Saturday, May 19, 2018
May Long Week-end. Princeton, BC
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Sunday Afternoon in the Sun
Ballet BC, Program 3
"Beginning After” , Choreographed by Cayetano Soto, with music of Handel was physically inconceivable. The dancers seemed otherworldly in their movements. The parts and the whole in harmony with the music. Soto’s dance is Daliesque in motion. I love Cayetano Soto’s choreography. It’s the most original and inspirational I’ve seen in recent times. It’s authenticity and unique interpretation of the human spirit through dance is so uplifting.
“when you left’ choreographed by Emily Molnar was so utterly different from all that has gone before. The music of Peteris Vasks: Plainscape was performed by the Phoenix Chamber Choir under the direction of Grame Langager. When we stood to cheer and applaud at the end of this remarkable piece we saw all the smiling happy faces of this gifted choir in the orchestra pit . This piece amazed me for it’s modernity and abstract birdlike flocking flow so reminiscent of classical with it’s elegance of form. But where Soto brings to mind Salvador Dali, this Molnar piece was reminiscent of Klimt.
I loved Bill. Bill was the choreography of Sharon Eyal and Gai Bhear, first performed in 2010 by the Batsheva Dance Company .Music by Ori Lichtik. I’d seen Bill once before and loved it. Reminiscent of Paul Gauguin I thought it the most amazing tribal post apocalypse interpretation. The drums and white bodies and that Monty Python funny walk was all so chorus like in the song of creation. I found myself outside trying but failing to repeat that inconceivably simple looking impossible walk such a complex rhythmic repetition around which the whole community of dance and song revolved. Outside others were doing the same. I don’t recall seeing this before, though of course, some of it had to do with this being Spring. There were just so many of the audience dancing and imitating different bits they’d loved from the show in front of the old Queen E. It was wonderful.
The Ballet BC dancers are all the best.I’ve loved Alexis Fletcher for ever, even bidding this night on a silent auction black and white photograph of her captured in leaping flight Livona Ellis and Rachel Meyer and Rachel Prince, , Christoph Von Riedemann and Peter Smida all stood out for me tonight. But I love them all and a different one just shines a little brighter in different performances, all so professional. Professional remains a designation of meritocracy. In contrast to the values of mediocrity, the professional is not uniform but unique in that the skills consistently rise above an impossible level which an amateur might only attain on rare occasion. Even the apprentices tonight were memorable with Justin Calvadores and Parker Finley’s dance being noteworthy to me. I find myself watching an individual then looking to see who they were. I noticed these delightful new folk whereas Nicole Ward , Kirsten Wicklund, Gilbert Small, and Patrick Kilbane are names I’ve come to know and faces I’ve come to recognise. But they’re all superb. If this were hockey we'd speak of Brandon Alley and Andrew Bartee as the Sabines or Emily Chess and Kiera Hill as ‘all stars’. Zander Constant and Shanna Wolfe have joined the big leagues
But its dance and the audience didn’t dress like Walmart. Intermission was a feast for the eyes in terms of haute coiffure. The shoes, the shoes, the shoes! the ladies exclaimed. I loved the men in gold lame jackets and the lithe and sensuous ladies in long spring gowns. So many of the young had perfect dancer bodies whereas some of us who danced compared out girth and reminisced nostalgically about times when we moved liked cats and leaped liked lions. it was a great night. Laura and I shared it with our friends Lorne and Justine. After all the standing ovations we ourselves couldn’t stop singing the praises of the dancers and choreographers.. Ballet BC is just so vital.
Saturday, May 12, 2018
Tolkien Play, Pacific Theatre
I loved learning more about the Inklings. Never knew Owen Barfield was a part of this. John Innes unfortunately absent opening night plays J.R.R. Tolkien but Ron Reed did a really good understudy job replacement though needed written prompts even though he’d written the play. That itself was ironic and amusing given all the irony already in the high minded play. Much British humor that would tickle John Cleese. Certainly a respite from the low brow fake news of present day. This really did challenge one to think and consider. At the core was truth and friendship.
I truly loved Ian Fathing’s C.S. Lewis. He really was Lewis as I imagined him. Tim Dixon played a great role as Warnie Lewis, the Lewis military brother. I didn’t really know Tolkien had been in the WWI trench warfare Battle of Somme or even that C.L.Lewis was in the WWI front and took shrapnel in the fierce trench fighting. They both lost several close friends together there and this certainly affected their subsequent outlook and inner life.
The delightful contrast of Tolkien’s catholicism and Lewis’s conversion from atheism to Christianity is so well played. We don’t talk of religions or life and death and meaning these unidimensional hedonist consumer days. Everyone thrives on lust and perversity while being offended by lust and perversity. The real fighting in mud and blood seemed to have lifted these men together out of the genitals of self. Even Campbell, played by Simon Webb who also played writer Dyson, had been in the Spanish War. The communists and fascist so clearly described as different sides of violent totalitarianism. The verbal descriptions Shakespearian in their vividness with no one needing severed heads on stage to make the point.
I loved Edith. Eria Faye Forsythe who played Tolkien’s wife with all the wisdom and genius of the women who were partnered the great men of that era. I’ve loved all of Forsythes acting, so sensitive and dynamic. Her timing is elegance itself. Anthony F. Ingram played Charles Williams who I quite didn’t know. That’s history. A great man of the day and in later years forgotten while Tolkien and Lewis remain as classics. Ingram played him amost American and a harbinger of the Anglican church today with all the ‘magic’ left and the perhaps the ‘mystery’gone.
I loved Tolkien’s term ‘northerness’ a mystical reference which is all but lost in loudness of the racist obsessed southerners. Beowolf, a study of myth and reality.
I’d read all these books in my teens 20’s and 30’s so knew Beowolf, read all of Tolkien and most of Lewis. I loved Catholic Tolkien’s line that said Lewis’s Mere Christianity was too mere. It was clear that this was a time before political correctness when people were frank with each other. No wonder these writers became like polished pearls with the obvious support and cutting criticism of each other. Today every meeting of Inkllings would have been followed by a dozen law suits. I see students scurrying away from Tolkien and Lewis to their safe places and trauma counselling. I’ve loved Lewis, Tolkien and Owen Barfield and and realize others of the Inklings served up the very ideas that served to set the sails of my own personal trajectory. It was moving to be reminded of the idealism and reverence of my younger years. I don’t think of these things much now in the cacophony of postmodern ‘fake news’ , "false witnesses" , "new totalitarianism" and ‘victimology’. There’s a gentleness in the world of men who have served their country and fellow man and see friends die and know the foolishness of leadership who want to be leaders.
The play speaks to a past both individual and societal. It also speaks to the friendship of men and God but mostly of men. It really was a play like all the great plays. It had us all talking and checking encyclopedias long after we’d left Pacific Theatre. Laverne our Professor of Literature companion said she couldn’t wait to search out a reference to ‘cake and ale’. There were so many layers, from a really good biographical history romp to subtle meanings within meanings.
I loved the Tree. Set designer Drew Facey said much with just that tree. And today I learned from science that trees have heartbeats. I loved all the moving parts, and black clothed young people pushing things about in scene changes. I loved Gauthier's and Hood's excellent costume design. I loved Cabilete’s Stage Management and Akesen and Colhoun’s Sound Design. They were all so perfect that it was easy to just be in the play without consideration of the light and sound and background.
It really was all simply perfect. Everything about the play rung true, universal and ancient. A masterpiece. It was sheer gift to have been there tonight.
Friday, May 11, 2018
Age of Salome
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Gratitude Thursday
Thank you Lord for my new gold crown. Thank you for dentists and surgeons. Thank you for technology and indoor plumbing. Thank you for Apple computers, iPads, iPhones and i watch. Thank you for bright shiny things. Thank you for family and friends. Keep my beautiful sister in law, my brilliant nephews and their loved ones safe and well. Thank you for Gilbert and the other family cockapoos. Help them enjoy life to the fullest. Thank you for all the doctors and nurses and patients I’ve known over decades. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service. Thank you for sobriety and clear mindedness. Thank you for a clear conscience. Thank you for peace of mind. Thank you for bowel functions and bladder functions and showers. Thank you especially for the sunshine and fresh sea air. Thank you for the blooming flowers and singing birds. Thank you for heat and running water. Thank you for wilderness. Thank you for cars, motorcycles, trucks and 4x4’s. Thank you for boats. Thank you for rifles and fishing rods and chickens and seeds. Thank you for the breakfast of egg, banana, yogurt, peanut butter and bread. Thank you for utensils. Thank you for starbucks. Thank you for these fingers. Thank you for pretty girls and fashion and malls and business and industry. Thank you for law and order. Thank you for judges. Thank you for parliament. Thank you for the legislature. Thank you for government. Thank you for guidance. Thank you for education. Thank you for meritocracy. Thank you for health. Thank you for hospitals and medical clinics. Thank you for pharmaceuticals and surgery. Thank you for investigative instruments and lab. Thank you for love making in the morning. Thank you for love making any time of day. Thank you for concerts and the laughter we shared about them needing to be earlier because none of us like staying up late any more. Thank you for bed. Thank you for Sealy Posturpedic. Thank you for George and Gilbert when they both join me on the bed and interrupt my reading. Thank you for eyesight and books and iPads and Kindle and novelists and text books Thank you for knowledge. Thank you for miracles. Thank you for the mountains and the sea. Thank you for the rivers and the sky. Thank you for all your blessings. Help me to see the positive and always look for the best. Help me to remain positive even in the dark time. Thank you for all the good times.
Thank you for my mother and father and brother and aunt. I think of them often especially my mother. Thank you for all the love she shared. Thank you for the wisdom and care of my brother and father. Thank you for all the laughter we shared with Aunt Sally. Thank you for family. Thank you all the depth and years and all the learning. Thank you for your love Lord.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Doctors Running Late
He’s even claimed counselling can rehabilitate ISIS without listening to psychiatrists who know more than a drama teacher how much care is needed to rehabilitate our own vets let alone those who want to kill us. Fewer resources are now being fought over by sick and well patients and activists feeling that they are ‘entitled to a daily MRI’ , angry that any doctor would question their right to the highest paid diagnostic tools, because to many health care is a ‘fashion ‘, a prop, entertainment or commodity. When the ‘worried well’ and the dying compete for resources the ‘worried well’ , the loud complainers , the entitled , the sociopaths and psychopaths win. The really sick and the dying don’t have the energy to impress the Minister of Health. By the time we’re old, sick and dying we’ve used up our resources. The young and angry and political and rich know how to work the system. The Ontario Liberal Government just offered free pharmacare for the young who generally don't need it while denying the sick and old life maintaining and life saving medications. The despair that psychiatric patients commonly arrive with is palpable. It's worse than I’ve witnessed in all the years of my career. Yet my leadership tells me that I'm wrong to care. They claim that professionalism is the callous disregard for humanity that they maintain. It's this heartlessness that gets them appointed by those above who seem only interested in cutting costs and saving money for their own dachas and jet setter trips. I see the homeless forgotten alone, alienated and very much aware of their ‘worthlessness’ and the ‘hopelessness of their situation’. The time the bean counters alot is gone before they can dry their tears.
If you’re considering resource management it’s called a shit show but a doctor will be called in for unprofessional language because it's so easy to police the doctors than the malingerers, violently insane, and psychopaths. It's no different with the increasing gun laws that tax and control law abiding citizens while criminals get more and more arms and have less and less consequences for this. Only the doctor is accountable for illness. The doctor when he’s with a patient whose a ‘victim’ and ‘blames everyone’ then the doctor is more often than not now trying to avoid becoming the ‘cause celebre’ of the entitled activist. Increasingly these people trust funds, criminal sources of money or on disability ,but generally having infinite time and resources to 'work the system'. and get the bureaucrats working and colluding with them. Meanwhile the the doctor has hundreds more patients and a College and government representatives poised with guns to shoot them in the back if they are not perfect. Only one in a hundred general practice patients fits this description but they concentrate in a psychiatric practice and especially in a dual diagnosis practice. Psychiatrists are the highest suicide risk in the profession and the College has general practitioners and lawyers talking to them rather than psychiatrists who governments distrust because their own personal insanity, early dementias and various addictions and character flaws are obvious to those trained to see the signs.
It’s like that now in practice. I don’t want to miss something. I don’t want to make a mistake. It’s not because i worry about an idiot in the beurocracy with too much ego and too little clinical skill or common sense but it’s the way most of us doctors are wired. We don’t need this massive industry of watch the doctor any more than the police need a fortune spent double checking on them. But there’s so much more money in ‘policing’ the front line workers and not going after the pedophiles and wankers far from the front lines. I believe we’d eliminate ‘fake news’ if we simply drug tested the media and parliament and congress. I’m so often afraid when I say good by to a patient at the end of an appointment that they won’t live till I see them again. The fentanyl epidemic has taken some of my young patients.
I diagnosis the missed ptsd and head injuries, addictions, the thyroid disorders, cancer sometimes, hep C and a whole burden of illness that previously was seen only in the hospital practices. Psychiatric patients especially drug and alcohol addicted are least likely to wait for 10 hours in the ER or for tests. Some days half my work seems to be convincing patients to get the tests done other doctors ordered or re writing tests the patients lost. Meanwhile the College and the lawyers are essentially telling doctors with winks and nudges , don’t dare ask about sex because some woman will be offended . Negligence is okay but we’ll deny everything because you’re on your own. Negligence is the norm in the Canadian Health Care System but no one neglects to 'chart'. The CMPA to help doctors defend against the iniquities of the College one day said for every 15 minutes of health care a doctor should do 15 minutes of charting. Overnight half the medical care in Canada was replaced by charting, yet there is no more time or money allotted for doctors charting. The time and energy comes out of direct patient care. There's no 'fat' in the front lines. All the fat cats are the bureaucrats and they're not taking any cuts or giving up their power or control any time soon.
The easiest practice is ‘mood disorders’. Call everything Bipolar II and play ‘let’s make the drug companies money ‘by randomly trying every pill in the pharmacopoeia till the natural history of the disease passes and the patient gets better or leaves. “The variation of this is “, I can’t treat your depression but I’m really good at treating side effects so I’ll give you something else and make myself look good as a doctor alll the while we’re not addressing your depression or anxiety. I will make you dependent on me. “I’m reminded of my mother saying if you don’t stop crying I’ll give you something to cry about.
The pain clinic exhaust its box of expensive investigation and treatments and 'fires' the patient who comes back to the family physician and psychiatrist even more jaded and disappointment. These new 'clinic's' don't have the notion that they are 'accountable ' for the patient but rather that they provide a 'treatment' and if that doesn't work the patient is 'somebody else's problem'. The "SEP" is the norm in the Modern Canadian Health Care system. The lack of family physicians is directly associated with the burden of chronic care and difficult patients with no 'solution' who gather in droves at the front lines and wail and keen far from the ears of the government offering 'free health care' to everyone else but denying the obligation to care for individuals who are 'outliers' and don't respond to the cheap standard 19th century approach.
I don’t feel I have time, today. Everyone wanting a piece of me and everyone wanting it ‘free’. The irony there is that increasingly people think what we’re doing isn’t worth what the health ‘coaches’ do because they ‘cost’ money and ‘health care’ is ‘free’ but then no one goes to the doctor anymore unless they’re really sick or they want to get a second opinion on the internet where the doctors and nurses have left the private face to face health care rat race to become entertainment doctors. So much of what I read in internet medicine is wrong and political and it's sad when patients find these sites that confirm their erroneous bias. I even had a bureaucrat describe medicine as " just entertainment". They actually encouraged me to “act”like doctor rather than be a doctor all the while saying that they didn't want me to be inauthentic, while nothing more inauthentic could be stated. Bureaucrats aren't trained in psychiatry, or psychiatric psychotherapy or psychiatric relationship therapy or advanced communication and obviously knows nothing about psychiatry or psychiatric patients but have all that arrogance that generalists have, like those patients of ours who having looked at the internet know more about their disease than all of us. When it comes to specialist medicine especially psychiatry which I likened to three dimensional chess compared to the unidimensional chess model of doctor as daddy fixing mom's brain with pills. The patriarchal nature of this 'i'm good, you no good' 'I'm well, you're not well', i'm police you criminal' 'My brain good, your brain bad' is so 1980's before all the research of transactional analysis and all the modern training in psychotherapy and 'behaviour change ' , but there's no arguing with these people. They have the gun so they need to be respected and doctors pretzel themselves and train themselves and waste years of their lives doing everything increasingly to serve the administration regardless of whether it truly helps the patients because the patients are increasingly the least important people in the new entertainment industry. It's really sick and creepy from one perspective. But then it's all a matter of perspective because even psychopaths and sociopaths believe they are good people helping others. So psychiatrists like most good doctors learn and turn and twist and do everything including sacrificing themselves by suicide because we're people pleasers and good citizens now at the mercy of psychopaths and sociopaths. Besides it's all fake news and there's an epidemic of 'false witness' deceit and systemic retrospective falsification.
20.Meanwhile I just want to help the really sick not the patients who know how to beat up doctors and suck the life blood and soul out of care givers. The Celestine prophecies described these as ‘soul sucker’s" and they’re just a whole lot more resourceful today. The Prochaska “stages of change” model (precontemplation, contemplation, determination and action )strongly suggests putting resources in at the determination or action phase and patient’s coming to specialist in the past were at that point while increasingly patients today are into contemplation, happy to talk to the doctor as infinitismal, entitled to the time and unwilling to leave the office but equally unwilling to change their chronic negative behaviours or thinking. Noncompliance and non adherence to medical regimen in chronic lifestyle disorders the new norm of medicine that generalists and especially specialists face.
Hail Mary, Mother of God pray for me in the hour of my death.
















