Olympics Drag Queen Parody of the Last Supper

The Drag Queen Parody of the Last Supper of Jesus Christ at the opening ceremony of the Olympics was deeply offensive. The ‘apology’ was worse with the dissembling explanation that the central character was meant to be Dionysius, God of wine,  orgies and delusions  not Jesus Christ,God of Truth.  The insincere ‘apology’   was confirmation of the nefarious intent of the vulgar spectacle. It was an attack on Christianity and to suggest it was anything but intentional. deepens the deceit. 

It had nothing to do with LGBT or sexuality as a whole. Gay priests are as equally  offended by this attack on their religion and church.  I can’t even see Bishop Spong laughing.  The radical display was merely divisive and sordidly aggressive. Like taking a shit on your grandmother’s living room carpet. Then trying to ‘explain’ it  The Olympics have celebrated LGBT in the past. Drag queens were highly present in the Sidney Olympics and welcome.  This was different. The devil is clearly in the details. This is France where the aetheist communist minority are vying to take control of the country.  The Vichy French are alive and well as evidenced by the revival of antisemitism and anti Christianity. 

The arrogance and ignorance of the open aggression of the passe’theatre was cheap. The world now sees aetheism as the religion of communism. Aetheists have killed hundreds of millions in the last century or so.  That makes the century older killings by Christians and Catholics look like the work of choir boys. The rise of communism again in Europe after Stalin’s attack on France, the Berlin Airlift,  the aetheist murder of so many French in Vietnam is not forgotten.  The Gulags of USSR are replaced now by the communist chinese slave prisons of the Urghers. The Nazi’s were Neo pagan. The Olympic paganism display was decidedly more Nazi than Greek. Charlie Hebdo , the French satirist had been murdered by Muslims a mere 10 years ago. The parody was anti Christian. 

Were the Last Supper Parody inclusive as argued, the cowardly producers would have included Mohammed in pink tutu drag at very least. .  Maybe if they’d have had Mao naked embracing Lenin in an orgiastic threesome with Kim it would have been ‘funny’.  The Book of Mormon is satire at its finest with rapier wit rather than the bludgeoning stupidity of this Last Supper Parody.  Maybe  the wink of an apology would have been okay if they’d thrown in some rainbow turbaned Siks.  Maybe they could have shown Buddha in black fishnet stockings  rutting with a unicorn horned lavender Ganesh.   Maybe then it would be as ‘funny’ as holding up the severed head of the child of a politician. No one would have minded the severed head of the politician but the severed head of the politicians child was so tasteless by comparison.  If it had been Chelsea would Hillary have found it funny.  It all really could have been just satire.  Then a sorry we are stupid,  low brow and offensive French might have sufficed.   

But no, this was a direct attack on all Christians but especially Catholics. It was intensional and attempted to usurp the Olympics for a peevish political agenda. Saying ‘get a room’ isn’t so much censorship , I am libertarian and believe wholly in freedom of speech and presentation.  However, you can’t always play your bagpipes  in the church or  library no matter how much we believe bagpipes are the most Godly and educational of musical instruments.   

A weak apology and denial of accountability is so common of Maoist guerilla tactics. so effective against the French Foreign legionaries, the Pride of France. The strategy is to have an all out attack and if there is significant response, rapid retreat.  Sorry. We’re sorry.  Didn’t really mean to offend by raining on your parade or disrupting your wedding.    Perhaps what is needed is a parody of the artistic directors and organizers, employing the guillotine, that great French symbol, followed  with a weak ‘sorry’ ,  Sorry we didnt me an to offend. We’re just stupid and overpaid.      

Thankfully Lady Gaga and Celine Dion along with all the other performances and atheletes were so far above those who would ‘steal the stage’ for their one trick pony peeve. The real  show went  on. The Olympics ironically are supposed to  celebrates peace not communist divide and conquer or pagan war and revenge porn. Secular events include the religious and irreligious, the washed and unwashed, the barbarians and the civilized.    Putting the delirious woke aside I really did enjoy the beach volley ball and women’s fencing that opened the real worames.

The Eiffel Tower bought by the blood of the British  who died on beaches of Dunkirk makes a spectacular back drop for this incredible Olympic games. 

Lies and False Allegations

I was brought up Christian. The truth was truth.  The whole truth.  My mother was the great lie detector in the home.  It was better to ‘own’ up than lie in my home.  

“Billy did you spill the milk?” The answer was ‘yes or no’.  I would be corrected once for the fault and two for any lie.  There were no ‘extenuating circumstances’ in my home. That might well affect punishment but not culpability.  My dad was a scientist and the truth wasn’t philosophical and escpecially not Marxist.  “Hand me a Phillips Screwdriver was a distinctly different request than “hand me a flat head screwdriver.”  I was expected to know and under the car with oil dripping in his eyes my father wasn’t patient with error and certainly didn’t want an ‘explanation” or a discussion.  Later working in surgery I found my father’s training in the ‘truth’ prepared me for surgeons and their impatience with errors of accuracy. “I said pass me the forceps not a needle driver,”  the tone sometimes suggesting the addition epitaph, “you fool” As the patient was bleeding out and the surgeons eyes were being blinded by sweat. ”. The nurse had her hands full of truth and service and I was learning a world beyond ‘blame’.  In clinical work we wanted the truth solely because lies killed.  

Politicians and marketing people lie. Certainly the CIA and CSIS night lie. The entertainment industry is full of lies especially magicians and reality shows. Certainly the ‘fact checkers’ on social media are either outright liars or stupid on most occasions.  The sad truth is that history is written by the winners.  The truth of victims was once rarely heard though in modern tines the victimizers are commonly demanding that they be seen as the victims too .  The bully gets praise as the winner and double praise as the victim of the resistance of the prey to be bullied.

I don’t like ‘false accusations’. In ny life I’ve defended myself repeatedly against false allegations. It doesn’t matter that I’m vindicated. It does’t matter that I’ve lost hundreds of thousands of dollars and what seems like years of my life defending myself against liars lying is the norm now in Canada.  People tell me truth is ‘relative’ and it’s all perception.  I’m old and remember a time when liars were punished and false accusation paid. I like being in the US knowing that ‘perjury’ is still punished and that the false accusers can be made to pay for their aggression. In Canada the PM lies more than any I’d known before.  Indeed the word salad disassembling that is his normal response has result in questions routinely being put to him as ‘yes or no Mr. Primeminster’.   Being a trust fund kid with a mother who was a drug addict and insane he obviously didn’t get the education I got in home and church.  Listening to the American politics I just hear increasing communism and communism the religion of aetheism doesn’t believe in ‘truth’ per se as ‘truth’ is whatever the dictatatorship says it is.  That was the lesson learned when we had access to the East German police files after the wall fell and learned Marxist communism was essentially lies upon lies and all the records of deaths were falsified.  The public health data today is confusing.  

It seems the person with the most money makes up the truth and justice is decided by bank account.  

I don’t like liars.  I don’t like false accuser. I don’t like false accusation,  I like logic and science and silly words like duty and service.  When I worked in the jails I saw Everyman for himself reality like the street reality and the reality of the crack house.  I liked Canada before Justin Trudeau.  I like Harper and Chretian, Martin, Mulroney and Turner. I liked the music of the 60’s and 70’s and 80’s too.  

Maybe I’m just getting old and truth is a lie. Like the new black is orange.  Whoever has the gun can say what anything is.  That’s obviously why the governments want to disarm the citizens. Thats what the Nazi’s and Communists do. They are into power. I don’t feel very powerful today seeing myself as a truth teller in a world of lies and liars.

But then evolutionary biologists say the big brain developed because of the need to tell the truth and tell the lie and recognise the truth and the lie. Apparently an early experience t in which a human wanted to eat a saber tooth tiger didn’t work out well.  Cannibals later developed and were more successful with deceptions. 

SV GIRI, MD, Aging and awards

Seeing President Biden drop out of the presidential race was positive and negative for me. Yes he was dramatically neurocognitively declining over the last years and it was difficulty to hear this explained as studdering.  Bruce Willis has declined to.  So did Joni Mitchel but she’s made a come back.  I’m of an age when so many of my cohort are retiring, declining or even dying. I’ve lost too many family and close friends in the last few years. It’s cause for grief and for anxiety for my self. I’m a great one for denial of death having worked in the midst of death and being as prone to the next for magical thinking.  

My father was an engineer and in charge of the Matthew Conveyor installation at the Winnipeg Airport and Winnipeg Post Office. It was the reason my family moved to Winnipeg. Dad had 150 men working under him in those years.  Yet post retirement, downsized front house to apartment with Mom, having survived an MI and near death experience after prostate surgery, he was no longer robust and the powerful as the man I’d known him.  There was a coffee room and activity room where he stayed.  A man my father had fired for drunkenness and theft on the job was given an apartment in the same building my father was in. Mom and he had paid significantly for him to be there and always paid more than their share.  I never knew either to not work. Yet now this former street person was harassing my father whenever he went to the cafe.  My father stopped going to the cafe and my mother told me of this.  What he was most upset with she said, “He keeps calling him a liar and says he wasn’t an engineer and didn’t work on the PO or Airport.  He bullies your  dad and calls him names and your father just returns to the apartment”  

I made a trip to the cafe and spoke to the dozen or so elderly people there and confronted this man telling them all what a great father my dad had been, how he was an engineer and was in charge of the installation of the conveyor systems for the Airport and Post office , how I’d worked for him as a Millwright’s helper and how I was a doctor and specialists and taught at the university thanks to what a great father I’ d had.  I also said my parents raised me to tell the truth and I’d never heard either of them lie.”  I concluded by saying that I’d heard my father’s good name and reputation had been questioned and my father is a humble man who doesn’t care to be in the company of liars and near do wells.  

My mom told me after that this man who’d been the charm of the old ladies was thereafter ostracized and dad eventually returned to having their morning coffee there visiting with their friends. The old sociopath and liar apparently more often than not left when my father came but never again disparaged my father or called him a liar. 

I felt I did the right things, restoring order and protecting my father in his old age God knows he protected me endless times when I was young and indeed more often than not my worst enemy.  That he didn’t kill me when I was a teen ager was the coin that no doubt contributed to his going straight to heaven when he died.  There was no doubt that Mom was headed there but Dad, having been an Air Force Veteran through WWii expressed doubts about his own final destination.

Now I’m selling my sail boat. It was my life and identity for many years, learning all the navigation skills, sailing skills and boat maintenance and engine repairs, communication involved in off shore blue water sailing, my passion after and parallel to my medical training and speciality and sub speciality training.  I am selling the sailboat now.  Soon I’ll be without it and like my friend who lost his license after a stroke so can’t drive his truck, I’m feeling the future closing in on me.  

Younger I’ve heard people who are couch coaches and athletes and dr. Google specialists tell me “I don’t know anything”.  It’s that kind of world today.  People are being given awards and titles without having earned them. Indeed the new DEI , diversity, equity and inclusion designativions are being called ‘Did not earn it’.  Working with the military I had to address the growing issue of ‘stolen glory’, men and women claiming they had served and were wounded in wars that took place far from their couches and little minds.  The professors I know are having increasing problems with fraud.  I imagine Joe Biden telling people in the nursing home that he was once the President of the United States of America and no one believing that.

It’s ego dropping away.  My back aches and I’m no longer a gymnast and dancer and though I hiked to tops of mountains and carried 60 lb packs on week long hike I could sneeze today and be contorted by a spasm,  So yes it’s challenging.

I mostly fear being told by a liar the likes of our lying near do well Prime minister and so many of the political and media sorts and the paid lying Goebels sort that I wasn’t a sailor and wasn’t a doctor and wasn’t who I was.   I imagine being ny father walking away from a favourite cafe where I’d once been accepte and laughed with friends because a bullies and criminal and thief moved in and I just didn’t want to leave my room. Indeed it’s sometimes hard to get out of my bed.  And who’s going to be there to say I was a good man who lived life and loved and served.  Service is not a part of communism the religion of aetheism.  The godless are only interested in what they can get for themself and project their greed onto all those others who believe in something more.  

I had a nightmare of being stripped of my degrees and accomplishment and body and memories and was standing alone and being accused of being a liar and I had no evidence to prove my past. None of the babies I’d delivered. None of those I’d helped get off drugs and alcohol, none of those I’d brought back to life rescuing them from disease and death for another day were there. I was there in that empty room disembodied and naked being a cussed .  Ex wife and old enemies.  There were the murderers I refused to sign out of jail and the pedophiles I put in jail and the malingers and liars I’d exposed.  All of these were accusing me of the voices like those who said I never did n’t do enough. Like the lovers who were never satisfied and the patients who felt I wasb’t perfect and yet I’d done all I could. And the storms at sea which I’d tried to avoid and the storms I’d past through only barely surviving and thinking how poor a sailor I was with broken equipment and exhaustion and the thought that someone from the Navy or Coast Guard would know better or an old offshore fisherman. I’ve never felt I knew enough or was enough and seemed constantly facing challenges at the limit of ny learning.  

I supposed that Jesus or a friend night be in that room I was an advocate for my father.  I suppose and hope and even pray that there is an advocate on that day of reckoning to save me from despair and sorrow.  It’s hard to let go of my sailboat and hard to see my friends retiring and muddling on barely.  

Thank you God for what I had, Thank you God for what I lost, Thank you God for what I have left 

Monday Morning, summertime

I have been watching Boyz on Prime. Superhero’s and murder, greed and lust. I suppose it’s better than Dexter the vigilant serial killer. I could be watching Vera the female Colombo. I’ve watched so many of that kind of pro authority, catch the criminal type show.  NCIS, CSI, Blue Bloods, Hawaii 50.  I did enjoy watching Beast the South African horror nature movie with the rogue lion and a doctor and his daughters.  It was different.  There’s an ennui with movies these days.  As like and spin offs. The female stars cookie cutters.  

It’s me getting older and jaded.  I’ve seen so much.  There’s little originality.  I had this weekend free. I did ride my motorcycle up Burnaby Mountain and circle Simon Frazer University.  I thought of going to the beach or lake. I did go to the off leash park with Madigan.   I could have gone to festivals. There were many on.  Our church had a picnic

I walked the Brunette River with Madigan then the Burnaby River Walk.  I’ve begun listening to Steven Fry’s Audio book Hero’s, a follow up on his Greek gods and goddesses.  I started a book on the History of Intelligence.   I did my book keeping, laundry and mail pick up. I have a buyer for my boat but am stuck on the process. I asked my nephew and he recommended a lawyer . Hopefully that will progress this week.  I’m still waiting for my certificates from courses and confirmation of passing.    

I’m managing my practice keeping up with the weekly booked work and the emergency calls.  Mostly it’s prescription refills.  

I am concerned about aging, the pain and weakness in my back and the tremor in my right arm.  I took my hearing aid in and the problem with one was resolved and I obtained another amplification device that works quite well as back up.  Cyborg man. I am careful not to fall or take risks walking .  I see so many with mobility issues and feel a need to be health conscious.  I eat well but too much sugar and am trying to reduce fizzy drinks,

I have accepted several obligations above and beyond but resist in general adding more to my plate.   My camper is being repaired.  I’m enjoying my motor cycle but miss the vespa.

I’m caught between male and female. My dark passenger is female. Jung’s Anima. I sometimes think of her a demon like succubus and other times as the youth to my aging male.  She seems to be less depressed and less burdened. She’s lust encapsulated.  She might in fact be the party I’ve missed.  I look back on a sea of work and struggle with betrayal and foolishness.  I am letting go of pride as I manage. Spiritual pride is the toughest with its judgemental ness and false authority.  I seek the strength in humility, the alliance with the loving God.  So many have died and others have retired. I think of all the women complaining and how by comparison their lives were easy with the children.  Relative to heavy lifting and safety of men’s work and irrelevance.  Then  with regard to patience and presence they have been much more. I find the demands of my dog to play and explore tedious at time but children are all energy and attention seeking. I admire the women who have managed these little bundles of joy and demand.  I am truly blessed and pray all day and meditate mornings. I’ve not included the evening meditation I once did with discipline. I’ve not included the exercise I once did in the evening. I watch too much tv and lie on the couch enjoying ice cream with my dog who encourages that behaviour as we share.  I barbecued chicken last night too. He loves barbecue.     

I feel i have to write the psychiatry book if only to have a means to travel by attending conferences to write off the exploration of art galleries.

It was a good weekend.  I’m here with Monday again and a week of work before another weekend.  I’ve adjusted my alarm to awake earlier with a plan to write a book this next 6 months.  Addiction and psychiatry  Yesterday I wrote a chapter in a thriller instead.  I much preferred walking and taking photos of the flowers and birds. I saw the blue kingfisher on the weekend. That’s my blue bird of happiness. Each day I ask God to guide me.  

I loved learning the new prayer, Thank you for what I had, Thank you for what I lost, thank you for what I have left.

 

Starbucks - Burnaby Heights

I woke up at 6:30 as I commonly do. But today I only made it to the living room couch where I slept for another couple of hours before waking rested. It’s surprising at times how rest can be so reinvigorating.  It’s like that more.  I think it may be aging but after a week of threat and work and continued demands for perfection I really did need more sleep.  It may have been the stress of last weeks conference with plane flights.  I find change and disruption of my schedule trying. Mostly though I struggle with criticism and incompetence.  I’m in the 21st century but the leadership is stuck in the 19th century.

Trump being shot was extraordinary.  I wonder how I’d feel if there was a failed assasination attempt on Xi Jing Ping.  There were failed attempts on Lenin but the world didn’t know Trudeau has introduced Communist chinese style censorship so I feel more and more I live in a propaganda world.  News is manufactured.  Maybe the Trump shooting was AI. I’m I’d read a book about a president sniffing little girls and stumbling about mixing up the names of world leaders I’d find it hard to believe.  Yet there’s Biden and his cocaine and sex addicted son running the world.  I keep hoping that Trudeau has adult supervision.  I miss the Harper’s and Martin’s of days gone by or the Bush senior or even Clinton.  

I liked seeing DEI described as Didn’t Earn It after the failure of the Secret Service whose hiring is constrained by cultural Marxism.

I’m reading the brilliant Leon Uris Armageddon.  His Exodus read decades ago was unforgettable. Now I am learning the details of the Berlin airlift and wall. I just read the history of the Black Watch in WWii and the Canadian soldiers defence of Korea against the communist chinese invasion.  The communist chinese invaded India only a couple of years back but there’s little on the media even as more and more of the Liberal are exposed as traitors working for the communist chinese.  It’s tragically as if the next generation doesn’t know communist tactics or how many Canadians have died for a freedom that is now daily under attack.  

There’s a shortage of doctors and communists engineer shortages to centralize control.  The mismanagement of medical resources and scapegoating of individual doctors to cover up the systemic flaws of political appointments of incompetent management is at least in the news. I feel more jaded and fearful.  It’s like the average Canadian doesn’t know that Communism is the religion of aetheism and aetheism have killed hundreds of millions of innoscent civilians in the 20th century.  They don’t even hear about the millions of Cambiands murdered by communists of the genocide of armeninians by the millions by the Muslims. 

The saying goes that if you forget history you’re doomed to repeat it but I feel like I’m aware of history but am forced to watch the evil Trudeaus of the world all over again.  At least the VP Vance has come out and said communist china is the greatest threat to the world today. Meanwhile the latest world renown geographer has countered Trudeau’s lies by saying climate change will be a serious concern in a thousand years.  Trudeau is shitting himself and telling everyone that they must buy immodium because he has stock in the company

I loved learning the new prayer from Cheryl, the spiritual speaker at IDAA, “Thank you God for what I had. Thank you God for what I lost.  Thank you God for what I have left.”

I’m really blessed andd have lungs breathing this clean air a heart pumping blood through my body, a brain that’s managing the functions of my individuals life with out any serious need for micromanagement,  The system is working pretty well though I need to eat less and exercise more.  The tremor in my left hand comes and goes along with the [ain in my back but that’s all just because I spend evenings mostly on the couch watching Netflix.,  I’m watching the Boys now and Vera on Britbox. I’ve Prime, Britbox and Netflix.  I’m enjoying audiobooks and have completed a half dozen in the last couple of months.  The history of mammas.  Prehistory x 2.  History of geography.  History of Sex..History of Transexuallism x 2.  Right now I’m reading the history of prostitution.  I’ve a history of modern art I’ll begin next.  I have been watching more documentaries though enjoyed the Dexter series , a vigilante serial murdered.  

I took 27 year sobriety

I’m still working 4 days a week mostly virtual.

I’ve a wonderful little dog who gives me so much entertainment.  He’s been playing community sherif.  Here sitting beside me at Starbucks he barked when another dog walked by like the other dog needed his permission to pass. What a character. “No barking’. I said knowing he’s much brighter than we give him credit and that he wants me to walk more so he can get to the serious business of marking trees.

I’d just come from Hearing Life,  My right hearing aid had plugged up and she got it working and gave me more cleaning supplies and new domes.  I’m really dependent on hearing aids now. I couldn’t have got much out of the conference were it now for the hearing aids. Even then back ground noise in the rooms sometimes made it difficult to understand others in a circle.  Accents and soft speakers are a challenge.  I’m thankful for the Oticon and the ability to adjust volume on my iPhone.  

I’ve already picked up my mail , Clorox supplies, as well as lab results. I left Madigan in the car with sky roof open windows down and a bowl of water It’s as hot here these days as it was in Saipan.  Thank God for the Air conditioning I have in my home. I’m using an air cooling system in my office that heats up through the day but a window air conditioner makes too much noise.  This system is working but i have to have the door open to the living room and the living room air conditioner on,

Thank you God for my home and running water and outdoor plumbing and electricity and Apple computers and iPhones. Thank you God for the sunshine andd law and order.

It’s lovely here sitting outside Starbucks seeing the beautiful girls go by in summmer frocks and loose tshirt and short short.  

Laura is getting her nails done today.  We miss her. She smells nice :). 

Thank you God for AA and church. I must make an effort to get to church this Sunday. I’ve an online AA meeting in an hour and have to pick up my laundry before then. Tim to go.  

It’s a good day.  Life is good now. God is good all the time.  

 

The abscess

I don’t remember consciously.  I live in the present and consciously don’t go to that past when I was betrayed and betrayed.  The vulnerability and abuse, the friendship and enemies, the lies and lies and more lies.  It’s a dark abscess like a disease that I contained and cutting off an arm.  Each step away from that abyss cost so much of a broken heart. Scarred and wounded I understood the soldiers and prisoners freed but unable to forget the injustice and deceit.  

Why was I spared. I know some who died. I know some who lost children and loved ones. I know the desperate.

Now I’ve awaken that abyss again even though the offenders who never confessed are dead.  Nazi’s who went to their death believing I should have died.  Not understanding why I was the phoenix rising.

I had the nightmares for so many years.  

I loved the song by the travelling Wilbury’s Handle Me With Care.

Somehow I survived.

Now I live one day at a tine with an attitude of gratitude because all that can explain my coming back from the dead is God, prayer and meditation

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Mother of God. Thank you Holy Spirit.  

I see Judah and the pieces of silver and know the myth of myths, the lies of the great deceiver.  They kill God.  Whatever made you think they wouldn’t kill a mere mortal like you and cover it up.  

Voltaire said, steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king

The oldest law is the Chinese Law of the Fish.  There are big fish and little fish. The little fish must be fast and numerous.

Meteora and Capadocia and caves the world over have been hiding places but there are no hiding places except in one’s own heart. The soul. Living on the inside not the outside.  

Thank you God for the air. Thank you God for the light. Thank you God for the sacrifice of your son. Thank you God for all the saints. Thank you for the sacred. Thank you for connection and energy. Thank you for life, Thank you for thought. Thank you for love, Thank you for sensation. Thank you for this nervous system. Thank you for rest. Thank you for coffee. Thank you for your protection and care. Thank you for friendship and love,  Guide me Lord, Be with me in all the moments and seconds.  Be with me and let’s stop playing hide and seek. I am yours.  Thy will be done.  

Pyrrhic Victory

I look back on my life and see a series of fights uneven fights.  As a kid I’d defend the under dog and fight 3 or 4 to 1 odds to help someone being ‘picked’ on. I was even ‘chivalrous’ before the feminists played both sides of the street.  I took an oath to advocate for my patients and fought countless causes on their behalf.  I was Don Quixote.  

The black knight winner sided with the Communists. The Benedict Arnold was far more rewarded.  The beautiful artist gave me a tape of Simon and Garfunkels ‘the boxer’ and a sculpture of a mannequin head.

I played the world’s tiniest violin and went out again and again to fight the Nazis.  Mother’s in space ships locked the doors and told their children not to go there. ‘They kill God”.

One step ahead of the crowd you’re a leader. Two steps ahead of the crowd you’re a martyr. Beware of large crowds of stupid people.

I wasn’t a one trick pony.  They say we’ll all have three careers in our life time.

Each of the battles I won.  If I lost I’ d still get up to fight again. There was the war. Leonard Cohen. Theere’s a war.

Now my life is past and all I hear is the song, “are you taking in the z’s. Are you living a good time’.  Who made you sherif. Get down off the cross we can use the wood.

He admired money and power and set it up so we didn’t confront the authorities again.  We became the authorities.  We were Borged.  

How much shame can a man contain

Peter denied him over and over again. I hear the cock crow and crow. 

I’m trying to learn to survive. No more Bonhoeffer. Let the Arendt Banality of Evil go on.

I don’t need to fight.

It’s not my circus and not my monkeys.  

Don’t fight city hall. The house always wins

I’m tired and on the downhill. Impoverished in so many ways.  Sir Galahad and the round table.  

Old wars. Anxient history. No one cares.  

They re write history and create the wars.  I’m not wanting any more pyrrhic victory.  

Please God guide me,

I remember we wanted to change the system and said it couldn’t be done from the outside.

Here I was in the inner circle, in the centre of the Glass Bead Game and I couldn’t change it. 

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

It’s just a job she said. She was in charge of all the doctors lives and livelihood,  It’s just a job. She said. 

“I work to rule,” he said.

“I sell real estate on the side and have no time for my patients. I’ve no pension and no health care and real estate pays way more especially being a doctor. I’d like to do half as well as the government beaurocrats, so safe, so far removed.

I don’t know why you keep studying and learning, the administrators don’t,

Get with it.

The military psychiatrist I admired said I was too old for idealism. Do what you can and realize we are good enough.  You can’t care so much they use that against you.  We just do our best knowing our best is never good enough for them because they gave up long again.  

I feel betrayed.

Self pity and people pleasing.

They threaten me all the time, They constantly criticize,  We’re never good enough.  We’re expected to do miracles without the tools or the resources

Welcome to the war.

You’re in the military.  Civil service.  You’re in private practice . That’s just like the guides or militia

You’re right we’re all the good guys. 

And gals. .  

Death is stalking me now.

Rainbows and unicorns and gardening.

I want to join the monastery I said. We’d just make you see patients,the monk said.  

No body has ever questioned your clinical skills, You’re one of the best doctors I’ve even known but you ‘re just supposed to tick the boxes and be a tit but don’t fight city hall. You’re too old for that shit.  You’re on the way out. 

Feed them. Don’t teach them to fish.  Just feed them,

Pyrrhic victory. You don’t need any more of them. Settle down.  Be happy.  You’ve served. You’ve done your time even if you never did a crime.  Count of Monte Christo.

Poor me po0r me poor me another drink

You still have God.  How poor can you be,  

Any day now you will die, Already those you loved are disappearing,  Alien abduction,  Death,  The rapture.  

Pride. You do know pride is the greatest of spiritual defects of character.  The arrogance of the devil. The humility and gratitude of God. 

It’s certainly been a grand adventure.

Thank you God,  Help me to be more kind,  Help me to be more wise.  Help me to love more.,  

Thank you Jesus. 

The Walter’s Art Museum, Baltimore

Baltimore has a number of museums and galleries When I explained to the staff at the Marion where my medical conference is they asked me what I was interested in and hearing my rambling response recommended Walter’s Art Museum. What a great pick for an afternoon.  It was on west centre street in downtown Baltimore and the admission was free. There as an interesting exhibit of ancient art coupled with a contemporary similar producation.  The best example was a classical  Roman sculpture coupled with a similiar more contemporary work.  A ancient sculpture of a man carrying a sheep was coupled with a more recent sculpture of a man carrying a dog,

The museums Medieval art and sculpture works and the Renaissance art was on the third floor.  It was a superb collection especially a donated Venitian production of the abduction of Helen of Troy.  

I do like religious art especially the mother and child as I like to consider why the artists facial expressions and direction they’re pointing.  There were central themes like the crucifixion and mother and child that justified the expense for patrons and public display.  Many of the works I saw today came from churches and some from monasteries.  The Renaissance by contrast had a broader choice of themes as Greek and Roman mythology was coupled with the Christians themes.  I liked the armour and weapons, miters and reliquaries.   

IDAA Baltimore CME

I am really enjoying the CME at this conference.  Dr. Maureen Murphy-Ryan presented the latest research on increased risk addiction has for women.  She described the tendency for co morbid psychiatric disorders especially PTSD.  She described recent studies including perinatal findings with addiction.  The good news was the hope in recovery. Women did well in AA.  She described also recent meication research such as naltrexone. 

I see women paitents with addiction and in recovery and stress the medical concerns and offer treatment centre referrals, contact with AA/NA and Smart. In addition at UBC we have an excellent perinatal program which will take over psychiatric care of the patient during the pregnancy and return them to my care some months after the delivery.  

Mel Pohl MD presntation on complex conditions which don’t have a clear medical diagnosis such as pain disorders and interstituion bladder issues. V Given that I have a number of patients who have so called psychosomatic disorder I was very interested in Mel’s recommendations . I enjoyed Mel’s emphasis on compassion but also his willingness to educate people that a third MRI isn’t as valuable as considering psychological factors.  Adverse Childhood Events research was especially relevant  when attempting to address these problems.  Addressing these conditions helps to prevent relapses in addiction medicine as well.  Beware of reacting to the ‘so you’re saying it’s all in my head’ scenario because too often these patients, Mel said, have been discounted. He emphasized the importance of listening. He described childhood trauma and the need for ‘safety’ to heal. Pain Reprocessing Therapy’s successes were especially interesting to me. 






Tommie Lauer did a presentation and group participation in addressing diversity in clinical settings.  She emphasized the need for open mindedness and used a set of questions that the FAA use to sort out those who would be safest to pilot a plane. These same questions and  balanced approach were relevant to the clinical setting as well,  Unfortunately I arrived late for this one and everyone was already working with pen and paper addressing diversity issues as they arise.  

As usual the greatest value of these conferences is the conversations over coffee between sessions.   Not only am I getting insights into self care I’ve been able to discuss difficult cases that have arisen in my practice. I also hope I’ve been able to help some younger clinicians.