

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  Psalm 40:10

Thank you God. Thank you Jesus.  Thank you Mother Mary. Thank you Angel Michael. Thank you Mom and Dad. Grandmoms and grandads, Brother Ron. All my teachers and mentors. My family and friends. All my neighbours. Thank you all. Thank you .  When two or more are gathered together , there too, am I .  Thank you all the lovers I”ve known, the wives, and girlfriends and those I trusted in intimacy.  Thank you for the joys of youth and middle age and old age.  Thank you God for all.  Thank you most for this day and life, l’chaim!

June 7, 2020 Loosening Lockdown, Sunday morning, Little Birds

I slept in this morning. Laura woke up with Gilbert and gave him a little walk. When I woke I gave him his heart medication. We’d spoken with Dr. Biernacki at North Road Animal Hospital yesterday.  Gilbert’s  now on a higher dosage of one of his meds. Gilbert is doing better. He still coughs because of the congestive heart failure secondary to his valve disorder but he’s happier and perkier. He doesn’t want to walk as far but he seems really happy especially when Laura is around.  He crawled into bed with her this morning and ignored me.

Another day without exercise or meditation but I continue to pray.  Breakfast of sticky buns and coffee. I’m reading Justo Gonzalez’ History of Christianity. I read a chapter or two then put it down. So sad reading the hundred years of Christian persecution until Emperor Trajan  essentially said what the army said about homosexuality.  We’re only persecute it if it’s in our face. Then a chapter on the apologists. I’m enjoying this because it exposes the false perceptions about Christianity but also details the essential Christianity. It’s ironic Christians were called Aetheists because they worshiped an ‘unseen God’. Plato and Socrates spoke of a purer idea and Logos , the word is consistent with star stuff and the universal genetic code of all. Science and the Big Bang today are so spiritual.  I remember being ecstatic learning the Periodic Tables in chemistry and later holographs.

I’m also reading Malorie Cooper’s, How  Wearing Leggings Changed My Life.  She’s a science fiction writer from Saskatchewan who has come out about her transgenderism. I’m loving her fascination with fabrics and identify so much so with the smooth and silky feeling. I would read sci fiction as a child and loved this one series with blue aliens and the human explorers had these body suits that were sensuously smooth but totally flexible and like another layer of skin but impervious to harm, with self heating features that allowed the wearer to step into outer space and also travel on any planet with this circular clear lightweight helmut.  

I loved the sarong in the tropics and wearied of all the heavy parkas and clothing that were required in the north. I’m not surprised that someone from Saskatchewan would find an interest in easy clothing. I like functionality. I love jeans on motorcycles and wool pants hunting.  I really appreciate the rough clothing for rough work but have never really liked men’s clothing in the workplace for many years. Back in my 20’s and 30’s especially in the dance world and theatre and television I felt men’s clothing had promise but when I moved into the sciences there was this emphasis on ‘drab’ and a constant attempt by people to dress like the lawyers whose clothing was a kind of pseudo military drab.  They called it ‘power wear’. I have had jackets and slacks made from thousands of dollars fabrics but it always seems boring compared to the freer female wear.  So I’m enjoying Malorie Cooper’s , How wearing leggings changed my life. It reminded me immediately when my leading fashionista patient told me about spandex laced jeans and overnight I was wearing them with joy, no longer fighting against my clothing to move. I’ve become lazy and sore with age so appreciate all the help fashion can give. 

I was listening to a church service earlier too, enjoying the love of God and celebration of the teaching of Jesus.  I just never saw God or Jesus focusing on sex like the perverts in some congregation.  Family was celebrated by Christians. I truly believe that growing up as a child in church with a church attending Christian family was one of the greatest gifts. Yet feminism struck and I married non Christian women. At first we didn’t want children young so opted for birth control. Then the feminists put careers and that feminist girl control of sex and all the restriction on sex and all the men are wrong, women are right, estrogen versus testosterone, and testosterone is bad, and all the laws against men, and really it was awful. The girls were into threesomes with lawyers hidden under every bed and sex was utterly unlawful if it was heterosexual.  The College of Physicians and Surgeons registrars claimed ‘women don’t lie about sex’ . Overnight men were the persecuted object in Canada.   Smug is the word that best describes modern feminism. Arrogance,smug, controlled and mean, everyone offended and always offensive.  I was  affected. I lost respect for the Christian church when it joined the Communist rage of cultural marxism.  All the abortions and me first mentality. Well maybe it’s just flip the coin. The worst of men acted like that in some past now the worst of women act like that. In between there’s all of us bumbling around.  I would rather be alone with my dog in the woods than go to any social function with unknown women who could be offended. Laura and so many great women I know are the exception but it saddens me that women collectively have preferred Justin Trudeau, the pervert and chauvinist who says feminist to your face while diddling little girls behind the lawyer’s back. 

Children were also the social police. They define the adult’s behaviour most days most of the time.  Gilbert encourages a different behaviour from me.  Added to that mother knows right and again the gynocentric society labelled males as dirty and pornographic and women as motherly. But now we have Fifty Shades of Grey, Benzhazi Hillary in her pant suits and Feminism as Abortion and anti male. 

 I’m all beat up and just trying to do the right thing.  Meanwhile my ex was finally trying to kill me and kill herself and me and the whole of the world doesn’t get the ‘borderline’ !!!  I specialized in it, the cultural equivalent of suicide bombers and victim warriors.  Covert and Overt Aggression.  Then I worked in jails and asylums with male and female  psychopaths and sociopaths.  There’s simply not enough time and resources to fix stupid. So I turned back to God.

God isn’t interested in genitals. God doesn’t care if men and women have anal oral or genital intercourse. Clearly there are varying health benefits. But a lot of biblical wisdom was simply good health practice in the day. Hence don’t eat pork in dessert countries.  Hygiene is a modern aspect of the religion of sciences and medicine.  It’s interesting considering ‘washing’ is good and bad. Recent state promoted hand washing rituals have a negative consequence of increasing risk of transmission of disease unless we are using oils to replace the natural oils which protect against microbe transmission.  

Laura and Gilbert just returned from another walk. I”ve showered. I’ve actually got shorts and tshirt on and had another cup of coffee. I remember when Dad read the Winnipeg Free PRess cover to cover and it was considered an education in the day.  For years I enjoyed Sunday morning reading the New York Times cover to cover I had shipped into Winnipeg. Later I’d read the Manchester Guardian Weekly religiously overseas and Science and NEJM and I even loved listening to Barbara From on CBC.  That was back before the media was hijacked by communists and corporate fear mongering interests. I have even given up on much of the BBC in the last decade as it fell like CBC to sharia communist propaganda and censorship.  I read from a dozen competing sources today to get the news having acquired a sixth sense for propaganda. 

I’ve this new interest in ‘little bird’ photography,thoug. It excites me.  I’ve been into photography since my Dad interested me as a child.  I got my first RICOH dual lens and Dad converted the old ice hut for me to have a real dark room in the basement in my early teens. . I’d be my year book and school photographer and go on to take pictures for the newspapers and compete, even doing some weddings and portraits, but always interested in nature. I‘ve been getting paid for photography since I was a teen.  Never enough to quit my day time job but certainly enough to pay for dark room equipment and advanced camera lens. 

 The cost of colour photography was prohibitve so I didn’t continue with the color darkroom and while I had Pentax, Canon and Nikon SLRs wit colour, I’d just pretty much snap pictures. I was writing and publishing stories across canada and sometimes internationally so would include photographs I’d taken. My polar bear and beluga whale photos from Hudson Bay were incorporated into the government tourism guides for Manitoba. I sold a lot of pictures to companies for advertising purposes.  My photos of the Northern Medical Unit stint became part of the university’s recruitment. I even had portrait pictures back then that were used in corporate offices and placed on  university walls. I really did have a gift for portraiture which I think was part of my psychiatrist ability to see the best in people.  

 Such things come and go. I became interested in video more and have endless films of sailing and hiking and mountain climbing and vacations.  Lots of scenery and wildlife and less people. Beginning in my 40’s I was more alone and less in a crowd. Then when I joined AA I stopped taking pictures of all the parties and dances and people I was with simply because of the anonymity clause. I started my blog over a decade ago and with Facebook again became interested in posting pictures. I’d had my favourite photos blown up and posted on my walls but now just had all the joys of digital photography, taking dozens of shots and choosing the best for uploading with a journal story.  

I’ve become lazy photography.  I liked the Fido’s and money  when I was younger but now enjoy the instantaneous gratification. I am interested in taking pictures of little birds, my latest interest, a long way from the event photography or the bands, Simon and Garfunkel on stage circle 1970 and many other bands, or the sports photography and fires for the newspapers, and the travel photography for medical journals, sailing and hiking photography outdoors, big game, the classic moose and bear shots that almost got me killed in the process, all the crane and big bird photos.  I‘ve stayed with Nikon, the D5000 body and 500 lens and the wide angle and the zooms. 

 I grew tired of carrying all the gear and fell in love with the Nikon Coolpix line I could take too places like St. Petersburg and Delhi.  Older I became more concerned about attracting thieves expecially after being threatened by a a thief pointing a gun at me at night in Mexico City.   I was taking a picture of the beautiful cathedral lit up in the years I was fascinated by church’s and Christian icons. .  I had to chase the guy away with a knife despite the rule never take a knife to a gun fight.  I scared him and his friend. Faced with the gun I thought what stops him from taking my camera and killing so I refused to give him anything but pull out a knife and screaming  chased him.  Luckily he forgot to pull the trigger and his friend and he  escaped  the mad photograper running behind  their Honda 125 motorcycle.  

There was even a few years there a decade or so ago where I stopped carrying a camera in Mexico and Southern California because I was thinking it was affecting my ‘experience’ of my life, the thinking and feelings of the ‘present’ when carrying a camera. Twenty years ago I carried a sketch pad for a bit feeling that this was purer and helped perception more. 

Now I’m into little birds. I have always enjoyed ornithology, my brother and I and the family spotting birds in childhood and youth. I had the Golden series of little kid books and graduated to Audubon. My Scottish uncle was the seagull photopher for Audubon. My brother specialized in predator bird pictures and had his beautiful photographs displayed in museums.  My nephew now makes movies and does astronomy pictures. I feel that though I love my iPhone 11 with it’s spectacular camera that so made Laura and my India trip a joy, I‘ve now got the latest Coolpix P1000 thanks to discussion with my nephew. It‘s the right tool for little pictures.  It has a  magnificent telephoto and is helping my insatiable  thirst for taking little bird pictures. I get an ‘aha’ feeling each time I get a pure picture.  It’s joyful.  

June 6, 2020 Early morning wakening, avoiding despair

I woke at 430 am again today. It’s no big deal. I get to bed around 10 and to sleep around 11.  The last two days I’ve woken at 430 to 5 am. The sun comes up.  Gilbert is on furosemide for his heart disease.  He likes to go for a very long pee.  Normally I meditate and exercise. I’m anti authoritarian today.  All the looting and rioting and a minority PM refusing to hold parliament. Why bother. I’m losing it.  It pays to be a criminal.

I’m in a pissy mood.

Time to count my blessings. The best dog in the world, sick though he is, lies on the floor sleeping. The most beautiful woman in the world is in my bed. I’m in a warm a dry place with rain outside letting up and streaks of blue sky showing.  I’ve got this great Ethiopian coffee with BC Honey and Canadian pasteurized                                                                                 milk. I’m writing on an incredible Apple Ipad.  I shaved with a Braun electric razor. I have indoor plumbing. I have red brown toenails  and had the utter luxury of a pedicure the day the nail stores open.  I’ve bifocal glasses and blue frames I like.  The heater is keeping the temperature cozy. I’m burning Sandalwood incense from India.  I’ve a hot shower waiting and clean clothes.  I’ve a magnificent trail in the woods by a river I walk Gilbert each day. I’ll be doing that later.  

The colours outside are wonderful. The greens of the trees and shrubs of Burnaby are the most lustrous. I’ve always loved the happy vegetation in the rain forest of the coast. I don’t like the rain or the gloom but I love the happy forest.  The colours of green are radiant.  It’s reminiscent of the emeral island of Ireland. 

All around me in this room are possessions and tools I love.  Over there is a really neat flashlight. I’m older and have learned in a long life to value quality so most of the little items I have, have history and quality, like the Henkel knifes.  I wonder how old I was before I realized through trial and error and experience that Henkel were my favourite. It’s true with so many things. Lots of choices out there but I love my Nikon and the go pro on the table.  I have a Harley Davidson wallet.  On the floor are KEEN sandals. It’s not the name brand which lures the consumer but the quality that lures me. I am thankful for the experiences that allows me to know quality too.

I have had a good life. I”ve regrets. No children.  Angry ex wives.  Divorces.  The average marriage is 5 years. I’ve had two ten year marriages and spent 25 years living with women, nearly 50 years in intimate relationship with women, The Feminist hate men, Never good enough for them. That’s the trouble with activists in general. Nothing is good enough,ever.   I have friends who have avoided it all. MGTOWs. 

I’ve had sex with men and women. I’ve had friends for life and new friends, great men and women. I’ve been unconventional yet I’ve been highly successful by some standards.   I never am satisfied.  Im am constantly self questioning, critical, but by world standards I’ve done well.  

One of the problems I face is Trudeau always criticizes and condemns Canadians. He’s always shaming.  The media is constantly criticizing and condemning Canadians too.  The Media has taken the place of the old priests and nuns who cried ‘fire and brimstone’.  Then the sins were sex out of marriage. Today the sins are not staying home. I linger in the store looking at a new item and realize I’ve sinned. I stand too close to a person and realize I’ve sinned. I eat meat. I talk about sexuality while the new sharia code of Canada has plunged us back into the dark ages. 

Every woman is triggered and sexually harrassed by the presence of men. I have sinned by being male and want to have a sex change to atone for my evil.  I delivered a hundred babies and did 2 abortions. By the holy of holy and high priest of Canada I have 98 abortions to do before I balance the books. The Pharisees are in and Christians are out. I’m sinning when I talk of God. I sin when I wear a cross. I have to listen to Climate Barbie and I am offensive for calling that silly prig by a school boy title.  I’ve sinned because the whole Liberal cabinet seems like greedy criminal morons and I am not worshipping the pretty boy god.  

If I lived in another country which celebrated a life of service and telling the truth and traditional values and treated ones personal life as eccentricities as it’s not harmed any other adult, things might be different. .  Certainly whatever I said in anger to my ex wives was said tenfold over by them.  Rolling eyes and cutting tongue and castrating words. My last wife high on cocaine tried to kill us repeatedly.  I’m lucky to be alive. But I’m to blame. The latest black guy killed by a police, who wasn’t a good guy, but the black guy was a life long violent criminal,  but I’m viewed as worse than these. A perfectionist code of intolerance by the secular society.I’ve worked and served and studied and cared for people and paid hundreds of thousands in taxes, had no pension, had no benefits, worked in the most appalling dangerous circumstances, with the most dangerous and sick and infectious people and my government condemns me.  For a while they beat pans outside for hospital workers but the liberals give themselves a raise and the Prime Minister doesn’t even go to work .

I’m twisted by the whole monstrosity of the news. Meanwhile Tibetans were genocided by the Communist Chinese. 10, 000 soldiers have invaded India.  China  unleashed a virus on the world, killed and tortured doctors and my government gives them money. Rewards them while taking my property and increasing my taxes.

Whatever good I do I will be punished by my government.  My government hates doctors. Locally it is good.  Nationally it is not.  I am confused. Everything is uncertain.  I want to loot a store and steal stuff that the government doesn’t know about and bury it. I want to stockpile weapons like the aboriginals. I want to hide gold and diamonds like my Jewish and Vietnamese friends are doing. I wonder if I should get Dr. Lovely the dentist to drill a molar and put a diamond in my tooth because that’s what my patients did to escape the communists in Vietnam.  Should I leave Canada and go to the states. The smart Jews got out of Germany before the Nazi’s took complete control.  I want to run but I have so many family and friends here. I miss my boat. I’d like to sail away with a dog and a horse. I’d settle for a donkey.  

I’m going to read the Bible. Reading God’s word comforts me.  I loved when Dr Houston, a colleague of C.S. Lewis, former chancellor of Regent college told me to read a psalm a day. I read psalms when I’m disquieted.  I ride my motorcycle and enjoy the wind therapy. I hug Laura close and enjoy the softness of her skin and the warmth of her body,the fragrance of her hair. I rub my dogs body. I sit very still with my back straight and repeat the name of Jesus.  God within. God will come again.  God as friend and advocate. 

I know it’s all now. Linear history is an illusion, a construct of the mind. The past is changing making the whole idea of time travel suspect given the infinite number of dimensions and possibilities.  I suppose there are main highways.  The study of ‘pruning’ in neurodevelopment changes perceptions that one has. I’ve studied chemistry and live in a soup of air and nitrogen and oxygen. I perceive my reality differently than others it seems. I’m sometimes Tron. I know the world to be God and that I am in the mind of God as if it were Malkovich’s head. I’m in James Carrie’s God set.   It’s all Star stuff. I read the code of genetics and then coded on the computer. It’s just poetry.  Binary. Positive and negative. 

Multiverses and language. Laws of attraction. Maybe if I think only of God I’ll rise .  Lazy Man’s Guide  to enlightenment. We’re in heaven when we can love hell. The book of job, least taught in the Bible. I can’t tell people I’m rocketed into the 4th dimension. Their fear holds them terrified in place. They drink and drug and don’t realize the terror they live in when to be with friends they need the equivalent of a hundred mg of Valium just to be present.  I’m a raw process of the informatics of the universe.  God is here with me. Jesus is here with me. The future is not yet made. I need to pray.

Then when the future isn’t puppy dogs and rainbows I beat myself up. It’s the collective wish of the world. Right now the angry and hateful want war and change and destruction and I’m kind of wanting peace. I’ve been a peacenik all my life, billy clubbed back in the sixtie’s and then hated by the Pollyanna faction that wanted to unilaterally disarm when I was anti nuclear war. Now I’m surrounded by people who want the UN and China to take over just to stop America. I have talked to the torture victims of Communist countries and seen how many go missing.  The faults of here are it seems worse there. I am being censored on FB already for saying God so can imagine it’s not going to be a bright future for us poor people. The elite have always loved the dictatorships of the Middle East and communist china..  But it doesn’t look good for me.  I’m too old for war. I’m too old for Venezuela rationing.  

I’m not going to be able to get medicine for my dog. They eat dogs in China. People criticize the Chinese for eating bats but Communist countries are known for their empty shelves.  Insects are not peoples’ first choice in food. I had a magnificent succulent steak last night. This is first world. I enjoyed White Spot fish and chips last week. Canadians who want communism haven’t left their Toronto and Montreal latte conversations about Huffington Post.  They worry about make up. They condemn me because they ‘group speak’ .  Ideas are ‘fashion statesments’.  

My mind is like a ping pong game.  Love - Fear.  Love 0 - fear 4.  I’m catastrophising. I’m watching all the cognitive distortions I teach in CBT and then I wake and dreamed of having a deformed body and being tortured and ridiculed in a nursing home.  After all the deaths in nursing homes and visiting so many and seeing the military barracks like approach in some I’ve woken from a nightmare where I’m faced with Nurse Kravitz.  My unconscious is polluted by the fear mongering media even though my rational mind says it’s going to be okay.

David was surrounded by his enemies and he was at war in Israel.  Over and over again in the psalms he calls on the Lord. Please God guide me.

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me.  

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou prepareth a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointed my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwel in the house of the Lord for ever.’

June 5, 2020, Covid 19, Uncertainty

A patient summed it up for me this week with the one word, uncertainty.  He said it was frustrating to face the uncertainty each day. Camus’ Plague was a treatise on uncertainty and absurdity.

I talked to my accountant yesterday, a wonderful man, a gifted artist, a loving father.  He was wondering about the planning of his daughter’s wedding.  It needed to moved. Would it be okay next year or would it need to be two years. He was thinking of guests and travel and quarantines. I shared that the same had been true for my nephews wedding.  He then recommended I pay more taxes to the criminal PM Justin Trudeau and his criminal Liberal gang with their unholy alliances.  Nothing is more certain than death and taxes.  Trudeau had just doubled the taxes on death. He was channeling tax dollars to abortion, euthanasia and the UN Agenda 21. He was encouraging death as he has encouraged drugs and alcohol. The government gets a cut in these. He disarmed Canadians while selling 14 billion military supplies overseas like he’d given away the doctors and nurses personal protection equipment.

I’m weary of the media. I’m weary of the approved narratives and growing censorship.  The incursions of cultural communism masquerading as multi culturalism continue while Hong Kong residents are dying. Talk of Racism and the blacks don’t care because Hong Kong is yellow. 

I tried to explain that I was raised as a Christian. These  societal divisions today borrowed from communism and aetheism meant nothing to us. I sat with Black, yellow, brown, red and white people in church. We all attended church picnics together. We were Christians. We believed in Life and we believed in Love your neighbour as you would have them love you.  We believe in God.

Last month Trudeau accused me of have a military assault rifle. I was shocked.  I have a rabbit rifle.  Last week he accused me of being racist. I’m not racist. I am tired of being falsely accused by a coward who is unfit to run a lemonade stand or lead a school outing. 

I am old and the discrimination against the old by Trudeau and his pretty girls and boys is frightening to me. I’ve just watched thousands die in nursing homes because the government failed to do it’s job of regulation and enforcement. I just watched on tv a man shooting and burning his neighbours in the lockdown because the police didn’t didn’t do their job. I have watched looting and protesting and riots. Celebrities in pedophile rich Hollywood bail out criminals and celebrate destruction. There is apparently little more accountability anticipated than the consequences for the hockey riots in Canada where the offenders didn’t even compensate the full damages for their dastardly deeds. The courts are despicable. The judges should be utterly ashamed.  Mobs stop trains and the criminals go free. A father and his children skateboard in an empty lot and he is arrested and fined.

I’ve lead a long life of being a good citizen obeying the law and working damn hard.  I’m long past retirement with no end in sight because taxation and inflation make whatever savings I managed naught. I fear nursing homes and the communist approach to the elderly. The future is uncertain.  I find I’ve hidden money in jars here and there, $5 bills, like a kid whose known starvation  and hides bread.  I hear the anxiety in the voices of my patients and see it in their faces . 

I am thankful for Premier Horgan, Health Minister Dix and Dr. Bonnie Henry and the BC CDC.  They are little flickers of light in my world of gathering darkness. India has been invaded by 10,000 Chinese and there is endless coverage of a criminal’s death but I have to search  to find what more destruction Communist China is unleashing on the world. There are no riots in Vancouver but the news is about Alabama. Meanwhile in Hong Kong the light of freedom is going out.  I can’t find what is happening to the leaders who have gone missing. I still don’t know what happened to the doctors who were arrested and jailed in the Middle East. I had to look on the NASA site to find that the astronaughts are still. The media was covering  a woman shitting on a car as evidence of Democrat protest.  They are always ready for Trudeau’s ridiculous daily propaganda phot op. He’s such a slithering snake. And Butt is back after a vacation. The weasels never cease their hogs swill. 

I’m home in my bubble, working virtually. It may as well be a space ship. I only go out to get the mail and walk the dog. I love walks with the dogs and visits by birds and the new flowers.  I miss song and dance.

My back always hurts now. I’m waiting for a new chair that promises to stop my suffering. More bells and whistles. It will be my third such magic chair. They unfortunately stop working like magic pills.  I must move on to the latest. For now it gives me hope.  It’s paint with magic words like ergonomic and back rest adjustable and several more, an improvement on my last office chair from a decade back. 

It’s Moore’s law. The technology really is advancing. We may remain monkey and chimpanzees but we have better gadgets, hair products and facial cream.   

I was thankful today for Donald’s discourse on Yeshua.  I repeat the name Jesus Christ often.  God within. God will come again.  I have called out Yeshua, saviour, comforter in times of trial. I have cried saying his name. I have laughed saying his name. I’m afraid I’ve cursed saying his name. It is like the words, father and mother and brother and friend to me. Jesus Christ. The Desert Father Arrow prayer, Lord Jesus Christ. 

I meditated briefly , did some sit ups, loved cuddling with Gilbert and made my first cup of coffee.  I beg God I can be a better person today. I want so much to love more fully, to laugh more deeply, to care more kindly. I want to lift my head up and walk tall, not crawl on my belly.   I want to breathe love in and exhale fear. I want to know joy.  I know that Jesus Christ is all of these for me.  I know that God who I call my Lord is the centre of all joy.  I want to look for the architect as C.S. Lewis said and not look in the wall for the architect. I want to see beyond the illusions and maya and know that I am starstuff and we are all star stuff and God is Love as Jesus said. I want to embrace the moment and live in the Now like Brother Lawrence. I want to celebrate.  Praise and thanksgiving.  Thank you Lord. Thank you Jesus.  

Now lets go for a walk, Gilbert. I wouldn’t want to miss the scent of morning and sound of bird songs or the sunlight dancing on glistening dew touched leaves. 

  

June 4, 2020 Jumanji, Astronauts, Communist China’s Fifth Column

Confusion reigns with riots in the street stoked by Communist China’s Fifth Column and International Looter rings seeking the latest TV sets. It’s all happening while a couple of Astronaughts from Space X and NASA are advancing history with the latest manned flight. On the streets of New York women are pooping in public as a protest against their parents affluence.  The envy and greed are palpable.  Anxiety flares.  Already the poverty hits the third world because of first world truculence.  Black children facing starvation look at television images of Beverly Hills. Pedophiles salivste. A Brooklyn Democrat lawyer sets a government building on fire with a Budweiser Molotov cocktail.

I’m sitting in a virtual office in a northern rain forest. I’m trying to calm and reassure and keep the flow of medications coming: antidepressants, anti anxiety, anti psychotics, methadone, suboxone, naltrexone. anti seizure, viagra, cialis.  I am impressed with the acceptance and resilience of the mentally ill. There’s still  an increasing need for asylum. 

When I’m not looking at a screen and talking into an iPhone, I watch birds outside my window. Yesterday nuthatches. The day before cedar waxwings.I walk the dog each day . Yesterday I saw an immature eagle. He seemed confused as to what he was supposed to kill.  

Covid 19 is still with us.  The old and sick have continue in quarantine while the young and healthy return to work and play while others loot.  Herd immunity is hoped for. Moderna and Zeneca vaccines are promising.  There’s still nothing to fix stupid.  PM Trudeau continues his reign of pillage and the people love that he gives them free stuff,their futures, the futures of their children, the futures of their grandchildren.  Canada daily descends into communism.  Xi Jinpeng with the UN and George Soros wish to rule the world.  Trudeau turns his back on the Commonwealth and America and invites the Chinese Communist Party to work with him.  So far the sound of guillotines hasn’t come to Quebec.

It’s bizarre. This fictitious media reality drama, stranger than fiction, is funnelled into my bubble world through the same Satellite Internet that takes out my words of comfort and hope. The media creates crazy narratives. Competing industries of activism and marketing.  The new sacred cow is social justice. The worship of words like multi cultural and intersectionalism is reminiscent of a facelifted  70’s ‘running dog capitalism’ phrase book. The same old snake skins. Me first. Me first.  Ego and more ego.  I feel old as I listen and the young don’t.  

I pray and meditate.  I pay more and more taxes. Notice that the price of meat has doubled.  Still I’ve running water, heat, sunshine, Gilbert’s seems better today, the heart medicine hopefully working. It’s been a long week.  I’m weary by Thursday.  Have meetings this evening.  Will rally.  The chaos in the streets is unsettling. I wish we had India’s Shacta.  Our legal system has to be overhauled and brought into the 2020’s.  Our parliament has been closed so politicians always fat cats are paid to languish in palaces.  The drugs and booze flow in a constant palace party  Sophie sings, ‘Let them eat cake!” No transparency.  

I don’t know. It’s all hearsay. The more the media says President Trump lies, the more he twitters truth. Benghazi Hillary lost her appeal. Trudeau steals more guns. No ID is required to vote. Postrationalism truth is convenience. Taqiya helps. 

Here I watch little birds and get bum shots because they turn at the last moment. They all have ADD.  At least the big predators sit still for portraits. It always was thus.  

I’m hurting less today.  The pain was such I couldn’t breathe and lay for a while to let the spasm go. I took Tylenol and Ibuprofen and stayed still till the spasm passed. I wondered if it was when I lifted the piece of paper turning. It’s hard to walk.  I’m waiting for a special chair. Sitting on the couch working has been a special kind of stupid. It’s all psychosomatic. But the fear is less now. The tension passing.  Covid 19 is out there. It can kill me but I’m growing used to it like patients describedthe sounds of war in the streets of Sarajevo and the streets of Belfast.  I’ve hear so many refugees with stories of valour and shame.  

Meanwhile I’m here watching little birds and walking my dog and have nothing to complain about. My mother would say that to us as kids. You have nothing to complain about when we would whine. If we cried in a mood she would say, if you want something to cry about I’ll give you something to cry about. The we would laugh. My mother Irish. My father Scottish. Both true Canadian.

My aunt would say count your blessings.

My mother would also  say ‘if you’re bored and have nothing to do’ you can peel the potatoes or clean the floors or do the dishes. That quickly got us out of the house. I spent my childhood handing wrenches to my father and my brother.  Back then being an assistant was a glorious thing. Now everyone is entitled to being a CEO.  

I’m happy I suppose.  I’m not ecstatic. I’m grateful. It could always be worse. It could be better. I could have my own spaceship.  I could be a space archeologist looking for ancient technology on distant planets finding the secrets of new energy sources and meeting blue people. Perhaps my next life.

Here it’s good. Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Angel Michael. Thank you St. Francis. Thank You Mother Mary. Thank you St. Thomas. Thank you Saint Peter. Thank you saints of all religions. Thank you joy and hope.  God bless all. May the long time sunshine always surround you and the good light within you guide your way home. 

June 1, 2020 Covid 19 Continues

The latest manifestation of Covid 19 is the riots in the US and Canada. Ostensibly they were triggered by a cop killing a black man so ‘race’ became the rallying cry. In fact the China war against the West has just moved forward. The rioters that were arrested were out of state, not locals and mostly paid. A combination of savy criminals and Open Society operatives, ANTIFA and other domestic terror groups. The UN is now lead by the Communist Chinese and a bizarre Sharia Communism has taken hold with Iran and Communism in league.  The other non aligned nations are a mixed bag.

Vietnamese shipping has been shot down in the China sea.  Taiwan is threatened and now Communist Chinese have invaded India in the dispute border region.  Hong Kong has been annexed by Bei Jing which continues to break laws and treaties always claiming itself the victim.  Mr. Trump and America have condemned the Hong Kong attack and declared ANTIFA a terrorist organization. Meanwhile Trudeau and Canada allign against the Commonwealth and America and the allied western nations with Bei Jing.  

So much for social distancing.  Riots, and war and demonstrations all make a mockery of that.  Still the actually adjusted death count is .004  A million dead in the world all because of Chinese Imperialism and economic expansionism and greed.  It continues to foreclose on nations now in debt secondary to their inability to pay due to the ravish of the plague unleashed in Wuhan.  

I roasted Ethiopian coffee beans on the weekend. It’s delicious today. Laura came to visit on Friday which was an ultimate treat because we didn’t expect her till Saturday. Gilbert expressed both of our unbounded joy.  He barked crazily and jumped around until collapsing into a fit of coughing. His enlarged heart and heart murmur and congestive heart failure are only partially being contained by the medications.  Laura does make his heart fonder. We are a family unit then, a bigger pack, and the weekend was fine.  

It rained.  We wore masks to London Drugs. I had to pick up my cheque and the mail. I’ve ordered gadgets and clothing accessories from Amazon.  They come like little presents. A hub for the computer.  MacBook Pro no longer has a slot for SD Cards.  Laura’s sun dress arrived. She was pleased with my choice.  We hugged frequently.  And kissed. It’s always like a reunion. We each go off to work for 4 days then come together for extended weekends. We’re looking forward to a week of camping.  I’ve fishing on my mind.

Now I’ve little birds.  Space X and NASA rocketed a couple of Astraunuts into the sky.  My nephew Graeme captured the flight from the Hay Bay home. I enjoyed watching his uTube video capturing the new light in the sky.  I remember NASA and childhood, the man on the moon.
Little birds are landing outside my window and showing up on my walks with Gilbert. This has occasioned much discussion with Graeme, the ultimate camera authority.  Nikon Coolpix P1000 has come out with a wonderful telescopic lens.. I broke down and bought it.  I’d received three years of back pay from the Government so had the money.  I always think that if I’d died they would have been richer for their witholding. Millions die I’m sure with the government owing them.  I was just thankful and now had a camera that I could hopefully reach out and capture the picture of the little bird.
I saw a female cedar wax wing yesterday but no one would believe me.  I have two wax wings that visitted last week. I’d like the proof. These beautiful exotic little creatures. I have flower pictures and Gilbert pictures and big bird pictures like this years classic heron and wood duck shots but I was miffed to miss the American goldfinch, the yellow oriole and the exotic warblers.

My uncle was the Audubon seagull photographer. My brother was a noted wildlife photographer. My nephew now is an astronomer and film maker. He has the patience to make movies. I did the dark room as a kid but now I only crop in edit. I admire my other friend who loves photoshop.
It was raining the whole weekend. In the little patch of sunshine I took pictures of Laura and Gilbert walking. I like that the tool inspires my interest. For years I’ve been the iPhone photographer. I’d not even used my D5000 for years except that trip into the interior one spring to shoot snow geese lifting in flight.  The iPhone was sufficient. I only took it and the gopro to India.  I had a little Coolpix 360 I passed on after that trip to Graeme. Too complicated. The iPhone shots were sufficient.
I love the gopro on my motorcycle.  I’ve a mount on my helmet. The new one I got last year interfaces so well with the iPhone transferring media easily.  Now I’m looking forward to taking little bird pictures.  Photography has given me pleasure since I was a kid with different interests over the year but always a camera with me.  Now it’s little birds.  

Covid 19 has really increased the interest in amateur photography and ornithology. I love Joanne’s flower pictures.  I love Kevin’s pictures on outings with Anna and the meerkats. I loved talking birds with Rob.  My father had the old super 8 and then he and my brother and I were always carrying about nature identification books.  I have such fond memories of the three of us lying on our backs on the lawn at night in summer looking at the sky and identifying the constellations. Ron and I were always identifying birds.  It’s best when two agree on a rare bird.  I certainly had the memorable Churchill Ross’s Gull experience. I loved being with him when he was shooting the sand hill crane pictures. Now his son is filming rockets.
There’s a nostalgic warm and cozy feeling of continuity with growing older.The aches and pains aren’t appealing but the heart felt stuff sure is.

I’m back at work. Suicides are up. Relapses are up.  Depression is coming with the loss of jobs.  Anxiety still is high. Some psychosis. I seem to know my medications and what to say. I take my knowing for granted and feel like I’m over the peak and on the downhill. I once knew neurotransmitters and anatomy and read MRI”s and EEG but today I just muddle along. So much is intuitive and pattern recognition. I’ve seen so many thousands. Even the rare conditions I’ve treated a dozen times now and remember the first encounter. I was once so new and knew so little but I’ve always had the process, always double checked, always done the rational, approached the patient bio, psycho, social. I’ve always been thorough.I’ve always been curious. I am a consummate psychotherapist with nth level training is a variety of psycho therapies and motivational techniques. Patients change. I have a history of 90% success in areas where 30% success is the norm.  I had great teachers and ‘change’ was always my aim. Helping people move forward.
Yet today with virtual reality I’m mostly doing psychopharmacology which seems to please the folk who see success in the pill. I saw success in the loving and working. But today love and work aren’t held as important as ‘face validity’.  The authorities want people pleased. “If you have to give them a pack of cigarettes so they’ll be happy, give them a pack of cigarettes,’ a doctor said last month. It may just be Covid.
He was right. The riots are the keg exploding. The lockdown has been a smouldering.  We are a thin line of civilization and there’s a massive attack from without and this Trojan Horse from within.  I feel sometimes like the whole idea is to keep people from screaming and going mad. Ive actually been amazed that the mentally ill overall are doing better than the greater society. I think they have adjusted expectations and aren’t surprised by the insanity of Communist attack.  Freud said, ‘maybe the paranoids were right’ when confronted with Fascism.  Here we have the new totalitarianism, strange mix of Fascism and Communism and Imperialism and rough democracy and freedom standing in the way of the informer societies. 

I slept well.  The sun is out. I can see blue sky out my window. The migrations of little birds are happening. Warblers last month. Hummingbirds soon.  I’m going to get dressed and take Gilbert for a walk with my camera. I’ve a day in the virtual office. I ordered another lighter weight smaller but specifically ergonomic chair from Staples. I think sitting on the couch has not helped my back.  It’s a phenomena. Everyone working from home using kitchen chairs needing chiropractors and physiotherapistS. I may have to go back and see Stan. I’m doing the exercises but having pain and weakness walking. It’s better. Like Gilbert and his heart. We’re both better but we’ll a couple of invalids in older age.  

It was Pentecost yesterday. I loved Willy’s “Happy Birthday Holy Spirit!”   That’s it really. This morning in prayer I remembered Bernie as I said “Holy Spirit Come. Holy Spirit Come.”  I woke to the Creed.  Our Father.  Thank you. Thank you Jesus.