My great joy today was he again pooped outside. He has a tendency to pee almost always on pee pads but he can miss with poo. He also has been saving up his poop and pee for when he comes home from a walk in the cold and rain. I did buy him a red coat from Bosley’s hoping he’d defecate more readily. Then today he did. Hooray!!!! Hallelujah!. The books on dog house breaking say show excitement. So this morning the neighbours saw a mad man out side near dawn. I was jumping up and down. Mordigan was running in circles. I was thanking him and taking his precious poop in my little blue poo bag. What a wonderful day!
Covid continues. The talk is now of vaccines and side effects. The speculations and trepidation is nearly the level that the Vietnam War held for us Canadian youth. Should we join? Would the war spread? Give peace a chance. Will the vaccine do anything more than make a lot of filthy rich richer. Will governments like to flex their muscles of control? Was it necessary? SARS and Ebola kind of burnt out. HIV continues with protection. The human immunological systems are amazing. We live longer with each scientific advance. Yet Gates believes in reducing the world population by billions. That NEW World Order of the corrupt WHO and diabolical UN agrees with Agenda 21 and the Davos 2030 aim to Save the Planet, Kill non essential humans.
The science of the new MRNA vaccines is the same science that extended life and cures in immunotherapy for cancers. I believe in vaccines. I believe in the devastation of disease. I’ve seen the miraculous cures of modern medicine and big pharma. The research is amazing. Parallel to the world of the microscopic and sub microscopic we are watching SPACE X and NASA make amazing strides forward in the outer world.
Maybe the elite as usual, they create and wage wars then bet on both sides, are taking no risks. Maybe they’ve put their money on the vaccines and on a Mars Escape pod in case the vaccines don’t work. Someone noted that the Zombies of fiction didn’t begin with disease but with the vaccines. Some of my left wing friends are talking with zombie like gaze of the characters in Brave New World and 1984. Mythical scarey times with the Secret Police name for truth, ;conspiracy theory’ and Zuckerberg’s Facebook information censors, the newest group of liars, all trained in Goebbels and rhetoric. Truth has followed music on the last train to the coast.
I’m old and feeling more and more vulnerable and alone. Meanwhile I know God is good. God is good all the time. Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus is pure man and pure God. Not a chimera. The mystery is sacred. I’m touched by the transcendental and spiritual experiences I’ve had personally held by the love of God. I’ve no doubt that this is a temporary place. I am in God’s waiting room. I’m a spiritual being living in a temporal existence. When I die I pass into a heavenly realm. My family and friends who have gone before will greet me. The Shining Light that is Jesus will be there. Dr. Moody’s work on NDE confirmed all I already knew. Just like Neurosurgeon Eben Alexander’s Proof of Heaven spoke to the soul. I will be reunited with my dogs and cats and feel love and peace. I have dreams and visions of beyond. I have known 4th dimensions and synchronicity. I have no difficulty with the idea of trusting God and fixing the roof. I live in this world but I’m not of this world. Jesus said Do not be afraid. Yet if this was all there was existential angst and the world of Kafka and Camus would prevail. Certainly the politics of this pandemic, the government explanations and the public health government recommendations are too often “theatre of the absurd.”
I was a teen hippie before I was an adult yuppie before I was an aging eccentric. I’m today mostly caring about carrying water and hauling wood. Day to day existence is my focus. I live as much in the now as possible and I seem to do the daily routines quite well. I don’t know the anatomy I knew when I did surgery but I seem to find neuropharmacology quite straight forward. People ask me questions. I give answers. Textbooks and papers and experiences all guide my answers.I don’t know about the future. I’m good for thinking tomorrow or the next day will be okay. I’m uncertain about the future and have more and more difficulty responding to the fears of my patients.
Just like the teen ager who told me , “Why not do drugs, the Prime Minister did drugs and look how well he’s done!!!” I’m struggling with discouraging crime as people instantly tell me that they know criminals who got off and criminals who are out in the country. I’m supposed to be supporting the prevailing wisdom. But I don’t know. I can only turn questions back to people. What do you feel? What do you think? I used to be more confident in my own answers.
In the midst of the pandemic, when doctors are supposed to be saving lives, the mental health epidemic with daily deaths and increasing insanity is deemed irrelevant. Indeed Trudeau at the height of a pandemic begins giving himself a raise, and pushing euthanasia for the country. Marketing MAiD and guns laws took off like wild fire along with supporting criminal trespassers now with some euphemistic name. It’s all too crazy.
Another day mushes into the next. I ,like that my colleagues, seem to be holding up like soldiers in the trenches in an insane war at Christmas time. I’m hoping we’ll play soccer between the lines regardless of the fear and hate the leaders of the various factions are promoting. It’s Christmas. Baby Jesus. The Good News. The Gospell. Christ is born. Christ has died. Christ will come again. Not a New World Order promoted by the elite for the elite with the finance minister telling us she wants to access our savings. In India the government declared the old money no good and created a new money because half the economy was hidden in mattresses after that countries brush with Communism and the war between Islam, religion of peace and Hinduism, the religion of tolerance. I’m Christian and Christians are the most persecuted in the world .I’m reading now the history of the three hundred years of torture and murder of any who said the name Jesus Christ. Millions of Christians have died and today are being killed in Communist China, and by ISIS and by the African communists and Muslims. Yet science has discovered an personality disorder which focuses on those who persist in holding a grudge. The winner writes history and the academics are paid most when they support tyrants.
I’m praying. It’s hard to mediate with the puppy biting exposed fingers and toes. My sitting cross legged at this level is clear invitation to play. He is never solemn. He is either napping or in busy play mode.
I read a lot. Laura is over and we watch tv and I cook. I make meals and we eat too much. Sleeping with her here is comforting. Two against the darkness with the light of Madigan at the end of the bed. He is a breath of hope and source of hilarity.
I’m playing Christmas music. Each year I try to find what I left over from the year before. Bits of decoration. A red sweater. I bought gifts from Aran Island for the girls. I loved talking to the girl with the most beautiful Irish accent. I’m nostalgic this season remembering the joy of my mother and aunt, those two sisters who laughed so much when together. The joy of the season. Dad and my brother. Grand parents, uncles and aunts. Now I’m the last. I reach out to cousins and nephews. It’s Christmas season. Season of family. The church is persecuted. Sex stores and liquor stores and other government venues and sources of revenue are promoted but this government hates Christians and hastens to destroy them. The zoom meetings continues. I will miss Messiah this year. A tradition of gathering for Handel and for Bach. I muddle and keep on trucking but these sources of inspiration , the theatre and symphony, are missing. I love nature and that is still good, the walks each day with Madigan. Sometimes Laura can be encouraged to join. She used to love walking Gilbert. The two of them had special morning walks when she’d wait and let him sniff everything. I love the bird watching and naming. I have pictures of so many this year. Nature has so much to offer. Seasons and sights but it’s hard to play with covid. AT this time I admire friends who are going skiing. Neither Laura or Madigan want to go out in the cold and rain.
I want to be on a beach. I liked that Westjet began Honolulu flights with Life Lab covid testing slips. January will be better. Every day it’s better but there’s that overlapping sense with aging. That feeling that the shoe might drop. Ive been okay till now but tomorrow I might die. That’s the truth but its all in the denial of death. It’s the way that death is presented by the deeply evil and sick media, as if it’s something to be avoided or something utilitarian to be done because the old are useless. I”m an old elephant and old dog and old warrior and old hero and I object to these skewed and limited binaries of government and media.
I miss freedoms of speech , religion and congregation. Admittedly the government was training the Communist Chinese in secret military tactics and CSIS said that Canada was infiltrated to the highest levels of government by communist Chinese and the leading political philosopher says Canada is now a ‘gentle dictatorship’. It all just means that I feel I’m no longer young and can’t rely on my body to fight off threats. I’ve won so many fights and I’m old and tired from years of mixing with the dirtiness and filth of the sordid opposition who have nothing but the desire to steal and take lives. They have wasted so many years of my life already. Nonsense. Thorough arrogance and smugness.
Yet that’s all past. The scars and pain can too easily destroy the day and steal the wonder and joy of ‘carpe diem’. I’ve had the greatest life with the most wonderful experiences and love. I’ve had the best of parents and even the best of ex wives despite the later insanity and addictions in later years. Today I’m alive and well and I have Madigan and Laura comes to be with us. We have friends. The home is warm and there’s running water. I have all the amenities of a near by mall and enough money to get through today and even tomorrow despite the government taxing the very air we breathe. . I’d like the choice to fly to Ireland or visit Aberdeen or go again to Italy or Brazil. But these are Cadillac problems in face of Covid. My life is bliss compared to those older than me, the old imprisoned in nursing homes waiting death victims of government lies and communist callousness. They took the old people’s money and lives and denied them the promises of Canadian values, caring for the old. Living through a veritable plague tortured by the absence of friends. Dad called that time ‘solitary confinement’. The old are abused and prisoners. I would rather die by my own hand not some government Solyent Green bizarre get rich off the latest death program of bureaucrats and politicians. They never read Arendt. They don’t know Kafka’s Castle. And they pride themselves on reading google but never read the Bible.
It’s Sunday. I’m truly blessed. Madigan has stopped attacking my toes and is napping. God is good. God is love. Thank you Jesus. Hallelujah!!!!
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