Trans

I am enjoying the audio book, Before we were trans, a new history of gender by Ktt Heyam.  It begins with the dissecting of gender assigned at birth (ex AFAB or AMAB) and then looks at the fluidity of gender in different cultures and different times.

I’m sensitized to this as an old hippy. Long hair was gay and the Beatles long hair was obscene to many in my parents generation fresh from the wars when men fought with crew cuts not so much an expression of gender as a prevention of lice and better fit for helmets.  I was called gay when I supoorted women wearing pants to school, a huge scandal in my school in which I was roundly vilified.  It was a time when women wore skirts and skirts represented feminity.  Such silliness diddn’t consider Roman Legionaries or Scottish Highland Warriors.  

The great song of my youth was ‘are you a boy or are you a girl with your hair like that you look like a girl’.  When I got into a fisticuff with a redneck looking for a fight and too full of beer my ‘long hair’ like the Beatles of the day was hardly over the ears, executive cut for today.  

I enjoyed therefore this book reminding us of the absurdities of gender laws through the years..  Men wearing coloured vests scandalously gay while women wearing short hair was obviously a sure sign of a woman being lesbian, I think of my poor elderly mother cutting her hair because managing her glorious long red hair , fond memories from my child, was just too much trouble in her late 80’s . I fear she’d be aghast if she was accused of late age lesbianism but historically this would be true ,  Men wearing jewelry was suspect especially more than one earring.

Now what’s fascinating is that in other  cultures gender hasn’t been as reductive as it has in western patriarchy.  I was most interested in the separation of gender and sexuality. A role in Angola was masculine but it could be held by a woman until the patriarchal Portuguese invaded and subjected the country to th catholic patriarchy of the day.  Women holding these masculine ‘roles’ were evicted from their jobs as an ideas of female inferiority was introduced.

Recently there’s been a spate of chauvinist humor directed at world leaders like Trump as the female patter of Putin and Trudeau as the bitch of Singh.  I tend to think of trans as gender and sexuality despite knowing that 90% of ‘cross dressers’ are heterosexual , mostly married and not interested in men.  

The author also points out the history bisexuality where leaders female and male are historically known to have had sex with the other but it’s not affected their ‘gender’ assignment. Alexander a notorious bisexual is never depicted as such an is gender queer. His maleness is  never in doubt.  This is because the chauvinist patriarchy demands the greater world leader be male and heterosexual .  So bisexuality  is downplayed.

 Hitler’ s murder of the gays along with Jews as discussed in the classic ‘Pink Swaztika,was not of the ‘discrete’ gays but rather the ‘feminine’ .  The macho men are this,  like prison ‘top’s who will kill you for calling them gay or a bitch.  “I fuked men’ but I was never fucked.  I ‘let fairies suck my divk but I never sucked dick’.  The Mexican police I met insisted they has so much ‘Sex’ they needed to have sex with men and women because they were so male. Sexuality and gender were not necessarily linked. Yet in different cultures gender is linked to spirituality.

The book unpacks this ideas separating gender from sex and role, considering it academically with fascinateing examples from history. I just listened to the story of Ann Lister, a famous early last century lesbian whose fault was her fashion more than her sexuality. She apparently dressed in clothing more from 5hemlikes of Mountain Equipment Coop than Holt Renfrew because  liked to hike with her girlfriends. Male attire though scandalous was  more appropriate for the climbing.  

I’m here on Commercial and seeing the whole kaboodle of gender expression.  Personally I’ve painted males and earrings .  But then at one time men shaving was considered feminine.  I like that Jesus apparently had long hair without the aquiline nose. The dandies of the Elizabethan court were frowned upon because they washed .

I think my poor dog who was groomed yesterday must be seen as gay today. .  He is really omnisexual  being discouraged frequently from humping Laura’s leg, boy and girl dogs and pillows.  Humans are a funny lot. Too band wanker isn’t a gender category.

Sex is biological and genetic. 

The judgemental are amusing. I loved reading the Golden Bough of Frazer which describes the need for a community to be the same for difference could  lead god to cause floods or droughts. When people dont know which red berry causes death or which snake venom is deadly then stereotypical behaviour is safe.  Primitive society is extremely fearful repetitive  and superstitious. There is no doubt that sameness may lead to longevity of centuries. Tried and proved. Mainstream. Not bad and certainly a common template for raising the young.   The obsession with rules is what is needed to appease the Gods.  

As a Christian I know Jesus was a good guy. I don’t feel such fondness for St. Paul. Alot of themOld Testament as history is little different than the murderously  barbariaric Koran.  

Madigan and I had fun having a mexican lunch with Laura on Davie street. She’s noted that the once young gay street is now much more populated by older gay male couples .I told her she was definitely gorgeous and voluptuous, with pink nails and sparkling sandals .  She liked my the multi colour glass frames. Today they would just be considered trendy and far too square for Elton John. My rugby playing woman I know  delights in gowns and pears when she goes out to concerts.. My other  female friend changes to black jeans and black tshirt when she works on her truck engine,

I feel less than because I’m not a macho man with  a safe certainty.  Like many men who were sexually abused I feel identification with the aggressor who considered my youth at the time feminine and his being a chauvinist partricarchal predator saw me as a hole in the mattress.  There’s been an effort to address pedophilia, sexual abuse of children and serious questions about man boy ‘love’. Meanwhile a girl from  Iran told me peoophilia was normal for the Ayatola and his fellow clergy. Their approach to pedohilia is way behind the Catholic Church and the education system here in Canada which have been exposed and vetted unlike parliament and congress. 

I often comment on the Khan gene that suggest his brother and he had many hundred of thousand of mates, A one man rape of the sabines  Certainly the Unwillingness of Biden an Trudeau and others like the British royal family to let out the Epstein list shows that pedophilia is enmeshed in the leadership in Washington, Ottawa, London, 

Also I’d trust a pillow with my dog than anyone or anything with Xi Jin Ping in Beijing.  If Putin did anything untoward inecrophilia would follow. Indo Europeans and celts popularized the family while South African success was having as many cattle and wives as possible. Trudeau lowered the age of consent for bestiality as obviously that would get him more liberal votes.The silliness of multi culturalsm is the homogeneity and ethnocentric who project their own ignorance  on the world .  Thank God for the Darwin awards.

I was criticized by a woman doctor administrator who never realized what a butch bitch she was when I explained the Berkeley gender sexuality scale that had hard wired homosexuals and hard wired heterosexuals who on questioning would rather die than have sex with other.  Meanwhile the majority of people were opportunistic with a middle bisexuality blip. . The test results  reminded me of the great movie scene where the man asked the woman would you have Sex with me for a million dollars an she answerd, I’dconsider it . Then he asked,  what about for a dollars.  She sthen said what do you take me for. ‘He responded  , well that’s established I’m just dickering for price.

I’m enjoying the book because it’s expanded my ideas of gender and made a place for the Mad Mollies of Ireland , the female soldiers and others but most importantly that it separates the ‘chauvinist patriarchal’ idea of the woman and transwoman as inferior.  Dirty.  I think of myself as that.  I mostly think of my self as less than because I’m not a father and the only baby I had was aborted.  That’s a whole other history. 

Before genetics and viagra a king could still be king if his knight was happy to pregnante the queen.  Not so today.  Confusing complex times when so many are anxious and afraid . 

Madigan was so happy to see Laura today demanding her whole attention, He was jumping up and down between us that I let her go without hugging her.  I miss hugging her.  

Getting old is unmanly too.  

Gratitude Tuesday

It’s raining. Chilly too.  The dog didn’t want to go out when I offered.  I’ve a plug in my sink drain so went out to check the outflow Now waiting for enzyme digester to clear the plug.  Don’t know what it is.  I have a snake. 

I’m due to begin work in a half hour. I’ve been texting with Laura. It’s a day I’d like to wear panties and bra with a slinky black dress and have some one serve me. I envy women the service of men.  Aging I choose passivity. My back hurts and I d’ like to lie on the couch drinking coffee with a portable orgone box.  Reich was a genius . So sad the Asian men are killing the rinoerous. 

I’ve got this Prehistory course and I’m thorough enjoying studying as a student just worrying over the upcoming assignments.  I’ve two court cases and things I didn’t anticipate.  I’m already thinking of the next course and how I’ll do that better though this has really excited my study and guided my audiobook selection.  I’ve not p;articulately liked the email discussion, I’d prefer the Jerusalem course i took with better wifi. Maybe go back and learn Biblical Hebrew.  

Kevin shot a bear and Laura says he’ll live off that story. I’ve not lived off my stories but really do want to publish books but only for profit.  I don’t think Laura sees writing as profitable because she knows poor women so doesn’t really support my writing as work,  The idea of passive income is attractive.  I personally don’t need credits or scores.

I’m at a stage where I could rest on my laurels but I want to continue learning. I just like the study in a dress or  Kafka. I like soft feeling clothing. Women have been into that for so longer. I’ve worn jeans and jeans shirts but do like my tweed jackets.  

Cross dressing psychiatrist is such a cliche but the world is past binary.  The traditionalists are safe. Thats’ the beauty of conservatism but fashion will be a non issue in the future unless we continue in war mode.  I’m useful in war as doctor and sniper so I’m welcome as Klinger but I’d just like silk lined cammo.  I love my fleece lined western shirt.  It’s like I’m serving two.  The dark passenger or anima that is not integrated.  Supposedly anima and animus and shadow all become integrated.

Pluck the timber out of your own eye before taking the sliver our of your neighbours.  I’ve such self work and study but mostly I’m in survival mode hope to live beyond the corruption and evil of Trudeau.  

I did enjoy Lopez in Atlas last night, an AI enhanced robot warrior with neurolink.  

Dark passenger  is a good term.  I learned it on Dexter, the psychopath vigilante serial murder struggling like DATA of Star Trek to be human.  

I don’t have any desire to kill . I could be a vegetarian again and become monastic but I see that all as superficial.  A remake isn’t going to address the fear of death and fear of shame.  The naked genitals of Jesus on the cross.  The millions of Armenians genocided and the hundreds of men and women left to die on the cross.  

There’s cruelty here and despite being older with intellectually less potential years of life I still wince at the thought of discomfort.  Even now I wonder about changing to a warmer sweater as there’s a child in the air. The rain continues heavy outside.  

I really was spoiled being at Harrison’s with Laura.

Best get ready for work.  I do enjoy being of service and like seeing the vehicle debt paid off. 

Thank you Lord for air. Thank you for warmth. Thank you for water and food . Thank you for relationships and connectedness .Thank you for AA. Thank you for sobriety and spirituality. Thank you for church. Thank you for the university. Thank you for books and study. Thank you for work and purpose. Thank you for friends. Thank you for Madigan and Laura. Thank you for family.  

Harrison HotSprings Resort with Laura and Madigan

We had room 221 in the west wing. We’ve had that room before and like it. Quick access to the outside to walk Madigan or go to the pool. We still had to order food from the Island pub, I walked over to pick it up. Chicken tenders were fine. Madigan had his burger. We all walked around the little lake each day despite the wind and drizzle. The hot spring ps we’re spectacular. A wonderful romantic get away. So comfy cuddly to be Laura while Madigan was nuts for the first day seeing her. He settled down after a couple of days. We do love Harrison’s. Two days and nights were awesome.

Harrison Hot Springs Resort

It’s wonderful to be here again.  So many weekends and more in Harrison’s and the best of times at Harrison Resort. Laura and I share so many memories here, motorcycling here or staying in the Camper. We stayed often in the old Bungalows, loving their privacy and quaintness.  We loved the Harrison Beach when we came on motorcycle because of the locked underground.  The Resort has the best of hotsprings.

I’d hardly checked in leaving Madigan and Laura in the room as I headed down to sit in the picturesque outdoor hotsprings, the earlier drizzle having stopped.  After an extended time there enjoying the great outdoors I moved inside to the really hot pool  I literally revelled at the beauty of a Latina with her young sister or daughter.  Then the older man and woman got up to leave, the woman helped her white haired husband .   I realized that’s what I looked like.  The DOM (dirty old man) eying the beautiful young goddesses. Time to get out of the pool and head back to Laura. 

She really is beautiful except Madigan is trying to hump her leg and has romance novel heavy breathing. It takes a day for him to settle down, I think the Chinese should sell a line of robot sex dolls for our pampered pooches on leash or under observation in dog parks.  Poor Madigan.  It’s spring and I tell him no yet again when his unrequited love latches onto Laura’s calf. 

We walked around the small pool. The big lake was calm.  The geese and goslings were patrolling the lawns.  What a lovely day.

The heavy agenda has more reading and room service with a movie planned for tonight. I tried to organized a massage for Laura but they were all booked for the weekend.  I’d seen Dr Ready, the chiropractor yesterday and am feeling really good.  

Thank you God. I’m reading my course on Prehistory and just studied Animism and tokenism.  I balk at the objectivization as it’s all God to me so the energy of trees and rocks is all. We live in the imagination of God.  I believe our forbears, the first Homo sapiens being 30,000 years ago , Homo Neanderthal and Denosovan a 100,000 years ago. And Lucy, Austrolopithecus( I saw Lucy in the sky with diamonds)in Ethiopia from 3.2 million years ago.  

We project our fears onto them but they may have had far less uncertainty in their lives for lengths of time. I liked learning that some hunter gatherer’s who lived next to agriculturalist chose to remain hunter gatherers because it was a less demanding lifestyle.  I liked learning too the the Neanderthal’s and Dvaidian’s mixed with Homo Sapiens in Europe and Asia but that in Africa there are pure Homo sapiens that don’t have the DNA of Neanderthals. I may have 4% Neanderthal genes.  

I ‘mwatching Dexter ,on Netflix the psychopath with the vigilante code.  I am amused by the archeology writing that questions the demise of earlier humans , including homo erectus and others. Yes it may be many factors but my money is on Homo Sapiens being better killers and more deceitful.  Maybe our romance and highest spiritual values come from our Neanderthal genes.  The Black Jesus then would be a challenge.  I like that the oldest law in the world is the Chinese law of the fish: are big fish and little fish and the little fish must be fast and numerous.   Then there’s Voltair’s:Steal a little and they put you in Jail, steal a lot and they make you king.  

I’m enjoying it here.  It’s wonderful to be with Laura in this sacred place of sensuality and spirituality.  I really enjoyed the time the Christian Medical and Dental Society had their annual meeting here.  I also learned that the mafia would come here to meet and discuss their enterprises in Vancouver and Seattle.  I loved bringing Mom and Dad here and renting a cabin.  Such a wonderful place.  Thank you Jesus

Rainy Tuesday Morning

I’ve woken feeling sort of out of sorts.  My catastrophising mind did it’s circle of the universe looking for cause for dysphoria.  There’s never a shortage. The first that comes up is the Trudeau government, I’m anxious about the future reading an article in the medical journal about elder homelessness.  Trudeau’s evil and mismanagement is so offensive. I was also upset to see an armed ethnic military unit marching in a parade remembering the Scottish sergeant major being arrested for wearing his ski in doo in his sock.  There’s so much pride in the leadership brandishing sword like knives at the Ferry a couple of years back.  Meanwhile I’ve not been bothered at all hunting this weekend despite having guns and ammunition and knives.  But my mind will tip towards any negative thoughts when I’m feeling in a bit of funk

I think it’s simply because I am physically exhausted. It takes me a day to recover from the unusual exertions I did all weekend, whether climbing in and out of the camper or riding rough roads on the quad.  It’s a workout for this fat couch potato who enjoys most wastching net flix and eating Hagen Diaz cherry ice cream. It was physically good. I am disappointed because I banged the back of the camper and will need to have it repaired at a cost or on insurance.

I was pleased though that my Star link worked when I transferred the dish meaning only the cable is damaged on the Camper. I’ve already ordered a new one.

This weekend I’m at Harrison’s Hot Springs with Laura.  I’ve an appointment with the chiropractor on Thursday. My back seems to be getting better with treatment and continued exercise. The weekend was good for it. Madigan is more snarly but obviously had a great dog time.  

I was pleased the Bustards shot a bear. I’d prayed they would.  With the communication problems I wasn’t really dedicated and enjoyed just travelling about on the quad. I could have done more target practice but I forgot to take the 223 ammo when I went out with the 3006 and targets.  I shot just fine with the Ruger 3006.  Good grouping.  But then I I returned and loaded all the new clips but didn’t bother stopping to shoot targets despite having the opportunity.

I wore t shirts and underwear around the camp enjoying the freedom and the deck chair in the sun.  Madigan ranged off leash.  I listened to the audio book, The Rise and Reign of the Mammals by Steve Brussate.

With the Starlink down I didn’t keep up with my prehistory course. I actually could have when I took the Duffy Lake road through Lilluettte to Hope. I stayed in the Telte Yet campground seeing the damage to the camper and being disappointed.

I’m selling my sailboat and so far getting half what I hoped and the survey wasn’t optimistic. I’ll be glad to reduce my load.  I’ve a suspicion I’ll go with the fifth wheel and truck and motorcycle or trade the car and camper and all in for a bus.  Meanwhile a part of me is weary with driving and considering a little house but not in this city. I’ve never been committed to Vancouver though am looking forward to this year’s symphony. It used to be the Ballet and now going deaf I’m delight with the VSO.  Mostly I think I’ll be doing the same routine for an other year with plans to go south Jan Feb.  I’ve a Baltimore conference July. There’s still a possibility I*’ll drive or fly down to Hay Bay before it’s sold.  I have a full schedule this year so personally would prefer going next year.  I’ll see. A trip with the camper would be an adventure.  I keep thinking I could close the boat deal and bring back my dinghy, not that I have anywhere to put it. 

I am grateful for my health especially to day though it’s raining and I had a n active weekend and my back isn’t sharp pain. Madigan’s wet but sleeping beside me. The cleaning ladies are coming today.

Thank you God for air. Thank you for water. Thank you for the life today. Thank you for work and purpose and the opportunity to be of service. Thank you Jesus.  

Lillouette Forest Service Road Campground ,Pemberton

I’m waiting for the water to boil for tea. The trip back on the quad became cold. I’d taken off my jacket on the way out.  I’m glad Madigan has his coat and hasn’t been groomed. I ve felt him shivering a couple of times when I’ve been driving the quad too fast. He warms up immediately when I let him off and he runs about furiously. I expect he thinks we’re looking for grouse. He’s never been with me when I’ve shot a bear.  This trip we’ve seen a couple of grouse, a coyote and a dear.  I’m looking for black bear and cotton tails.  

It was a Herculean task getting out to the camper and loading it and driving up here. I was really tired. Even the truck said I should pull over and have a coffee. I did and that was better.  I drank lots of coffee and energy drinks to get here. 

It was a bit of nostalgia lane coming here. I remember when I camped in the tent by the river, saw the bear climbed the mountain and watched the deer coming up.  Then there was Meager Creek Hotsprings to top off a morning grouse hunt. I didn’t shoot deer here but I shot a lot of grouse and loved the hot springs .Especailly loved the porn stars coming and everyone becoming a lobster because no one wanted to leave before them.  We all looked so scrawny.  The hippie hotspring sorts and me the hunter.  I don’t know if they were porn stars but the men were hung like donkeys and the women voluptuous.  I just like the story.  It was always a great time camping and I took selfies with my self timer.  The purple thong in all the cammo shots.  

When the Meager Creek Bridge went out I stopped coming up here.  I moved my hunting to the north and east.  Laura and I came up and we had a moose running along with us. Then we had the tent in the truck and she was anxious about grizzly. I’d told her there weren’t any only to have the big sign warning about grizzly.  I decided too I didn’t like the steepness of this place. I’d climbed these mountains before dawn and waited up high only to think there was just too much perpendicular.  

Now I’m back and it’s a bit chilly being so high in the mountains. I left Vancouver and it was hot.  This is exercise and good to be out of the city. Madigan is having the time of his life.  Off leash at the campsite and riding about on the quad.  He’s a character.  

I had Starlink last night but today it’s not connected. I’ve had the generator and charged my iPads and iPhone. I couldn’t find the satellite phone and brought the Garmin but other than having it for an SOS I’ve not figured out how to put in contacts.  

I didn’t sleep well last night with all the energy drinks and coffee but I did dream of bear.

Kevin and Anna and the God kids were behind me on the way up getting to Pemberton just after me. That’s when I lost them. I was really wanting to get set up before dark and while I could still concentrate. A long day.  They didn’t make it to this campsite. I looked for them on the quad last night. Then this morning I asked some native campers if they’d seen the family of 5 children.

« You must be Dr. Hay.  They told us to look out for you describing the quad and dog.  They said they were going to Gold bridge for the day but would be back at the campsite at night.

I’m glad . I bought way too much food along with watermelons and more meat and I really want to pass it on. I’d already bought 9 steaks which I’d left for Anna saying I’d like a steak dinner cooked for me. I’ve been cooking all my own meals and tiring of the barbecue routine coupled with either pizza, chinese or barbecue chicken.  I really wanted a home cooked meal done by someone else. I was spoiled by my neighbours chicken noodle soup.  I miss Laura’s elk hash which was to die for.  Now I’m enjoyin cold cuts.  Montreal smoked meat and angus beef with mustard and Cobbs bread has been the latest fad.

The tea is great.  

When I met up with the Bustards, they’d shot a black bear. They were heading home in the morning. I decided to come back on the Duffy Lake Road through Lilooette. I stayed a night in Telte Yet campground in Hope before dropping off my camper and trailer in Chilliwack. What a weekend for adventure and views. A lot of exercise and definitely a break from routine.

Commercial Street Saturday

I love Commercial street for the sights. Madigan loves it for the smells.  Lots of people and dogs from all walks and all breeds.  `I’m having a cafe late and grilled cheese sandwich. It’s an open weekend.  I walked Madigan ,meditated this morning then attended a on line professional recovery meeting. We talked of tribe and family and belonging.  Now I’ve just come from seeing Dr. Ready, my chiropractor and my back and neck feel better. 

This grilled cheese sandwich is delicious. A young woman with spectacular breasts just walked by.  They were prominent but the attraction was the firm ‘jiggle’.  If I guessed it was the breasts and not the bra. An early dissappointment as a pre teen boy was the promise of x ray glasses that would see through clothing.  It seemed they were advertised in every action comic book and one of my friends insisted they were a scam.  Besides we weren’t interested in skeletons. More soft tissues affiondos from afar.  We’d first been excited by Sears Catalogues, then black and white true detectives and finally the Playboys of an older brother brought out from his under mattress stash to be shared about for a glimpse.  These pictures were so very different from the girls in our class who were only just blossoming.  We were riding bikes and talking more about fishing

Now I’m on Davie Street still looking at women as exotic birds.  I’m interested in fashion too, the plumage, and the projection. What is she trying to say with her choice of colour, jewelry, bag.  Commercial street is popular with lesbians. Is she a lesbian? Is she a spy?  Is she an actress, drug addict, doctor or lawyer?  I like the variations.  Used to enjoy people watching with lovers and the Paul Simon song, off to search for America.  

The story teller in me makes up scenarios.  I’m geriatric so I’m not the object of romance in the comedy. I laugh at my writer friends who are in their 70’s and 80’s yet write love stories of robust 20 year old. Our memories or dreams or wishes.  I chuckle at the stereotypes that run through my mind, flotsam from a varied past.

My fiend walking dogs with me tells me he met a neighbour who asked where his wife was and he told him ‘his husband was at home.”  “He’s not talked to me since”. I laughed annoyed at the predjudice but then thinking how I objected to hearing from my Parisian friend that Hijab wearing women had assaulted the French girls in bikinis on the beach, I am so disappointed by the pro Palestinian college LGBT and feminists.  Israel is the bright light of liberty in the Middle East but the university political departments are hundreds of years out of date mired in the Marxists fantasy world. Canadian media is offensive. I’ve just read a few books of history, the latest and up today and even on on climate change by a leading geologist.  Books are so much more informative than censored social media .  

It’s a sunny day. I’m loving the views. A woman with a name tag on her purse asked if she could take Madigan’s picture. I said yes but he didn’t wish to sit still. Now I’ve finished the grilled cheese he wants to walk and piddle and sniff.

I dropped off my laundry in New West before coming here.  They say it will be ready Tuesday.  I do my own laundry but after the cleaning ladies changed the sheets a couple of weeks and some towels gathered up I didn’t feel like doing a laundry since I’ve not a lot of room for drying.  

I actually had this weekend figured for doing a medical legal report I spent all day doing yesterday and completed.  It just needs an edit for typos and page numbers which I ‘ve asked the staff to do.  That’s given me two ‘free’ days. I’m committed to reading and doing the homework for my Oxford Ritual and Religion course. I believe the secular religion of addiction is tied to ritual and enjoying this course as thought provoking.  It appears religion increased the cohesiveness and survival of groups.  That’s cerntaly consistent with the failure of communism, the main religion of aetheism, very good at destruction but poor at creation.

It’s Mother’s Day. I should get gifts for the main girls I know who also happen to be mothers and grandmothers.  Amazon is good for that.  I do miss my mom.  She was amazing and the older I get the more I wish that I just made the space to spend time with her. I could have taken her for lunch more. I remember she loved when I did that.  She loved going out for dinner with Dad and anyone else in the family. I appreciate that now, her joy in the family and being part of creation.  I am a loner I admit but do appreciate those experiences of togetherness. We’re born along and die alone though we are not alone given the spiritual yet it’s the connections that count. I miss those who I became close to who have died. I miss George a lot, and there are others. They come into my mind and I remember that grief is like a passing cloud. It helps me appreciate the sunny days more,

Today is a sunny day.  I like when I can sit on a street like Commerival and watch interesting people passing. I loved Ireland for this.  My joy in travelling is really about experience the place and writing about it.  I remember in Gr 3 studying geography and having the task of writing letters home to our parents.  

Adell, my sister in law, is sorting and cleaning up in anticipation for a move to a smaller space. She’s been going through my aunts slides which apparently havent’ weather time too. well. I loved that my aunt travelled and sent gifts from far reaching places , like the camel from Cairo.  She used to take slides and show them to her church friends on her return .  A night of Aunt Sally’s slides.  I remember Dad’s super 8 movie nights of family vacations.  I am truly blessed to have had my family and the child hood I did with such loveing incredible people.  

Laura texts me her walks with her sisters Australian sheep dog Molly.  Molly bolts after squirrels and pulls Laura after her sometimes airborn sometimes dragged along behind her.  She told me she preferred Madigan because he’s smaller.  He can be stubborn too but there’s only 20 lb of him and Laura can match him in the weight and muscle class. He mostly dominated us with attitude.

New week I’m hear and rabbit hunting. I dropped off Steaks for the camp fire with Anna so she could figure what she’d want for the kids.  

Some young guy is styling with a hat I’ve only seen on Afghan elders.  It’s a young street, this Davie.  That’s a lot of the attraction.  All age but more young adults than old adults. I’m at an age where my cohort is dying off.  I ‘m looking forward to returning to Europe and seeing the older folk those who fought off the fascists.  There’s a pragmatism in those I meet there that’s no as present in the easily swayed urban intellectuals here.  Maybe it’s just young all over. Churchill saying, if you’re not a socialist at 20 you have not heart but if you are not a capitalist at 40 you have no brains.  I’m thinking there’s a need for the soulless like Trudeau who is pushing euthanasia under the euphemis MAID for the elderly.  When the old have only cockroaches infested basement suites food banks and waitlists for health care Trudeau’s ignorance and arroaganc wand mismanagement of the economy makes MAID seem okay for the old.  I’m at times troubled by the future he promotes but am hopeful as Canada before this attempt to turn it into the third world has a history of care for the old unlike the utilitarian communist who use prisons to collect body parts for their elites. We’re still pretty good in Canada and elections may still work.  

An obese woman has fallen and several folk have come to assiste her.  She’s not old but does represent the issues of our society where the problems are those of excess.  Drugs is the issue here.  Wealth for excess.  Yet homelessness and problems of isolation and joblessesnes with loss of purpose.

I’m blessed it’s family friends, a dog, and today time to observe.  

In a couple of week I’m taking Laura to Harrison Hot Springs. I’ve done this dozens of times over many years and we’ve always enjoyed the mini vacations in the hot springs, great dinners and rustic walks along the lake with the dogs.  

Life is good.  I’m thankful.  God children. Nephews. Colleagues.  I was at church last week and most likely will be at St. Barnabus tomorrow. I’ll be going to the symphony again in time.  

Thank you.

Another day

It’s another day.  Not just another day. But another day. I’m grateful to wake. Usually Madigan is staring at me or jumps on my chest. Today he jumped on my chest.

It’s been a good week.

I’ve begun my course on Ritual and Religion through the Oxford on line university. They’ve done a superb job of course organization. I am enjoying this though it’s 10 hours a week I didn’t previously have.

I’m still working.  A couple of half days a week in clinic and the rest Virtual.  4 days a week. I’ve too many reports and a couple of court cases which I don’t particularly care for any more. I used to have an office with a couple of assistants and all manner of research material and my records were paper files. I saw more individuals more frequently and knew them more. I didn’t do indendent assessment work just these medical legal reports for patients I’d seen.  Court appearances and the potential for riches might appeal but I didn’t like the adversary dichotomy. In the clinic I wrestle with God and Nature.  It’s not speculative. If I do the wrong thing the patient dies.  The court is all about money and while I appreciate that it’s not health.  I made life decisions specific to health and God. Countless times I was blessed with the opportunity to choose wealth but rather chose truth and curiosity and freedom and God.  I’m not sure it was right looking back.  I admire my lawyer friends and the accountant, all those who made different decisions while I muddled along healing. Ironically real money is at a distance from people and ill health. The worried well have the money too so there’’s real wealth in treating the rich than the poor who have been so often devastated by their diseases. I supposed being raised Christian and taught to admire charity and altruism had a lot to do with it.  I meet folk who think they are clever financially and that winning is having the most.  I don’t mix well with them. They think I’m a fool.  They treat me like a useful pet.  I’m happier alone.

Now I’m up another day as I work more and more at one day at a time, trying to focus on the day and on God.  I want a spiritual path but don’t see that as stoicism but rather as awareness and presence.

I enjoyed work last week. I actually mostly do enjoy work. It gives me purpose and meaning and organization to my day as well as allowing me to have the occasional luxury.

The latest luxury was the Black Creek Siberian Semi Automatic Rifle.  Wacko Trudeau outlawed my semi auto rifle.  I bought a bolt action replacement but didn’t really like it that much.  I love my bolt action Ruger 3006 I’ve shot all the moose and deer and bear with. The semi auto Ruger Mini 14 I’d had was my rabbit rife.  I didn’t shoot a rabbit last year despite seeing them in the distance.  The semi auto Mini had been able to get them at the distance and I’d have a second shot if needed if they were running.  A semi autho 22 works fine when walking but they bolt when they hear the quad I’m riding on. I like riding about on the quad. It’s hurts me to walk especially on uneven surfaces.  Grouse and rabbits feed along the roads.  After last year when I had the accident with my quad feeling more the limitations of age I ‘ve made a decision to know someone in the area where I’m hunting in case I shoot big game where I can’t get it out of the woods.  I worry about slipping and breaking a hip or twisting an ankle. I can hope a deer will walk across the road but rabbit and grouse are fun and Madigan and I like cursing slowly about he back woods. I take my telephoto camera as well for birding.  

Kevin has been singing the praise of the International Shooting Supply store in his area.  If it hadn’t been for that I might have gone to Reliable where I’d bought my last rifle , the Winchester Model 70 300 win mag short called the Coyote.  I also might have stopped at Cabelas for convenience as we drive by there to go hunting and have bought lots of clothing and supplies there.  Recently their ammunition stock has been depleted and the staff have been a bit surly and disinterested.  I didn’t like the factory feel and wondered if they’d be introducing self check out any time soon. I really prefer the personal touch with firearms and stores like Italian and Relaiable are old time family businesses.  Kevin says International is such. He’s cone to know Scott who I guess is manager or owner.  He sings his praises.  

I certainly was impressed because though I’d researched the Kodiak I didn’t even know of the Siberian from another Canadian arms producer and dealer.  It turned out the Siberian was what I wanted because it was sturdier and more reliable than the Kodiak though a couple of hundred more.  I like it. I’m tough on my rifles on the quad and in the back woods so I really appreciate sturdy and reliable.  Certainly my Ruger’s have been that.  Now I’m the proud owner of a Siberian that is one tough rifle. It’s actually the most military appearing rifle I’ve had. I wanted Canadian made and it’s Canadian made.  Trudeau our prime minster who has turned out to be a corrupt lying traitor with really erratic attitudes playing to the effete cafe society of Montreal and Toronto while screwing everyone else.  He attacked the Freedom convoy of truckers and celebrated terrorists and illegal immigrtant and BLM Marxist millionaires doing damage to the city.  His father was a card carrying communist intent on destroying English Canada and now his son is a living nightmare of stupidity and petty meanness. He’s a well known coward and everyone in the country , farmers and working folk, figure they need to paint their shot guns pink or he’ll think they’re an assault rifle.  Fortunately he’s bullied the American gun industry but been less offensive with the Canadian gun industry.  So I figured missing my semi auto for rabbit hunting this year I’d get a Canadian made one.  So now I have this rifle that might well be used by armies these Canadian gun producers supply to.  Canada however has taken a Colt and makes it here for it’s troops.  

Victor a vet I am blessed to know given his fortitude and resilience in face of adversity , an inspirational man who hunts as well, was kind enough to guest me to the Chilliwack Rifle Range I’d last belonged to 20 years ago.  

The first shot I took didn’t hit paper at 25 yards.  Victor had his spotting scope on the target and kindly spun the elevation dial and brought my shot up to where it was hitting in the paper.  I just kept plunking and he kept adjusting till I began getting groups in the bullseye.  He then took out his pistol and began plunking bulls eyes at the target beside mine.  I was laughing at that .  He was more acuragte free standing with a pistol than I was with a rifle. I didn’t do so good at 100 yards but brought out my Winchester 300 and did hit in the bullseye though I was tending to pull to the left a bit.  

There were a couple of other guys at the range and we were all responsible with the lights , no one outside the shooting areal when the red light was on.  I collected the targets when we agreed to have a green light break.  Sunny day.

We gathered up out gear after Victor’s wife called to say that Madigan, my dog, we’d left in his garage was wailing and crying.  He suffers separation anxiety.  It was a good day and frankly I was tired.

“A nice way to have a quiet afternoon,” Victor said as we drove back in his Ram truck. Madigan was glad to see me. I was thankful my new rifle worked just fine. It had been a great day and I thanked Victor.  He’s still working on his harley trike trying to outfit it for mounting and riding since his latest leg surgery.  Despite a major accident years ago he just keeps on soldiering through pain and tough times. He uses a cane now so thanked me for putting up the targets because he finds that trekking back and forth on the range burdensome.

He waved as I headed home. Madigan and I in our truck with a new rifle that was sighted in and definitely good for the 25 to 50 yard range. Thankfully that’s where the rabbits are found though possibly I’ll be able to become more atccurate at 100 yards though I can’t see myself needing that.  

Today I’m off to a meeting but letting the day unfold. 

Victor is a Canadian Vet I know who knows a lot about guns