Tuesday, after Daylight saving

I awoke this morning at 5 am. I suspect the time change could be affecting me or it’s just one of those things where I begin waking early for a bit because of stress. Yesterday was a particularly demanding day in which I ran an half hour late all day despite taking only a 10 minute lunch.  I was at the clinic and stopped by the post office on the way home and in London drugs to ask the nurse if she had and earlier apt than my Flu and Covid vaccine appt Nov. 30. I’m preparing to take my camper south to Yuma Dec. 8 putting my fifth wheel in storage.  Laura is joining me in Phoenix by flight Dec. 8.  We’re planning on having out teeth cleaned and I’m wanting hearing aids.

Laura will enjoy the Mexico market.

I downloaded Chat GPT after he shared that he was enjoying it .  I admire Stan as a very bright man,  The Stan’s in my life.  I like the construction foreman too.

So I asked the Chat about Spirituality and Transexualism, morality and transexualism, genetics and epigenetics of behaviour, which Christian churches not only ‘accepted’ homosexuality and twin spirited but embraced and celebrated it. The Metropolitan Christian Church, The United Church and the Unitarians embraced transexuals not just accepted them. I liked that. Then I asked about irony and humor and the limits of social media to be unable to grasp these.  The discussion of AI and humor and irony was fascinating. I objected to the sense of talking to a lawyer with all the cya statements and the chat adjusted to be more straight forward.

It appears an hour passed.

I don’t feel tired. I’d gone to sleep at 9 30 so had the normal 8 hours.  It was nice to see the sunshine this morning and I may enjoy getting up closer to dawn. I may even adjust my alarm.

I asked the chat to generate a dialogue and enjoyed the result. I asked about plotting and arranging for a fiction and non fiction book.  I really ought to complete these projects I’ve long started. I ordered another copying pen to upload segments of my saved blogs to the books I’m working on. There’s a lot of cut and paste. I could hire an author to write the book with me too.  I’ve thought a secretary but having a ghost writer would make matters ever easier. I’m a writer but I’m getting lazier and feel less desire to sit and write. Yet I believe if I was wearing silk and satin underwear in a pretty sun dress sitting at an outdoor cafe I’d enjoy writing. But not a writing project. I love writing travel observations and thoughts in those situations but not projects. I would go to the library but Madigan might not be welcome. I really need a work area to write a medical text.

I’ve thought of a title.  Topics in Clinical Community Psychiatry. I’ve already written a lot that would gather under that umbrella.  2024 the year I publish another book.  

I’m enjoying the budding and growth of breasts…..man boobs…but it’s different. I feel gentler more sensual.  I’m looking forward to Mexico.  I’d like to do tai chi and dance again to address the chronic lumbar spinal pain. I’m doing exercises but not enough. I walk a lot and swim some but really should be doing much more each day. I spend most of my time sitting in a desk working and then a lot of time lying on the couch reading or watching tv. When I get back I’m going to get a better couch.  I want to replace the lazy boys but then I consider trading this in for a bus. I plan to take lessons in towing first thing when I get back and not set up my home until I get the towing learned. Until then I can live in the camper here.

I imagine breast augmentation and a face lift .  I doubt I’d have bottom surgery given the risk and age.  The fantasies don’t go that far and even surgery of any kind is a challenge to consider.  I imagine cost is a factor too.  I’m mostly looking forward to cross dressing more.  I’ve been so reserved yet I’ve cross dressed since theatre days.  The psychiatrist said it was a way of coping with anxiety.  At first it was an occasional evening then it was Halloweve, then I’d buy clothing when travelly. It was coupled with masturbation and the themes were male and female.  When I was ‘raped’ on drugs and such it became very much a conflicted matter.  Later I’d associated cross dressing with smoking dope.Then I’d be celebrate again for a year. I’d done something like that first when I was meditating and studying that year.  My joy was girls but when I’d be married or in a relationship she’d seem to lose interest and there’d be resistance rather than joy and celebration as it had begun.  I left a marriage mostly after three months went by without my partner noticed mentioning or caring. They always seemed happy with money and entertainment but not intimacy.  I’ve felt I’ve ended up paying for a friend or living with the same old same old like they had another lover they preferred or really just wanted the provision and protection.  I was most disappointed that women didn’t initiate sex excep as strangers and that the more we knew each other the more they took me for granted. I learned from escorts in my practice that the best john was one who paid an they didn’t have sex with .I thought then that men wanted to have sex for free and women wanted to be paid for sex and not sex. Lazy or the old adage that marriage is instituionalized prostitutions. The fact is men want family and women today dont’ want children.  

I ‘m passed wanting children’s .  That was when I waited through medicine and residency and when they were completed there was no sex.  The recurrent lie, what I say and what I do and by then I’dbeen trained as a psychiatrist in sociopathy an incongruence and arroagance.  I was resentful.

I’ve shared and the old reciprocity was I take her to a fine restaurant and she makes us sandwiches for picnic. today there’s no reciprocity , the ideal is the princess and men serving women as the slave or such while men do the paying and all the work of relationship as well as taking care of the home.  It’s lucky if a man gets a sandwhich and it’s begrudged too.  There’s a retrospective falsification that women were victims so are victims but I’ve never victimized a women. I’ve just grown tired of the lack of reciprocity or sex or communication.  I remember when I went to years of therapy individual and groups and felt like I was processing all this feedback to then meet with a woman who said what her mother said and the idea of flexibility or adaptation was not in her world as she expected the man to adapt to her. Takers and givers.  

IF you can’t beat em join. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If being a ‘first lady’ is a victim ship then I’ll take that rather than the president role.  

further having faced the female lawyer psychopath who when faced with having her fraud and theft exposed claimed I sexually harassed her and stole two years of my life to continue the dirty evil that low class psychopath perpetuated , well I thought being a man in canada is castrating.  Jesus would be castrated today as a preventative measure.  It’s an anti male society and I’m frankly tired of the chronic anti male sentiments and lack of appreciation of masculinity in the estrogen insane perverse higher echelons of power where pedophilia is rampant and the story of Herod and his lust for Salome repeats itself over and over again. All good men are John the Baptist in Canada while the Justin puppet prince reigns as bizarre and weird as Nero.  The Freedom convoy occasions martial law while Marxist BLM and Marxist Antifida smash and rule.  Lich is jailed despite receiving the freedom award. Communist Chinese win the election for Trudeau and set up police stations in Canada.  The US in little better and SCWHAB makes the WEF the de facto government in his increasing UN Babylon ruled by dictators and communists.  Racism is the new term for anti white.  Christianity is attacked on all fronts which Islam shuts down cities were a war of prayer.  Zen Buddhists are genocided by the Chinese in Tibet and Canadian students think Hamma Palestine is better than Israel.

It’s war.

It’s insane.

I’m enjoying coffee and walking the dog.  I had yogurt and the weather is better than a few days ago .There’s blue sky. I really out to walk the dog.  

Thank you god for a new day. Thank you Jesus for your blessing and sacrifice.  Be my advocate and guide me today. Help me do your will and serve those I serve the best I can.