William Hay, Writer: Aberdeen - detective novel dreams and Castles

I didn’t have nightmares just ‘bad dreams’. It all had the feeling of hangover from my Aberdeen Detective Novel reading. I just finished Stuart McBride’s Missing and the Dead. I then started Val Penny’s The First Cut. They’re Scottish writers. I’m also reading the Scots a Genetic Journey by Alistair Moffat. They are all fine reading. Yet I think the characters in my dream were amalgam of the bad characters in the novels, psychopaths and sociopaths. There’s the Ukraine Russia war going on and Trudeau continues his cronyism and theft for himself and the elite. I’ve just toured the Delgatie and Slains Castles. The Slains Castle is run down because the owners removed the roof to avoid taxes. I remember dad building the reserve cellar/bomb shelter/extra bed room in the basement of the house. He did this major excavation under the sun room clearing out a whole room of dirt. Then he put in the walls and floor. An inspector came by and told him they’d raise the taxes exponentially if he put in his proposed windows or a door. So he stopped then.

In the Hay Castle, Captain John Hay rescued it at the point where they were to do that and restored the roof. Yet in November there was a storm here that tore off the roof of the one part of the castle with a flat roof. I looked up and saw they had boardthere and perhaps tarp. Joan said they had to strip everything down to the rock because of the water damage in the walls. Insurance would cover it but it was a long process. Then the story of the English blasting through the walls and the family escaping through a tunnel and taking flight to France.

I have worked all my life as a physician and lifted the spirits and the sick and provided daily solace to the depressed and anxious,. Part of my dream was from the Khalla novel where the pharmaceutical executive was using the down and out for drug experiments. The controversy with the vaccines , their questionable validity compared to their potential harm and the sense that it is profit driven by globalist institutions bent on communist ‘reset’. It’s all paranoia inducing especially as the media is so monopolized and propagandized.

I’m still unwinding, I forget how depressing it was in November when the wind blew the roof off the castle. The collective conscious and the world in a massive spiritual war. I loved tea at Delgatie. Memories of the safety of a child with his mother and aunt. Val Penny’s descriptions of the abuse and neglect of heroin addicted parents of their children and the child of 5 feeling clean for the first time and her scalp not itching bccause the lice had been treated was so troubling. I awoke in the night around 3 am and read this police story. It’s good that they get the ‘bad guys’ in the long run but the destruction along the way is unnerving. Some goes off and begins killing people. Then there is the sordid little world of drug addiction, my patients who were sociopaths and thieves.

The Castles, like Cappaodocia and Meteora are metaphors for me that there is nowhere to flee. I sailed across an ocean but returned to land. I’ve given my life to Jesus, believe in the love of God and call in prayer and meditation to the Holy Spirit because this life has no peace or solace. My chronic back pain and shaking right arm speak to my age. I can’t be fighting in a war or even defending myself long because my body is deteriorating. I’m blessed to have a soft life now but if devolution occurs I’ll have little reserve and won’t be long in a fight. The old warrior sense of the highlands is there. I’ve depended on that for life and also known that if fighting didn’t work I’m a chemist and master of poison. So now they are talking of nuclear war again as they did when I was growing up in the Cold War.

I’m afraid at times. It’s fear I believe. But I believe in the Love of God and that this is not real. Only God’s love is real.

I believe that I’m experiencing this overwhelming change in venue, seeing everything differently, flooding my senses with novelty and learning intensely. I read that this is what stays dementia. Certainly I’ve been thrust into it. Physically I’ve been doing so much, climbing castles steps , hiking across the gloaming. Lots of strange experiences. I’m embracing my little reality. Each day I’m writing. I enjoy writing. Observing and recording. I love the process. It takes me back to medical schools and lectures and learning .

A part of me wishes open days to write papers and publish my experiences in the ‘academic’ way. I thought of doing presentations. I’ve been asked too. It’s a thing. I’m here and wanting to finish the psychiatry book I’ve all but done. My thoughts on addiction that I feel would be helpful. A review. Then I’d have a basis for presentations.

I must talk to Anil about taxes and work since he says they’re going to deny RRSP’s so if I work the government will take more of my income. I’ve lost half my income all my life and now would like to be more wise about work since the government use of my money is evil. Trudeau is evil. Simply that and a fool. So sad.

There’s a need for a new Screwtape Letters which portrays little Satan’s like Trudeau, facile narcissistic, preening posers,

I’m blessed. I miss Madigan, He means so much to me when I’m home taking me for walks and wanting to be outside and playing. Happy little companion.

Thank you God for the safety today, that I am awake and Laura and I are well. Thank you for the dogs and family. Please watch over them and keep them safe. Thank you for history and ancestry and this glorious country of Scotland. Thank you for tourism. Thank you for Marriot and Hilton and taxi drivers and buses and trains. Thank you for the air and the food. Thank you for all your blessings.

Gratitude lists are good for elevating the spirits. The wind all night was loud here. They’d said there was to be a windstorm and it was. Today though it’s sunny so again we’re blessed without rain.

I rode the upper deck of the double decker bus and had a great view coming home from Turiff. I saw a big Angus Bull and a couple of Highland Cattle but was going to fast by them to get a picture. Lots of other views.