SV GIRI, MD, Aging and awards

Seeing President Biden drop out of the presidential race was positive and negative for me. Yes he was dramatically neurocognitively declining over the last years and it was difficulty to hear this explained as studdering.  Bruce Willis has declined to.  So did Joni Mitchel but she’s made a come back.  I’m of an age when so many of my cohort are retiring, declining or even dying. I’ve lost too many family and close friends in the last few years. It’s cause for grief and for anxiety for my self. I’m a great one for denial of death having worked in the midst of death and being as prone to the next for magical thinking.  

My father was an engineer and in charge of the Matthew Conveyor installation at the Winnipeg Airport and Winnipeg Post Office. It was the reason my family moved to Winnipeg. Dad had 150 men working under him in those years.  Yet post retirement, downsized front house to apartment with Mom, having survived an MI and near death experience after prostate surgery, he was no longer robust and the powerful as the man I’d known him.  There was a coffee room and activity room where he stayed.  A man my father had fired for drunkenness and theft on the job was given an apartment in the same building my father was in. Mom and he had paid significantly for him to be there and always paid more than their share.  I never knew either to not work. Yet now this former street person was harassing my father whenever he went to the cafe.  My father stopped going to the cafe and my mother told me of this.  What he was most upset with she said, “He keeps calling him a liar and says he wasn’t an engineer and didn’t work on the PO or Airport.  He bullies your  dad and calls him names and your father just returns to the apartment”  

I made a trip to the cafe and spoke to the dozen or so elderly people there and confronted this man telling them all what a great father my dad had been, how he was an engineer and was in charge of the installation of the conveyor systems for the Airport and Post office , how I’d worked for him as a Millwright’s helper and how I was a doctor and specialists and taught at the university thanks to what a great father I’ d had.  I also said my parents raised me to tell the truth and I’d never heard either of them lie.”  I concluded by saying that I’d heard my father’s good name and reputation had been questioned and my father is a humble man who doesn’t care to be in the company of liars and near do wells.  

My mom told me after that this man who’d been the charm of the old ladies was thereafter ostracized and dad eventually returned to having their morning coffee there visiting with their friends. The old sociopath and liar apparently more often than not left when my father came but never again disparaged my father or called him a liar. 

I felt I did the right things, restoring order and protecting my father in his old age God knows he protected me endless times when I was young and indeed more often than not my worst enemy.  That he didn’t kill me when I was a teen ager was the coin that no doubt contributed to his going straight to heaven when he died.  There was no doubt that Mom was headed there but Dad, having been an Air Force Veteran through WWii expressed doubts about his own final destination.

Now I’m selling my sail boat. It was my life and identity for many years, learning all the navigation skills, sailing skills and boat maintenance and engine repairs, communication involved in off shore blue water sailing, my passion after and parallel to my medical training and speciality and sub speciality training.  I am selling the sailboat now.  Soon I’ll be without it and like my friend who lost his license after a stroke so can’t drive his truck, I’m feeling the future closing in on me.  

Younger I’ve heard people who are couch coaches and athletes and dr. Google specialists tell me “I don’t know anything”.  It’s that kind of world today.  People are being given awards and titles without having earned them. Indeed the new DEI , diversity, equity and inclusion designativions are being called ‘Did not earn it’.  Working with the military I had to address the growing issue of ‘stolen glory’, men and women claiming they had served and were wounded in wars that took place far from their couches and little minds.  The professors I know are having increasing problems with fraud.  I imagine Joe Biden telling people in the nursing home that he was once the President of the United States of America and no one believing that.

It’s ego dropping away.  My back aches and I’m no longer a gymnast and dancer and though I hiked to tops of mountains and carried 60 lb packs on week long hike I could sneeze today and be contorted by a spasm,  So yes it’s challenging.

I mostly fear being told by a liar the likes of our lying near do well Prime minister and so many of the political and media sorts and the paid lying Goebels sort that I wasn’t a sailor and wasn’t a doctor and wasn’t who I was.   I imagine being ny father walking away from a favourite cafe where I’d once been accepte and laughed with friends because a bullies and criminal and thief moved in and I just didn’t want to leave my room. Indeed it’s sometimes hard to get out of my bed.  And who’s going to be there to say I was a good man who lived life and loved and served.  Service is not a part of communism the religion of aetheism.  The godless are only interested in what they can get for themself and project their greed onto all those others who believe in something more.  

I had a nightmare of being stripped of my degrees and accomplishment and body and memories and was standing alone and being accused of being a liar and I had no evidence to prove my past. None of the babies I’d delivered. None of those I’d helped get off drugs and alcohol, none of those I’d brought back to life rescuing them from disease and death for another day were there. I was there in that empty room disembodied and naked being a cussed .  Ex wife and old enemies.  There were the murderers I refused to sign out of jail and the pedophiles I put in jail and the malingers and liars I’d exposed.  All of these were accusing me of the voices like those who said I never did n’t do enough. Like the lovers who were never satisfied and the patients who felt I wasb’t perfect and yet I’d done all I could. And the storms at sea which I’d tried to avoid and the storms I’d past through only barely surviving and thinking how poor a sailor I was with broken equipment and exhaustion and the thought that someone from the Navy or Coast Guard would know better or an old offshore fisherman. I’ve never felt I knew enough or was enough and seemed constantly facing challenges at the limit of ny learning.  

I supposed that Jesus or a friend night be in that room I was an advocate for my father.  I suppose and hope and even pray that there is an advocate on that day of reckoning to save me from despair and sorrow.  It’s hard to let go of my sailboat and hard to see my friends retiring and muddling on barely.  

Thank you God for what I had, Thank you God for what I lost, Thank you God for what I have left 

Prayer and Jesus

Luke 18
1.“Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them they should always pray and not give up.
2.He said, “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought.
3. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, “Grant me justice against my adversary.”
4. “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, “Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think
5. yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice,
so that she won’t eventually come back and attack me!"
6. And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judges says.
7. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?
8. I tell you, he will see that they get justice , and quickly. However when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"

I am again being falsely accused. I am troubled that the courts in Canada have become like the Communist inviting  false witnesses to give power to the State and cause every truthful man or women to live in fear. Totalitarian and police states encourage all to report on their neighbours and celebrate those most those who lie and attack Christians and good and true officials.
I cry night and day “Grant me justice against my adversary”.  But I struggle to understand if my adversary is the individual psychopath or psychotic or the system that does not protect good men who do their work.
There are untold odious complaints and false testimonies against doctors who work with two types of patients
1) those with drug and alcohol problems.  If any one knows drug addicts or alcoholic they know well what vengeful and petty individuals they can be when they are in their cups or hung over.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous based on the honest assessment of their individuals in recovery noted that Resentment and Fear were central features of their universally immature character.  Resentment was the central fuel of their addiction.  Bitterness.  They commonly live in the past and hold grudges and their fear of retaliation is such that they are often paranoid for periods of time.  These are the people who are quick to complaint, easily offended, don’t like to cut anyone slack but demand it for themselves.  They fill the courts and their letters to the editor are endless. They are the cause of many wars ever waiting to restart some old conflict in the hope of getting even.
2) those who are involved are dissatisfied with their employer and are getting paid to stay home from work by an insurance company.. Their anger with their employer is more often concerning deep seated issues against authority tied to their earliest childhood, neglectful or outright abusive parents.  The doctor is called upon to write a letter to say that they cannot work because of some condition.  With physical medicine this isn’t as threatening for the doctor because when the injury heals there is obvious evidence that the patient is well so return to work should follow.  There are objective measures.  In psychiatry the issue is far far worse because the complaints are invariably about something ‘subjective’ such as “pain”, “dizziness”, “fatigue”, “depression”,  “anxiety”.  With Borderlines Personality Disorders, like Paranoid Personality Disorders, people are seen in black and white categories. Lawyers who defend people against sometimes callous insensitive greedy insurance companies are often as as difficult as insurance company companies who are occasionally callous insensitive and greedy.  There is a conflict inherent in this situation made worse by the inexperience or agendas of the lawyers and the insurance agents. The psychiatrist who is required by law to be as ‘objective’ and ‘impartial’ as possible is called upon to express an ‘opinion’.  The psychiatrist is however by ethical oath an ‘advocate’ for the patient.  He can not lie but he will be as supportive and understanding of her concern as possible.  To this end I report the patients concerns clearly and measure their subjective complains and write formulations that attempt to see the best in people, some of whom are malingering sociopaths.  I “diagnosed’ sociopaths and malingerers by the dozens in the past but I was told that this was unacceptable and really it was now a matter for the courts and judge to assess this. Further if I stated the obvious that a person was a sociopath,psycopath or malingerer in my opinion the patient would definitely complain to the College of Physicians who might well agree but punish me to the tune of $10,000 tying me up in a legal beaurocratic malaise that gave them raison d’être and made them and lawyers rich but definitively punished me to no end.  I have been punished repeated to the cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars for telling the truth as a doctor.
So I don’t diagnose people as sociopaths, psychopaths or malingerers anymore.  Naturally it’s like any doctor who is told that he cannot diagnose ‘appendicitis’ or some such not uncommon diagnosis in their field.  Our textbooks and diagnositic formulations all include these diagnosis but ‘smart’ doctors especially those most interested in ‘business’ just know not to diagnose anything that would be ‘unpopular’ with patients. Rich doctors must be liked and popular. It was for this reason and it continues to a lesser extent that most doctors won’t diagnose alcoholism, addiction or even sometimes mental illness.  They don’t want to lose the patient.
Regardless today I support patients and generally don’t think of them as psychopaths , sociopaths or malingerers because as their doctor I really want to ‘give them the benefit of the doubt’. Even when I learn they are unable to work because it’s too tough for them to sit at a desk for 2 hours because of their pain but they fly 12 hours to vacation spots and back, well it does seem suspicious but I am there to be helpful not to be a judge. The judge will sort this out because so often in these cases too the insurance company will hire a psychiatrist who will quickly see how ‘incongruent’ the patients statements are and even note that while the patient can’t do ‘their’ job they are nonetheless working under the table or doing things for family and friends which would constitute work.  One person who ‘couldn’t work’ had a family business running out of the basement. Anyone who has worked with insurance companies knows just how sadly common this is especially in those who do not share an ethical or moral basis  of the greater community.
When patients are angry with doctors because the doctor is perceived as a threat they don’t complain about the doctor specifically being a threat to their desire to get their‘ money for nothing’  because of deep seated issues of entitlement but rather will make their complaint ‘powerful’ as possible.  Single male doctors are therefore with women always ‘sexually harassing’ simply because there is no basis to ‘sexual harassment’ except a he said, she said complaint much like the subjective complain of ‘fatigue’.  One female theif who called her accuser ‘sexually harassing’ actually called the policeman who investigated ‘sexually harassing’ and the Vancouver police department would not follow up on the case because of the fear and cost of this complaint to date to their members.  In all cases there is no ‘objectivity’ to the complaint but it remains as a ‘character assassination’ and it’s done for profit as the patient in these work place issues is trying to get ‘money for nothing’ and ‘time off work’.
Many companies have successfully reduced these kinds of situations by allowing workers to be off work in a company club house or cafeteria but not allowing them to go home to be paid.  One of the sure signs of malingering or alternatively factitious disorder is the refusal of patients to attend group therapy or any group situation because when there is a group malingerers sociopaths and psychopaths know that their ‘sickness behaviour’ might be filmed or witnessed by others when they are not aware. In one to one interviews it’s easy to maintain the ‘sham’ but in the group process there are just too many variables and even a person with a decided limp might forget to do it in the complexity of groups. Naturally Insurance companies when they believe a person is a sociopath , psychopath or malingerer will want the person with the psycihaitric illness to attend a group. Further group therapy is to psychiatrists the very best of therapy and a central cornerstone of psychiatric hospitalization.  There is really little reason for a person not to attend group therapy.
Yet this is when the ‘I’m agoraphobic and I’m social phobic ‘ or “I’m too fatigued to get out of bed” . In the past they were hospitlized at this point and the ‘truth would out’ . One of my patients couldn’t ‘walk’ , but the nurse noted that he sneaked out of his bed at night to use the washroom so I diagnosed him as a ‘malingerer’ and naturally he complained to the authorities , right up to the Minister of Health, that I was a Fascist.  I miss the hospital as it was the very best psychiatric intervention for sorting this matter out.
Without hospital resources psychiatrists are now at increased threat and risk from dangerous patients.
Further in Canada there is a horrendous unconscionable lack of consequence for PERJURY.  The 10 Commandments says “Thou shalt not Bear False Witness’ but in this anti Christian, anti Bible, Anti Truth, Anti doctor country I have been utterly utterly frustrated and countless times in tears for doing my job and trying to help patients to the best of my ability with all my training and experience but only to be faced with complaints because I continue to work with people who have drug and alcohol problems and who are out of work and in conflict with their insurance companies..
The sad thing is that I have been able to help hundreds or thousands of people and the proverbial ‘bad’ apple is one in a hundred.  Most of my patients who have anxiety or pain or depression offered ‘group therapy’ jump at the opportunity. Patients who want to get better will do everything to so and yet there are those for whom treatments don’t work but they don’t pick and chose and refuse to be in any situation where they are under observation.  They welcome a chance to prove their truthfulness.
Patients with drug and alcohol problems are harmed by those who lie and enable their disease. I make the diagnosis as frankly as I do cancer. Being diagnosed with alcoholism or addiction is like being told you have cancer but if doctors don’t tell their patients the truth they patients are at greater risk.
I never think of patients as the adversary.  I thinks the system or the authorities are at fault because they know these aren’t ‘isolated’ cases yet they punish the doctors who work with these difficult groups. Most of my much smarter and more clever and more business oriented colleagues simply say no to seeing patients with drug and alcohol problems or work problems or with superego lacunae.  I see people who are murderers and prostitutes and often very dangerous and often very unclean and smelling very badly and I know my colleagues and the government in general denies them care by neglect or a countless series of barriers to treatment but I work with these people but I get upset, forgive me jesus, for being stabbed in the back over and over again by the very people who are supposed to be serving the same people I am.
I am not the enemy.
I am a Christian who when I was going to work in Africa was told by Dr. Jack Hildes Canada has as many people who are need missionary doctors because our health care services don’t treat the marginalized.  I have followed his advise and worked in the areas of ‘greatest need’ but I’m old and tired and reduced to crying by my bedside where my mother taught me to pray on my knees.
GOD GRANT ME JUSTICE AGAINST MY ADVERSARIES.

William Hay, Psychiatrist

I am thankful for my name. Wiliam has served me well.  I use the formal, long version, though have been nicknamed Bill or Will throughout my life. The name Hay is a name I acquired from my parents.  My grandfather was a Reeve and my father a man admired as a leader.  The problem for me was ‘psychiatrist’.
I had no problem being, William Hay, Physician.  Today I still commonly introduce myself as such.  The stigma against the mental ill which is so prevalent in this country also applies to their caregivers.
I’m proud to tell people that I was accepted into surgery and did a year of the three or four required to be a surgeon.  Mine was a surgical internship and my electives had been in plastic and orthopaedic surgery as a student.  I had concluded in my training that I wanted to be a missionary doctor and that best equipped missionaries were surgeons.  I was reading a lot of turn of century history at the time.  The problem was my wife, another doctor, by the time I was an intern, didn’t want to be a missionary. She wasn’t even a Christian per se.  She wanted to work in the university and stay in the city.  She wasn't adventurous and certainly didn't like camping when I introduced her to the wilderness.  Our marriage never did work out.
In those days, and the tendency remains, I thought if something was ‘good’ , like obviously being a missionary to me was, others would see it as such.  Today I know a whole group of people think missionaries are idiots.  My wife hated the idea of my becoming a psychiatrist.  She loved the idea of being married to a surgical resident.  She didn't like psychiatrists, possibly because she'd grown up surrounded by severe mental illness and wanted a life as far away from that as possible.
When I announced I wasn’t going to return to surgery and wasn’t going to stay a family practitioner, but rather I was going into psychiatry, my wife was ashamed.  My medical colleagues collectively expressed their astonishment.  The jist of their concerns were summed up in these repeated exclamations,
“You’re such a good doctor, you don’t have to be a psychiatrist’.  When I entered psychiatry it was thought to be a place where only the lowest level of doctors worked.  Often immigrants entered the country by agreeing to work in asylums because even psychiatrists didn't want to work in asylums in those years.
“You can be a surgeon, you don’t have to be a psychiatrist”.  The hierarchy in medicine was from the ‘seen’ (surgery is so obvious) to the ‘unseen’ - the work of psychiatry is by far the ‘subtlest”.
“You’re a real physician, you’re not going to get along in that quackery’.   As a ‘real physician’ this meant, that I was a scientist.  I’d come into medicine with a mixed arts and science background.  My arts background made me ‘suspect’ to those students whose only interest had been science or technology.  I felt I had to ‘prove’ myself as a ‘scientist’ and that having done theatre and arts and english, liking music and writing, well, I was suspect.  I ‘proved’ myself with outstanding performance and knowledge in biochemistry and a gift for surgery.  So having ‘proved’ myself, here I was’ forfeiting’ my ‘membership’ in the ‘elite’ medical group of the ‘scientist doctors’ or ‘surgeon doctor’ to become somehow ‘less than.'  This 'elite' group has made an ironic comeback with in recent years as the respect for medicine declines and everyone is turning to superstition versus science in the true quackery of so many 'alternative medicines' and 'health food stores'.  People don't want 'scientists' or 'technicians' as much as they want 'physicians' but I never could explain my decision to be a psychiatrist because that was what was most "needed" back then and I can't explain this to them now.
The real ‘money’ in medicine was in surgery and internal medicine.  The psychiatric patients were predominantly poor in comparison.  The richest doctors were surgeons and internists and the poorest were often psychiatrists. The billing schedules from the start were always against the psychiatrist.
We were often mixed up with ‘psychologists’ and psychologists were considered collectively as ‘flakes’.  Mostly the psychologists were girls and the counsellors were usually people who couldn’t do the heavy lifting, like radiology technicians so ‘just talked to people’.  They were likened to ‘high school teachers’.  Doctors were university men.
As a family physician and a flyin doctor in the north I’d seen that the ‘greatest need’ was in psychiatry and addiction. I’d become interested in ‘non compliance and ‘non adherence to medical regimen.  This was only addressed at my university by psychiatrists.  It was called ‘resistance’.
Alternatively I considered ‘immunology’, a fledgling speciality pre HIV, because it too discussed the idea of the organisms' ‘rejection’ of transplants, and ‘immunological vulnerability’ to disease.  
In surgery and infectious disease, the emphasis was on the terrible external environment.  Bad things like bulletts entered good bodies and good surgeons took out the bullets and returned people to wellness.  Bad bugs entered good bodies and good doctors made good drugs to kill bad bugs and restore people to healthiness.  I consider 'regular' medicine like playing chess (I played chess at university) whereas psychiatry was like three dimensional chess. In psychiatry I was juggling a lot of ideas whereas in medicine I was usually just following protocols.
My first patient who died that upset me so much had been given excellent care. His doctors had all given him good drugs and he had good education and all should have been well but he and his family rejected the ‘education’ and he didn’t take his medication and therefore died.  Nothing all the kings soldiers could do would put humpty together again.  I felt a personal failure despite having done above and beyond the call of duty.  I 'd pulled out all stops to save this man and in the end it changed my interest from surgery to understanding 'noncompliance' and 'resistance' and a renewed interest in 'spirituality'.
That’s when in research  I learned first that 30% of all patients are ‘non compliant’ and another ’30% of patients spontaneous remit.  I'd always been interested in 'placebo' effect and became even more interested in 'psychosomatic medicine' when it was a fledgling idea. Further in a lot of populations 50% of patients didn’t follow their treatment and in psychiatric patients the number was as high as 80% of patients. 80% of patients didn’t take their medications.
My  colleague, rich, and loved by drug companies always saw a patients lack of progress directly a consequence of the medication so he prescribed a newer more expensive medication. I went to the patients homes and found that their drug cabinets were full of unused medications.  I asked why they didn’t take their medications and learned a wonder of information about how humans behave which was wholly overlooked in the pharmacy training at the university.   I remained poor and eventually didn't even teach whereas my colleague because the richest and most admired and favoured physician and psychiatrist because he was the principal representative of the pharmaceutical industry. Their greatest promoter and richest retainer.  I continue to look in drug cabinets and do home visits and believe thats where the real money of medicine is.
I also saw that the most difficult patients to treat in my family practice were the ones with mental illness. They were the challenge and the businessmen doctors didn’t like these patients because they didn’t get better like ‘good’ patients did.
There was a fine line between ‘bad’ and ‘mad’ and everyone, despite their expressed ‘liberal’ and ‘politically correct sentiments’ about the ‘mad’ ultimately treated them as ‘bad’.  They were ‘non compliant’ and ‘resistant’ and ‘difficult’ and as doctors became family men and businessmen and pharmacists vied to prescribe, all people wanted to make money and have a good job and go home to their families with patients who came sick, got better quick and went home themselves. No one wanted psychiatric patients. And no one wanted addicts. These groups were complainers and angry and didn't get better.  This was the time before 'lifestyle disease' became a fashionable word.
Most mental illness is life long.  The ‘chronic’ diseases are a waxing and waning sort. They have relapses and recurrences and there is a ‘vulnerability’ that causes patients with psychiatric illness to often slowly deteriorate overtime or not quite get back to where they were. Or, even if they do succeed very well, whose to say they won’t have an episode a decade or so down the road.
Whereas we never looked at people who had recurrent respiratory infections as having ‘weak’ lungs because of the ‘bad bug’ idea of infectious disease, we tended to look at people who had recurrent depression as ‘weak’ because psychiatry focused on the ‘vulnerable’.  Indeed psychiatrists who focused on 'trauma' or 'stress' or 'toxic workplaces' were no more welcome than were jail doctors who faced with treating bones broken by guards questioned the breaking rather than just setting the fractures. There's 'preventative' medicine and 'preventative medicine'.
Psychiatric patients were therefore called them ‘weak’ and especially those  with addiction, a part of psychiatry.  They were told  ‘buck up’, “man up’, ‘quit your crying’, ‘toughen up’.  Don’t be silly.
It’s 25 years later and I’m still calling myself, William Hay, Physician, without any concern but when I say, I’m William Hay, Psychiatrist, I’m hesitant.  When I am an ‘advocate’ for a patient who has heart disease or is in a wheelchair or has infection, I’m seen as ‘doing my job’.  A physician is supposed to be an advocate for his patient.  It’s part of the code of ethics for physicians.
I am an advocate for my patients.  As a Christian I am a healer and know that Jesus was a healer and he was also a teacher and advocate.  Part of my becoming a physician, when I could as easily have been anything else, I was a straight A student in Arts and Science at the university, the golden boy, a very large part was that I was a Christian. The finest doctors I’d known were Christian to that time in my life.  When I studied the history of medicine I saw that the truly religious, not just of Christianity but of every religion were the ones who made the greatest contribution to the healing sciences.  Religions in general took care of the sick.   My hero was Albert Schwietzer.
But to be an advocate of a psychiatric patients, worse, an advocate of an addict, or even a former addict, was to be akin to the "despicable."  Even St. Peter denied his association with Jesus when Jesus was condemned by the courts.  I saw that psychiatric patients and especially the addicted were condemned by society at large.  I was condemned by ‘association’ from the time I said I wanted to be a psychiatrist.  25 years later I am still condemned by association. I’m the modern equivalent of the ‘leper’ doctor.
Advocating for the addicted and mentally ill makes one ‘bad’ and as everyone knows psychiatrists are ‘mad’ already.
So William Hay, Psychiatrist is still a thing I hesitate saying despite years of experience, years of healing, years of amazing restoration of health of thousands of individuals and the overwhelming evidence that what I’ve done as a psychiatrist is deeply ‘good’, I’m still afraid to be associated with the ‘fallen’ .  Just like Peter, I fear ‘association’ with Jesus. I fear association with the mentally ill and especially those in recovery because they, and we are punished.  
This is today, when all surgeons and all internists know that they are working in the area of 'chronic illness' and that their patients all suffer mostly from 'psychosomatic' illness. As psychiatry has learned it's somatic aspects with MRI and beneficial somatic treatments like surgery and medicine, the rest of medicine and surgery has had to come to grips with it's psychiatric aspects and especially address the issues of non compliance and non adherence to medical regimen.  
William Hay, Psychiatrist.
William Hay, Advocate of the Mentally Ill and Addicted.
It still doesn't sit as well as William Hay, Physician.
Some days William Hay, Psychiatrist is a truly frightening thing to call myself.   It's like putting a target on.  It's like wearing general’s stripes on a helmut in a war zone. It's  like painting a red cross on an ambulance in a war with people who see illness as weakness and weakness as something to be exploited. That’s like saying to the rich, I’m poor, and waiting for the condemnation and laughter.  That’s not something one says openly in a world of ‘survival of the fittest’.
William Hay, Physician. That’s something societies at large have grown to accept and live with. Physical illness isn’t viewed superstitiously or as ‘malingering’.  But mental illness is.
Mental illness and those who treat mental illness and the advocates of the mentally ill are actually ‘threatening’ to those who are the most mentally ill themselves but conceal this as people who have secrets and lies do.
People who are hiding mental illness, especially those with alcoholism or doing cocaine,  for instance, or pedophilia, or sex addiction, or sadism, like to ‘punish’ the mentally ill to distance themselves from themselves.  But that’s something psychiatrists know.
William Hay, Physician. I can live with that.  William Hay, Psychiatrist, most days I’m too cowardly to say that.  Just like William Hay, Christian, is hard for me to say.  Christians are the most persecuted group in the world.  So what’s worse in a secular insane society, William Hay, Psychiatrist and William Hay, Psychiatrist and Christian.  Might as well, lock oneself up in the asylum.  When I worked there and lived there I knew as we all did that the bars on the wall were to protect us from the outside.  We didn't want patients to escape, not because they were so much a risk to society but because society was so harsh on them.  Jails were where people were locked up to keep them from escaping by comparison.  Jails protected society from criminals.  It's a subtle difference but then psychiatry is 'subtle'.  
Anyone who ‘advocates’ for the mentally ill and the addicted has painted a bull’s eye cross on their forehead for enemies to take aim at.
Much easier to be William Hay, Physician.
William Hay, Psychiatrist.  I don't know.  It takes a better man to wear that title.  I think I'll wait for the cock to crow a few more times.