The outer world is a reflection of your inner world

I arrived home after a few days vacation in the woods. Out there I was dealing with a myriad tasks of survival. There’s the truck and all it’s moving parts, and the ATV. The camper has a generator, batteries, water pump, water tanks, grey and black water holding tanks, flushing toilet and propane stove and fridge. The furnace is propane too. I’ve all of these to check and ensure they’re working. It’s a trick to get the happy jack fuse working with the remote. The refridgerator has a tricky matter that sometimes delays the pilot light coming on.  The furnace took a few times to start. It’s like this each trip. Crossing ones’ fingers and praying and then fiddling.  It’s always a check to make sure I have all the keys before I leave and the licenses and paper work.

I’ve loading and unloading to do. I had the ATV loaded loaded for bear. All the rifles and ammunition’s and cleaning and butchering knives, saws and axes, rope and tie downs in case I shot one and had to haul it out on the ATV. There was even the fire to make and watch. I used the generator to charge the computer and iphones and iPads.

Now I’m home and everything is on automatic. I’ve time to think.  The world hasn’t changed.

When I left there was still the lockdowns and the world ‘crisis’ of Covid 19. Of course there have been previous virus.  Thise had a far greater lethality.  This virus has been specifically ‘hyped’.  There’s never been more money in ‘Infectious Disease Crisis’. This is way beyond HIV and that was literally deadly.  People compare it with polio but that too was far more lethal.  It’s shown that a number of policies of nursing home and care for seniors has been wanting. It’s also shown that government in Canada at the national level has used health care to strut and self adulate about only to find that the money for health care has been sent to pay for third world cronyism. The leaders of Africa and Asia have been made rich by Canadian tax payer money that was supposed to keep up the health care system and provide safe water to aboriginal people. The utter irresponsibility and mismanagement of the health cares system along with rampantly irresponsible fiscal management and arrogance, is all beyond the pale. Yet I feel like I’m in a bad b version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers listening to mainstream media and still hearing people thinking Quebec is an asset when it’s a disease on the body of Canada.  Western Canada is being rape by the bullying colonizer of Ottawa, enslaved by their self serving ‘transfer’ payments, ‘bilingualism’ and countless other Toronto-Montreal laws that take in no consideration of others.

It’s the same.  Lockdowns persist despite the clear evidence they’re political and not scientific.  Church’s continue to be persecuted while divide and conquer media continues to celebrate criminals and communists. It’s absurd.

Sex changes are happening more frequently and children don’t want to be their gender.

I’d say things are confused.

So must I be. If the outer world is a reflection of my inner world then I must be a war with myself.

The real dichotomies I’m facing are aging - I’m old and I was young./ health - I’m more aware of my body as worn, aches and pain, and threats of disease and failure/ gender - I’m no longer wanting to meet women and bed them. I have no reproductive or masculine drive. I am not even interested in fighting and don’t want to do kick boxing and wrestling. I don’t have any desire to climb mountains or fist fight or defend my territory. While that’s not true. I”d like a grenade. I could enjoy tossing grenades from my couch.  But I’m pretty much an old lady. Old men and old ladies begin to look more a like.  I don’t want to rough it.I like comfort and long for decadence. I like to look at babies and enjoy the children of all things wild. Today I smiled watching a bunny.  Only a few years ago I would have been plotting his death and looking forward to eating him.  

I had that smart and stupid thing going for a while. I lived in libraries and wanted to know everything. I continue to read and study and enjoy knowledge but I don’t have the drive I once had.

I am aging and mellow.  

I can’t get very excited about all the fashion crazes of politics. The air craft carriers of the free world and gathering around the South China Sea and Xi Jin Ping and Beijing are declaring covert war on the west with their ally Iran and it’s proxy Hamas. They’re attacking Israel again while here imitatively the Muslims are crying Islamaphobia in chorus with the cries of homophobia and anti semiticism.  Everyone has a card. The latest reign of terror is racism. Whites are the only ones who can’t claim racism while of course blacks riot in the streets and destroy busniess and kill blacks as Candace Orwen has pointed out. BLM marxist corporation gets a pass and no one knows where their money goes.  There’s a rover and a helicopter on Mars and a space station hotel.

These are all things that seem to be in the news, on facebook and google.

I’m taking pictures of butter cups and walking my dog enjoying the clean scent of river walk air.  I’m living in a virtual reality mostly reassuring and writing prescriptions that go to be distributed by the pharmacist. I’m part of the big business and I’m paid by the government and in turn I pay the mortgage. I may die any time.  I want to live to care for my puppy for another decade. But I don’t know what I would do otherwise. I’d like to travel but not with the covid restrictions. I’d hoped to move further from the city more into the lower cost and slower pace of the rural suburban world.  I like this climate.  I like my friends.  

If this world I’m looking at is a reflection of my innner world then my inner world is confused. There’s a collective insanity , a mass hysteria in the outer world of politics and money.  I’m connected in numerous networks.  I’m obviously not alone.  The collective consciousness is a product of the contribution of billions.  The world is in turmoil and a reflection of the inner turmoil. More people than ever praying for peace. More enlightenment but the ‘left’ ‘woke’ arrogant and hypocritical think they are superior. I remember ‘turn ,turn, turn’....Ecclesiastes..  and I remember May and June in my personal life I have always been a time of transition.  The world is entering summer and throwing off winter. Food is becoming plentiful. The fears of winter are leaving. This is a time of planting. It’s a time historically when people planned wars , to be fought in summer or in fall after the harvest.  War and rumours of war.  

I should be painting and writing poetry and making plays.  Important things.  Healing is good.  It could be enough.  I’d like to garden.  I miss my homestead. I miss my boat. I have so many times I enjoyed and now I’m here really enjoying this time. It’s good but I don’t know what to make of the news.  

Time to work.  I love showers. I did the laundry yesterday and my office where I hung the clothes smells fresh.

I am blessed and thankful for all I have. It’s a good life and I really am grateful. I pray for the well being of friends and family. I pray for world peace.  

Thank you Jesus.