Now I’m thinking of showering and dressing and going for a walk. I miss Gilbert. He always had great ideas for the day. He liked me to rub his tummy and take him for a walk and fetch ball. Simple good things. I’m looking forward to getting the mail.
I’ve thought on the weekend I’d upgrade my iPhone 11 to the 12. These days for work I’m on the phone a lot. I’m also working with computers from home and doing a lot of video conferencing. I didn’t think it would go on this long. I like wearing skirts at work. I like the commute from the living room to the garage. I like lunch when I make a sandwich and coffee and sit outside. The work is hard with the pandemic. There never seems to be enough time or resources. I’m exhausted at the end of the day and find myself making dinner and watching Netflix before going to bed early.
I’ve been asking God what the meaning of it all was. I asked for protection and guidance. I feel my relationship with God is fine. I just wonder when I’ll follow my family and dogs to the other side. I’ll likely have decades to go but of course who knows, I could go tomorrow.
I’m thankful I woke up today. I love the air and breathing. I’m thankful for the sunshine but without it I use my SAD Lite each day. I love the birds. I’m so enjoying watching them more carefully. I like photography. I enjoy carrying my camera with me like I did as a teen. As a teen I always had a note book and a camera. I wrote poetry and took pictures. I played guitar poorly and sang out of key. I’m 50 years later and I’m enjoying doing the same. I should get the guitar out and sing. It’s stored in it’s case and I think I’d play it more if it hung somewhere I could get at with less effort. I’m lazy. If I had to get the couch out of a closet I’d lie on it less watching Netflix. For decades I had the tv in the closet so I’d get more done. Right now what needs to be done is cleaning so I’d rather keep the tv and couch where they are.
Yesterday I meant to shake out the rug and sweep the floor. Gilbert used to take care of all the food crumbs I’m truly looking forward to a new puppy. Life is easier without a dog but lonely in a sense. I like the commitment.
Halloween this weekend and full mood. But with Covid I don’t like to socialize. I enjoy my isolation. Compared to the average person I’ve had a life of being too much with people. They are so loud emotionally and behaviourally shouting at me with the incongruences, tells and all manner of body language and vocal tones. Alone I can relax. The dog was a delight. Always true with so little deception.
I loved the salmon run. I worry about all the poaching going on today and the lack of regulation. The government attacks law abiding citizens and celebrates the criminals high and low. It’s discouraging. It’s all the corruption and graft and the success of criminals that upsets me as I go about my Boy Scout existence. I feel an outsider. I feel I don’t belong because I’m moral. I consider the venal sins and how lust is judged harshly by those who wallow in avarice and gluttony. I’m a sinner. I miss the mark. I aim to be a better person each day but usually just muddle through. I’m in a state of identity confusion. I really don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’ll be a dog master, I guess. That’s an anchor. I’m also happy as RV trash and right now a Vespa driver. It’s chilly on the Vespa and I may have to use the car more for longer trips.
Hunting season could be over. I wonder about another trip but it’s on the back burner. I’ve partridges to eat. No venison which I wanted but I certainly did have fun and exercise hunting this year. Winter is coming and to avoid getting fat I really ought to plan cross country skiing or snow shoeing again. I’really do need to consciously plan or the couch will wrap me up for the winter hibernation in the joy of sloth.
Thank you Jesus for this day. Guide me. Holy Spirit come.
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