Good Mood, Blue Sky

I used to hand out a series of circles labelled as follows:

1. Weather

2. Government

3. Community

4. Work

4. Recreation

6.  Friends

7.  Extended family

8.  Spouse

9.  Children

10.  Self

I taught people that healthy people asking themselves how they feel began at the outside and moved in, whereas unhealthy people began at the inside of the circle and moved out.

eg.  I’m a terrible person and my children are terrible and my spouse is terrible.

Meanwhile I tend to think it’s a rainy day so I’ll probably feel badly. My government sucks.  There’s too much construction in my neighbourhood and not enough parks.  

The solution for the first person is to kill themselves.  The solution for the next person is to know they’ll probably feel better when the weather changes. Sailing made me really appreciate weather and how it comes and goes. I learned to adjust my sails to the weather.  

We have a tendency to go back to thinking that if I feel bad today and I once felt bad because my spouse was sleeping with the government administrator I’m probably feeling badly today because she’s probably sleeping around.

Cognitive behavioural therapy teaches that my feelings are mostly a problem of my thinking.  So if I expand my search I might find I’m feeling badly because my boss promoted my coworker and that my wife is older and the government administrator is probably sleeping with the next guys wife.  

Rainy Day Pissy Mood

I supposed gratitude might lift the spirits. Thank you and appreciation for all the blessings I have. A spiritual giant would do that. I think I’m a flower thought. When it rains I don’t open my petals. I’m become pissy like the rain. It’s good that it’s not a shitty day.  It’s cloudy. Dark. Cold.  Yesterday there was some sun and I was uplifted. Yesterday I felt better. Today I could have slept more. I woke tired. I’ve gone through the motions, walked the dog, had coffee. Coffee and showers kick in usually. I’ll work. I like work. Being of service. It’s a bit routine. The scheduling and factory feeling of the pace wear me down.  I take the cheque as the applause. I’m at the end of a long career and find maybe for the first time I’m working for the pay. When it was a profession and excellence was desired I and meritocracy was rewarded I really thrived. It was joyful to study and answer the questions and do the right things but the authorities siding with the politically correct, the mob, the psychopaths and sociopaths eventually wore me down.  Identity politics and communism got to me.  Seeing the poverty of leadership and that it just didn’t get better. The wankers remained wankers. There was too much support for mediocrity. Why work when you can steal. It’s too late to get back pay.  I really know if it would matter. I’m lacking vision. I’m at the end of a career with no future on the horizon. I continue to do the same old same old and I do it well because I was well trained, studied and am still at the top of my game. But I can see it doesn’t excite me to study more of the same. I’m wanting a change. I had purpose when I was planning expeditions and getting extra degrees and learning to survive or just becoming good as a motorcyclist.  

Today I fancy a sex change. Not the whole thing. I would just like breasts when it comes down to it.  A face lift. I’m perpetually immature at times.  I loved Travels with Charlie and I love road trips.  I enjoy camping and exploring the woods here. But when I think of a road trip I think of ‘Black Like Me’. I think of being a cross dressed old drag queen travelling across the country with a dog camping and chatting with folk, not as the person people turn to for advice and ‘use’ all the time, and carry a whole deluge of propaganda generated predjudices. I think back to the path not taken. The day I left the world of theatre, the day I left dance and being a free spirit.In many ways I look at my adult life as ‘duty’ and ‘service’, ‘going to war for the country’.  Caring for crazy women at home fighting the government always to get the services promised to my patients. I think I’m depressed at some level. It’s just that when I’m cross dressed I lose the burden of identity. I walk out and am incredibly vulnerable in a sense but I don’t feel I have to ‘fight through’ this. My male adult life has been constant struggle and constant fighting the authorities to allow me to heal. I sometimes want to write a list of times that administrators behind closed doors have in politically correct terms told me to let my patient die or kill the shit and I’ve fought for their individual life even if it’s not good for the whole. Now they’ve brought in euthanasia and gagged the doctors and threatened to discipline doctors who don’t shut up and do as they’re told. I’ve been obedient and compliant but it doesn’t matter. We are supposed to worship our lords and masters and they say the silliest things like ‘you can’t swear’. ‘You need to cut your hair’.  “You need to wear a tie’.  Repeatedly I’ve been told to lie and to support psychopaths. “Do you know whose friend Mrs. Jones is, you can’t treat her like everyone else.”  And I have and I’m tired. I’m tired of constantly looking over my back.  I trained in ‘morbidity and mortality’ and my ‘morbidity and mortality’ stats are the very best. The age of deference is gone is one thing but communism encourages corruption.  I feel like Klinger in MASH.  

I’m literally afraid of women, children any of those people who have a ‘victim card’ or “I’m special card’.  Last year when a native threatened to kill me and my dog when his off the pit bull tried to attack my blind old cockapoo I got in the way and the dog attacked me and then the owner a young punk came and threatened to kill me and the dog. I was ganged up on. I was bullied. I had an older patient who was walking into a store and the pit bull of homeless drug addicts sitting in front of the store attacked her for no reason and clamped onto her hand which is now permanently disabled and makes it hard for her to dress. She can’t do buttons. I identified. Not being able to type, to play guitar to hold a motorcycle grip. All that happened to her and there was no consequence for the ‘special people who have a weapon not a pet’.  I stool watching this young punk waving his arms and his dog beside him and my dog cowering blind and old between my legs and I had no fear I could take this silly boy.  I could kill him or even disable him. I was in charge of the dangerously insane ward and repeatedly took down the violent alone and with others. I did martial arts most of my life and have won countless street fights. I’m old but he was all Hollywood. It was apparent to him he was in difficulty when I just stood and stared back calmly quietly. I was weighing the odds that the dog would defend his master or go for my old guy. I’d fended off the pit bull’s initial attack catching his leap with my hip so his jaws had nothing to grab on. I’d defended myself against a pit bull once before disabling it when it trying to kill me so I knew their weakness. I had no fear except of being maimed if the master hit me and I defended myself but I couldn’t protect my little furry blind old friend from an attack if the pitbull went for him rather than me. 

The police didn’t care..

No one cared that my life and my dog’s life was threatened. I stopped working in the DTES shortly after.  I’d had my life threatened by three guys with guns on North Vancouver Island and the police and courts had protected them so I left the north some 20 years ago not because it was dangerous. It’s just that the police and courts are so afraid of the bullies, they cut deals and don’t want to offend the real rulers in these areas so they sacrifice doctors and priests and teachers.  I now feel I’m not safe in this country.

I feel ironically I’m safe in a dress. I never have felt women could protect me under any circumstance. I’ve met individual women over the years who were literally unique. I’m not talking about my mother or mothers in general. Mothers will protect their children but not me.  My mother’s dead and that makes me more afraid.

I realized camping with women in the woods that if I’d broken a leg they couldn’t get me to help, they usually didn’t even know where we are. They collectively had all this bravado but were ‘dependent’ and ‘arrogant’. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.  But I’ve know I could protect others. I”ve repeatedly ‘saved the day’ .But older I don’t feel safe.  I’m afraid. It’s a thing of aging. When I’m with suburban white middle class friends they live the lie that the police will protect them that all is well. But I’ve seen too many psychopaths and psychotics and especially good people dangerously insane with drugs.  I’ve been in ghettos, Harlem, in DTES. I can’t stand talking to academics who live in suburbia and believe the news.  I just feel I’m dirty with the experience of the dangerousness of the world and how the bureaurcracy doesn’t care and the media constantly lies. It’s a very thin veneer of civilization. My friends from school days cling to their utopia ideals with fairytales of namaste and everyone is good. Meanwhile the very small group of Brown shirts followed Hitler to take over a civilized country just like a tiny number of murderous killers called Lenin, Stalin, Molotov and Trotsky began a reign of terror no different from the night of guillotines.  Life is not safe. Dying in bed of old age is a luxury.  

This last year working from home, being alone and safe has helped heal me.  But I can’t shake the feeling that being a old white man is not as safe as being and old white woman.  My friend says we look the same but if I was young I’d fear rape. I feared rape as a young man, being raped and having to fight off several gang rapes as a teen boy. But the media play the game of the ‘victim girl.’  Chivalry and femimism …you can’t lose. Meanwhile history shows that boys die and girls weep. I’d rather be a hammer than a nail. Other than mothers girls are totally self centred and they even have boys who surround them wanting to get laid so agreeing with what ever hog wash they spout this day. I

Personally I’ve been blessed with the women I’ve known. I know my anger and resentment is with the media and the propaganda and the favouritism. I’m like the kid is the family who sees the sister cheating and then getting off by giving teacher a blow job. I lost jobs to women fucking the boss on the interview. I had lesbian bosses try to fuck me in interviews.  Yet to listen to the media it’s only the Jews, women, Muslims and natives, who are the flavour of the month.

It’s just self pity.

It’s disguise. It’s anonymity. It’s a new face. It’s privacy. I’ve lived my life in a fishbowl. Nothing about women’s clothing is associated with fixing engines. I know women wear flannels and jeans and the exception not the rule fix machines. I’ve a friend who works a sledge hammer and I trained with Canada’s foremost silent kill master a female sergeant. They are ‘exceptions’.  

Women’s clothing is ‘relaxing’.  It’s also sexual or inviting. I think of sex as a male as work in a way as I got older. The days spent for years with wives bringing them to orgasm.  Thank you darling.  I was the husband, wife and sex slave all rolled in one. When I just took her and had my way I was a self chauvinist who only thinks of himself. I hated years of criticism and no praise. I hated all the put downs and the snubs and the general expectation of perfection and never being ‘good enough’. It’s a life time of that. I always thought one day I’d ‘pass’. Now I’m an old man and realize that was the ‘lie’. We’ll give you praise, the bonus, the reward, ‘next time’.  

I gave a doctor an A and the head objected and said “I’ve never given a student an A’.  I responded ‘Did you ever get an A?”  Of course, he said. I looked him straight in the eye and didn’t back down and said, “That says it all, doesn’t it.”  He began given his students A’s at the end of a long career, fucking narcissist wanker.  

I’m pissy. It’s the rain. It’s the dark clouds. It’s constantly anti white , anti male, anti intelligence propaganda. I read in face book this morning a text book calling ‘white men priviledged and parasitic’. I’m so tired of the war and that the women don’t defend us. I feel suicidal sometimes thinking of all we’ve done for them and so many just want more. I can’t give more. I’m old. I’ve given my life to the company store. When I say I was on call for ‘free’ the unionized all don’t get it. They think I’m ‘rich’.  There are rich doctors but they didn’t get rich doing primary care. They got rich working in the courts or doing something different. I work for the poorest and most marginalized and though I was one of the top in any class,sometimes the top, I’ve turned down millions of dollars to ‘serve’ and now I’m a ‘fool’. The very people i care for ‘bite the hand that feeds’. All it takes is a complaint and I lose $10,000 and am taken into the principals office when they beat me with rulers and straps, or behind closed doors where they hit me with billy clubs because I was ‘long haired peace nik’.

I don’t like getting old. I want a new identity. I’m afraid. I’m ready to be a bug. Just give me a hard shell. People don’t understand how ‘loud’ the world is emotionally.  I’m only safe and at peace in the woods or at sea.  I’ve faced a home invasion. I’ve face police coming in the door because they got the wrong address.  I’ve been shot at. I’ve been knifed and I’m scared. I want a new face. I miss Leonard Cohen. All my friends are dying. Just last week another good one died.  The best died last year and the dirty filthy disgusting evil sullied his great name and character.  Such shit.  My mentors, men and women I’ve most admired are being lied about by the perverts in power now little dictators in Ottawa spouting filth and lies.

I’m okay. I’ve got heat and water and indoor plumbing. It’s just this self pity that kicks in in the rain. I fight it every day. The past and the future. I pray. I meditate. I hate the horrible pain. I’m so tired of the pain. I really have a great life when I don’t get in my head. It’s been an adventure. But a face lift and breasts and some new shoes would be more fun than another motorcycle or a another rifle or building another cabin or fixing another Diesel engine. I’ve no desire to party. I just want to walk to an outdoor cafe and write in a skirt. I don’t even know if its’ a skirt. I miss Mexico and living in tshirt and sarong.  I don’t even mind shorts. But this whole northern male military style dress mode with pants and jackets and frankly I loved the joke that cargo pants are ‘purse pants’. Going out of the house I need so many things and now a mask as well and hand cleaner. Too many things to forget. 

I see women as light and free and I want to be light and free. I want to lie back and think of England rather than worry about erecttions or viagra or being distracted by something and having my erection respond to my mind’s aimless wandering these days. I know it’s not the woman. I want her to be happy. I want women to learn to care for men, not mothers they’re all doing their bit. I love mothers but I have no time for little girls and little boys. All those sings childless men and women and the lesbians and gays who haven’t contributed children but want to tell parents what to do. And that evil little rich bitch from that horrid elite family screaming ‘how dare you!!!”  How dare you.  Pull your weight shut up and learn something .Everyone ‘s a doctor google and amateur self proclaimed genius. It’s a mob and I didn’t mind them but where can I go to live and die safely.

I don’t know where to go to finally have a safe time.  I did my work and served and more than served. I worked in the areas of greatest need and danger when I could have taken the easy high paid street. I could have serve the worried well or worked with the safe and wealthy.  I could have stayed in a variety of places.  But I dion’t and now it really comes down to what am I going to do when I grow up.

I actually like my work now mostly but I don’t like people threatening me anymore. I am afraid when people raise their voices. I’ve seen too much death and saw colleagues permanently maimed or die and know that yest they bang their pots at night and that’s sweet but in the end you suffer alone and pain is lonely.  

When the patient threatened to kill me, that’s what he did, that’s what crystal meth does,I got asked by an ivory tower salaried shit, ‘what did you do to upset him’. When I refused to see the person who wanted to kill me, “why could you not just have one last session with them to give them closure’ said the  idiot in power.  Why did you fire her?  She was using drugs at work and her boyfriend threatened to kill me.  She was psychotic. She lied. She scared my patients.  She threatened my patients. She didn’t like East Indians. She thought her job was to get her friends services. She stole.  Well, we believe women over men and you have so much power and priviledge.

I’m sometimes just unable to face the day, face the next lying psychopath.  She says she can’t work but she’d doing two jobs under the table and flying back and forth to her country and demanding that I sign her lie that she unable to work. She ‘s extorting me . She’s a lying psychopath and bully and the authorities side with her and I’m afraid to reach into the black hole because every once in a while there’s a snake .  99% of the time there’s no snake and you can take the tiny little frightened person out of the dark hole and walk them back to the light. But every once in a while there’s a snake and that’s when you learn that the people who police you who are in charge are snakes and it’s soul destroying. I want to have faith. 

I have to look on the ‘bright side of life’.

I have to see the irony and humor.

Some days I just have to get in the shower and have another cup of coffee and get on with it.  I have to shake my pissy mood, stop thinking about myself, stop the pity party. Get on with it.  Do the next right thing. Believe in the best. Psych myself up.  

Maybe I need to go back to Mexico and hang out in a sarong and tshirt before I fly to Thailand to get breast implants. I certainly don’t want to be a woman. The idea of having children and the uncertainty and all that mothers and grandmothers go through is beyond me. I ‘d like to be a rich little girl, someone wearing rich soft lace panties saying ‘I m offended’ and ‘kill the fathers’. I frankly didn’t like what they did to Harper and Trump. I miss my mom and dad and the respect they had for each other and the love.  

It’s going to be okay. The sun will shine. The summer will come. I’ll get through another day. I have a wonderful friend and a wonderful dog and any day now I’m grow up. 

Wuhan Lab Flu

It was sad reading the recent Vanity Fair article.  I knew all the information they declared with great fan fare in the spring of 2020, except the association with the miners. It was obvious by the Communist Chinese Cover Up but journals around the world had simply stated the ‘obvious’ without the ‘politics’ of the US and WHO.  

I followed the Taiwan response from day one because they were the country that clearly was the Goretsky of the Chinese flu hockey game.  Everything they did was right.  The Taiwan sources identified the initial doctors who became ill working in the virology lab, they acted appropriately, shut down flights to Wuhan, began social distancing and distributed free masks beginning in February 2020.  They’ve had the best insights, practices and outcomes but the WHO , no longer a scientific organization but a political body ‘bought by and terrified of their dangerous master the Communist Chinese Party, wouldn’t let them ‘play’ in the Chinese Flu games.  Despicable. 

France and Indian scientists along with others around the world identified the source of the Chimera virus from ‘gain of function’ studies.  Meanwhile US and Chinese sources and their allies and the embarrassing doctors and scientists with the worst conflicts of interest made the extraordinary claims that ‘a virus couldn’t escape from a lab’.  Have they not watched Alien. Do they not know Houdini!. I’ve known teenagers who’ve escaped from asylums and jails that were impregnable.  Virus’s are a lot smarter than the average politician today. 

We all watched the rioters literally walk into Capitol Hill just as we watched the jets fly into New York for the great 9/11 only because the ‘impregnable’ America has some how left doors open to a city, to a Capital Building. Now the Wuhan Lab which we very late learned was financed by Dr. Fauci is impregnable. What I don’t understand is why the Minister of Defence under George Bush did not lose his job along with the Mayor of New York during 7/11 or why the head of Security for the Capitol Hill wasn’’t jailed.  It’s like the jokes today ‘you just had one job’.  So of course the virus escaped from the lab. We all knew that in February and it got really bad when President Trump stated that.  If Trump said ‘worship the devil’ the Democrats with their Antifida brown shirts and all their silly people would have suddenly converted to Christianity and had mob baptisms to show Trump and the Republican’s were ‘wrong’.  They were right all along.  So the Vanity Fair article tries to claim that some folks they name knew all this and suddenly a year later the ‘breakthrough’ story.  

Adults apologize. Vanity Fair should just have said, “we’re sorry’. We were so full of hate for Trump and so greedy for power that we refused to see reason.  Now thank god they see reason. I will be so happy to see that the doctors who were paid, and only later admitted ‘conflict of interest’ and published their ‘consensus science’ in Lancet, Nature and Science lose all positions in the world of Science.  They lead the world astray. They worked for the Communist Chinese. Some were paid millions of dollars to, look the other way or to say that a virus could not have come from a leaky Wuhan virology lab that had had other virus escapes before this.  Shame on the institutions of science, the scientists , the Lancet, the Nature and Science magazine. Shame on all these greedy political people who worked for the Communist Chinese and wasted a whole year chasing after pangolins and closing down ‘wet markets’ when all the while ‘Bat Woman’ was lying centre stage.  Benedict Arnold.

Now Vanity Fair says these ‘people’ with a funny dashing ‘acronyms’ were the ones who knew what was going on. I knew what was going on before them simply because I stopped listening to Dr. Fauci and WHO when they said it was ‘highly unlikely’ and such weasel words nortorious to Fauci whose advice to the President of the US was traitorous by way of it’s ambiguous politicizing language and confusing ambivalence and bizarre statements. It was like listening to the CIA explanation of the Kennedy shooting and this solo mad man story.  Later we hear about the Bay of Pigs and the Military Industrial Complex. One day when the truth be known Fauci will be found to have been on Tallahatchie Bridge!

So what Trump, the Taiwanese, Indian, Turkey, Australia and especially the French said a year ago is now Democrat Orthodoxy and not only that it was first discovered by Vanity Fair and a group of left wing sympathizers who would have done better if Trump hadn’t said be ‘racist’. What the fuck is racist about calling the Wuhan Lab Virus the Chinese Virus when labelling the virus by it’s source is common convention. Vanity Fair sillies call the doctors who labelled the West Nile Virus ‘racist’ and the “Congo Fever’ Racist and the next thing we will hear is that ‘tick fever’ discriminates against ‘ticks’. What utter ridiculous embarrassing shameful nonsense. Now Trump is racist. Vanity Fair one of the most racist magazines in world history starts pandering to the Marxist Identity politics crowd. If I disagree with you you are racist.  Such unscientific and obscene cows manure.

Anyway, yes, the Wuhan Virology Lab leaked and the Communist Chinese Military and Xi Jinping didn’t ‘fix’ the problem. It’s a ‘virus leak’. It’s like a Tanker leak and the owner of the ship puts all their money on looking the other way. 

Now Vanity Fair, the left wing rag, says ‘look at me and this ‘breaking story’.  Not one Vanity Fair journalists thought to read Indian, Turkish, Taiwanese, or French research. It’s been said that the left wing are collectively intellectual wankers with their desire to ‘censor’ anyone who disagrees with them and their utter grandiosity and arrogance. Sorry. That’s all you needed to say. Sorry, Mr. President you were right. We were wrong. Now the doctors and scientists who were paid by the Communist Chinese to distract and cover up are going to jail and at least are losing their much coveted prestigious positions for the sake of the lowest doctors and scientists like me that really haven’t been pleased at how cheap a scientist or doctor can be bought. Meanwhile no one has offered me anything for telling the truth but really I would have lied perhaps too if the Communist Chinese had given me millions of dollars. 

Still the Vanity Fair Article is correct if the people they quote are the really key people who broke the story in Taiwan, Singapore, South Korea, Japan, France and countless other places outside the xenophobic racist circle of the Imperialist running dog Vanity Fair ‘circle’.  The story is good.  I didn’t know about the mines. So thank you. It was a great read though I really wish you hadn’t given credit to President Trump and the Republicans and their sources and statements when they got it right a year before your ‘breaking story’.  The story is there and actually its rather fun to see it written with obvious pie on the face of Vanity Fair, a left wing rag that actually rose above the yellow journalism that has dominated the left throughout this horrible crisis of Covid 19.

Well done Vanity Fair.  Next time just say, We are sorry President Trump and all the scientists and doctors who weren’t working with the Communist Chinese for our hatred and tunnel vision that would not allow us to work for the good of AMerica and the world but had to see things solely through the eyes of our demonic hatred of the elected President of the US and give our allegiance to the Communists abroad and at home. Now we’ve come clean with the ‘truth’ and are still trying to save face.  Good on you, mate.  We accept your apology, girl. I know it’s hard but you finally saw and admitted what everyone else knew a year ago.  Nice ‘timeline’.  Taiwan article a year ago was better, mind you, but they were not Vanity Fair. Taiwan is a humble abused country whose learned the hard way that it’s better to tell the truth. Lying is a luxury.  Communist China lies. It still lies. It will always lie. There’s nothing ‘racist’ excerpt Vanity Fair refusing to listen to the Democratic Asian nations and worshiping the Communist Chinese. It’s like Hanoi Jane all over again as history repeats itself and the fifth column of communists continue to thrive in American journalism.  Whatever!

Pfeiser , 2nd Vaccine, Frazer Health

I’m pleased, satisfied. Still a teeny anxious.  

It’s a statement of hope that I’ve made to day. It’s an expression of faith in my fellow man, especially the scientists,researchers and the countless health care professionals involved in this world wide adventure.

I do believe that this Covid 19  virus is a Chimera Sars Corona 2 Virus, better described as the China Flu, part of the ‘gain of function studies’ researching sars bat virus.  I don’t believe the Pangola or the Wet Market were anything but distraction.  I believe that the Communist Chinese could have prevented the spread of the pandemic but did not want to lose political face and quite possibly thought to take advantage of the situation. I believe the there’s hundreds of billions of dollars in vaccines and that the Chinese had hoped to be the first one to have a vaccine so that in essence they would have leaked the poison and then sold the antidote. 

 I believe that when ‘gain of function’ research was outlawed in the US, Dr. Fauci and others in the military and beurocracy funded the continuations of the research in Wuhan lab. There wasn’t proper oversight and French who designed lab said the work wasn’t to spec.Just consider all the errors size notorious with Wish before believing communist chinese claims of perfection.  Research outlawed in the US could continue in Wuhan and could leak. It is preposterous to say a virus can’t leak from a lab. They said that about the safety of oil tankers.

I believe above all else that Xi Jinping and the Communist Chinese Party are lying to us. I believed that we learned from the USSR that communists only hold true ‘political truth’ and that they have no difficulty saying black is white for political expediency.  I believe the once great WHO is no longer a scientific organization but a political organization.  I believe  it lied to us and continues to work for the funding agent of Communist China. I believe millions have been given to scientists doctors and scientific magazines, politicians, and media personnel to lie  I believe that Dr. Fauci and Dr Tam are complicit in this really extraordinary and disturbing crisis.

If I come home and find my wife in bed naked with the naked gardener, it is right for me to be suspicious. However, if I ask them what they are doing and they both say they are looking for the lawnmower, that statement proves my suspicions are founded. It is in the coverup that the lie is most exposed.  

Now I saw all this.  I also know  the UN Agenda 21 and 2030 aren’t conspiracy theories but true proposal of that rogues gallery organization. Indeed too many people at  Davos all said that there are too many people. That while we are 8 billion and the numbers have relatively maxed, these people would like to,like the Nazi’s before them, genocide half or more of the populations, either to save the planet or to make it easier for them to travel about. The Socialist nations , International Socialism, called communism, and National Socialism called Naziism have genocides hundreds of millions for the greater good.  The word Holocaust comes from the millions of Christian Armenians genocided by the Muslim Turks. The ‘globalist agenda’ is real and rather frightening. The Sharia Communism of the UN has a man as head of women’s rights and ultimately the worst of the Muslim Dictators, the Ayatollah is in league with the worst of the Communist Dictators , Xi Jinping.  

Democratic nations have ‘free speech, free press, free associations’ and freedom to question and peacefully depose of the rulers. Most of the recent immigrants from from the Middle East and communist China have never known freedom.  Part of the strategy of global economic immigration has been to divide and conquer, provide scab voters and undermine democracy for the sake of national and corporate elites.  CSIS , the Canadian intelligence agency, has stated that the Communist Chinese have infiltrated Canada, for instance, to the highest levels, in government, education and media. We already have seen the years of propaganda journalism from the yellowsheet sociopaths who supported Tonkin Villages and outright traitors like Hanoi Jane and other celebrities easily bought.

So getting a vaccine isn’t a minor concern.  I’ve never doubted vaccines before the ‘flu vaccine’ which has had limitted success compared to the polio and measles vaccines.  The Xeneca vaccine is a traditional vaccine but the Moderna and Pfeiser Vaccines are experimental mRNA vaccines based on the same research that is providing us successful new treatments in immunotherapy for cancer.  We further know that if a drug causes death the pharmaceutical company can be sued but if a vaccines maims or kills it’s legally protected for good or evil.  Without the protection perhaps no one would develop vaccines but also the world over is producing it’s own vaccines against Covid 19.  The Russians have ‘sputnick’.  India has 4 vaccines.  The Chinese and Israelis have a vaccines. Interestingly in response to this Covid 19 virus all over the world researchers in different countries , even in Canada , despite the corruption of the Sino Canadian research venture,  has a vegan based vaccines  developed in Montreal. All these countries  have been developing independent vaccines.  

We know though that the WHO distributed a vaccine, apparently a Bill Gates venture, for young women to avoid pelvic diseases but it just happened to sterilize hundreds of thousands of young black women. Systemic  racism is all the vogue in the divide and conquer identity politics. BLM is an extremely wealthy marxist corporation with no financial transparency.  However the systemic sterilization of young black women is ‘covered up’. Trudeau’s Mortgentaller, Canadat’s greatest abortionist had three children himself but happily aborted countless Catholic Canadian children.  Meanwhile Mao’s ‘one child’ policy, which was celebrated by Trudeau ,is being serious reconsidered in the light of history.  It’s just that there is little doubt now that there an elite who happily kills others but protects their own.  

If this was just a ‘virus’, a ‘natural phenomena’, like the  Ebola, Zicca, HIV and SARS before , it wouldn’t seem to warrant the extraordinary response that the world gave to Covid 19 China Flu.   It was almost like the same response the Allies gave to the Nazi’s introducing Mustard Gas in WWI combat.  

I don’t question any of the actions in the first year, really, though there was clear ‘overkill’ in retrospect. The lockdowns were at times political and public health polices put forward by the likes of Trudeau and Cuomo pretty much ensured the spread of disease and death.  New York’s Mayor Cuomo  called the ‘nursing home killer’, interfered with quarantining the sick. By contrast quarantining the sick was a thing done elegantly in Taiwan and by Dr. Bonnie Henry and Health Minister Dix here in British Columbia Canada.  The successful protection of so many was directly consequent to the superb public health measures taken locally and supported by Premier Hogan.  In the US Trump was first in the West to stop flights from Wuhan,.  Taiwan, outlawed by the Communist Chinese WHO , had been the first of all nations. 

 Trudeau persisted in bringing disease into the country for months even after the western nations following Taiwan and Trump closed the borders.  Both Dr. Fauci and Dr. Tam said to not wear masks when Taiwan and Singapore immediately had their nations masked up.  Today Trudeau and Dr. Tam remain the butt of all manner of jokes given their gross errors in public health management including giving away the doctors and nurses personal health care protection by the tons to Communist China leaving our health care workers at the gravest risk.  Meanwhile the Dutch noted that 90% of the Chinese masks were faulty supporting the idea that the Communists were gaslighting the world.  So ‘nomask dr. Tam attempts to redeem herself by suggesting masks during sex. The latest joke is ‘Dr. Tam says you can pee in the swimming pool if you wear two bathing suits.”

Never before has there been such mixed messaging, , deceit, lies or partisan information about a health care issue. We’d all become reconciled to the ‘the Skies falling ! Give me money” Climate Change Cult who have told us the world is going to end first from acid rain, then lack of ozone, then the computer crash of millennial madness and Al Gore saying the Arctic was to disappear 10 years ago, then the oceans rising but Obama buys beach front property. So while there’s been this draconian message to the population and lockdowns and restrictions the Canadian PM has been holidaying overseas , the California government has been have unmasked dinners with strangers in golf club restaurants and Minister of Health ‘Hippocrit’ Hadju takes flights to visit her family when no one is supposed to mixing outside their ‘community’ and ‘bubble’. 

Having been an ER doctor during HIV I don’t recall any politicians openly using dirty needles or having unprotected sex with gay prostitutes in the middle of that crisis.  So we know theres something not right. Still the  government insists they’re looking for a lawn mower.

The whole track and trace business had declining relevance as the virus spread exponentially through the community. Standford studies showed that it was fast becoming ubiquitous. Highly contagious strains and the cruise ship data made the whole track and trace business suspect by 2021.  All over the world countries and states with vaccines were stopping the whole lock down and it’s selective political bias. It was okay to go to a pub but not to church.  You could go to a sex store or buy pot at the pot store but you couldn’t go to the local market or the church.  It was clear that big corporations had won big time while small businesses had been devastated.  So where’s the science in all this politics and mass nation wide fear mongering and deceit.

I don’t know.  

I considered all the cons and knew the pros but it really in the end came down to ‘do I believe I’m going to live or do I believe this vaccine is going to kill me.’

I don’t know how good it is. 80-90 percent efficacy for a virus whose death rate is not discernible at any level except in the elderly and already sick. No one cares that treatable addiction is killing young people en mass with fentanyl from Communist Chinese Military sources. The loss of potential life from a demented old folks home obese 90 year old living in a nursing home is a different matter from the loss of life when my 20 yo patient accidentally OD’s and dies on fentanyl laced cocaine.  In one case the person is already living beyond the shelf life whereas in the second case the loss of potential life is 60 years. 

I think Bill Gates is in it for the money and power.  I don’t think this is a ‘chip’ implanted for social control.  I do think it’s an exercise in mass mobility. I do think I’ve demonstrated my obedience and faith in  government and law and order. I have no respect for the individual unethical ‘sock boy’ low brow bully puppet, but I have great admiration for the PM office. I thought today when I got the vaccine that like the mass poison gas drills this was clearly a potential test of responsiveness to biological warfare which the Communist Chinese have threatened.  This was perhaps a test run. I passed. I may die or I may live.  I still remember in the Cold War as a child doing nuclear war drills in school, down with head between my knees ready to watch my ass get blown away. 

It’s just that I’m really happy to be beyond the decision .  Knowing all I do and distrusting as I am , I still had faith.  I have more faith in God than man but I have faith that the world is becoming a better place with less war and less death longer life and better health than ever before. Hallelujah! 

Hallelujah,  I’ve had my second Pfeiser Vaccine. If there’s a vaccine passport I’m eligible for it now.  

Lovely June Morning

Laura said it right. It’s a beautiful morning. Cooler with a light breeze.  Madigan woke me then the alarm joined the gang. I walked him meeting Peter who told me an hilarious bad puppy story. She tied her 5 month puppy to a post outside the market and went in for a minute. When she came out the dog was so happy to see her she pulled out the post knocking over an elderly woman who broke her arm. Continuing her plunge to her long lost mistress she dragged the post scratching several cars.  Thousands of dollars damage.  “I can trump anyone’s bad puppy story now,’ she told Peter.  I was laughing to early in the morning.  

Madigan and Bella, his little sweetheart were delighted to visit. Then he visited with the very big puppy and next with Milow. It was a dog morning.  The neighbourhood event was a strange car but it appeared the fellow was simply waiting for the office to open. I love the way everyone watches. Nice community. But then it also struck me how the future might look as gated community come to Canada to counteract the national governments invitation to criminals from all over the world to come here and prey on ‘old stock canadians’ because we’ve made the laws all in favour of criminals.  

Talking to a friend about moving.  The invitation is open. Where to be safest with aging and increasing vulnerability. I can’t shake the story of the 90 year old man who was charged with murder and waited 6 months of his life while the courts tortured him. He’d been in a wheel chair in his apartment when a drug addicted criminal broke in kicked over his wheel chair put the boots to him then proceeded to trash his apartment searching for money. The old man who’d taken a Luger from a German in WW2 in hand to hand combat had the Luger in a bottom drawer. He pulled it out and shot the man before he came back and killed him in rage.  The courts charged the 90 yo with murder and tortured him with threats of life imprisonment.  6 months later he was free but his luger was taken and he was reprimanded for his bad behaviour. 

Meanwhile the police in swat teams have taken down ministers and kids playing hockey while opening the jails to protect criminals from getting Covid.  It’s strange.

I’m uncertain about the future. I live to camp and then to go hunt and then to go to nephews wedding. I don’t see it safe to retire here. War is brewing in the pacific. The US has celebrated the riots and mobs and Chas.  It’s all upside down and frankly I’m afraid.

Vivian died of Covid yesterday. An amazing woman. I’ve known her 20 years watching her go from early days of university, theology school, priest and ordaining. Medicine woman. Priest, Grandmother, Mother, Sister, friend.  She began the Urban Aboriginal Ministry I was on the board, member at large, early years. She was always at me to give her wild meat from my hunting to help the DTES drunks and addicts in or beginning of recovery. I gave her hundreds of pounds of moose, bear and venison , as well as salmon and she’d have these feasts with the retinue of urban aboriginals trying to find their way back to the light. Drum circles.  I brought her a storage locker of my furniture and clothes when I was downsizing and she distributed it all thanking me that she was able to give to homeless people blankets and sweaters. She was always in the streets and allies talking to people inviting them to come to her weekly meals.  Always mothering.  When her street work was formalized she struggled with all the paper work that was needed to make her work official and fit into the institutional patterns.  She was like St. Francis but called upon to be an accountant and administrator.  We laughed about the never ending learning. I loved lunches with her mentor Monty and her.  I loved her mother and just last year her son Steven and she rescued her father a residential school survival from the rough life he was living in the far north, sick in winter, and family he’d hurt forgiving and coming to help. I loved Vivivan’s big hear. I loved when she was with Andria, Jackie, Barb and these beautiful women all laughing together.  I’ll miss Vivian.  I think of her at Rainbow Bridge, meeting her dog Puka who she loved but died hit by a car. Her mother and Jesus will be there in the light. She’ll be home. The Creator and peace. 

Madigan is watching me. He gets bored and comes over to be reassured that I remember him.  I gave him fresh water and food.  Laura is coming over so he’ll be pleased. He gets her to play with him.  All he wants to do is play. I’ m no fun because I work in the garage in front of screens and talking on the phone all day when he’d rather I be taking him out to play.  We go for walks three or four times a day. I say hes’ my trainer. I ‘ve gained weight with Covid and yet I enjoy food and Netflix.  Escapism.  I need to eat less and exercise more. Naturally if I exercise more the intake decreases.  I’ve liked the lunch time lying in the hot sun on the lawn chair breaks.  

Tomorrow the second vaccine and Madigan gets his chip.

All is good .Thank you God. I’ve been overwhelmed in work and having trouble meeting the demands and having little time.  It’s the paper work that appears and I’m totally booked all day on the hour and when is their time for the paper demands or the phone calls or the emergencies.  It’s not like the laid back salaried jobs I had where one could ‘schedule’ all this.  It’s unpaid work for me and there’s a deluge of people wanting to be seen and shortages of all psychiatric care.  I’ve got to get myself ready to face the dark tunnel of despair.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Creator. Thank you God within and God without. Thank you transcendent, immanent, God of all and nought. Thank you.  Guide me to the right path and help me be kind in all my words and actions today. Thank you.

A new spring morning

Madigan let me sleep in today. We woke with the alarm and I only pressed the snooze once. It was even nice to look in the mirror and see that I had hair and eyes that nearly smiled. My wrinkles were wear of weather and experience.  No scars.  It was good to have my own home.  

Madigan was glad to go for a walk. A morning ritual.  The sun was so fine.  Then down the dappled trail along the river. A young chinese man running. An older man passing in the other direction. One speeding cyclist looking all the college student.  Likely hell bent for classes. Madigan just sniffed. I liked the birds flitting in the trees, their songs and talk. Then home.  

I’ve had granola and cream. African Coffee. This is Equator ground.  I have lots of Ethiopian beans but my grinder died and I’m waiting another.  

I’m enjoying ‘Tread Softly on my Dreams’, a novel of Ireland.

The next two days I’m working from home. I was in the clinic. I’ve the second  vaccine this Friday and Madigan gets his chip the same day. Laura’s over and I’m having my hair roots done Saturday morning. I have light blond off softening the grey. My body aches concerns me.  I don’t feel old inside.  I don’t even seem that old when I look in the mirror but some days walking I see myself and I’m looking older for sure.  Mostly I’m not getting enough exercise.  I need a new desk and chair that ergonomically fit. I’ve had this mismatch too long but procrastinate on tasks. My accounts are done and I’ve to reorganize them for another year.  I’ve paper work to find in the storage locker.  There I just found some I was looking for and they were here in the living room cupboard.

I delighted in lying in the sun in shorts yesterday at lunch soaking up the Vit D.  It wasn’t a beach but next best thing, the back yard sun tanning.

I love the spring and summer now. 

I wonder if Vivian is still alive and still struggling.  

Covid continues. Lockdown continues. The disinformation and misinformation and stories and counter stories persist in the media. I don’t know what is ‘true’ now considering that the powers that be do not believe in ‘objective truth’ but only ‘political expediency’.  

I’m meditating and praying and don’t feel closer or further from God. There’s that sense of lull.  It could go on.

I’m slowly progressing on a couple of books and would like to see my days free to simply study and write.  My happy place today would be a library.  I see that in my future.  I miss having an adventure goal. I’m marking time with all the restriction. My nephews wedding has put a destination and time on the calendar. Other wise the days just flow and I look forward to camping. No major projects.  Wheel to put on the transom of the dinghy and a light to install above the door.  I seem to get things done while believing I’m doing nothing. Each day I do another day of work and enjoy getting paid if only to pay the mortgage. What a dream it would be to be free of the mortgage.  We’re all indentured slaves to mortgages.  We once paid off passages.  We pay for our freedom. This hiarchy is deeply offensive when I see a brain fart like Trudeau having dynastic rule because his name like Kardasians has recognition value.  My dad was so much more of a man than his dad.  My family for generations is much more but they worked the land and worked with their hands and went to university for engineering and agricultural and medical degrees. I don’t regret avoiding the law degree. The theology degree was interesting .I’d expand on my religious studies.  Somewhere I have the Unviersity of California degree in storage. Master of Religious Studies.  I’d a ‘theology’ degree from a less respectable organization. I was into irony then when university degrees were being sold by the institutions.  University of Toronto medical school students failed by their professors were passed by administrators and lawyers.  Today education in the liberal arts is accesorizing.  I’m enjoying studying Gaelic much as I studied Spanish and Hebrew before that. I muddle along not very gifted in language. I also am playing the guitar only occasionally and I once played it often. I began musical theory training again on the keyboard picking up from the childhood years of former music and voice training.  I’m remember the good feeling , the freedom and creativity before the bullies and tyrants stepped in and demanded that all be homogenized to their low IQ.  Mass education and mass consumerism. 

I am thankful for the sunshine. Thank you God for the flowers and the birds. Thank you for the fresh air and the entertainment of madigan with his curiosity love and enthusiasm. I look forward to Laura coming Friday and the vaccine as a ‘mark’. I pray for Vivian.  I celebrate the new babies and the babies to come. It’s spring.  Rebirth and birth.  Hallelujah!  Thank you Jesus.

 

First day of spring

It’s truly glorious this morning. Sunshine, blue sky, fresh breeze. I enjoyed the walk with Madigan.  

He’d had an accident on the rug but it’s been months since he piddled in the wrong place. Poor little guy.  Addle brained puppy.  I cleaned it up and think I’ll wash that camel hair throw rug soon. It no doubt has confusing smells from his early days.

The birds were out in song.  Lots of robins and sparrows. Nothing unusual. I did raise the Great Blue Heron by the dam yesterday watching it’s great wings lift it into the air. It looked like a Pterodactyl.  

I am blessed with my happy puppy and his enthusiasm.  It’s uplifting to watch his bouncing walk and lead. He pooped half way to the green generator. Why he likes that spot I don’t know. There’s another place on the loop from the office that he prefers.  Sometimes he just does it in the road. I’m pleased because it’s rarer for him to use the pee pad in the RV garage.

Laura and I talked last night on Signal about fears of impending doom, world crisis. Our friend, Vivian is gravely ill.  My priest, her fellow priest, Theresa has been posting progress reports. The ICU gave little hope yesterday.  Laura was saddened.  She worried about her son and daughter.  She’s known her twenty years watching her through years of study and finally becoming ordained. Now she’s struggling with Covid.  It made us think of the bizarre nature of world affairs, the failures if not down right traitorous behaviour of the Prime Minister, the massing ships in the South China Seas. War and rumours of war. Martial law lifting.  Talk of Covid passports and more crack downs. Laura was haunted by thirty police around her building and two more deaths this week. She describes passing men urinating on walls and stepping over sleeping homeless.  It’s not the homelessness that is concerning but the lawlessness.  There is increasing threat of violence and mobs become increasingly dangerous encouraged by the liberals.  So much drugs and alcohol.  

We talked again of what to do if law and order fail.  Her family thinks of taking to the ocean. Are considering leaving Vancouver. There’s been an exodus of some 50,000 from the city. 

Agenda 21 encourages UN dictatorship and rounding up people into urban high rise ghettos so the 1% can own the land and enjoy nature.  I thought of the coast and islands but now think of the interior.  Calgary and Winnipeg.

The government is all about Divide and Conquer with its increasingly desperate Identity Politics.  I’m reading of the 1789 Irish Revolution and Vinegar Hill. The Protestant , prestbyterian and Protestant lead it and so many were jailed.  Belfast hangings. The British crown sent in Cornwallis who had failed at the American Revolution to declare marshal law and ‘take no prisoners.’  Catholics and protestants died together for a United Ireland.  But the Crown using propaganda created dissension in the ranks playing Catholics against the Protestants. The immigration and especially the illegal immigration policies of Trudeau have been solely to create division.  I loved reading the ‘translation” of the word “diversity’. ‘Whenever you see this word, it means Agenda 21 divide and conquer and like ‘sustainability’ are group speak words for Dictatorship.  

The Western Allies without Canada, Britain, US , Australia, Japan have gathered in the South China Sea where the Communist Chinese, CCP had moved their carrier force and after breaking international law in Hong Kong, and invading India, while continuing to genocide Tibet.  I loved seeing their aggression checked and am pleased that saner minds that traitorous liberals are acknowledging the source of the Covid as the Wuhan Lab.  Covid 19 is a Chimera gain of function experimental virus.  The WHO has been corrupt and complicit as has Dr. Fauci and we learned that Dr. Tam was on the not wholly political WHO committee. 

We are watching the likes of Churches being turned into Brothels. Or cemeteries being turned into restaurants. It’s black arts.

I learned of more moving to Kamloops and Kelowna, Revelstoke and Lethbridge.  

I’m older and have only friends in the city, the dearest dead and others perhaps dying. I like the thought of gardening. My friend said he was thinking of building a forge. These are important considerations.  Much more reasonable than men who hassle girls on the way to work and piss on the sidewalks because the police are told to arrest pastors.  It’s a great time of shame for the police and destruction of faith in a once great force. As the police are called upon more and more to attack the middle class arresting and fining kids playing hockey the destruction of society proceeds. The take over of Canada by the UN dictatorship lead by Communist China is guaranteed. How can anyone trust authority after the despicable, hypocritical, unethical behaviour of the stupid buffoon, sock boy, Prime Minister Trudea. 

I pray and have hope

I am meditating each day and turning to God. It’s the first day of Spring. I look forward to camping. I miss the reasonableness of friends like Raju. He’s sane. I’m meanwhile thinking of escaping into another identity as a Transexual in face of the castrating government and the overt attack on white Christian males under the auspices of propaganda and war rallying rhetoric. Truth withers on the vine.  Everything is emotional reasoning and rhetoric.

I’m off FB again because a chapter in my psychiatry book has been viewed by a disgusting little wanker censor and said to not be approved by community standards.  We are suddenly reduced to the social and moral and civil liberty world of the sharia communist somewhere before the Megan Carta and French Revolution.  I’m unable to discuss sex and sexuality because of the obscene little perverts in government who themselves are pedophiles and female child slave traders. We used to joke and say there was no difference between the government of Canada and the Hells’ Angels except the government of canada wasn’t into prostitution. Yet who knows these days. They’re arms dealers and drug pushers and promote the sale of death and commit countless sins of omission and negligence claiming they are having another high paid meeting about it.  They do nothing but talk and rob. Meanwhile the taxes go to terrorists in Pakistan and here we pay terrorists and they say that the millions are for ‘gender clinics’.  My immigrant friends from those countries think that liberal Canadians are the most naive and gullible people in the world. There’s no free press.

yet I’m supporting the regime. I salute the position. I defend the office of the Prime Minister even though I think the person that holds that job is a shameful little arrogant ignorant wanker clown.  I love the work of Wexit but this just pays lawyers and politician committee games. 

I have served my country and my fellow man for a life time and had a good life except for the grossest failure of the courts and the destruction of the country by the corrupt government.  This liberal government has only 26% support of the country if that, and those who support. Trudeau are predominantly criminals, scoundrels, Quebecois and really Huffington Post Barbie’s brain dead utopians who believe the rhetoric of communism while ignoring the evidence of history. 

I must have more gratitude. I’m thankful for the summer sun. I’m thankful for my puppy. I’m thankful for my home and indoor plumbing ,running water and heat and air conditioning. I’m thankful for the internet and my ability to work from home. I ‘m thankful for the networks that support me .I am thankful for the government infrastructure that struggles to carry on despite the national tragedy. Locally I’m thankful for the Premier , Minister of health and the Health Authoritis. I’m thankful I’ll be getting my second vaccine and can have hope to the end of this beurocratic bedlam created mainly by the grossest mismanagement medically by the central authority.  We are 6 months behind other less advanced countries in returning to open society and removal of all the draconian measures which have had questionable scientific validity since 2021.  

I keep thinking of Nuremberg when I hear the College saying they will discipline doctors who don’t goose step to consensus commands. Gag orders on doctors and scientists.  That’s fascist and communist and yet if we are at war with Communist China it’s warranted. I don’t know what’s happening in Victoria. I trust Victoria but have no faith whatsoever in Ottawa.  Idiots at the helm of the boat.  Yet I don’t mutiny. I serve the office. I do my best. Each day I struggle to face the despair and anger. 

The violence against the front lines are increasing.  Communists and fascists alike bomb ambulances.  They kill the doctors. The Sharia authorities arrested the doctors and abused them when they provided care for the militants who refused to cover their faces.

I just read how the British refused medical care to the noble leader of the Irish Revolution claiming he had ‘betrayed his class’.  He stood with United Ireland.  He died of a treatable wound in his shoulder when he was arrested and denied medical care till gangrene had set in. There are so many that claim they have a monopoly on suffering individually and collectively.  Vinegar Hill and Culloden.  Forgotten in history because they don’t serve the divide and conquer of the government propaganganda machine ,the brain child of Goebbels.

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner. Let me squeeze the puss of negativity and fear from my mind so I can be open to your endless blessings, the glorious sun and your undying love.  Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me.

Thank you God for all your blessings. Help the sick today and help me be of service to you and my fellow man, woman and child.