The abscess

I don’t remember consciously.  I live in the present and consciously don’t go to that past when I was betrayed and betrayed.  The vulnerability and abuse, the friendship and enemies, the lies and lies and more lies.  It’s a dark abscess like a disease that I contained and cutting off an arm.  Each step away from that abyss cost so much of a broken heart. Scarred and wounded I understood the soldiers and prisoners freed but unable to forget the injustice and deceit.  

Why was I spared. I know some who died. I know some who lost children and loved ones. I know the desperate.

Now I’ve awaken that abyss again even though the offenders who never confessed are dead.  Nazi’s who went to their death believing I should have died.  Not understanding why I was the phoenix rising.

I had the nightmares for so many years.  

I loved the song by the travelling Wilbury’s Handle Me With Care.

Somehow I survived.

Now I live one day at a tine with an attitude of gratitude because all that can explain my coming back from the dead is God, prayer and meditation

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Mother of God. Thank you Holy Spirit.  

I see Judah and the pieces of silver and know the myth of myths, the lies of the great deceiver.  They kill God.  Whatever made you think they wouldn’t kill a mere mortal like you and cover it up.  

Voltaire said, steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king

The oldest law is the Chinese Law of the Fish.  There are big fish and little fish. The little fish must be fast and numerous.

Meteora and Capadocia and caves the world over have been hiding places but there are no hiding places except in one’s own heart. The soul. Living on the inside not the outside.  

Thank you God for the air. Thank you God for the light. Thank you God for the sacrifice of your son. Thank you God for all the saints. Thank you for the sacred. Thank you for connection and energy. Thank you for life, Thank you for thought. Thank you for love, Thank you for sensation. Thank you for this nervous system. Thank you for rest. Thank you for coffee. Thank you for your protection and care. Thank you for friendship and love,  Guide me Lord, Be with me in all the moments and seconds.  Be with me and let’s stop playing hide and seek. I am yours.  Thy will be done.