Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Smokey Vancouver

Another morning of smokey skies and thick air. I slept well and am thankful for that.  Last night breathing was difficult and the day was long with stress.  Leaving for a few days as a doctor the work just piles up.  Calls upon calls for services.  Desperation and waitlists.  I avoided the coroner's file yesterday.  Death deserves time. I didn't recognize the name. A new person I hardly knew. Like the young girls a few months back.  This Chinese Fentanyl is a plague on youth.
I remember the sky like this years ago.  The smell of smoke and the haze was there too.  They say the wild fires were worse years past but this one is bad.  A bad year.  So many places we hunt are destroyed.  Nature's purification.
North Korea threatens Guam. My friends live there. I visited. So close to Saipan. I'd fly over.  Islands in the vast beauty of the Pacific. Chamorro people and Carolingnians.  I miss the laughter at times. The white beaches. The magnificent underwater caves. Such pristine places for tourists and those who live there.
Amaniac threatens to bomb them.  God I hate these aggressors.  Of course they all say they're victims.  ISIS in the East and North Korea in the West complaining they are victims just as Hitler did when he invaded other lands. The Japanese said the same.
There's rain promised for the weekend. I'll like the cleansing but frankly, I love the sun and heat.  I have loved this summer and the back yard and walking the dog and lawn chairs.  Some years I've spent the summer sailing.  Other years I've been camping. This year it's lawn chairs and back yard books.  I just finished a Thriller by Brad Thor , Use of Force.  I am reading the History of the Early Church but along side that serious read I've these other more exciting novels which just seem to take over my interest. Little progress on the neuro chemistry of the brain book I'd picked up too.  Lying in the sun I'd rather escape to swash buckling tales of young men and sexy women travelling all over the world to exotic places to save the world from what ever, terrorists, aliens or catastrophes of other kinds.  Joseph Campbell's Hero Tales. The stuff of adolescence.
I must go. Work demands I come in early.  Gilbert has had his eye medicine and treat.  We've walked. He's eaten. I just need to shower and dress.  Morning is a series of routines that must be completed. Not necessarily in order. I've had my coffee.
I'm prayed.  I 've not meditated long enough .  Be Still and Know that I am God.  I'm not prayed long enough. I've not exercised enough. I've got that perfectionism bat I beat myself with. A whole series of expectations that threaten to grow to resentments. I love weekends where there isn't the deadlines waiting to suck the soul out of one. I'm thankful though for the dead lines. The meaning in life is serving and helping and I felt good to be back at work.  There's times when it's just good to be the automatic.  We ask the questions, write the scripts, look up and say a kind word, give encouragement and set another time.  Completing intakes, forms, assessments.  I was slow first day back, distracted by a multitude of phone callls.  I've bills to pay and had no cheques or envelopes. I put these in last night.
I am thankful for God.  The idea of a loving universe, the idea of an intrinsic meaning and purpose, these are important to me. I believe that if I do good and serve I am planting good. I am at an age where disease strikes readily. I'm thankful for my health.  Each day I read of those close in age or important to my youth dying.  I didn't know Glen Campbell was in his 80's but he's died and I loved his music growing up.
Aging is a factor. Thank you Lord for this life and this aging.  Gilbert and I had such fun with Laura on Monday.  What a great companion. Life was so much brighter and fuller the three of us rolling about.  Gilbert must get in the Center and be included in our hugs which then become a free for all.  It's hilarious.
I'm resisting getting up.  All I've got to do is shut this down and go to the shower.  Shave.  Dress. I sometimes have to speak to myself to get through the routines to get out of the door.  There are dragons out there.  The traffic is a trial.   But once I'm at work it's fine.
Must go.
Thank you God for all your blessings. Watch over my family and friends. Keep them safe and well today. Help me be an instrument of your love. Help me to serve my patients and colleagues well. May I do as my teachers taught me and be compassionate and kind in my encounters. Yesterday I was so overwhelmed so behind in time that I forgot all the Dr. Kauffmen taught about civility.  I would have been more civil if I wasn't so harried but I didn't get angry or impatient.  But I did talk over some and I didn't wait to listen longer. The person on drugs will talk forever and I don't want to listen to the drug talk but I didn't cut them off though perhaps appeared impatient.  The waiting room was angry and loud.  I felt pressure all day. No lunch. No coffee. I needed to pee for hours before I couldn't hold it.
It's hard to come back to work after a break. But it's a short week.  More new demands this week too but this too will pass. I want to get on with getting my new home. I talked to Mac about ways to transfer belonging for old trailer to new. Logistics. It was great to see Dave and Marcia back together on his motorcycle There are money matters that need addressing and sharks are circling always,  I 'l let out a reef in the sail and move on with the day.  This too will pass.
Thank you God. Thank you Jesus.

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