Gratitude and Madigan Swollen River Walk

I chose gratitude as a title to uplift me. I slept in. I’ve done a long walk with Madigan. I’m thankful for air, and water and sunshine. I’m thankful for mind and heart. I’m thankful for Ethiopian coffee. I’m thankful for Madigan. I’m thankful for warmth

I enjoyed Wheel of Time. I loved Rosamund Pike.  I was thankful for the hot tub and swim yesterday.

I slept in this morning. 10 am. Latest I’ve slept in in a year.  I woke at 3:50.  I’ve done that this week . On my walk today I saw that the river had risen but the dike has several more feet of elevation .  I looked at in the wee hours to see if there was water in the streets.  We joked yesterday about my having my folding boat and outboard ready.

I’ve been reading of Scotland,

Adell actually found Grandad’s departure from Scotland. His birth was 1886. Dad used to say if he’d stayed he would have got in trouble for poaching salmon.  He was so upstanding here becoming the reeve but he loved to hunt and fish.  Dad loved to fish and I did in the ocean but not inland in BC.  I loved to fish in for pike and pickerel and bass in the interior.  Just never had the same success with rainbow. Loved ocean fishing, salmon and cod.

Now I’m here drinking coffee and considering a shower.  The walk was good today. Later I have the western canada docs meeting.  I meditated some. I’m feeling I’m on God’s bench in the game of life, waiting.  There’s a boredom when life is good.  No drama.  The threats at a distance.  I’m content and grateful. . All my problems are Cadillac problems. I love that I’ve paid the flights for the vacation and now have next the cost of hotels and major costs are taken care of I just need to keep working and saving and putting some away for the lack of income during my time away.  Work is hard. It’s draining.  Dispirited people and amongst them a soul sucker.  Rare but they are there.  They present as sad and victim but their anger is palpable.  They scare me and it’s eggshells to not offend them. They are searching for someone to blame and cannibalize for their poor choices.

I’ve had chicken lunch, read social media, walked Madigan again and had a billable conversation with a colleague. The rain is less. I’m puttering about.

Andrew thinks DNA test results aren’t secure enough and is concerned about family getting testing as smart devices can be targeted with family DNA. I contacted Hay Clan Geneologist to see if I could get more on grandad before I get there. Adell did a marvellous job of tracking his arrival in Canada. I passed results to Wayne Hay as one of the girls there is also interested in genealogy.

Gratitude,

Thank you Jesus.

Thank you God for this day. Thank you for my fingers and toes and Madigan.

Stormy day

Vancouver is now reconnected with the rest of Canada. The storms of the last weeks had flooded Abbotsford and Princeton and Merrit. The old Sumas Lake had reformed.  Courageous farmers and friends rescued horses and cattle. Mudslides destroyed parts of the Coquahalla.  I was here.  Unaffected except for the deluge of rain.  Not cats and dogs but raining hippopotamus and dinoasuras.  Torrential.  Now all are ready.  Crews on hand. It’s been raining steady for two days.  The river is high and some banks have been eaten away. I walked Madigan along the river.  Again it’s not really affected me.  Sandy said her husband has stayed in Vancouver because though they have opened the road to Chilliwack it’s one lane and lots of construction, the one hour commute now 6 hours.  In my church they are gathering clothes and food for the migrant workers who are stranded, their bunk houses and the land flooded.  

Today there were some food shelves empty at Walmart. I’d been to Costco last week and there was no shortage. I’ve a fridge and freezer and cupboards full of foods.  The booster for the Covid vaccines is becoming available. I’m planning on getting mine. 

I’ve been focussed on the birthday holiday.  A conference and a trip to my grandfather’s home. I’ve just read a great detective novel, Edinburgh Twilight (Ian Hamilton series) by Carole Lawrence. I’ve downloaded the next Edinburgh Twilight.  I find reading stories like this acquaints me with Edinburgh. I’m well in to the  Bloody Scottish History 

Aberdeen by Elma McMenemy . I’m enjoying the easy read. I’ve got several on the go including Scottish Art and Modern Art , a very short introduction, by David Cottington, a really excellent read. I’m wondering about going to the Tate and the Scottish Modern art galleries.  I’ve little love for the post impressionist period overall though the impressionist and surrealists and cubists were all outsiders in their day.  I just don’t enjoy Pollock as much as Gainsborough or Van Gogh.  I really like religious art especially mother and child presentations.  I confess too that I’m delighted to have a study focus now that I’m going to be visiting art galleries again.  I like reading of history, and art, and culture.  There’ s the. Medical school I’ll be visiting and I’m looking forward to Opera and Ballet. I was able to book the opera but am still trying to get tickets to th ballet. The server failed at the last minute and I’m not certain I have them or not. It’s very difficult to call because of the extreme time difference.

I’m considering a new jacket for the trip. I’ve grown fat so the one lined shell jacket which would be ideal won’t be comfortable with a sweater under neath. I plan to buy a High land sweater on arrival for the trip but need the right jacket. I think Mountain Equipment Coop is the likely place.  I’ve taken my long leather coat out of storage and am enjoying it though I didn’t wear it last year.  There’s something to be said for storage and wardrobes.

It’s raining heavily.  I took Madigan for a walk by the river. We had yoghurt and Cobs spinach croissant . I showered and dressed . Then I drove to Dr. Reddy who did another adjustment . His last adjustment a few weeks back really improved my flexibility and mobility and took away the sharp pain I had in the right lower back. After I stopped at Staples where I sat in an office chair better than mine.  I’m think the couch is a problem too. The chair is certainly better than the jury rig office I had at the beginning of Covid.  Now I’m doing much better. I’d love when the hot tub wasn’t jet less and we had to limit the number there. I don’t want to risk going over and having to turn back. I’ve been using naproxen most days and I’m doing better. A matter of weather too.  I bought Epson 110 mobile portable printer ink. This printer is turning out to be really great.  I also bought another pen , old technology but it’s a really beautiful Cross.  There really is a market to be made in ornamental jewelled tablets.  Phone covers are fine but like the pen the actual laptop and pad and phone could be ornamented.  I’ like my iPad with rubies and engraving. My silver skull head umbrella arrived.  It will give me comfort walking in the morning and late at night as I could fend off a predator, those times being dark and the time I as an apex predator would be prowling. I worry about my little guy out on point tugging on the leash.  I want to protect him. He’s a good boy. A fine little room mate.  Pulls my heart strings.

Adell got the chocolates I sent her. Graeme is recovering. I bought some Christmas pjs for Elliott and Fin. 

I’m now at home having had sandwiches and now drinking Ethiopian coffee wondering about going out looking for a jacket thinking myself silly for doing so.  I could go for a swim or read my Scottish or art history.  I am often restless and spend too much time on the couch watching Netflix. 

__________

I ‘ve  just returned from another walk with Madigan.  Down by the river. It’s swollen and fast flowing.  The bank is out in one place and a big tree has toppled with the great roots no longer holding as the river bank was eroded. It was dusk.  I took some pictures.  I had my new umbrella with the skull handle and steel shaft.  Felt better if a cougar , coyote or bear surprised me on the path. As it was two great st. Bernards came up behind me.  Madigan and turned back and was ready to play. We know them. Still they startled me. Hadn’t heard a thing. If it weren’t for Madigan a cougar or wolf would be on us. I’m going deaf and the rain muffles sound. I used these conditions to sneak up on deer in the rain and shoot them.  I’d not like to be walking at dusk or dawn without Madigan.  I had my long leather coat on which is protection.  

I feel badly .  I was talking to my neighbour and couldn’t help but comment on all the billions that was supposed to go to ‘infrastructure spending’.  The Liberals couldn’t say where it went.  It was supposed to dredge areas and improve dikes and roads but typical of Trudeau government rife with corruption it likely went to multi million dollar gab fests of party favourites.

I was thinking of doing another step 4 around institituions.  I am resentful at ‘Trudeau”, “federal government”, the UN,  IPCC, WEF and Agenfa 21 , Davos and now the Glasgow Orgy.  Why.  Because they take my money. It doesn’t affect my self esteem or personal relationships. Obviously it can affect my sex relationships because the stupid young girls love the shallow rich stupid guys like Trudeau and all those spouting ‘politically correct ‘ propaganda and fashion.  The Nazis early got laid a lot.  But really it’s just my money that I get upset with and the though that these little psychopaths could be putting more money into science and less into parties that are no different than they were a thousand years ago.  Talk fuck fests. I’d like functional MRI’s and PET scans . I’d like more medical research and anti terrorism and less corruptions. If our leaders weren’t such twits all our tax money wouldn’t be going to these luxury scams and the drivel that flows from the central BS.  

Oh well, what’s my part in it. I didn’t vote for the little dictator or his Quebec rodent followers and the scab voters who he favoured from other countries selected for likelihood to vote 30 years in the past.  The Liberal Party and Trudeau are as out dated today as Xi Jinping.  Marxism is a maggot crawling off the dead body of communism.  My part is that I voted for Trudeau and supported Trudeau when my father and mother told me that Trudeau senior was evil or twisted. They knew the family stunk and yet I was 20 and I liked Trudeau senior. Though that carnation lovely and liked that I shook his hand on ly to find out later he didn’t like shaking hands.  I sort of grabbed it.  Then his sick son came along and I’m paying for the silliness of my youth, listening to hippy world and not asking whose paying.  Now the eggs have hatched and the chickens have come home to roost

I have ‘fear of economic insecurity’, aging now and seeing Trudeau inflation and economic mismanagement.  

Yet I’m spending,  I could be more frugal like my family.  I’m working longer than any of them. I’ve worked hard too.  I like working. I like being of service.  I’ve all I need and my anxiety and fear is future based.  God is good all of the time. I need to get to meetings.  Yet I listen to anxiety all day.  I ‘m constantly ‘lending ego ‘ and ‘reassuring’.  Still I’m blessed.  This too will pass.  

There’s a South African variant.  I’m waiting for a booster. There’s a ‘vaccine passport’ I need. I’m waiting for insurance appraisal of my injured camper. I saw the card for the people who sell yachts.  I’m putting it off. May be I’ll sail to the Caribbean or Ireland yet. I’ve the boat. All I need is crew.  But I could sell the boat and focus on travelling with RV and truck   I’m waiting to hear about the Camper bccause I’ thinking of trading my  F350 2017 8 foot box 6.2 gas engine for the 6 1/2 foot box because then I could perhaps sell my little car. I simply can’t easily drive and park in city with 8 foot box but with the new surround cameras and shorter truck I could do well. I also take the gate off to put the camper on and with the short4r box I’d leave the gate on rather than having it off most of the year.  It’s an idea.  My fears are related to the possibility that my ‘plans’ won’t come through because of inflation etc.  Fear of economic insecurity would leave us.  Well I do tend to take my will back rather than accept ‘thy will be done’.  If that’s what God wants it will happen, Like the vacation .  

The bank just reinvested a mutual fund that came to maturity today. Here I am afraid of economic insecurity and I have a ‘mutual fund’.  I can get by. I just don’t want to ‘get by’. I want to continue to have this ‘good life’. I really am grateful for this good life. I have a nice place to live, clean water, clean air, heat.  I’ve work and madigan and Laura visits. I’ve family and friends. Thank you Jesus. Of course we’re a little worried the river rising. I’ve an inflatable in the garage and a folding boat on the side.  I’ve even got a couple of outboard motors.  It’s not as if I’m not prepared. I talked to a man today whose unable to get to his home in Kelowna because the roads are closed and he’s concerned about his house and property. My problems are Cadillac problems. Like what am I going to eat to night.  I’ve chilli or kraft or I could order a pizza.   Life is okay.  

Thank you Jesus.

 

Friday, after Madigan walk and first coffee

I’m working this morning. It’s normally my day off but the work has piled up and spilt over. Frankly there’s not much else to do when the rains have been so hard and I don’t feel ambitious.  I’m happy to work and help.  There’s reason to earn money for a change, The steady reduced income took care of my needs but now I’m planning a vacation, a birthday gift for Laura and me and it’s not just the cost. But I won’t be working for weeks.  People on salary with government and corporate jobs never understand that work slaves without benefits have to forgo income to take time off.  I did like that the NDP granted 5 mental health days a year. I won’t have to lie to myself as employer and employee of my own company, that I’m physically sick to take a day off.  I can just admit to mental illness and take a day off, in my case without pay.

We walked in the dark today.  Madigan didn’t like it.  He was thinking or smelling cougar, bear and coyote. This is the feeding time of the predators.  Pre dawn. I had my pen knife.  A little key chain thing that I imagined defending myself against all monsters with. I imagined little Madigan jumping on the back of the monster only to be swatted away,If he didn’t run first and look back to see if I was following.

Nice to get the day exercise done. I have laundry too. I sort of meditated.  

My life it quite serene. Paying the rent and gas and food bills.  Much harder with the Trudeau inflation but I’m getting by. It suddenly impacts on me that other are struggling with the floods .  Sandy describing Roger staying in the city because the 100 km commute has become 6 hours each way because of the road destruction and repairs. Others are sick. I’m in my little bubble with Madigan doing one day at a time , grateful, mellow. 

Planning a trip is exciting.  I’ve been reading a history of Aberdeen.  Extraordinary. Thinking of Grandad as a boy and me meeting him as a child who told me not to chase his chickens as it would make them tough to eat.  I loved him lifting me onto the huge horses.  I was on an elephant. Percherons.  I was 5 yo.  His house was beautiful polished wood but bare. I’m here in cluttered piles , dog food bags, shoes, just a clutter. Their house was bare floors and few pictures on the wall.  Pristine and simple.  He came to Canada as a young man to build a farm and log. He did both.  He became the Reeve.  In the end the lawyer stole his land and inheritance.  Literally stole it.  Made off with the money and was never caught by the police or fellow lawyers and judges.  A thief.  He took all the money he held for so many farmers. I’d meet those affected over the years.  We understood thieves but the system of support. Judges and politicians and police and lawyers all corrupt and ‘letting this lawyer steal millions’.  When they hunted down Obama Bin Laden I knew they could have found and captured this lawyer but he was one of theirs and never caught.  I have thought of vigilante justice but believe all those who colluded to take the wealth of hard working men like my grand father are rotting in hell and their families are cursed for generations. It’s not for me to do.  In another life time these evil folk who were the core of Nuremberg will castratrf and hanging pithed frogs from the city walls.  

I’m not sure granddad care. He worked and laughed,  Hardship was a way of life for him.  I’m going to the place of his birth to walk where he walked and pray.  I’ve had a life of relative ease compared to those children of the war years and rationing and being settlers.  Today life is good. I’ve heat and water and food and am thankful.  

Dad never went to his father’s home. Mom never did either. I’ve been to the birth place of my mothers family and have just the birthplace of my fathrr’s father to visit. I expect Graeme, Andrew or Alan will go too one day. To pay homage to the settler who pioneered in Canada facing the harshness of northern Canada and making a home.  

Meanwhile I’m arranging attending a Shakespearean Opera in Edinburgh half way around the world.  The distances are so much less.  Grandad took what he knew was probably a one way ticket to the wilderness.  I’ve flown all over the world to dozens of countries and most continents.  I’ve even sailed across oceans and bicycled across continents. I wanted to motorcycle Scotland but with Covid and lockdowns and my birthday I’m taking the first opening to go to this place I’ve thought so much about .  There are many places I’d still like to visit but this was top of the list.  I want to remember Grandad.  My father’s father. A hard man as men were who survived and thrived back then.  My father, his oldest fought. Dad left as a teen but they were friends later and Grandad’s visits were usually annually maybe more and an occasion.  Grandad would come with Dad’s brothers and the whole Hay household so ruled by Mom would change.  The north would invade the south. Grandad admired Mom and she respected him.  It was though like a king coming.  I read the visits of Scottish kings and Grandad’s arrival in town was like that. Always in an new big boat of a car, an Oldsmobile I think and Dad would take the men and us for dinner. They’re talk cattle prices and logging and I’d be enthralled. A World so far away and above the city.  When we visitted the north it was a boy’s delight. I loved my cousins and the freedom. Mom would be picking her way about avoiding cow pies and puddles in her shoes before she learned to wear galoshes.  I remember her visits north and how at first she was aloof from the earthiness of the farm then she adapted becoming more relaxed and laughing more.  I never saw her ride a horse but Dad did and I rode with him.  It’s hard to imagine grandad as a young man.  I knew him old when he sat tall on a tractor and was in charge.  A king of man.

Time to get ready and go to work in my garage virtual consulting.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you heaven. Thank you God. 

Another Random Day

Madigan was lying beside me wanting to share my breakfast yogurt and granola bar. Now that I’ve begun to type, he’s left to get a stick to chew on.  I found this morning. He’d chewed another sheet. I have caught him in the act and stopped him. I’ve scolded him. I do just thinks it’s a nervous behaviour. It seems to occur when I leave him alone at home. I may get a lock for the bedroom.  Yet all his other ‘bad’ behaviours have come and gone.  He outgrows them. This is rare too.  It was a month since last time and I wondered if some food was spilt on the sheet.  

The problems of caring for the young.  Every month improvement.  He did nuzzle the nurses crotch last week.  She pushed him away kindly.  We laughed. She’s had dogs.

I’m grateful for this day. I had interesting dreams. I’m on an adventure wandering about groups of people looking for something or someone like one would in a flea market. No pressure . No stress. Just interest and curiosity.  

This morning when I walked Madigan the moon was still out waning but a haze in front of it. Still dark outside but not as cool and not raining.,  I enjoy breathing.  I can’t get enough of it.

I was thankful that Mary Lou texted me ‘see you tomorrow’ reminding me I’ve a drive to the city.  It sure helps keeping track of where I’m supposed to be. I have a calendar but don’t look at it unless there’s a problem or planning.

I included Archangel Michael, St. Thomas, St. Patrick, St. Francis and St. George in my prayers today.  Holy names are uplifting. I ask for help in my work , to know God’s will and to have the power to carry it out. I pray for compassion and protection. 

I’m concerned about finances watching my very hard hard earned savings dwindle with inflation.  I’m to meet with the bank. I’m considering trading in my truck anf with a smaller truck I can drive in the city maybe even selling my car.  I find it hard to know what to do.  Covid . Lockdowns.  Chinese war mongering.  Yesterday their nuclear planes flew over Alaska and Japan in a joint exercise with Russia.  Nuclear bomb threat again and buffoons like Biden and Trudeau in power.  It’s easy to be distracted and fear full. Floods and slides isolating the lower mainland just like my recurrent dreams of mudslides beginning decades ago. But I’m not in them so my life is blessed.  There really is no chaos today. I maintain myself worried about being overweight trying to exercise and walk and swim. I go to work. It’s a routine.  Nothing is really outside my knowledge or experience but I still have the rare psychopath anf they attempt to extort or threaten by saying they’ll complain.  Only last week a girl tried to get special attention with lies and threats so I refused to see her again .  I used to cure such girls of the manipulation and tendency to violence. They have too many allies in government. It’s likely a product of frugs and now so many beuroracrats are stoned .  I remember my Dad having to know which suppliers and workers were alcoholic.  ‘When they’re sober they’re good but you can’t depend on them.’  The same with the dope smokers . They can’t handle the stress.  I saw that in off shore storms. When I was smoking dope it was terror but when I was clean and sober much worse and more dangerous conditions were just dealt with.  

I say thank you Jesus a lot. If only for the joke Willie told me about ‘pass the butter’ and the family saying everyday things like that with the intonations of the televangelists.  Thank you Jesus is more a quiet remark and a reminder that the Creator is in charge.  I don’t want to mess it up.  I want to go with the Flow, be in the Now, let go and let gof. Thy will be done not my will. I don’t want to make it complicated. I want that attitude of gratitude. I don’t want to be a nosey Parker or critical Karen.  I really want to look to the good or look to God and resist catastrophising.  All day long I’m reassuring people whose vocal tones and emotions are nails ona chalk board.  At the end of the day I’m exhausted. It’s from lending ego and from gently disagreeing with people who want to kill themselves or extort something with threats of violence. I’m on edge all the time and in the evening I’m mentally and emotionally worn.  

Even now I’m waiting for a variety of tests long delayed to be done on patients who are more desperate with the waits,  

The sun is coming out. The overcast sky is listening. We’ve had some beautiful colours with dawn. The rains haven’t returned .  Rescuer and repairs continue It’s only a few miles away that people are without heat or dealing with flooded basements and cars.  It’s like when I was in Jerusalem and I saw the smoke on the other side of the city.  The television was showing the war zone and I was safe and warm and people were having coffee in the streets around me.  Whole towns are flooded but I’m in an island of safety hearing of the difficulties. Our church wanting clothes for migrant workers who had to flea there accomofdations with only the clothes on their backs. My other church friend feeding hundreds of displaced farmers in their church.  Here I am blessed with heat, water, refridgerator and clean clothes.  Thank you Jesus.  

Tine to go to work and hope to be of service. 

Thank you God for all your blessings. Thanks for your love and care of family and friends especially those recovering from physical health troubles. I’m at that age where so many people I know have had heart surgery or are recovered from strokes or have chronic illnesses they need to take medications for. Meanwhile my only complaint is that I have to be careful with my back twisting and lifting.  Small potatoes compared to so many others I know.  I’m in wonder at my age and quite surprised at those around me I know who are suffering so much more, their genetic package not as robust perhaps or more wear and tear. It brings one closer to one’s own mortality.  Thinking about life and death more.  Looking forward to the coming birthday. A milestone.  Each one these days has a special glow. Like milestones on Everest given all those I’ve known who have not been so blessed to come this far.  

Thank you Jesus Jesus Christ. God with in , God will come again,  Where is heaven. Within.  I am the bubble make me the sea.  The Hound of Heaven and hide and seek with God. I love seeing mothers play peek a boo with their infants.  Madigan now tearing up the yogurt container doesn’t believe I’ll return when I leave him still.  I am making a point to leave him for bits of time though I don’t know I can continue to buy new covers.  This too will pass. He’s such a good boy.  His patience grows each week.

Thank you God. 

A weekend with Laura and Madigan

The storms have passed.  Abbotsford remains flooded .The Sumas lake has returned. At one point all the routes into and out of Vancouver to the rest of Canada were blocked by flooding or landslides. The pictures of the destruction of parts of the Coquahalla were incredible.  Farmers and friends helping cows and horses to escape from islands in the valley.  Princeton and Merritt under water.  Canoes and flat boats being used on city streets.  Rescuing folk from second stories.  

The border to the US open but with the Canadian Trudeau requirement of testing to return.  Then the letting up as more backlash of sanity reaches the PM on permanent mental vacation, his wife lying about her family’s accomplishments and demanding a third nanny.  Emperor Trudeau and Marie Antoinette.  Wolfe is rolling over in his grave as Quebec allies with Saudi and fights Alberta oil while continue to expect the West to pay for the Snow Birds.  We only just learned that Quebec doctors work half the hours of the rest of Canada’s doctors.  Burn out is a western Canada problem as waitlists here increase.

Laura came with her bags on Friday giving no end of joy to Madigan.  He does pirouettes in the air when she arrives.  I hugged and kissed her and welcomed her home here while Madigan tried to hump her leg when he wasn’t vying for a three way kiss if we were on the couch on in bed.

I actually committed to the buying of air tickets for our spring vacation in the UK.  It’s a birthday present. Both of us are having momentous birthdays.  Meanwhile Madigan now one celebrated the anniversary of meeting Laura this weekend. It’s been a year.  He destroyed his bunny soft toy in celebration.  

With Covid and lockdowns I came to live only day to day, survival mode. The decision to commit to a vacation at the significant cost in these inflationary times of Trudeau greed and corruption took a lot.  When i did it though I felt like there was hope. I ‘d committed to the future. I also figured I could continue to work. I wonder about retirement.  Seeing patients and helping with my knowledge and experience continues to bring joy and a sense of satisfaction. I am thankful for the staff who address the administration issue. The government remains at arms length actually having better things to do than demoralize , humiliated and demean doctors for doing their work.  We continue without the promised resources and daily patients wake to the false promise of health care as they face more and more waitlists. 

Thank goodness Dave has a very conscientious doctor. My nephew had his heart procedure only to have a blood clot days later and a few more days in hospital.  The doctors are excellent and the nurses are too but the lack of funding and misappropriation of Ottawa and poor management means there’s holes through the system, I’m thankful when patients get good care and am glad to be there when I see they’re being overlooked.  

We did enjoy watching Tombstone last night and Jungle Cruise, the Disney fun movie with Emily Blunt.  Having done some service and felt the spiritual uplifting that comes with volunteerism I actually went to Costco for the first time since Covid.  I’ve been anxious about getting sick and taking all the precautions.  Now with a European trip planned I feel I really am motivated to be well, exercise, and sleep, with avoidance of unnecessary risk.  Costco was fine. Busy but not as much as I remembered.  There were all the fear mongering Menes on FB about shortages.  Gas prices were up and prices in general were high but there was all the meat and cheese and staples that Costco is famous for. I naturally bought more than I’d planned having mainly wanted steak and chicken and some drinks.  It was a good visit and Laura was there at the door to take the food after Madigan inspected every bag.  He came with me to park the car.

It was raining most of the weekend so we only had short walks. I had a good time arranging ballet and opera tickets overseas.  It’s like Kedging, putting this anchor into the future to get the boat of one’s life off the shore.  At least out of the shallows. I feel I’ve dived in.

The Rittenhouse Trial concluded with the boy being found not guilty. The judge agreed he shot in self defence and contrary to media coverage there was no racism. The men who attacked him were all white with horrible criminal records.  Unbelievably biased press coverage.

We also stopped by Coastal Ford to look at a new truck. I am considering trading mine in.  With a shorter box and the bigger engine of the new Super duty I could pull my Fifth Wheel within the specified parameters. I’m just on the cusp. Dave gave me a great idea of putting an extra spring in my present truck. But this one I have had to take off the tailgate when I have the Camper on. The tailgate is heavy and sits off most of the year along with the back up camera and step.  With the short box I would just put the tailgate down with the camper. My camper is in Frazerway waiting for the assessor to decide if the damage is worth fixing or if it will be written off and I’d need another camper. The question is would my camper fit the smaller box truck or would I get a smaller camper.  

These are all future oriented considerations .  It’s also a practical reason for work. I van pay for this with work rather than retirement savings. I could with a smaller truck also not need my car. I am considering selling my boat too so there’s a lot of considerations. Cadillac problems.  

I am thankful for God in my life. Daily prayer and meditation.  I am grateful for my life and reflect when I really didn’t care.  My back hurts but that’s been an off and on matter at different times in my later life. Old guys get tougher and share their back tales.  Nothing unique there.  

It was only a year or two ago that I wasn’t sure I’d want to live long but now I’m actually looking forward to life continuing. I don’t have a desire to escape from work. Working from home and part time in the office isn’t onerous and though there’s so much despair and anxiety I find the patients collectively are less aggressive .  This is even with my seeing a lot of people with addiction and psychopathy. I’ve always done the heavy lifting. Many of my patients are not wanted in psychiatric teams or in private psychiatric offices.  I’m pleased to care but refused another patient last week because she wanted perfection and was threatening blaming me for the limits of resourced that are directly the consequence of Trudeau’s corruption greed and mismanagement. 

Thankful Horgan and Dix continue to do well.It was sad to hear Mr. Horgan had throat cancer.  Hopefully he’ll recover.  So much stress.  Meanwhile Trudeau avoids any of it taking vacation after vacation when he’s not in his mothers basement appearing to have been on a run when he appears occasionally to blame Harper and Jesus for his failings.

I’m rude. I will one day need to forgive government. It was government that killed Jesus.  Yet he rose and will come again.  Hallelujah

Must get ready and go to work.  It’s a good day. Madigan and I saw Laura off and had a walk already. Now he can come with me and see his friends , Belinda and Karen at the office. He likes all the women there actually and loves meeting my patients thinking they come to play with him.  

Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah.

After the storm

I saw the kingfisher today.  He landed on branches above the river right beside me.  It was about the only day I didn’t have my camera phone or Nikon.  I felt like my ‘blue bird of happiness’ was telling me to experience my life not just ‘record’ my life. There was a time a few decades back when I put away my cameras and did that for a few years.  I like both but need balance.  It was the same with the tv. I love movies but during my unversity years I’d put the tv in the closet so that it took an effort to set up and watch, I’d also plan to watch a movie using the TV guide.  Today I’m usually eating dinner before the tv and sometimes ‘wasting’ life.  The same is with Facebook. I can idly scroll along dulling my mind to memes and images, losing the capacity to do the heavy lifting I enjoy reading scientific articles and in depth historical books.  I mostly read novels these days. I’d like to write one.  I struggle with the idea of plot.  I signed up for a novel writing class, paid and nothing happened. It may be a scam.

Now I’m trying to plan a conference holidays and fear that some of the conferences are scams.  I’ve decided to take Laura with me.  We have had some good travels together and I so enjoy her company.  Madigan and Laura are my best friends.

I am so pleased my nephews are well.

The floods have cut off Vancouver from the rest of Canada. People are worried about supplies. There’s even that toilet paper glazed look in folks eyes as they prepare to hoard. My thermostat died in the deluge of rain and wind. No reason.  I tried what I could and disconnect the ground, rebooting it. No luck.  I was so thankful that  Calvin at Travco answered my distress call. Thermostats like mine, though common, are all out of stalk. Calvin came over and installed a new generic simple thermostat like the one in the camper.  The sound the furnace coming on was music to my ears!  Cliche saying. I was stoked.  I’d had electric heat but it only keeps the place at about 67 degrees because I’ve only a 15 am fuse on that line.  I have to run my office and kitchen too. To make coffee in the Delonghi expresso machine I have to turn the electric heater off. Still I blew the circuit breaker wit the little space heater I put in the washroom.  I have to have one in my office, the garage of the toyhauler.  I really was thankful when Calvin solved my problem. I had talked to the Kevin at Adventure camper but he was held up for a week wth the storm damage in Chilliwack.  Finding a local RV repair service is so reassuring. I’d depended on Eric till he left and had anyone since.  Peace of mind.

I’ve been working a lot.  Evenings and long days. Lots of demands for letters and forms and more people with despair and cognitive difficulties.

I’m feeling better. A weekend with Laura simply was uplifting.  Madigan had a happy time too.  

I dreamed that a Colonel in the Vets was asking me not to swear as it was language ‘unbecoming an officer’.  Put that way, I think I’ll try not saying fuck again, It’s like Tourette’s or nail biting.  But I ‘ll try.  

I hear of more people retiring or dying.  I learned that the psychopath drug addict and her biker boyfriend have both died.  I believe that’s the Archangel Michael watching out for me It’s vindication but I pray always now for Christ’s protection.  The news that the College was being sued by their own lawyer was uplifting but I expect karma to do it’s job on some of the individuals there who indeed have backed and promoted psychopaths like the girl who extorted me when I fired her for doing crack on the job all when my mother died and I was grieving,  I just felt it was somehow ‘right’ when I heard Laurie was dead.  Divine justice.  Divine retribution. It’s been a recurrent theme with all those who have hurt me directly . I’m a doctor just trying to do his job helping people. I get paid for my work. It’s less than other doctors and less than other tradespeople but it’s more than others in guilds.  I have always done my best and been good and to have the college parasites suck my blood for their Marxist ideology backing psychopaths who complain because they have self loathing as doctors.  I’m transparent.  Jesus said ‘do not be afraid’.  I’m always trying to extinguish fear at it’s source.  Fear of economic security will leave us. And now this constant industry of fear mongering out of the machinations of the UN Corruption Incorporated,

I attended a UBC webinar and enjoyed hearing my colleagues sound relatively normal.  Hauling wate4r and chopping wood,

I’m certainly here in the front lines, doing the next right thing, suiting up and showing up,.  

I just roasted another couple of weeks of Ethiopian Sedona coffee beans.  I

Daryl just phoned about a new Ford F-350.  Laura and I were at Coastal talking to the manager, I’d made and enquire and Daryl has been keeping up with it.  The new gas truck has the capacity to tow this Fusion 371 forty foot fifth wheel loaded,  The engine is 7.3 whereas my 2017 Lariat edition F350 only has a 6.2 engine. This makes the towing capacity more than sufficient for this home on wheels.  Further the new truck wouldn’t have the long box which makes it impossible in city driving.  

I was meditating asking God what to do and had the idea appear that I really should sell my sailboat. That would pay for the new land adventure and living changes.  I called Thaun Vo and Gary’s Appraisals to find out if my Camper will be written off or repaired. If it’s written off I could get another very similar to match the new truck . If it’s not written off it may be better to stick with my truck which matches the camper. I need to learn if my camper weight and length would fit a shorter box too.  The fact is I’d like a new truck and in addition to my trip to UK with Laura that would be a pretty good Christmas and birthday present.  I’d probably finance it and I don’t like ‘owing’ but the fact is even though the investment is depreciating its no difficulty working to have that $1000 a month going out to financing.  This Fifth Wheel is still being paid off and the Camper was almost paid off and the truck was paid off along with the vehicles. I have enough i the bank to pay out the costs but there’s no real advantage now as the ‘mortgage’ are such low interest.  I find mysel thinking I’ll work another 5 years too but I have this real hankering to take 3 months off and drive around the US and Canada in the camper with the dog and maybe Laura ….it’s really the inspiration of Travels with Charley. But add Laura because she’s a good companion, 

I want to write but blogging is all I seen to do now because it doesn’t require sustained focus.  I’ve over a million views but view meters keep resetting or dropping tens of thousands of view. I’m almost again at 1 million and said I’d rearrange my blog into separate lines of 

Journal

Psychiatry

Spirituality

Travel

Etc

I’d like to publish some books and write some novels and even sit in a library and research and write serious treatise on a particular subject from work.  That’s always been my dream, like wintering in Arizona or New Mexico and summering in northern Canada. 

I’ve work to do today.  I really should move along,  Laura’s coming over and Madigan is chewing a bone after his river walk.  

thank you Jesus.

Storm has passed

A deluge hit BC this weekend. 200 mm of rain in two day.  Flooding all around.  Princeton and Merritt hit worst.  The river overflowed in Princeton. Pictures on television of the flood streets and your favourite little cabins by the bridge and riverside with water up to their windows.  A little house Laura and I loved also with water to the window ledge. Folks canoeing down the street.  Merritt fully evacuated and aerial views of the town of islands of houses in the midst of a Great Lake.  

Here it rained so heavily for days I couldn’t remember such a downpour. I pulled in my awnings when the wind came up yesterday. A barge broke lose and beached near Burrard Brdige which was closed off with fears the barge would come lose and smash into it. I drove to the clinic and worried for my car going through a few feet off water at the intersection in front of Cariboo Church.   Many streets were flooded and closed.  Facebook was full of pictures.

Laura stayed over another night worried her little Smart Car wouldn’t get home given the flooding in her neighbourhood and the closing of streets.  Madigan and I were happy. Madigan didn’t even want to go for a walk and when he did with Laura he almost ran home, she said, a branch of a tree broke off in the wind startling him.

My propane heater thermostat simply died late afternoon yesterday. I called a ‘just answer’ tech who walked me through disconnect the ground wire to see if that would reset it but it didn’t. I’ve been calling TLC for a repairman to come out. I want a manual on off switch added so I won’t be without central heat if this happens again. Right now the electric heater is mainting the heat at 65 but frankly after the tropics I’m comfortable more at 74. I’m feeling like I’m back in Winnipeg or England where I wore sweaters whenever I was home. I threw on another comforter on the bed so we were warm last night. I’ve an electric heater for the office so will get by but right now I’ve the propane stove on to add more heat so I can sit in a tshirt without the sweater.  To make coffee I have to turn off the electric heater as I’ve already once had to reset the circuit

Laura’s SMART car was frosted up this morning. Sunshine and blue skies.  I helped scrape her windows before leaving with Madigan for his morning walk This weekend we began planning for my birthday trip to Aberdeen where Grandad is from.  The High Lands.  I’ve only been to Glasgow and Edinburgh and during Covid lockdowns I found myself regretting most never getting to the birthplace of my Dad’s dad. It had been such a thrill to find the graves of my great grand parents in the birthplace of my mother’s grandfather. I never thought of genealogy young but appreciate that Adell has become interested too. We’d never have found Mom’s grandparents home were it not for the initial ground work of Ron and Adell.  

We’re planning on coming home through Paris to see the Louvre. That’s been another regret. The line ups were too long when I was in Paris so I didn’t go Now with the love and joy I experience visiting museums and galleries I’ve regretted not going,. So another possibility. A gerontology conference in Liverpool or a pharmacology conference in London at that time beckons too.

I’m excited by the prospect.

I’m waiting to learn whether my Camper can be repaired or will be written off. If it’s written off I’d trade in my truck for one with a short box and get a smaller camper to accommodate it. I expect I’ll sell the sailboat as well since I’m less intrepid about sailing and have enough land adventures with camping that appeal to me.

It’s been fun communicating with Wayne, my cousin so I’d love to visit the family there. Thought to run out on the motorcycle but probably would do better to drive out with camper and truck.  I like that I have dreams for the future. With Covid and lockdowns and threat of war and Trudeau sharia communism traitorous alliances I feel I’ve been just living day to day fearing war or more corruption. The inflation is offensive and the globalist Agenfa 21 and Davos plans frightening. I had hope when I saw that the WEF founder was arrested for fraud.  The news is all so dark I avoid it and yet I’m affected by it So many people in despair and the world on hold.

Yet the sun came out this morning. The sun always comes out.  The rains have stopped.  I enjoyed work yesterday , going to the clinic , seeing people. I loved Laura being over.  I become to isolated at times.  Company is good. I say we’re ‘herd animals’ or a ‘pack ‘ at best.  The old rabbi’s said ‘a man without a woman is not a man’. I enjoy when Laura is here. I don’t feel the need to be all things.  Some integration occurs.  But a dream and an adventure sure give lift and focus to life.  I haven’t a clue what will come after.

I’ve been enjoying the lives of my nephews. Glad that Graeme is doing well, that Andrew Tanya Finn and Elliott are thriving, that Alan and Meagan have their own place, that Alan has a new job and Adell has her place back to herself so she can continue with her projects.  

It’s still chill.  Madigan is whining and beside himself. He ‘s like this whenever Laura leaves.  I’m not nearly as much fun as the two of us together.  He’s fussing.  I have to get ready for work even if I do work from home.  

I have a UBC CME on Covid tonight so that should be enlightening.  I have so enjoyed the UBC virtual  CME.  Given the misinformation and disinformation that is so widespread about Covid and the politics around the vaccines I’m having difficulty responding to the anxiety I’m hearing and the confusion given the lack of congruence of the leadership and elite. Nothing is more haunting as the picture of the idiot PM at a BLM rally while churches were closed and kids were fined for playing hockey.  Having been through the Aids epidemic as an emergency doctor I can say with certainty no politicians were seen shooting up or leaving bath houses bragging about not using condoms.  I’m vaccinated and recommending it but naturally the paranoids are quick to point out the hipocracy of the national government leadership.  I am so thankful that our local leaders have been responsible.  

I just got my flu vaccine at the clinic too.

Time to move along.  

Thank you God for all your wonders and blessings. Thank you Jesus. Thank you God for the sunshine and blue sky today. Thank you for Laura, and Madigan and family and friends. Help them to be well. Be with those who have suffered most with these storms.  Thank you for your love and protection.  Hallelujah! God is good.  

Burnaby Lake - Madigan Walk

Laura and I took Madigan for a long walk around Burnaby Lake.  There was a break in the rain.  Always welcome in November. Madigan and I loved to have Laura visit again. She’s so comfortable to be with and Madigan adores her. She was happy and peaceful despite the stress of the work and times. The walks do us good.  Covid lockdowns have definitely impacted our tendency to sedentary life style.  Thinking back on the last two years we’re glad we survived.  We’re at an age where friends are dying. 

Later we watched Clint Eastwood’s Cry Macho, a touching story of family and the hope of old age romance and love.  

I”ve made bacon sandwiches and expresso coffee this morning.  Madigan hardly wanted to leave her side in bed to come for his walk with me. She’s having her shower now. Like her security guard he inspected the washroom before leaving to lie outside the door, his nose at the crack, waiting.  

We didn’t attend the Remembrance Day ceremonies.  We reflected on the veterans we knew, said prayers and gave thanksgiving.  Friday I worked most of the day. Now it’s Saturday.  All that’s planned so far is a mall visit.  I feel we ought to do something ‘special’ so we’re planning another walk while rain holds off.  I was impressed to see Kevin who left some smoked bear before drove his family to Boston Bar and back. They’ve been hunting every weekend.  I stop with the snow now.  I’ve been thinking of trading in my truck and even though I have an ATV I just cringe at all the times winter and fall hunting I’ve slid off the road, sometimes despite chains, and with or without the winch succeeded in getting the truck back on the road and down from the mountains.  I so much prefer early fall hunting if only because I love that season and the joy of being out in the woods then. 

Friends mentioned cross country skiing and I miss it.  Dr. Lam and I used to cross country ski on Grouse and Cyprus. It was his routine and he graciously invited me along.  I loved cross country skiing.  Madigan unfortunately isn’t welcome on the slopes.  I don’t miss downhill skiing though I did black diamond for a year. It was a ‘party’ . I miss dancing though and hope to do more of that.  Again having a puppy limits the city activities. I simply love his company and those things that exclude dogs don’t have the same appeal.  As he’s older I’ve left him for a few hours.  Encouraging him to be a guard dog. He does have a bark and thieve avoid all dogs regardless of size.  While he’s young though I worry about thieves stealing him.  He’s more formidable now though still quite timid. He likes to play with our neighbour Mack and go for walks with his little love Bella and Peter, Emory and Dave are great companions too. Then there’s Milo.  I love his little world of friends.  We’ve had as many as four adults and four small dogs walking together around the neighbourhood.  When I had Stuart on the boat there was a group of us who went outside in the early morning to throw ball for the dogs, chat and drink coffee in covered mugs,  I was at the dog park with Madigan but there has always been some owners with dogs with dominance issues reflecting their owners inferiority complexes.  Madigan is shy there.  He just met a wonderful Poodle cross Bernice, called Jack.  It takes a long time to know the names of the owners and so commonly we think of people as ‘Jacks dad’. It was teh same in boat world where we knew people by the name of their boat.  I was the captain of the GIRI.  

I’m thankful for this life despite the day to day uncertainty in the world and at this age.  Being ‘past’ conventional ‘retirement age’, as I say, ‘over my shelf life’, the question of what to do next persists almost like my time at the end of high school.  I’d love to do a three month walk about to pray and find what God wants me to do next.  Yet I really like being here, the friends I have, the work I do, Laura’s visits and our time together,  

I keep thinking of selling my boat not more wanting to do land travel in North America rather than cross the Atlantic or sail south to the Caribbean.  I loved driving my Harley through cowboy country to Sturges.  The idea of taking the circle tour through the central and south east US seeing the sites of the early settlements, the sites of the Civl War, Liberty bell, all of that is appealing. I sometimes think of travelling across Canada if only to visit family in the north and to hunt and fish but I’ve crossed back and forth across this country several times and I’ve never been to the Ozarks.  I like the idea of Mark Twain and Mississippi and Shenandoah and so many sites that I’ve read and heard of all my life but never visited. I’ve been to so many American cities but often only staying in town for the conference I’m attending.  It’s the little towns that attract me more now.  

My Camper is being surveyed again for the damage claim that occurred when I was leaving the camper for the repair for the first damage claim. I believe the first one weakened the base which caused the bottom crack.  I’d like to travel in the camper and truck.  My fifth wheel is too big for exploring,  I imagined it at as southern home. My dream was 3 months in Arizona for winter and the rest of the time in Canada.  My friends have moved to Mexico in retirement enjoying the heat and Pacific Ocean.  I thought of that when I lived there a year, the idea of La Paz and my boat as a base there while I flew around the world doing locums. I’ve had so many dreams and plans but get settled in comfortable routines. Yes, the good may compete with the best but I’m satisfied and thankful today.  

So I muddle on praying to God to show me the way then rejoicing in weekends like this with Laura and Madigan here in Vancouver when the rain has let up and we have a reprieve from the constant of work with all it’s increasing demands and the ever present authorities standing back from the front lines armed with guns to shoot any of us that fall short of their committee perfections.  Canada has become a country whose leaders lead from behind. I miss the days when we had sterner more ethical stuff with less arrogance and more humility.  

My mind though is a garden and I can focus on the weeds or the flowers and I wish to enjoy the flowers today.  Laura has come out from her shower and Madigan is excited playing with his ball and chasing his tail.  Time for me to get back to the real world and ready myself for our next adventure.

Thank you God for this life, for all your blessings.  Thank you for the birds tool

 

Remembrance Day 2021

Nov. 11 was a big day in my childhood. We all wore poppies.  In Flanders Fields by Major McRae was recited every year.  

My father’s RCAF suit from WWII hung in the closet. We had the clock on the mantel hanging between two spitfire cartridges dad had salvaged from a crash. He was a Spitfire mechanic and bombardier. His favourite story was learning to drive in the Rockies when told to take a jeep down the mountain and bring back supplies.  Dad was the greatest man I’d ever known. I didn’t know it when I was a child. I had to grow old and realize.  I suppose I loved my mom and dad as best I could. I wish I’d done more.  I did cause them grief and concern.  Not surprising I became a psychiatrist, the black sheep in the family.  My brother was my father’s favourite and grew to be his friend.  I was the baby.  They all loved me. Even the dog loved me.  I was different though.

When we were having drills during the Kennedy Missile Crisis, kneeling along the walls, our foreheads to the floor, ready to kiss our ass good bye, I’d asked ‘what about radiation? ». The pretty little elementary teacher burst into tears, spun like a top ,her hands to her face and off she went down the hall running, her high heels clackety clacking. . Back came the big dark suited principle saying, « Billy, you’ve upset your teacher. Don’t ever do that again. ». She stood in the protection of his false bravado.  But no one answered my question. As children we knew the adults were really afraid then.

Except my father. He’d turned the root cellar into a sort of bomb shelter.  Nothing was done except he put a large jug of water in there

. « I couldn’t put a door in that room I built or the city would have taxed me for another room. ». Now he hung a blanket over the door and called it ‘our bomb shelter’. All mom’s preserves were there already.  The full sized freezer where he kept deer and moose he shot was just outside the door.

« I don’t know, Billy, I guess we’ll have to face that when we come to it. ». I could tell he was a little scared too.

Dad had been in war but didn’t go overseas.  His service was across Canada.  Mom said he’d been through the depression before the war and saw men starving. In the service she said he  saw men burn in crashes. He didn’t talk about those things with us kids.  Mom comforted him.  After the war he told me the men in the services decommissioned   and looked for work that was scarce. He was scared then as he told me.  Looking away to the right, remembering tough times.  « I was glad I got work with Morris Crâne.  A lot of men didn’t.’  They lived with my mother’s parents till after I was born before they could afford a home of their own.  That was 5 years.  

Dad put on his uniform and marched each Remembrance Day. When he visitted me in Vancouver after Mom died, in his 90’s, he was so proud to sit with the few remaining men of WWII given seats in front at the Vancouver Epitaph.  I’ve been proud of my Dad so many times but that was one when I felt tears on my cheeks sitting there. The RCMP had come out in force that day in their red serge.  Canada’s flag was communist red, a maple leaf, the legacy of Pierre TRudeau, the evil little coward my father loathed.

I was liberal when I was young affecting a pipe and talking to him about politics.  Thinking I knew more.  My parents voted Conservative or NDP but not liberal.  I was teaching at the university at the time.  « Bill, for a man who can be very smart and has done well in school and is a good doctor, you still can be very stupid.  You don’t speak French and you don’t live in Eastern Canada.  Liberals have done nothing for Western Canada. ». He said

Looking back now I can see that Trudeau was a communist serving Quebec and the communist agenda of global war. At the time I thought he was intellectual. At the time I was an intellectual.  Today like my father I know the limits of talk and say ‘if you talk the talk, walk the walk ‘or ‘show me, don’t tell me’.  Dad liked other vets since they weren’t fooled by slick politicians.  He was a very discerning man. « You can’t believe half of what the politicians say, son. » he told me.  

I could tell Mom and Dad were concerned about the propaganda I was being fed in school but there was nothing they could do about it.  Mom was a Baptist and she’d say she lost me to ‘lust’. The fact was I was never the same after I knew the wonder of women and beyond reason when passion was an alternative.

I was afraid of war too. I was afraid of being maimed.  I remember at the end of high school when I went off to march in peace marches and sang ‘All we need is love’, I was afraid. I remember my friend Kirk and I wondering if the Vietnam War would go global and we’d be called up to be soldiers.  I often think that Vietnam had something to do with Kirk becoming a monk and guru and me becoming a doctor. I actually worried I’d be maimed or I’d like killing. I’ve never worried too much about dying. When I had a calling into medicine it seemed to resolve the dilemna I faced. I liked working the same with everyone too, not making a decision outside the medical as to who deserved what care first.  I was a Christian to my roots. The unknown stranger was always Jesus. Every patient was like family. I was the prodigal son and my father and brother were in the story.  My life was one for service and I was most honoured and thankful when I was  a consultant to Veterans Affairs helping Vets.  I listened and recorded their tales and saw the military take care of their own over and over again.  

I never felt I belonged.  I loved when Dad would over and over again make instant friends with other vets, a band of brothers.  The service tested a man. You learned the mettle.  Dad admired courage and didn’t care for shirkers.  

I’m too old to serve now. I couldn’t carry an 80 pound pack or do a military obstacle course even if they gave me all day.  During the Cold War I dreamed of Cummunist Russian troops in white snow gear on our Winnipeg lawn and Dad taking his cowboy 30;30 out of the gun case and covering a window, my brother taking the 12 gauge shot gun covering the door and me with the 22 and the dog. All of us would defend Mom from home invasion by godless Communists. 

Later I’d become a wilderness doc and learn advanced survival skills, marksmanship and sniper skills shooting deer and Moose at 400 to 600 years with my Ruger 30:06.  I felt like it was important to be prepared,  Boy Scouts had taught me that. Working as a flyin doctor in the north and sub arctic and living in the rural communities I learned the limits and arrogance of government.  Self reliance is unknown in the urban centres but rural Canada is a different kettle indeed.

I miss my Dad. I miss my brother.  I miss my friend Dr. John Christensen who rode in cattle drives and motorcycled to sheep stations. I miss Vivian my aboriginal priest friend. My uncle married aboriginal Annie.  I miss them.  I miss George and Bernie and Hank .  My grandparents, uncles and aunts, parents and brother are all gone.  I feel alone at times.  I thank the men who like my Dad served because my life has been free of war. I worked for Refugee services and listened.  Communist Broadcasting Corporation, the CBC of Montreal and Toronto, is just not present when it comes to the truth I hear from soldiers, refugees and survivors from conflicts around the world.  

Bill Gates said that the greatest thing that happened to him was being born in the Pacific Northwest. For me it was being born in Canada after the war when the men who had served were respected and valued in Canada before the cowards of Quebec attacked Canada at it’s core with their Marxist weapons of betrayal and deceit, gas lighting the nation.   

Today Canada seems more a Quebec province with Sharia Communism as the values of Ottawa.  26 churches were recently burnt to the ground at the last count.  The government does nothing but if an aetheist government building, a synagogue or a mosque were burnt to the ground there might well be martial law.  We have the most unethical leader in history , a stoner snowboarder who likes little girls and lies like a politician.  My brother said « I’ll die if we have another liberal government «  And the second greatest man I knew died.  

Meanwhile the Security Council of the UN, America, China, Russia, France and England, are the principle arms dealers in the world.  They make war and profit from war and the construction after war.  We are a long way from Give Peace a Chance since communists and sharia are religions and idéologies of perpetual war.  Communist China has attacked Hong Kong , Vietnam, India and daily threatens Taiwan.  Britain, America, Australia and Japan have formed an alliance to counter the growing threat of Communit China since the release of Covid from the Wuhan Lab, their lies and cover up.  The UN itself is a dictators club.  It’s chaos and mercenary. 

« There’s a wet war or a dry war, » a British Vet told me. They’re the Olympic events of the war business. Desert Storm Arms Bazaar. The West tech beat Communist tech and the USSR fell. 

 I love people who escaped Communism.  Solzhenitsyn tells the truth like neighbours who say ‘we didn’t think Canada would fall this fast’. The Dalai Lama still pleads for Tibet, his country enslaved and genocided by the Comnunist Chinese. Canada or rather the Liberal government forgets Korea and how.the Communist Chinese killed hundreds of Canadian soldiers.  Canadians bravery at Kapyong turned the tide there. But Trudeau, his loose lips and pretty boy socks excludes Canada today. Even Liberal whore monger Mackenzie King believing his dog Spot channeled his dead mother was included in the war council of WW II Britain and America.  

 Now the world is faces the newest ‘wet war’, the competition of navy and Air Force tech in hope of getting the world tech sales. If the west wins the Communist Chinese dictatorship will collapse but if it loses it will be as if Hitler’s National Socialism won.  I can only hope that the cost of war will contain this limited business adventure.  

CSiS says the Communist Chinese Military have infiltrated Canadian Politics, Media and Education to the highest levels.  I liked the Beatles song We don’t want a revolution.  

It’s all above my pay grade.  The Vets I’ve known have been the finest men, including my father of course. This is their day.  Celebrate with thanks. 

Daylight Saving

I didn’t make it to church today.  I had thought I night wear a suit then I thought a jean skirt would be an idea.  I thought a tartan tie and leather overcoat or blue leggings with the mauve wool coat.  I was going in and out of a dream in my favourite place.  A peninsula with hunting in the woods above and sailboats in the harbour. I was in this Greek condo with beautiful people coming and going, I was looking for something. A treasure hunt in my own room,

I didn’t have anything planned today.  I’d hoped to go to church.  I wanted to meditate.  Be still and know that I am God.  Listening.  I thought of sex toys and bibles.  I miss the library days. Now I often get the same feeling outdoors typing up a journal.

I don’t think of mansions in the sky but more often brothels.  I’ve not been but I think of it.  My ascetism of younger years seems past glory, Today I wonder if this sojourn on life is just a planetary vacation from an energy existence.  It will all pass and I will be asked to write an essay on ‘what I did on my earth vacation,’

The people of the book talk about the ‘relationship with Jesus’.  I’m in touch. Speed dial communication. Hide and seek. I’m praying constantly or listening to the wee small voice. I love God.  

The idea of addiction and idolatry is thinking that this world is God.  Worldliness or asceticism. I’ve served for decades and devoted my life to others.  I’ve a very small window of debauchery and selfishness.  There’s no much time for  ‘partying’ when all you do is study, work and do call. Now I’m faced with a great vacation. I did a year bicycling a cross Europe, learning the limits of my education and Canadian propaganda. I studied geography, culture, literature and dance and love that year.  I came back to be a doctor.  A scholar and succeeded.  I had a ‘calling’.  A truly bright light spiritual awakening in a university chapel and that led to become a doctor. It started in a room in Oxford with a Quaker medical student and a daughter of a doctor.  I’d wanted to be a play wright. I was a dancer and an actor at the time. I became a monk. I meditated and prayed and chanted and studied.  I married again.  I didn’t want to be celibate and when marriage became such I moved on. That was the months of smoking dope. There’d been weeks of hashish in Morocco and drinking Guinness in London.

Then years of coffee and study and call and occasional weekends of drunken parties Christmas and Summer canoeing and work hard and play hard and a kind of adolescent dating between marriages.  More years of hard work and wine and pot. It’s legal now.  We thought we were bad for our tokes back then,  

“You’ve never drunk more wine than normal people do,’ the psychiatrists I spoke to told me.  

‘Your wife’s love of cocaine is a concern but smoking pot and drinking wine isn’t as big a concern as you make it. It must be difficult dealing with her depression and mood swings and violence, suicidal homicidal rages,  How long do you go without sex? “

Many months. 

And I worked and meditated and prayed and then I was free.  The drunken psychotics pedophiles objected to being pointed out. The white man hated the white man who served defended the natives. The drunken drug doing colleagues objected to your leaving.  The privileged and wealthy joined the lying ex who had gone to treatment  but detoured back to drugs and alcohol.  The authorities backed the lying psychopaths yet again.  

No wonder you turned back to Jesus.  He too was killed by government and church,.  He was perfect.  A son of god. You were adopted.  Imperfect but good hearted. You’d never hurt any one except you refused to lie for the authorities or wife and you stood up to evil over and over again.  Now again you became a monk.  Prayer and meditation,  Congregation.  Forgiveness. Acceptance.  You have to quit smoking. It didn’t matter what you smoked tobacco or pot but you’d quit for 4 months only to start again on a binge drinking session. A bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes.  Leave them behind.  A year of sacrifice and abstinence.  The ex wife preferred drugs and alcohol and lies. You couldn’t go back. 

You sailed away.

Solo sailing the winter pacific through hurricanes.  

Tropical islands and Jesus.  Theology classes for a decade.  Masters of Theology on line.  More papers and books and the Hound of Heaven,  Seeking Jesus.  God within God will come again. Learning Hebrew. Israel. Pilgrimages.  Rome, Ethiopia.  Ireland,

Now to my surprise I’m older and the Black Like Me adventure of transgender seems a direction to go. I’d planned to sail the Atlantic but solo my boat is dauntingly large.  I’d consider 30 fooot but not 40 foot though I love it.  I have trouble moving along accepting that my back hurts and could I bring the sails down in a storm. Do I want to?

All the women I’ve known complained of how tough their lives were. Always complaining. Always depressed.  I understood the mothers. Such a burden it is for me to have a dog I know men and women who don’t even keep a plant so their lives revolve around their bodies, Narcisists who insist they are spiritual and all their money goes to them and their epicurean lives. I’d rather have a bubble bath than fix an engine in the high seas. I’d rather call a tow truck than fix my truck beside the road. I’m tired of all the heavy lifting and hard work,

I no longer seek the most difficult cases. I worked with those who no one else wanted to see. I served in the areas of greatest need. I worked in the most dangerous and surreal surrounding. I’ve so often managed without any resources.I remember her only wanting to be in the middle of the university safe zone surrounded by the best of the best. I was a scout way beyond the wire and she never understood the ‘need’. 

“It’s just a job’, the fat cat woman resistrar said having spent a life in medicine doing the ‘easry’ ‘light lifting’ jobs and now functiong in all arrogance and stupidity as an apparatchik.  I’ve never received the ‘back pay’ I’d be entitled to if it was just a job. It was a profession, a calling, an act of service.  I got paid enough too little but never more,  My now dead friend and I figured we’d never been paid minimum wage by the hours we devoted.

But now I’m questioning what to do to keep on going,

Hunting, fishing, sailing no longer are the avocational pursuits that balanced work. The travel, always pilgrimages, the study of theology, the practice of the spirituality of imperfection no longer move me,

I”ve paid my dues and then some,

What do I do now? 

I could have a new identity, Take hormones, get breasts, a face lift. I don’t need my penis or testicles.  I’m rejected as a DNA donor . The baby I could have had aborted, The women who had children preferred to have babies with the bad boys but want the safe and caring guys to take care of them and be their ‘friend’ in old age.  The world is increasingly populated by ‘bad boys’ children.  The girls of my feminist era had abortions and gave up the land and heritage to the Son of the Great Abortionsist Trudeau could invite the Muslim hoards with countless children and wives to take over the country while excluding the Catholics from South America who like bikinis and don’t want to kill homosexuals.

I’m bisexual. I love and loved girls but they became angry and blamed men for the acts of politicians and judges.  They told lies and I was among the ‘falsely accused’ , and the authorities angry at Christians or those who weren’t ‘unethical as they’ used the lies to attack.  I’ve been castrated by my government. I’m Klinger.  I’d rather wear a dress, identification with the aggressor or imitation, the sincerest form of flattery.

All over old men are attacked.  The old women fair better..  Better to be a Molly in a dictatorship.  If rape is inevitable better to lie back and enjoy it. I was sodomized by the government and the government protected the false accusers and sodomite rapists.  

I don’t want to struggle.  

I’m older and I’ve done my 40 days alone with God.  So many people think they know God but they don’t fast from this world like that. I’ve fasted from food for weeks and alcohol, cigarettes , marijuana , for decades. I went without sex for years and some of that in marriage.

What if this sojourn on earth is just an adventure,

Buddha went on about ‘reincarnaton’ and wanting to escape Maya. Why?  All life is suffering. Kierkegard,  Life is suffering unto death,  Namaste Badaste. We all die.  I do believe in reincarnation.  I continue my consciousness here or in heaven. Jews believed in reincarnation. Christians did to till Emperor Constantine at the Nicene Creed rejected the idea.

So I continue. I woke up today. This life goes on,  Life is better when I’m hopeful and positive.  The law of attraction does apply.

But if I fuck a stranger or a man will I attacked negativity.  Fucking spreads disease We’ve been collectively isolated from others. No touch, Covid. Avoid intimacy. APA says depression is all time high 3 x the rate of before the lockdowns, The Overdose and relapse death appalling,

Yet we persist in the 1950’s ‘Bad Bug, Magic Bullet” model of disease, the one I left for the multi factorial psychosomatic reality of psychiatry and immunology in the day. Where did we go wrong?

I can’t question anything or the authorities will hurt me. They have hurt me again and again for doing right and telling the truth,. They hurt me and shamed me and humiliated me and wasted my precious time with their mediocrity, a collection of drones who failed to study Nuremberg, the banality of evil. I would rather treat the stinking sick street person than listen to the inanity of hypocrites who are chosen for the fear and shallow loyalty.

I have no children ,They may take the jobs for fear. There is one who is scab labour and using the position to promote a divisive agenda.  

It’s all politics.

If this is a prison, it’s a pretty nice prison. I made great chilli yesterday. I have this dog friend. Like the cult classics a boy and his dog I’m well dressed, Netflix and prime. So many good movies. Great books though I’m tired of the similarities.  It’s all transparent. I grow weary of the narratives like the stupidity of politics and the illusion of change.

I was pinned by him as his cock tore open my anus. I was crying with pain. The shame came later. I bled from my anus for days.  The sperm must have been there too. This ‘hard man’ bred me.  I would only ask for a little time to day.  Maybe some lubricant. I’m no longer an anal virgin,  He took great pleasure in my pain and his hard cock ripping me apart as he slammed me down, holding me down, his weight and his strength controlling and dominating me till he released his seed in me and I was left damaged and bleeding, 

Years later I’d work in jails with psychopaths and sit in board rooms with men who ordered the knee capping of others, I have known enforcers and security who ‘were just doing their jobs’ and others who said “ I had to have him removed.  He was hurting my business.  I need money to put my children through university.’  So many people I’ve known say’ everyone lies’, “everyone cheats’.  “Everyone “.  ,No they don’t . Psychopaths and sociopaths do and we all have a bit of that,  But most people don’t know the real ones, They think their ‘ex’ was one because they don’t like their ex.  But you change your perspective on relavitive reality when the barrel of the gun is behind your ear or in your face.  

I just muddle on, I like walking the dog.  I like working, I know the pharmacy and diagnosis, I can be a cog in the machine,  I’m a team player on a good team offering help and solace. I’m like the parts guy at the service department.  I used to feel I needed to do everything in my power to get you well. I prayed all night, I read literature from around the world. I treated everyone as special, I gave the care to anyone only the prime minister gets here. Now I do as I’m told. I’ts ‘good enough’ and ‘better than so many’.  I’m okay. I’m no longer the best.  I’m past my shelf life.,  I wonder how long I can do this,  It’s not sustaining,  It pays the mortgage.  It’s ‘right livelihood’.  I’m still doing good in the world.  

I believe I’m still doing God’s will Thy will be done not my will.

It’s not much fun for me.  I miss the intimacy of sex. I miss the adventure of travel. I miss the challenge of the impossible dream. I’m grateful.  I’m okay. Tm blessed and looking back on my life it’s a miracle.  I’m still alive after the many deaths I faced and those who threatened me are no more.  I thanked Archangel Michael for his protection.  I feel I’ve been repeatedly avenged and I still do God’s work.

I imagined old age a pipe and wood jacket writing in a library, maybe teaching but not in a politically correct dictatorship with feminists waiting to hear a word that they can take to the thought police and play out their ‘save the world from men’ designs denying that all the greatest killers were supported and celebrated by a woman and they all had mothers. So suddenly Eva Brawn is a victim too, I’m so weary of the maggots crawling off the dead body of Marx.  

I almost thought to teach medicine in Ethiopia but I don’t know the language so I thought of anywhere they speak English and imagined I know a lot compared to most an how I’d like to share what I know of clinical psychiatry. I’d be that old man in Oxford but now it’s young women who demand those places and they don’t want old white men who are the enemy.

Like King Lear I’d talk of courts things

I fluctuate between hope and indifference. I imagine the Quebec judge who works wearing a gown and robed and eye shadow I like the General who fat like me enjoys wearing a bikini and doesn’t seen to care she doesn’t look anything but a rather plain old lady.  The transexuals who are old don’t look so different from the old ladies and we do about the same.  

I could talk to a psychiatrist again. The specialist in gender I saw said that my cross dressing wasn’t sexual but rather a way of dealing with anxiety. He ddin’t think I’d benefit fro a sex change and it’s obvious I prefer women when they don’t want to use me , abuse me or are insane or self serving.  They say in AA the Al Anon’s who don’t practice a program are crazier than the craziest ‘sober’ drunk who doesn’t practice a program.  ‘Be ware of them the psychiatrists always tell me,’ “You are their drug and they’re bring you down to their level.’

Isolation is addiction Participation is recovery. So many people surround themselves with their “mirrors’.  I’m alone and together.  

They cannot play when they are afraid There’s always manipulation and control and they lie to themselves.

I’m glad the ultrasound device has scared off the mouse who came in from the cold.  I’d thought to get a cat but the little blue light works so much better. I miss a cat. They inhabited this world and the other.  I love when the other touches.  

I didn’t go to church today. I walked the dog and he’s due for another round of his sniffing spots.  Probably should walk him again in the rain, breathing deep, thanking God for life.  Even the confusion.  

Vancouver Rainbow

When I saw the great rainbow across the sky yesterday I was uplifted. I thought of the rainbow in the Bible at the end of the Flood. It was said to be God’s promise that he would never again condemn all men for their sin. I felt ‘forgiven’ at that moment,  I know that to ‘sin’ is to miss the mark as an archer.  A saint summed it up by saying ‘I do that which I do not want to do and I don’t do what I want to do,” This is the nature of man,  I loved the book. The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ketchum and Kurtz. It’s also been called our ‘brokeness’.  The imperfection of ourselves in face of the ‘idea’ of perfection.  We are not perfect but we can so easily judge ourselves against a mathematical standard of perfection.  Only God is perfect.  God is good all of the time,

Over the years the falls from Grace for me have been not following my father’s commands, being unkind to my mother and not loving her as she loved me. I turned my back on my parents and their wisdom and love and later felt less whole as I realized my adolescent failings. I betrayed the trust of a girl.  I had sex before marriage. Indeed I married because I wanted to undo the wrongness of sex before marriage, Often I would hold myself personally accountable for the false teaching of my tribe and society.  I most rejected myself when I betrayed a friend saying he was with me when I was doing something for which I was facing negative consequences.  I was self centred and shared his name because I was asked by a punitive authority figure. There was no negative consequence to him but when I shared my weakness and told him I’d said his name he lost trust in me. “Who did you smoke dope with,” I told this colleague.   Yet when I was younger and the police asked me who I drank with I’d not shared the names of my friends,  I’d become a friend and didn’t know what was better. I reported the doctor whose negligence caused the patient to die but did not report my wife’s negligence or drug addiction,  I so often covered for women, somehow agreeing they were never to blame and not accountable even as they pushed and turned the knife.  I held myself to a higher standard except rarely and never forgave myself those lapses.  

I was weak.  I once missed a ball in a game and feigned I’d tripped when indeed I’d just been less good than my opponent. I was benched for a bit but I always believed the coach never accepted my explanation. I felt shame and guilt and failure when I was sodomized.  I also felt shame and guilt and failure when I let the woman ‘deep throat me’ when my own female partner had insisted ‘no woman likes to give oral sex’ while she demanded and revelled in endless cunnilingus.  But I felt myself a failure for not confronting her ‘we do not agree’ argument and leaving her rather than falling drunk in a hot tub to the advances of an ever to be remembered love. 

 I felt less than because I didn’t play football but chose instead to excel in gymnastics, volleyball and dance. I was called a faggot when I wasn’t but suffered constant abuse as a dancer and working as a typist and protocomputer data inputter rather than taking the lesser paid but more manly and dangerous job of working on the oil rigs. I felt less when she left me and my bicycle for the man with a car.  

I felt less than when she belittled our house because her sister had a bigger house. I felt always faced with constant demands and overt and covert criticism from the women who claimed to love me but left me feeling inadequate and ashamed.  I never saw it as a competition but was forever being attacked by women who competed and failed to ‘win’. I can never forget the woman screaming at me when I got the A plus in science and she only got A somehow seeing this as ‘my fault’. I was forever being attacked and taking these attacks mostly by women to heart. 

 I succeeded in martial arts and when men attacked me I kicked them in the head on the street or pulled a knife when they pulled a knife or reached for a gun when they reached for theirs in remotes northern roads of lawlessness.   I survived running from a couple of gangs. Feeling fear and humiliation but alive and feeling it was a ‘draw’.  

The women I knew never had the experience of teams and sports and never had learned to play well with others but concealed their anger and insecurity.  I was afraid a lot and increasingly let women win or have their way as I let others simply because I didn’t like watching my back.  So many others could lie to the authorities and bring massive resources, ‘racial tribal assocations’, ‘corrupt legal services’, ‘corrupt government services’ ‘family resources’  ‘mony’ to back their evil. I began to spend more and more time alone in the woods and at sea,  Women seemed to ‘fuck you’ and when they ccouldn’t fuck you ‘they ‘fucked you over’.  They also fucked the bad men the drunks and addict and politicians and pimps and good guys like me got the hook then the fuck then the crumbs and the fucking stopped alll the while the mean ones, fucked and fucked and fucked,  I tired of rejection. I was never enough.  I faced more negative consequences from women for my saying ‘no’ , no to the department head, ‘no’ to the friends’ wife’ , no to staff. Women would be naked in my call rooms and I’d asked them to leave and they’d blame me for ‘leading them on’.  I never lead any woman on  I was mostly tired and I felt I failed in not being able like movie Starr actors to navigate the complex social mine fields.  Increasingly I felt I failed and lived alone with my dog and felt I was safe. Men who fucked me just did.  Now i say i want to fuck, or do you want to fuck and they laugh and the constant passive aggression persists. 

I was used and there wasn’t criticism or expectation or constant demands. I was happy in passing and I never was close enough to be a failure.  The one night stand with a woman was always tainted with her expectation and resentment,  The man just passed in the night.  I spent years unforgiven.  God doesn’t care.  The rainbow said that to me.  You and all of earth are forgiven,  The Torah and now I’ve sent you my perfect son. They crucified him, the government and church.  The authorities.  Your identification with the aggressors or your imitation, sincerest form of flattery is not like them. You don’t ‘use’ people. You are generous to a fault and kind and sacrifice your self.  Now you hide and wait to die, so tired of the ‘my way or the high way’.  When you were younger you believed them when they promised to ‘pay you later’.  “I’ll take my share now but you get yours later”. It’s long past later and they giggle now and gloat at their duping. Me tax theives. Quebec and Ottawa and Brussels and Beijing.  Washington and Paris.  Los Angeles. Let’s play pigs and I’ll be Picton.    

More and more i turned to prayer,  I had no children, Women had aborted my child,  I was a biological dead end. I felt that my dog ‘needed’ me and that I should live to ensure his safety. I’d always physically fought fights to protect underdog boys and girls and men and women, I’ d risked my life a series of confrontations to protect others. Then it was a life of helping the injured and defeated and literally fighting the courts and government and other ‘authorities’ for the sake of some ‘samaritan’. I never knew if they were good and when they were on their feet as often as not they too joined the side of the bullies. Self seeking.   I was a consummate Celtic scrapper jumping into a street or Beurocratic fight when I saw a gang up, taking the side of the one being bullied, knowing gangs are cowards,  Armies never fight fair unless they’re on the defence.   Bullies, bullies everywhere.  Government backed Nuremberg retools on steroids, I always felt a failure now if I couldn’t avoid them or couldn’t resist the temptation to question their lies and ignorance bringing the light down on me.  

I was trying to hide, be low key, slither away to die. Waiting for death as the great escape,.  

Every day I fight the bleak ennui of negativity with gratitude and prayer and positive thoughts.  I try to remember all the good people and the good days and the good times,  I blame myself for my inability to maintain my joy as everyday in work people try to convince me that they are right, life sucks and suicide or drugs are better. I’m beaten with their words blamed for their addiction and my inability to stop them eating, drinking, fucking, drugging, lying.  I was shouted at this week.  I’m been shot at, knifed, held hostage, threatened countless times and today I just cry at home at night. .  I do want to go gentle into that still night.

I’m getting by, With constant attention and presence I’m keeping the theives away.  Each day has little trials and great rewards. I know joy and I know love and I know wonder.  I succeed in walking in the light and getting by,  It’s my own mind I’m at war with. The positive and negative.  It’s the devil and God within me that fight.

I loved the rainbow. I was hit by a momentary wave of ecstatic joy.  We as a species would survive.  With the constant litany of evil and fear of government voices, and corporate machinations, I saw the Rainbow as God saying ‘fuck Trudeau, fuck, Fuck Xi Jinping, Fuck the lie of ‘the skies falling give me money ‘climate change’ and the ‘Covid’ everyone is going to die, buy a vaccine and everyone’s going to fie. Suckerberg’s depth of evil with his lying biased fact checkers the death of truth and the celebration of Goebels and all the unscientific lies of the last two years……

I saw the Rainbow as God saying ‘its’ going to be okay,  Don’t believe the politicians and their paid judges and their paid CBC and CNN and all the globalists communist totalitarian elite, I’m not going to kill you. There is no ‘flood’! The IPCC is Communist Strong 5th pillar  war and it is a lie.  Gore lied and did’t go to prison,  Hanoi Jane. Mogadishu Hillary.  Unethical disgusting creepy Trudeau.   The world didn’t flood. God’s rainbow is a promise!  So the idea that everyone is going to die from another Flood is a lie,  The idea that everyone is going to die of a virus is a lie too.  That doesn’t mean I ignore science and follow the ‘business’ of deceit but I see the Rainbow as hope.  Do the next right thing,  Moderation.  Follow the money. Beware of the false gods of death and destruction.  God is good all of the time.  Two rainbows. Three rainbows. The trinity.  Celts and Christians and Triangles.  The family.  Life’s building blocks.  

“It’s going to be okay’.  You will be forgiven for loving women and men. You will be forgiven for wearing women’s clothes, You will be forgiven for sleeping in .You will be forgiven for being late, You will be forgiven for saying ‘fuck’.  You will be forgiven for correcting the stupid bully. You will be forgiven for disagreeing with her You will be forgiven for avoiding and being afraid and wanting to hide. You will be forgiven for having hope.  You will be forgiven for crying when the authorities beat you and threatened you,. You will be forgiven. The message of Jesus, I died for your sins, do not be afraid is that the evidence of the death of God . Jesus was called the criminal and worst of the worst, hated by aetheists, condemned by reduced and condemned by Muslims, and other religious.  He was ,condemned by the authorities of church and state,.   Jesus Christ , a pure and holy man and son of god as we are children of god was crucified and rose from the grave on the third day. We forget all the names of the rulers of Rome but his name, ‘god within ‘ and ‘god will come again’ we remember.   Bonhoeffer will be remembered long after the pope and German ministers of the day are forgotten.  Strong and his evil IPCC will be forgotten long before Martin Luther King,  The holy men of Tibet, the Dalai Lama,  will long be remembered long after Xi Jinping is rotting in prison, long after we all know who was on the list of Epstein murdered  in  jail. 9 11. The killing of Kennedy. The UFO’s .  WMD.  Sandinistas.  Bush and Clinton.  So many stories within stories and the names change like the tribal gods.  Mammon.    

It will then one day be forgotten. We will come and go.  I will be in heaven with my family and friends and we will all be like players after the show gathering in the Green Room and laughing at our performances,

God gave us a rainbow today to remind us.  All shall be well. All Shall be Well  All manner of things shall be well.  This too shall pass and the doomsayers must live in their creepy sullied intoxicated brains. IF all you have is money you are very poor in deed,  Pray for these sick souls.  The new barbarians. 

The rainbow is God’s promise , there will not be a flood as the IPCC and it’s evil elite hoard says .  There will not be a mass death by virus or nuclear holovaut,  Even the 

Armenian Christians survived the Holocaust of the genocidal Turkish Muslims.  Even the Jews survived the holocaust of the Neo Pagan Germans   Soon Tibet , those Buddhists beloved of the Dalai Lama will break free of Colonial Communist China’s reign of terror surviving  the new running dog barbarians.,

The Meek shall inherit the earth.  God is love.  It’s going to be okay,  The rainbow said that,  

That’s what I heard but I’m going deaf with old age so maybe it was my glasses or hearing aids,  I may be wrong,  I hope not. I hope that the Rainbow was a slap in the face of this whoring doomsaying Climate fest drunken drugging elite celebrity orgy with it’s false facade of legitimacy,  A bully bash.  I don’t want to be at a party with Stalin or the Ayatollay or Trudeaus with their silly socks and vacuous grins. I’m tired of the ‘useful idiots’.  

Meanwhile here , all over , we saw God’s rainbow and promise. It’s okay.  Celebrate Celebrate Dance to the music,  Hallelujah,!

Christ has died, Christ has risen , The Christ will come again,  Hallelujah!!!! Love and life prevail.  Thank you Mr. Horgan, Mr. Dix and Dr. Bonny Henry.  

Gandalf and the Hobbit dance. Snoopy flies. The Rainbow says the Lion King has come. Hallelujah,

Maybe now Trudeau will go and we can have comedy and free speech again in Canada,   Wouldn’t it be nice if  CBC could once again be CBC and not Corporate or Communist Broadcast Communism.  Where are you gone Barbara Fromm.   Sharia Communism and all the other fanatic Luddite trolls of Ottawa will move California  or Florida with their Quebec smog birds.  Victoria and Montreal will finally admit their shit smells and stop polluting the waters.  We will live and love together. Let the dance begin.   Live and let live,  Civilization for all.  Libertarianism,  Ecumenicalism,  truth, respect.  Rock and roll!.  God bless. 

I really liked the Rainbow.  Did I saw that? It was a sign so hard to miss. Like the miracle of Bob Dylan winning the Nobel Peace Prize.  Like the  miracle of William Shatner actually being Captain Kirk in space . Thank you Jeff Bezo and Blue Origin!!!!

Thank you NASA. Thank you Musk. Thank you Mars Rover. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The sun has come out after a heavy rain, Time to make today a full new day of adventure!!! ODAAT.  Carpe Diem.