New day, Laura and Madigan, RV Show

I awoke with my dogs head resting on my neck.  A beautiful girl was in the bed beside me. I’d been dreaming of a quad that transformed into a fast boat and how I was able to leave that and run across the water with Madigan running on water behind me. I awoke as I was looking in a country community hall, my dog beside me.  I sure did love running across the water.

Today is the Abbotsford RV show.  We’re looking at busses. I’ve a big RV.  Dad who had a bus said he wished he’d bought a fifth wheel because they can separate. He’d had to have repairs on the bus once and stayed in a hotel for a couple of days.  I thought I’d follow his advise and love my Fifth Wheel but the fact is I can’t even back a utility trailer without a major hassle.  My fifth wheel is just big enough I need to do a road test and exam.  This is good given my poor skills backing up RV’s but I need to do the training and tests with the RV.  There is just so much clutter and I’d have to clean it up for travel before that. I ‘ve been trying to reduce the excess in the storage locker for a few years.  I imagine the idea of getting a bus which I can drive and back up would deal with the clutter as a transfer issue rather than moving it to the storage locker. I’m a bit lazy.  Or efficient.  Naturally I don’t have the money for this but it’s all about manifestation.

When I went to the Motorcycle show I fell in love with the Electroglide and eventually bought one as with the KLM.  I’m trying to manifest a Bus RV. Like the Tiffin Allegra.  I’d pray for that. Right now I have a fifth wheel toy hauler but I don’t see travelling with my harley and vespa.  I’d likely tow my mini or Vespa.  I might also stow my Harley in the south where there’s all year driving. Right now it’s stowed 6 months of the year in winter.  These are my cadillac problems. It gives me purpose in working. I really imagine travelling mostly in my truck camper and pulling my utility trailer if I’m hunting .  I think of the big RV as home away from home.  A base station.  The camper and truck give me joy with or without the utility trailer (Harley/Hondas 4x4/Vespa/inflatable)

I’m really looking forward to camping.  I like getting away from the city. I like walking Madigan off leash. I like waking up and not being in the city.  My big plan for this year is being next winter in the camper in the south virtual working with my star like satelite.

Madigan has been really nice this weekend with Laura over. I bought us both amber earrings when I went for mail yesterday.   I worked half the day and enjoyed my meeting. We watch 1923 episodes with Helen Mirren and Harrison Ford. We’re really enjoying this pre quel to Yellowstone.  I was thinking about Lethbridge again when a fellow told me he was moving there for low house price and small town culture.   My face book friend sends pictures of her riding horses.  

I shared that I have more identity dysphoria than gender dysphoria. I’m on hold. I was considering retiring and heading south to travel the southern states writing like Travels with Charlie. Now 3 years later I’m still headed out of Vancouver but content to be working and accepting of aging. My back injury flare up made ‘male’ activities painful.  Camping , boating, lifting all were less appalling with pain. I’d rather luxuriate and walk about in skirts experiencing the gender adventure.  I seemed to accept myself in bikini swimming in the lake. It’s more true that I want nudity and miss the sailing days.  The freedom of nudity and only having a sarong for being close to others boats. I like the short canvas shorts. So I’d definitely prefer that to ‘female’ attire.  I’m feeling clothing heavy and defining.  I really don’t like ‘dressing like a lawyer or beurocrat’.  This fetish of male society it unappealing. I’ve bought some new material light sweats style pants and new soft fabric shirts that really are comfortable . Even the new men’s underwear is comfortable.  I think I was rejecting the old fashioned work clothes men’s motif and now like the leisure men’s motif. I simply don’t want to be under a truck or in the diesel engine.  Having painted nails makes me think twice about digging in with physical work and potentially hurting my back again. I’m being protective and thankfully my back is much better. I find as I attend meetings and church I’m less lonely and less anxious. As we get out of the Covid disease and later lockdown hysteria I’m feeling better. When I’m anxious I want camouflage.  

I like being with Laura and Madigan. It’s known, It’s comfortable. It’s easy.  

There’s supposed to be snow this week and cold again. I’m ready for the spring promised in a couple of weeks. It’s amazing too that my birthday is coming up and I’m settling into the idea that working and aging are okay. I don’t have the drive to escape and quit after the month in the south. I don’t know how long I’ll take estrogen. The only noticeable difference is slight breast softening. Maybe if I took hormones and became double D it would be great but this is okay, the chest and heart chakra are now more sensitive that n the genital chakra.  But as celibate as I am I’m not willing to become an abstinent monk again. Yet the LGBT community is so materialistic and I find that my attraction is more to the spiritual and abstinent.  I want to pray and meditate more rather than sleep with people male or female.  I’ve had a good life sexually and today want to write and experience again the joys of teh intellectual life. I’m pleased to be free of the old taboos and continue to learn my own judgemental ness and control issues. I’m looking at aging as joining the invisible folk gaining acceptance an letting go of the past to fully embrace the present.  

Life is good. God is good. God is all. God is good all of the time.  Thank you Jesus.