I’m not able to sleep. I’m thinking of the AT&T new phone and my old phone number and how am I going to get back on Telus so I have two phones because everyone knows to call the old phone number. It’s also the one use in 2 step verification. But with the phone broken I can’t see that. I don’t like going back to the little phone either. My fingers are too big. Of course I can sort all this out at an Apple Store in LA.
I also thought of the 60’s horror show, probably Twilight Zone where the sailors come upon an old ship cover in dripping fungus. They board and look about but bring the fungus back to their ship and become another floating fungus garden. The crew first noticed patches on their skin then they are slowly devoured. It’s that rainy and wet here.
I’ve also had “worthy is the blood of the lamb” , chorus of a Christian evangelical song playing in my mind.
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I remember a capsule headed to what I think today is Mars but something , perhaps a big asteroid knocked it off course and I landed on earth. I always felt strange. Mom and Dad were wonderful and lovely but I felt peculiar. When I was particularly scared as a child in bed I saw an angelic couple above my bed, spiritual mom and dad, telling me all would be well. Mom appeared then and the world restored to normal though I’d have out of body experiences when I’d visit friends and do all the other things that shaman books describe. I certainly felt good with animals and especially loved the family dog. We were on the same wave length.
Later I’d think we were souls who had to learn to control our minds and impulses. The spiritual world was instant gratification but what one thought of that became. Like my memory of the Fungus ship. I feel for Steven King and his wonderful horror stories. He drank and the darkness no doubt was the source of his writing. I am only now beginning to clear mind mind. I learned from St. Paul to ‘pray unceasingly’. I’m old now so perhaps this journey is coming to a close and another beginning. I might make it to Mars yet. To do so I must have ‘peace of mind’. Marijuania and Alcohol and other drugs make this near impossible.
From an early age I sought spiritual guidance. The church leaders were mostly about morality. I had great advice from Dad and Mom but was so egotistical when I was a teen. I was on a journey of discovery hoping to make sense of my physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual world. I was raised Baptist and studied the Bible first as comic books and later as the book iteself. I liked going through the 365 day Bible reading a bit each day though another time I just read as much as I could and completed it in about a year too. I studied it at University in English Literature. The Bible as stories and later I’d study it as myth and eventually as a key.
‘Worthy is the blood of the lamb.” Sacrificial messages and codes.
The ministers talked mostly of morality and ethics and their prescriptions were like those of public health while I was searching for a personal message. I wanted a ‘friend in Jesus’.
The Trinity according to the Chancellor of Regent College, professor of Spiritual Christianity, described it in terms of 3 persons in one. The mystery. Of course there was God the father , God of Gods, Creator, omniscient omnipotent omnipotential, the very fabric of reality, the omnivores, alpha and omega, everything and nothing. I liked to say that in the Beginning there was God and he created the Heavens and the Earth. There wasn’t God and Building Blocks. The one bccame many. I saw the holograph and later the DNA as evidence of the At OM ness of the one , the true Home, the Self.
This did explain the binary relationship of Buber’s I and Thou. First I and the other then I and I and then with humility and a true appreciation of Grace, I and Thou. I struggled with friends ideas of fate and free will. When things went well they claimed responsibility but when things didn’t they blamed anything but themselves. I however had the benefit of studying eastern religion, first though Emerson and Vivekianada and later Paramahansa Yogananda. I enjoyed Herman Hesse and the Glass Bead Game. So much of what I learned was the writings of authors not religious leaders per see. “I sing the Body Electric,” by Walt Whitman, the poets, and writers like Mark Twain. Their ideas about the universe and themselves and heaven and earth.
In the Trinity the Son is Jesus or the Messiah. He is the advocate who was God becoming God being crucified and resurrecting. The caterpillar butterfly image. The lost and now I’m found story beyond the Hubris of the Wall Street Gods or the Graeco Roman competiont gods driven by time. They are all over the on line games. I met them first in Duke Nukim. It was like the fool on the hill. I’m fine alone and meditating. I’m the movie ‘a boy and his dog’. The difficulty is the Holy Spirit.
The job the son is to obey the father. It’s taken me most of my life to appreciate the wisdom of my earthly father and poor Jesus didn’t live long enough to get back to carpetntry. I’ve lived long enough to re visit the worlds my father introduced me too when I was a child. I’m living his dream and my own dream.
But what of Mom.
When I told Willie, my evangelical mentor that I thought the Holy Spirit was the female he was annoyed. I realize now that in his world men are men and women and women. His Holy Spirit is masculine i anything. But I’m of the era and age where the Borderline is the cross over. Where as in the world of the 50’s the extrovert personality disorder were described as Narccisistic , Antisocial, Historionic and Borderline. Mostly men were described as antisocial and sent to prison while women were described as borderline and sent to the asylum. The gay and lesbian commonly were sent to the aslum. It was part of the men’s era and intent. Men were intentional or not
Kate Lister the brilliant author of Curious History of Sex said that Freud described the female as the ‘dark continent’. It was appropriate she said because he was obvious lost and afraid of the natives.
So the Holy Spirit is this sense of connectedness which I equated with the sense I had that my mother always knew what I was doing. Somehow there was my conscience which game me the right answer and may choice which was wrong but good.
Freud’s idea of the ‘ID” was that it was something primitive like the idea of the untamed ,dis organized, the early man free to follow urges and like an animal sensual and not controlled by a higher power or such. Diamond in Guns, Germs and Steel makes it very clear that the primitive man was not the impulse seeking sensate of the 60’s mod scene but rather one dominated by taboos and restrictions. To put it bluntly he wasn’t free. Nor was he the ‘noble savage’ which is being white washed and paraded out again by none other than the ancestors who like the Nazi once did in their ‘ancestor worship’ , perhaps the oldest religion.
By contrast, Milton Erickson, father of American Psychiatry and Hypnosis said Freud was afraid of the unconscious . I’d argue that Jews and Arabs and those who are tribally connected by genital mutilation at an early age might well have good reason to fear as such. But then another might just speak to the birth trauma. Personally I’m Caesarian Section so I didn’t want to be here and was dragged forth while others escaped the mother at an early age. I liked the umbilical cord and boom box heart sound. This world has been tough by comparison. Erickson said that when someone fell their unconscious righted them, indeed much of their systems of safety were on automatic , eating sleeping and all so the ID or primal unconscious was protective. Jung described Freud in also afraid of the unknown. He was an empire builder and a genius but needed to be in control and striving to be ‘number one’.
Personally I’ve just been glad to be on the team. I am thankful to be invited in and given a place by the fire. It’s cold out there and warm in here. I believe I was very young when I realized the challenge was beating my yesterday self not my opponent. I saw losing at chess as my mistake. I also learned in my study of martial arts from an early age, my friend Kirk and I doing Jugitsu together in the back yard after my dad taught us boxing in the basement with the boxing gloves he brought home one day. In Zen the master is said to be the one who kills you and so doing teaches you the secret you will carry into the next life what will save you for being kllled that way again.
Reincarnation is central to the east and west. In the East the Jews knew it or they’d not be confused as to who was resurrecting. Similarly for Christian’s it was Constantine the Sun worshipper who excluded reincarnation at the Council of Nevis when Christianity became the ‘STATE’ Church,
Now I’m living ‘One Day at a Time’. So reincarnation is a daily experience. When I wake a new life begins. The past is memory and the future is yet to come.
Willie, reverend, doctor, psychiatrist, said that Jesus said over and over again ‘Be not afraid’.
When asked to sum up the scripture he said that the key was ‘Love God and Love your neighbour as yourself”.
‘Worthy is the blood of the lamb”
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It’s 630 am. I got going yesterday at 7. The rain and dark are still here. I was on the road about an hour before it got lighter and at 9 am we stopped at Macdonalds’ for breakfast on the run.
Time to stow.
Thank you Jesus.
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