Horse Lake, Thursday, Gilbert is better

Gilbert is better. Better night. Less coughing. Better breathing. Happier. More energy.  Dr. Biernacki of North Road Vet phoned to see how he was doing. I was out fishing and Laura took the call.  He told her it was the elevation.  With heart disease he’s best by the sea. 100 mile house is 3000 feet. I remembered the IDAA conference with some of the old guys on oxygen because of the elevation of our meeting in Keystone Ski Resort. That was 9000 feet and I noticed the ‘thin air’.   I certainly don’t notice the elevation here. The air is so fresh and alive but it’s been tough for the little guy especially on muggy days.  He seems fine in the sunshine.

I felt stupid. Never thought of it. We  had booked this vacation back in February before Covid and before Gilbert’s condition became worse.  Dr. Biernacki further recommended a slight increase in his furosemide, the diruretic that reduces the fluid in the lung. Sure enough his coughing and spitting up has reduced.

I’m really getting positively lazy here. I spent yesterday morning sleeping in. Then I had coffee and read my western.  The good girl, the good guy, the bad girl and the bad guys.  Lots of gunfire.  

I actually did some work , responding to phone calls and need for prescription renewals. Since it was raining in the morning I was glad to.  It’s good to feel useful and also to have some money coming in.  I work for myself so don’t have benefits, no paid holidays, no pension, no sick leave. . I have some funding from the Doctors of BC for conferences. That pays for the plane flight but then I pay for registration and hotels but also usually tack on a week of vacation and sightseeing then.  

Some days I miss the high paid government, university and institutional jobs with the light work loads, month paid holidays, maximum 40 hour work weeks, more like 30 given the lunches and coffee breaks, 2 weeks paid study leaves, benefits, sick leave and pension..  The fattest fat cat doctors are in Quebec. Then I remember the soul destroying, bore you to death, ego driven, team meetings, all talk and nothing getting done, so appealing to the Chatty Cathy types and the posturing male suits, I appreciate my simple lowly low paid work. 

Mostly I’m just thankful to have work.  I’ve worked since I was 12 yo, part time jobs, then my SIN at 16 and working as a dishwasher.  With saving and budgeting I own what I have but think I’d be wiser to have rented and leased. My doctor friend George after his divorce argued that renting and leasing were the way for men to go now given the way,  the government and the  system increasingly preyed on home owners and people with property, while encouraging the criminals and people who simply don’t care that much to work, despite their claims to the contrary.  Parasites thrive as the hosts deteriorate. 

These camping vacations are just expense, no money coming in, and money going out. But necessary. It’s out here that I find peace and renew my spirit.  Each day I feel lighter.  Listening to others pain, fears, anxiety, depression I feel like I’m left with it. It builds like soot in a chimney. All the angst that’s burnt up in each session,  unloaded for me to incinerate. .  There are many ways people burnt out deal with distancing and protecting themselves.  I was trained to walk a mile in a persons’ shoes and to be with them. I actually will go down the rabbit hole of insanity, find them and bring them back to the light. That’s all you can truly do with the psychotic and the addict. Otherwise you’re just throwing bandaids at the problem That’s the empath challenge. Lending ego. Joining. Healing.  Easier to remain in one’s head and prescribe meds from a far.  The challenge is to remain feeling.  I thank my incredible teachers for their sharing and insights.   Still there’s that pesky  Caregiver’s burden.  They’ve finally listed the PTSD in DSM5 that folks like me experience hearing day in day out the terrible trauma which soldiers, police and prisoners experience.  Nothing better than camping and the woods to restore me. Sailing works too.  Wilderness. The outdoors. Time in prayer. Meditation. I find all those here. 

Laura’s experiencing the same relief.  Her work as a doctors assistant is a myriad of demands and activities so here she’s relaxing. As a mother she had years of children talking at her and now it’s sick adults. Out here she’s happy that Gilbert is so grateful and I’m with him. We are all wounded and it’s good to be here.  

Yesterday I rode the motorcycle over to Lone Butte Sporting Goods, my favourite outdoor shop around here. A young guy owns it. The Exeter Sporting Goods store in 100 mile House is another favourite.  I bought the Chiappa Double Badger there but the fellow at Lone Butte put a red dot siting mechanism on the rifle to help me hit the heads of grouse. Usually I have a scope. With open sites I can hit the grouse but couldn’t get head shots consistently.  I also was able to get another butane cartridge for our Thermocell.  My nephew Graeme sang their praises at warding off the demon mosquitoes so I bought one only to find I had a Thermocell Lantern in the camper. Now I’ve two and they do work well keeping mosquitos 20 feet away.

I actually fished. I took the boat out yesterday for the whole afternoon coming back in the evening.  I’d charged the battery so had a couple of hours of electric outboard trolling. I rowed. I’m getting lots of exercise. I cast. I tried every hook I’ve got. Not a bite. Fish were jumping.  The sun was shining.  A few fluffy beautiful clouds in the sky.  Perfection.  

I’m looking forward to fishing again.  Right now coffee and toast. It rained through the night. I was up once to walk Gilbert at 2 am then walked him again first thing this morning.  His breathing is better after walking.  

We’ve another couple of days here and we’ll stay if he continues well. He’s so much better today, playing ball, smiling.  We’ll head south to lower elevation by the coast then or even home.  I love the freedom. I’m so thankful to be off schedule.  Each day a blank slate.  It’s bear hunting season still here.  I’ve  even thought I might get a bear though frankly it’s a lot of work. My friends in the Urban Aboriginal Ministry always appreciate when I share wild game.   I’d rather sit around in the pontoon boat in the sun hoping to catch a fish.