Saturday morning , present

I liked checking in on the ham radio SSB radio net.  Sailing north to Alaska I participated in this daily routine that was there and carried on before and after I was gone. The local coastal people maintain this for each other as well as cruisers.  So many of the communities were isolated.  Sailing to Hawaii in winter, a couple of Hamm radio enthusiasts maintained contact with me. A morning check in.  

I’m alive.

I’ve survived another night

The boat is fine.  I’m fine.  The hurricane is past its worse.

I can smell the islands.

Then coming home it was another net. In summer the cruisers returning to the mainland have their ‘check in’ and each of us did the roll call. We had our call sign and gave the briefest message indicating we were alive and well. If there was a life threatening emergency it could be given at the beginning of the hour of the roll call.  Conversation was left to the end when individuals could call each other or move a desired ‘chat’ to a non working frequency.  

I just loved checking in. 

Now I check in with Laura. Almost every day we contact each other.  Yesterday we shared what movie we were watching and what we were eating for dinner. The news was that her daughter bought a HD Nighster motorcycle following in her mother’s footstep and actually getting a motorcycle similiar to my ‘Nightster special’ which I bought to replace my electroglide and vespa.  I miss the Vespa. The electroglide I’d bought for the 5000 km return trip I’d made to Sturgis SD for the Harley Davidson rally and stopping off at a medical conference in Colorado.  While the electroglide was 1200 lbs and perfect for long distance riding on the American freeways, the Nightster is only 500 lbs and a compromise for city and rural riding. I’m taking it south with me to Arizona when I chase the sun in my truck and camper.  I’m actually looking forward to motorcycling in the desert air as I did riding is Texas.  

I remember medical colleagues were impressed with my arriving at the conference one year when I ‘d returned from sailing across the pacific and working in the Marianas islands and that year I’d arrived on motorcycle.  At the last conference I was wearing black ‘Lincoln Park after Dark” nail polish.  I’d asked the Vietnamese ladies at the Professional Nail Salon for black nail polish but my transgender doctor friend immediately recognised it as Lincoln Park.  I didn’t think much about it until several other women commented on my wearing Lincoln Park after dark.  I’d cross dressed on and off for years and appreciated from direct experiences the differences in male and female cultures but this was a new one.  I knew there were different colours of lip gloss and nail polish but that they had names which other women knew floored me.  I remember calling something ‘orange’ and a friend saying that was ‘tangerine’. I dismissed it but never realized that when I corrected women on the distinction between scooters and motorcycles I was little difference in this regard. Men’s world is mostly black and white or grey with streaks of red whereas the world of women was far more colorful.  I enjoy walking in a sun dress whereas in blue jeans I’m just using shanks mare to go from place to place.  I suppose sailing shorts my favourite attire give me a different take on life too without involving gender.  Indeed the world of peace is colourful whereas the world of war is stark black, white, grey and red. Basic.  Like plain cooking which provides sustenance compared to the tastes of ancient civilizations you encounter in Hong Kong, Greece, Baku. 

I”m on an adventure and already see it’s second class. My RV and camper joys are wholly middle class not the upper class ‘yachting’ world. If I wear women’s knickers and skirts I’m a ‘b’ male but if I wear the funny golf clothing of golf I’m still an Alpha male.

I don’t feel these things but interaction with those around me constantly involves hierarchy.  My patient who was a world ‘dart’ champion was as unknown as my friends who competed in the Olympics. However those who compete in commercial sports are somehow ‘alpha’, American foot ball players and Canadian Hockey players. Personally I love Robin Williams as Texas cheer leaders.  For me there was a playful life as a man in the arts before doctoring then the serious world of medicine and even more serious world of psychiatry and now addiction as a deadly disease category but with the black humor of men at war.  I weary of the seriousness of it all.  When I wear a bikini people really do avoid me and even knowing I’m a psychiatrist don’t approach me to tell me their or their families emotional problems.  I am social phobic and when I’m being social am approached in meetings, church, wherever about some problem, whereas au femme, nope. I used to tell people only that I was a writer and teacher and evaded that intrussion but it wasn’t failsafe.  The saddest part was when it came out that I was a ‘doctor’ it was liked suddenly I had a parental function whereas until then we’d played as equal.  Everyone wants to be rescued.  

I hear that mulimillionaires have this difficulty too. My millionaire friends describe being propositioned. I confess I’m more moved by black bras and intellectual conversation especially if it involved aliens and god.

Dignity is an issue.

It’s dignified for women to dress like men but undignified for men to dress like women despite the behaviour of priests and judges.

I loved Meryl Streep in the Devil Wears Prada and recently enjoyed watching Barbie with Laura.

Well, I’m here.  We call out to God, the universe, our family and friends and the ‘networks’.  It’s a new day and I’m here again

Carpe Diem.  ODAAT.  I pray to serve and be safe and to love. I’m preparing to cross a sea of estrogen rather than the pacific and looking forward to heading south in winter to get further sun as here it is raining an cold.  I count my wealth as a Canadian in that I’ve been able to live in Mexico a year, live in southern US a year and in the Mariana Islands for a few years as well as so many winter trips to tropics, Hawaii, Central America, Africa. I’ve been blessed to have that much more sun than most of my fellow Canadians.  I’ve always ski and climbed mountains above the clouds to enjoy the sun .  In Winnipeg it was freezing cold but the sun was almost always there and there was endless sky no sense of being socked in. I’m blessed with a life so varied.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Creator.  Thank you holy trinity. May the personhood of God touch my body, mind and soul. May I be a spiritual home for the highest values whether I’m dressed in short or skirt.  I asked the Hay Clan tartan folk when they were going to come out with a kilt that’s not just rough wool but rather is silk. When I bought my first stretchy gene’s I knew it was a slippery slope. I understand the elderly in mumus.  I’m all for comfort over function rather than form or function. Skip both and give me comfort.  

I’m slipping for a stoic to an epicurean.  I like the word delicate yet there was a time I considered that a beta word.  It’s a world of self discovery like sailing oceans , hunting big game or riding motorcycles across country.  I’m joining the snow birds heading south on four wheels.  I’ve already done the trip in my sail boat and often by car but this time I’ll have my home in the camper on the back of the truck. I do look forward to pulling to the side of the road and making a coffee. I did that this summer driving north to Logan Lake.  My walking tours were more intimate than my bicycling tours.  Bicycling a cross Europe though I saw the world historically and up close compared to being parachuted in by plane. I m as much into the journey as the destination.  Is this estrogen or testosterone or some different and higher power.  

I am here and now today.  Just checking in.  Thank you God for waking me. Thank you for my dog and friends and family and the vehicles.  And clothing,  I once loved and lived in my Mustang Survival suit days on end.  But in old age there’s no need for the roughing it wear of the outdoors.  I understand instead the importance of Silk and the History of the Silk Roads.  The old ironically with little time have much more time .

thank you Jesus.