New Day and God

I woke this morning before the alarm. I reached out for the furry one whose presence comforts me and reassures me till contact causes him to believe it’s time to jump on my face. I am working on stopping this. It’s a shocking way to wake.  I love him. He’s only a year and still a puppy.  Madigan is my room mate, friend, companion.  A therapy dog in training.  

He doesn’t usually shut off.  Cockapoo’s shut off around two years old.  If I play with him he wants to keep playing.  There’s never ‘enough’ unless I draw the line.  Attention deficit disorder with dependent personality traits coupled with manic depressive tendencies and a touch of anti social behaviour.  He’s a dog. I’m a dog.  We are animals joined to the spirit of God.  Together we are growing.  St. Francis called his body ‘Brother Ass”.  

Our first activity after we hit the loo is to ‘walk the dog’.  Walk the body.  Move the donkey. My body feels aches and pains and rickety and that morning walk is always uplifting. Even now in the cold rainy pre dawn darkness I enjoy breathing.  

I’m thanking God from the minute of awaking.  This Tron like creation, 3d Matrix existence, art remembering art, reality a construct. I am God, you are God, God is all.  I am the little light of the big light. The little bang of the Big Bang.  I’m interconnected with the fabric of existence. All the evidence of elements and vortices and whirls and motion and computer generated space all say that I am a thought in the greater thought.

Creator.

Designer.

Writer.

In the beginning was the Word.  God is that mother ship and I am the saucer, my eyes and my experience part of the whole.  

Time is now.

The motion of all directions is relative.

Owen Barfield, ‘Saving the appearances’.  All the reductionism and control that people use to avoid the sacred.  We are creatures on a planet whirling around the sun in a galaxy in the armpit of the universe.

It’s still glorious. Like a child looking at pond sludge through that first beginner microscope. I’ve known awe. Over and over and over again I have been touched by joy.

I have loved the orgasm of experience like a total consciousness explosion not unlike that lust releasing creative burst of pent up loins in the embrace of a lay promising recreation. I have worshipped goddess both fertile and barren.

I have worshipped all the Gods and the one true God. God of God, very God of Very God.  

I am seeking God in every breath I take.

Jesus Christ, the historical man and the Holy Spirit, the fabric of the universe , the presence and promise. I breathe in and I breath out.  Jesus Christ.  God within and God will come again. I am ever playing hide and seek with God.

I once thought God wasn’t present in my masturbation or my vengeful thoughts. Now I know that love is all. Just as Bach uplifts and tribal music incites the sense to rebellion today I seek for the heavenly knowing that those who find heaven are no longer naive.  Perhaps the innoscnt child but the ignorant is not going to know heaven on earth.  There are consequence.  The more I am inhuman and inspectoid the less I can know the celestial spheres. I love that soft heart place within that causes me to cry in empathy with other sufferers.  

Kiekegaard said, “Life is suffering until death’.  To live is to suffer.  

I can dance and sing and serve and still I suffer.

Anxiety is a measure of one’s distance from God and equally a measure of one’s humanity.  

Existential angst.

Now older I face death, an intellectual construct. Just because others die does not mean I must.  I can be the exception. I also can know death as a passage, from this cocoon state to the butterfly state beyond.

Matter is slow energy. Death is a leaving of the body I have invested with soul. I am a hitchhiker.  I may pass to another body or another way of existence.

Yet today I linger on regrets of earthly matters.  Court things. You are poor if all you have is money. I have some kudos and some titles and some status whereas once I was young and had confidence but no real cause for my courage and fearlessness.  Today I still see what I lack and must force myself to praise and gratitude. I have been blessed.

Just for today. Yesterday is a memory. I can rewrite the feeling state and sing the body electric. I can celebrate my existence. It’s been a good life. I have learned so much and forgotten more. I have served and lived and loved.  I am titled and rich in experience and have had so many skills and learned so many lessons.  I still seek God.

The Creator. The script writer. I long to know the producer. I want to meet the mind beyond.  I will in death no doubt but now in the last third of life I would be more in tune and in touch.I’d be more free.  Thy will be done.  I have done ‘my’ will and the ‘bondage of self’ has limited me.  Yet I do not wish to ‘go gently into that still night’ .  

Dance.

Laugh. 

Sing.

Keep moving until they throw dirt on you.

Thank you God for another day.  May I serve you this day as always.  Guide me.  

Celebrate! Celebrate! Dance to the music.  

I want to feel you in my step and in my voice.  I want to sense the music like a great cat as I move and hear the symphony of song in each word. I would Channel you God.  Lift me up on Eagle’s wings!!!! God of love and creation.  Thank you Jesus!