I was so uplifting to see and hugs friends of decades, mentors, colleagues. What beautiful people. I loved early morning with Hal. Dick has carried on the attitude of gratitude series and I so enjoyed spending time with Tommie. Not only did we sit together in meetings and chat but we had a lunch together again. It was years ago I first had lunch with her and talked motorcycles. We’ve both ridden our Harley’s to a couple of meetings.
I was blessed to sit with John the first night. He’s such a mensch from Seattle and made me feel okay. Art was there with his son and later I’d sit with Carole in a meeting. Art is truly my hero. Over the years he’s answered some of my most troubling questions regarding work and society. His success navigating the insaniety has been inspirational. I loved seeing Hugh and Dianne, Nathan, and Jay, and especially Dave and Mary. So many of the cyberdocs contingent I meet with regularly were there and we even got together in a break out. There was Adam and Corinne and Julie and Michael from Canadas was a treat. Michael and I attend a virtual doctors meetings and yet I only came to know him here at this meeting where he shared his spiritual story and I was shocked at the profound overlap his journey had taken to mine. We laughed heartily at the detours of course.
I felt the differences melting away. All the character armour began dropping away as the days went by. I felt vulnerable and afraid and carried on. I attended the Gay meeting with David and Scott and John. It was great to see John remembering him as forever Mardi Gras. I shared the facets of myself. We are as sick as our secrets and I was able to accept all of my life rather than reject those parts. This was me. I am a totality of my various parts. As I accepted the anima and animus of Jung and opened those sexual experiences of my life, those parts I’d relegated with shame to be less whole but ordered, I found I wasn’t projecting my own negativity on those around me. I embraced my humanity and there’s and let go of the fear. Rick and Ann were new folk I met and enjoyed loving acceptance and really truly loving myself in honesty. It was a radical love, the love Jesus taught, « love your neighbour as yourself,’. I had spent so long cherry picking love and loving the limited eviction and cut off parts. I dared to change and felt myself hearing and seeing without the fear and shame,
I really enjoyed the speaks especially the CEO from Betty Ford. « You are not a victim. If you are here you are a survivor! »I loved the food too. I remember years back fearing I’d not be welcome at the banquet and anxious about who I’d sit with. I sat with so many different people and felt so welcome. Coming late once I lucked out to sit with Hugh and Dianne. What truly beautiful inspiring people. And funny. the humor in these meetings is so profound. We’re born again and childlike and foolish in our laughter.
I so enjoyed Adam’s story. He and Corinne are such beautiful people, she’s truly cover girl and the couple are like Ryan and his wife, better looking than most of the celebrities Hollywood manages. Not only did we have the biggest brains for the lot but also we had these shining people. All around the language of the heart hummed. What a spiritual wonder to be part of this tribe. I can so easily slide into self pity yet here I was reminded that the road that goes higher and higher has had to have its dips. Innocence lost. We fall and we get up. Successs is carrying on despite failure. Resilience. We talked about this.
I realized my own personal image was Whack a mole. My character defects pop up and just as I get one back down, to right size or out of sight another pops up. There I am shoving down lust, as avarice is rearing it’s head, and gluttony is in the wings along with envy. The whole crowd is ganging up on me and most of all there’s spiritual pride. Just when I think I’m a saint I realized I’m not god and I got searching humility again so maybe I can get back to learning. The arrogant are stuck and unable to learn till they accept they don’t know. There I was with my people who struggle as I do to each day be a better person than they were the day before and avoid descending into barbarism or hedonism and all the attractive distractions of modern society. We are not saints. We are seeking spiritual progress and not perfection.
I swam one day and got the worst sun burn but not on my face as Dave had leant me sunscreen and I’d chose to save my face. The rest of me was a lobster was it was just great to be in the cool water looking out at the dessert mountains under the blue sky. The whole area is the stuff of cowboys. Lots of cowboy motifs and early Mexican touches in art. I love the turgoise blue jewelry.
I didn’t sleep the last night with the sun burn and managed to get to the airport feeling really tired and dying waiting in the airport seats back and body aching. I arrived home and immediately had several bouts of explosive diarrhea and despite sleeping woke with low grade fever and total body pain. I did the no solids and only fluids and let the clinics know I’d work virtual not in person because by then others were saying they’d contracted covid the last day and on the their airplane return. I thought it was all psychosomatic and a product of not sleeping and sun burn but did accept the need for quarantine growing better each day with lingering dry cough. I was happy to finally eat solids ands and feel my life grow. I’d go from no energy to being able to feel alive again and still it seemed psychosomatic, the purge and rebirth, all the depth and enlightenment and sharing at IDAA. I’m booked for the Baltimore meeting next year. It’s a life saver and was so thankful to join cybertdocs again and see the faces and hear the words of folk I so admire.
Thank you God for this joyous experience. Thank you for Laura and Madigan and my safe home to return to and the quick recovery this week. Thank you for the sunshine and the fresh air. Thank you Lord for all your blessings. Thank you
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