TGIF Aug. 18, 2017

I'm sitting outside at a picnic table after a busy morning clinic.  I'm tired out by confrontation.  Hassle and demands for special treatment. Chipping away at a person. Working the room.  All the metaphors for the 'cut me some slack', 'you don't understand', 'just this one time', 'I really am your friend', 'you don't care', "my child, mother, aunt, sick someone, dog, cat etc story', the countless explanations we've heard a thousand times and used ourselves. I'm jaded. But I'm thankful for the one in 20 ratio. Everyone else was just perfect. The loud obnoxious one gets your attention but the 20 people were really just great. It's a 4 hour sometimes more experience. I'm exhausted by the strangers but the motorcycle ride is a wonderful experience. I often take the Harley on Friday.
Now I'm waiting for Laura.  Gilbert was ecstatic to see me when I got, lots of jumping and barking and bringing me toys.  I like his company but also like to leave him when I'm only going to be gone for a few hours.  He rides on the motorcycle but getting the box on and off is just a little hassle, not bad for a trip or a whole day but a nuisance for a half day. He's lying now sniffing the air and enjoying his place at the front of this 'territory'.  He's on guard and really in the know about what's going down here.
We had the police here big time a week ago. Several cars and guys like swat walking around looking for someone.  It was tense.  Then Laura learned about our friends being back together. The community news. I like the folk I meet. Laura always seems to know more about what's going around and she's hardly here.
I eat and read and watch tv and do a lot of paper work, evening writing reports.  Still doing the 80 and sometimes 120 hour work week if I include the research and reading.  At the end of the day I'm well paid but wonder if I ever do more than minimum wage with all the hours.
Looking at upgrading the RV.  It was originally for hunting and camping but I've been living about like I did with my yacht, sometimes doing the apartment thing but doing more hanging out here than I have in the woods.
"It's your home," Laura said.  I realized it really was and Mac explained to me the down payment and mortgage on units. He's living beside me in a really nice home. With Laura over most weekends I thought really I could use more room. And this last year with the office move and the switching over to clinics, loss of cleaning lady, and general chaos with deaths and grief and general survival mode I realize this is not a home anymore. Gilbert and I have barely survived this year.  He lost an eye.
The hot sunny summer has been a good time of recouping. Again IDAA was restorative. But I think about the long rainy winter and how claustrophobic it gets in this small space. I really have to consider a change. I don't want to do apartments.
With the Liberal government and Justin Trudeau increasing communist dictatator moves makes me want to leave Canada, move to the US where there still are States where people aren't into Identity Politics and Left Wing Violence.  I just don' t want to die in a Communist jail. The liberal's have outlawed freedom of speech already. The CBC News is constant propaganda.
After owning homes in the past I don't want to move and buy a house anywhere in Canada because I don't believe Canadians own houses. They lease them from the government who tells us what we can do in them. Better to rent but the neighbours I've known are increasingly all powerful especially  some raging addict who holds whole buildings hostage while lawyers protect them. Always it's the fallacy of  the 'ends against the middle'.  I'm a "middle" and no one cares for the Middle any more. I don't feel safe since I've heard from so many dozens of people stories of their unholy dangerous loud and threatening neighbours. Laura's tales of her 5 am partying neighbours with their  loud music   turns me right off the overpriced Vancouver apartments. In my last apartment I had to deal with a delusional man myself.  Just one of many colourful neighbor tales. It's its own genre like the mother in laws.
But politics is foolish.I'm irrelevant to all the Gods of Washington and Ottawa. Victoria doesn't really  care. Our own Mayor is only interested in bike lanes so generally I don't know why I've been allowing myself to be distracted by politics.
I've been arguing on Facebook with the lying violent left wing commies and the deceitful Islamic terrorist  hoards and I don't know why.  I really should mind my own business. I really like the .Conservative Party with Andrew Sheer, Michelle Remple and Candice Bergen.  Their saniety is too often blocked out by the selfie dominated loud Liberals with all their lies and corruption..
 Other than that I can only explain myself by saying I'm afraid of Justin Trudeau's abhorrence of all I think of as Canadian , essentially Canadian values. I really liked Kellie Leitch and am not convinced that Andrew is as strong on Canada as Kellie was.  He's got a good group around him and I really hope they get rid of the pustulent smegma of a stony eyed leader we have right now.  I ought not to be so invested. I'm really not being diplomatic in my astute observations.
Trudeau is everything I was when I was smoking dope and drinking wine and talkin left wing intellectual nonsense as an effete university professor dilettante with a pretty wife who came from an alcoholic family and was so traumatized by that background she'd do anything to avoid trouble. I was trouble eventually. I questioned the lies of the main stream media. I treated too many alcoholic senior media and heard too many stories of pedophilia and broken laws and then I kind of grew up seeing the world through hard experience and learning that the 'platitudes' were just that.
But Dr. Kaufman gave a talk on Civility and he's an okay guy and I really have to be more civil on Facebook when I'm talking to a brain dead walking genitalia whose trying to spout off about politics and he doesn't think his farts smell. I have to resist calling the cretin wasted DNA just because he's a thorough idiot. I must be civil.  I am so tired of their trying constant strategizing and their persistent moving the bar and insisting they want me but their inclusivity only applies to my being exactly like their cookie cutter reality.
I'm ornery today. I had to prayeon the motorcycle because I was having flashes of doom and gloom. Then I realized it was just because it was a cloudy day.  I was having flashbacks to the coming of winter and wondering how I'd live through a mother season of misery.
If I get better digs maybe the higher ceilings more room and less dirt and clutter will stop me from begging Trudeau for the euthanasia he wants for my kind of people, English Canadian westerner, third generation.
I've done gratitude lists too.  Thank you Lord Jesus for your sacrifice and resurrection, for your teaching and being, for the Christ consciousness in the very fabric of creation for the example of humanity. Thank you all my teachers for the direction and concern and guidance you have given. Thank you for the beautiful loving sexy women in my life. I have truly been blessed even when they've interfered with my escape and made me pay a huge ransom to get away from their taking me hostage. I really am thankful for Gilbert and my motorcycle and my friend Laura who Gilbert and I are waiting to arrive.  He takes me for granted but really has her twisted around his little paw.  Right now he just visited for a bit for a scratch and has begun chewing on his Snoopy toy.  Different days he has favourite different favourite toys.

Thank you Lord for this existence. Thank you for electrons and neutrons and photons and Higgle particles and galaxies and stars and the sun and the moon.  Thank you for the breath and my heart and lungs.  Thank you for my taste buds, scent, stomach, skin and genitals . Thank you for my hands and feet. Thank you for the internet and key boards and discoveries and inventors and genius. Thank you for Ginger Ale. Thank you for porcelains. Thank you for barbecue. Thank you for food.
Thank you for clothing.
Thank you for the Church. Thank you for 12 step programs. Thank you for the university. Thank you for the clinic. Thank you for my teachers. Thank you Ford and Mazda and Harley Davidson.  Thank you for my F350 Lariat Edition 4x4 truck.  Thank you for choice. Thank you for movies. Thank you for ballet. Thank you for theatre.. Thank you for concerts and thank you for music.
Thank you for sex. I really enjoy regular orgasms and love making and just plain doing it.
Thank you for bikinis. Thank you for beaches. Thank you for shorts and sandals in summer.
Thank you for the dress pants I found under the winter clothes. Thank you for jeans. Thank you for bows and arrows and fishing rods.
Thank you Lord . Thank you Jesus.  I really want to read and study the Bible more. I'd like better internet coverage so I can do more Hebrew study. I wish that I'd learned Gaelic. Thank you for conversations with Ted about the Celtic calendar.  Thank you for history and old ways and traditions.
Thank you for the Irish and the Scottish. Thank you for the Hay Clan.
Thank you for swords and rifles and pistols.
Thank you for the kazoo. And harp.  And violin. And my guitar. I enjoyed playing my guitar. If i had a larger home now that I no longer have an office I'd have my guitar out like I did there. I'd not played it for months till this week simply because it's in storage like so much stuff. I 'ld like to be less cluttered. I'd like the organization new digs would bring and after these last couple of years of pain it would be good to rebuild.
Please Lord removing the lying delusional threat that plagues me. Protect my life and my dog's life. I've had too many threats and I've just been doing my job as I was taught but with people who are borderline and psychopathic and now they have such institutional power to harm and be offended and to suck the very life out of existence. Canada is plunging into the despair and depression that is the norm in communist countries.  The Worker's paradise.  The corruption tires me.
I must have hope and optimism. It's the end of a week. I'm weary.  All day with despair and sickness.  Days of complaints and more and more the front lines takes the abuse and the layers upon layers of high paid Monday morning quarter backs is amazing. No one wants to see patients any more and everyone is angry that I can't see them yesterday and furious that I won't see them today and tomorrow. The system of care is imploding except for those with government and union and corporate benefits and special insurance. The tiers increase but I'm okay. I've been blessed. I not one of the millionaires who own homes in Vancouver where every actual home owner is among the wealthiest on the planet but I'm okay.  There are 9 billion and most every Canadians is in the upper 1 billion. The severe poverty now is limited to less that half a billion, maybe a tenth of the people on earths. A mere hundred or so years ago nearly half the world was in poverty and facing disease. Life expectancy is increased dramatically.
I am truly blessed.  Enough rambling. Thank you Lord for Friday TGIF!!!!