It’s good to work. I feel and hope I’m contributing. Every day there seems at at least one life I touched but I feel so inadequate before the whole mystery of the thing. Anxiety is high. I know anxiety is a harbinger of change and that band aids just delay and make things worse. So many have already tried to put their head in the sand and now they don’t know who kicked them. Drugs and alcohol and other addictions.
I’m praying and meditating. I’m feeling forced to ask what is essential. What do I want these days. I’m afraid. I have faith to balance it. In the morning I meditate and like Bernie taught me, say ‘Holy Spirit Come”. Today the prayer that comforted me began. “God I offer myself to you ....”. I’m enjoying reading the Bundell Western. The young men are talking about the Bible as they adventure in the west. It’s historically true. Not like so many revisionist writings that forget Christianity came before Hollywood. Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s tale has been usurped by comics.
I’m walking the dog. We enjoy going outside, seeing the green, the birds and spring flowers. I carry a camera. I’ve had my second up of Ethiopian coffee. I roasted the beans last night. Granola and Cobs scones for breakfast. I have to shower and dress.
Another day of virtual office. It’s still west coast cloudy and rained heavy. I like the sunny days with blue skies. My mood is influenced by the sun and the moon. I was irritable yesterday in the evening. . Just weary.
Today I’m rested and that’s usually the way it is. I enjoy my mornings. But by the end of clinic I’m sometimes exhausted, hearing the pain and all the expectation and unfulfilled desire. I am anxious about strangers now in virtual. Not knowing them as I do those I have met in person. I worry too much. I’m old. Never before have I had so much education and experience. Perhaps that’s why I doubt. When I was young and inexperienced I thought I knew. Now I know more what I don’t know. The mystery invites.
Another day of virtual office. It’s still west coast cloudy and rained heavy. I like the sunny days with blue skies. My mood is influenced by the sun and the moon. I was irritable yesterday in the evening. . Just weary.
Today I’m rested and that’s usually the way it is. I enjoy my mornings. But by the end of clinic I’m sometimes exhausted, hearing the pain and all the expectation and unfulfilled desire. I am anxious about strangers now in virtual. Not knowing them as I do those I have met in person. I worry too much. I’m old. Never before have I had so much education and experience. Perhaps that’s why I doubt. When I was young and inexperienced I thought I knew. Now I know more what I don’t know. The mystery invites.
Time to go. Thank you God for another day. Please help Gilbert to be healthy. Watch over my family and keep them safe. Help my friends in this time of trouble. Help my patients. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me.
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