Gratitude

I am not alone. I am here with God and my dog.  I am self aware. I am a spiritual being living in a material world.  I have family and friends but my primary allegiance is to a higher power I call Jesus.  Jesus Christ.  God within. God will come again. I play hide and seek with the presence of God. Like an archer I shoot for the bullseye but at best can get a grouping in the flow. To sin means to miss the mark.

I’m thankful for this life. I’m thankful for creation. I’m thankful for the colours and scents.  I wish that my mind was more continually serene but flashbacks, triggers, resentments fears play across the field independent of my desire. I don’t dwell on these so much. But their memory opens the unsealed wound of my life. My inner language declares my emotions, I know peace thankfully,  But I have an Iago and and an ear worm and I have all the human failings.  I lust, I know avarice and jealousy, I wallow in sloth, I have greed, I am human , a sinner. It seems a constant battle to remain true to you

You are my God, my friend, my guide, my saviour.  You are my love. I am thankful for you.

Now I’ll have coffee. I am so thankful for coffee. I’m thankful for Madigan. He rested his head on my head this morning in bed. It’s his way of letting me know he’s here with me and he’d like me to awake so we can go for a walk. We’ve done that. Now he is looking forward to sharing my Cliff protein bar.

It’s a free day .  I have church,

The difficulty with church is whether to go au femme or au drab.  I know I am welcome but au femme is a celebration. It’s dress up.  I used to love to wear suits and ties.  I miss the tie.  I miss the 30’s and 50’s though I really wasn’t going out till th 60’s and 70’s.  I saw a documentary of the opening of the Playboy club and enjoyed the men in dark suit and the women dressed in colourful elegant clothes with the bunnies waiting on them.

I just read intersecutionalism, more Frankfurt communism, all about ‘offensive’ and who are more offended.  Just paranoid revenge thinking in a different language.  

I’m seeking a higher power, a closer relationship with the substrate of existence. Yahweh.  I am that is who I am.  Being ness.  All is one.  Buber. I an It to I and You to I and thoug.

Let go and let god. Make me a channel of your peace.

I am here having meditated, sat in silence, prayed.  I have this day a head of me and there’s a virtual doctor’s support meeting. I have the new Arlo wireless Pro 4 to set up.  I’ve a desire to curl up fetal position and my bags are packed and I’m ready almost to have a few days travel and vacation with my dog. I’m thankful for that. It’s been a long time coming.

I am truly blessed. My hair was coloured yesterday. I saw the chiropracter, Today I’m feeling less pain. Ibuprofen is sufficient.  My colleague is turning 60.  My friend is on morphine.  I’m comfortable.  I don’t like the mortgage. I would have it paid but I have a place that is warm and convenient and yet I’m not mobile, Next year I’ll take the course and gain the independence,  I’ll rise to another challenge. Already I’m learning to drive better, backing up.  Little steps.

I’m thankful for the vehicles. I’m thankful for motion,. I’m thankful for stability and change. I’m thankful for my fingers. I’m thankful for the symphony. I’m thankful for music.  I’m thankful for mrrors and indoor plumbing and water and wifi.  I’m thankful for the new star link.  

Thank you god for all your blessings and your protection,

Thank you Jesus.