Hello God

I’m awake again God.  A hard start. Two pushes on the snooze bar.

Now I’m preparing to ride my motorcycle into work. 

The weather report is no rain. 

Autumn morning chill is present.

I’ve taken to turning on the electric heater before meditating.

I make a space for you God. I call, “Holy Spirit Come.”

I ask for guidance. I say the Lord’s prayer.

I have had coffee.  Gilbert has eaten.  

I got more tunes to listen to on the motorcycle.

Walmart is selling the 70’s off at $5 a cd’

Greatest hits of the greatest of the greatest.

People asking me about the future. 

It seems so distance. Tomorrow is miles from now.

I don’t know. I don’t have any clear sign.

I’m winding down in some ways.

Wondering when I’m going to grow up.

Astonished how the time flies.

Wonder if I’ve ‘made something of myself.”

The ‘shame and blame’ low brow shallow arrogant authorities ,

That ‘lick up and kick below’ set, have me questioning 

My service, sacrifice and stats.

They’re emotionally unintelligent, spiritual absent.

“It’s just a job,” they say, 

Motivated by worldly power, ego, and pension. 

I seek service, adventure, challenge.

The Quest for the Holy Quail.

I’ve not been a one trick pony.

My focus on non compliance,

St. Paul’s I do what I don’t want to do

And Don’t do what I want to do

Ambivalence and Choice, trauma

And Freud’s Thanatos.

The elite don’t care about ‘lives saved’.

It’s all appearances.

I did suit up and show up. I filled a chair.

Today I’ll do that again.  

Take myself from here to there.  I wonder about this transit issue

I miss walking across the lawn to my clinic. Evading geese,

Rather than traffic jams.

I shared dreams with those who lied.

Looking back I see decades of relationship loss.

It doesn’t make sense God.

I’m here and don’t know where to go or what is coming.

I feel like I’m on the bench waiting for my play and the game is almost over

I’m going through the motions.  I’m putting in the time. 

I’m over the peak and on the downhill side.  

You’ve been there for me always. I’ve been beholden to you.

I’ve seen so many miracles and been blessed in so many ways.

I’m thankful for all the blessings.

I like that feeling of being in the flow.

I like being lifted on eagles wings.

I thank you for the holy book, the angels and the gifts.

I’m going to move towards the door.  

I ‘d like to play hooky, like high school.  

But the more I’m away, the less I desire to return.  

I’d a hankering for Africa, now wonder about Asia and South America.

I’d return to a number of places but feel after India I’ll be sated again for a while

I’ve books to write. Exercises to do.  I’d like to study more.

I’ve always liked learning.

I don’t like traffic so much.  I don’t like the stop and go.

I’m wearying of the commute.

I’m worrying too.  

I don’t like when I worry and the fears assail me.

With you on my side, and I’m on your side, I need not be afraid.

Do not be afraid, you commanded.

I’ll move now. I’ll put one foot in front of the other and get out the door.

It’s all easy once I leave.  Getting out the door is the challenge.

A hard start. I fessed the snooze bar twice this morning.