Fear of Economic Insecurity Will Leave Us

Nothing like the rising cost of housing in Vancouver does more to raise the fear of economic insecurity. Highly skilled accomplished friends describe leaving this city because of the criminal wealth from drug trafficking, ‘sharp business practices’, bribes, extortion, off shore criminal money, elite government employees, private armies and private police, political correctness and drug addiction and alcoholism and fear of theft.  Vancouver must rank as one of the greatest cities of theft.  Meanwhile the insurance companies post massive profits and the police merely ‘record’ crime.
I wake in the night worrying and must ask myself a series of important questions
1. Whose in charge?  My very perception of reality is an after thought. It takes nano and mini seconds to process events. I could die and only learn of it as a past event, my consciousness lingering as my body and brain snuffed out.  The idea that God is the prime mover is fundamental from simple reflection. I can’t levitate this house yet a person’s world can be upturned in a second by all manner of natural catastrophes.  My God is a loving God.  My God is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipotential, I say OM in meditation, the letters to some simply standing for “One Mind”, while to others they reflect the primal sound of the universe, the sound that goes to making up our meaning of ‘home’ and ‘mom’.  When I pray I connect with the universe which is on my side because if it were not I’d be wracked with tortuous pain and subjected to all the fears I associate with hell.  This life seems like hell to me but mostly because of my mind and my interpretation and the clinging I do, the desperation.
2. In this moment I am well.  Fear is about the future.  In Biblical times the wealthiest leaders of society at most could protect themselves from seven years of drought by stockpiling grain.  Prior to only 5000 years ago when civilization followed the hoarding of food stuff, hunter gatherers lived seasonally, year to year, hopeful that they would make it through the winter.  Winter is coming on now. This is the beginning of fall. These are the dark days.  These are the days of coughs and pneumonias. These are the days and nights of rheumatism and arthritic pain. These are the days and nights of festering wounds.  This was the winter of rest but now the government increases taxation and attacks throughout the year but mostly in winter with tax collection at the end when stocks are lowest and psychologically one is at an all time low.  These are the seasons of relapses and suicides. These are the days of long nights on call and countless patients crying and begging to be seen desperate and afraid. These are the days of the utter callousness and arrogance of psychopaths and the spawn of nazis masquerading as anything but. These are the days that victimizers claim that they were victimized first. These are the dark days. Halloween is coming. The witching season. The evil nights of wailing and chafing.
But this is also the coming of the Lord.  This is the beginning of the seasons of Advent. This is the time before Christmas when one begins to think of the Cosmic Christ. When all the negativity of the world, the baby soul hoarding, fear based wealth and materialist aetheists, the bullies and the cry babies, the false accusers, the rapists and the pedophiles, when all of that is faced with the coming of the light.  God came into creation and blew the socks off reality with the Word, with his Son Jesus, with the change of Nietzian Superman reality to the Mother and Child.  This is the baby Christ time. This is the promise of life and protection. This is the time of  the coming of Christ.  This is promise.  This is the Good News.
But right now all is well. I have shelter, warmth, running water, food and friends and family.  In the NOW I am rarely afraid. In the NOW I don’t carry resentments from the past or enter worries from the future. In the NOW I practice the presence of God. God is Love. God is forever opening doors when a window closes. God is with me. God has always been with me. Through all the worst times of my life when I didn’t think I could carry on, when I thought it couldn’t get worse and it did, when I thought I couldn’t carry on, God was with me, holding me, carrying me. I love the poem about the two sets of foot prints in the sand. My God loves me as a child, a youth, a man, a woman, a human, a young person, an old person, a poor person, wealthy person. My God loves me as my father and mother and brother loved me even when I was wrong. My God loves me in jail, whorehouses, asylums, parliament, penthouses, biker club houses, in slums and in wealthy homes in exclusive neighbourhoods.  For I have known fear when I have been wealthy and known those that are wealthy to know more fear than some that are poor.  Indeed it is common for the wealthy to be dependent on their wealth for their own sense of safety and suffer as their bank accounts rise and fall.  They know that their friends are only there for their wealth sometimes and all their lives revolve around their economic position.  I have been afraid poor and wealthy.  The idea that it would change is quite insane.  There is never enough wealth because the wealthiest are most afraid of the theives and the betrayals. Et Tu Brute.  Diogenes was the character who the emperor of all time Alexander asked what he could give him and Diogenes asked that he step aside as he stood in the sun.  Important people are always blocking the light standing up and blocking the view and insisting they are doing nothing but there they are casting shadows and not seeing the darkness they create.   We are forever in the shadows of men and women such as Alexander. We develop patience waiting for them to step aside and stop blocking the sun.  We all know there are infinite resources and that if there were less pomp and pomposity all would be rich beyond their wildest dreams but scarcity is built into this Communist System we live in.   The Communists need ‘control’ and would do anything to put themselves and their religion as God.  Today we fight the Aetheist Communists and the Jihadist Wahabi Muslims.   The God of Love will heal all.  The Son of God will fulfill his sacrifice.  All shall be well. All shall be well. All Shall be well.  As the Hindus and Buddhists teach, this too will pass. The Sufis know this in their turning and rotations.   I live only three score years and some and there are billions on the planet and billions have gone before over 80,000 years or more in historical awareness, but there is but one day and one life that I personally know. I am insignificantly significant and significantly insignificant.  The wisdom of the Desert Fathers, Sufi, Vedas, Q Teachings, Prophets, all have similarities. Put not your faith in the outer world.  Dr. Jung called the unconscious the ‘collective unconscious’.  The experience of ego, my thoughts and fears, are the tip of an iceberg.  The mystics call it ‘the cloud of unknowing.’  The alpha and omega.
3. My fear is what limits my economics. If I had faith the size of a mustard seed’ “I could move mountains’,  I would be open to winning a lottery, I’d be open to gifts unlimited from God. Even now I lack the gratitude to appreciate all that I am given but reach far into the future to worry about deadly diseases and calamities. The gifts come with every day and I’m hardly enjoying playing with one when I’m onto another, each new toy only serving a while to dispel that emptiness. Looking for love in all the wrong places. As CS Lewis said, Talking to the wall instead of the Architect.  I’m looking to false gods rather than the real God.  I’m as bad as the CBC news that is such a propaganda machine that it dare not find anything wrong with the corruption in government here that it instead tells us daily and nightly of horrors around the world. When I’m happy I begin to find fears in the future or the past or imagine Steven King scenarios, catastrophic ing and making up all manner of possibilities, hypochondriasis, distrust, paranoia, imaginary fears, phobias.  We hear of tropical hurricanes for weeks on CBC yet no one in Canada lives in the tropics.  I can’t imagine Jamaican radio broadcasting every time Canada has a snow storm yet the old die here in winter and babies die here as well.  It’s all quite absurd. It’s theatre of the absurd.
4. So when I read something like a promise that ‘fear of economic security will leave us’, it’s not just that my fear will go because I know the fear is mostly of change and that I am most fearless in faith and letting go and trusting the flow and trusting that God does open a door when he closes a window. When I move from one place to another in life I must lighten up. The great book, Drop the Rock, described the inability to move forward weighted down with the past yet so much of our identity is caught up in possessions.  Fear is a lack of love. Anxiety has been described as our distance from God.  Alone I’m a single computer, connected into the network I’m countless Kray. Alone I’m right to be afraid because there are  gangs of bankers and gangs of lawyers and gangs of politicians and gangs of journalists, gangs of communists and gangs of nazis and gangs of jihadists and gangs of beurocrats and gangs of Hell’s Angels, and gangs of police and gangs of Tong, and gangs of military units. I’m an individual and am born in shit and piss. My mother is dead and my father is gone and I fear the absence of family.  I am strongest in the company of the godly. We are not alone.  The evil  drug addict prime minister who clings to his wealth and priviledge takes even my country from me and says that Canada is no longer a nation, he destroys our boundaries and gives away our land and our reputation and our future. He plays the emperor with his empress wife Sophie, our sad imitation of Marie Antoinette.  Canadian feminists are the Eva Brawn’s of this world. Patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings. I have no family and now because of the evil doings of Justin Trudeau I have no country. And I feel a scoundrel at times .I feel I did not love enough . I feel I did not work hard enough. I feel I should have studied more. I feel I’ve not lived up to my potential. I feel I’ve been beaten over and over again by thugs and beurocrats, police and thieves, and prime ministers and women, and ex wives and their mother in laws, and tax men, ever the tax men, tax men ,tax men and land lords and businessmen and communists and regulators and lawyers and regulations and regulations and political correctness and trust funds and political correctness and gangs and individuals and women with gangs behind them and light weights with gangs and cheats and theives and countless scammers and bankers and dishonest businessmen and killers and haters and drug addicted and insane angry activists and angry women, always angry bullying violent women claiming they’re victims,the Eva Brawns of the world psychotic and psychopathic, ‘the long necked women and their boys’. In my self pity I’m a Travelling Wilbury’s song.  I’m a scoundrel and I have no refuge.  But so said my Lord. The foxes had homes but the son of God has none. My kingdom is in heaven. My kingdom is not here with baubles and things.  So yes my fear will evaporate when I have the right thinking that Kierkegaard had. “Life is suffering until death’. He said.  An Expectation is a preformed resentment. Buddha said that ‘desire if suffering’.  I can remove my fear by right thinking, by enlightenment, letting go and meditation. I can forgive not for the sake of Justin and Sophie Trudeau or any insane enemy I want to create in my crazy mind, but for my sake. Love thy enemy.  I forgive to free myself.  Resentments and fears are renting rooms in my head for free to the boogie men and women of my worst dreams.
5 Fear of Economic Insecurity will Leave Us also means that God’s grace will save us.  “Give us this day our daily bread’.  The story of Manna from Heaven was that God gave it to the Israelites as they needed it. I don’t get what I want as much as what I need. Doing God’s will, following in the steps of righteousness I will be cared for. Collectively the world is progressing will people living longer and more people on the planet than ever before and more people today have more than what only kings and queens had a mere decades before. Billions not thousands live with greater security than ever before. Malthus has been all but proven wrong.  Yes, the CBC fat cat journalists in the wealth and privilege of Toronto and Montreal will beat us all to death with a  poor reserve and not mention the outrageous wealth of the Mohawk and Albertan Aboriginal. The Fake News of Mainstream Media will always sell to emotions and give information without context to sell a bizarre slice of fear based reality.  We will read a Hollywood promotion magazine with a beautiful hair brushed Kardashian’s and never be told of her Sexually Transmitted Disease status or her toe fungus.  Mida Cyress has body odour. No it’s all advertising and fantasy.  It’s a media lie.  An Anderson deceit.  One day we wake from the stupor of youth and realize as George Carlin loved to teach, how we’d been played. With divide and conquer and lies.  Despite all this we are progressing as a collection of individuals in nations and federations and we will continue to move forward despite the stupidity and corruption of our leaders or because they are serving God and God is really in charge.
6. But what if I have broken all the commandments. What if I have character defects of lust, and gluttony, and envy and anger. What if I have all these ‘defects of character’ and I don’t seem to be able to let go of them.  Then I must ‘pray for willingness’ and know that yesterday I was wealthy , we all had innocence at some time in childhood or as babies and may have forgotten but we did, and I had all those defects of character later and still. And my favourite hymn was made by a slave dealing degenerate who like all of us must have had a spiritual awakening and realized he’d gone the wrong way, was going backwards rather than forwards, like “live”spelt backwards is “evil”,  And it took a while going in the right direction to get on because the backwards detour had gone on for a long time.  I am the prodigal son.  I have lived in the mental and emotional and physical pig sties and eaten the food of pigs when I could have come home to my father who would kill the fatted calf in celebration of having me home. The Hymm I so love is Amazing Grace.  Amazing Grace how sweet thou art that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I’m found. Was blind but now I see.”
7. This society is one of hoarding and gambling.  The closer I am to God the safer I am.  Grace is the love of God which I receive by openness.  I don’t receive what I deserve. It is not the works I do because these follow my love of God. I imitate Christ. And yes I physically fight and throw the evil from the temples as well as hang with the little children and meet with the military and even eat with tax collectors and prostitutes and all the sexually different, the rich and the poor. My service and my duty to God are what count. The courts are only an after thought. They have no inherent truth. They’re the Monday Morning quarterbacks. Steal a little and they put you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king.
8. Thank you Lord for the sun I see lighting the skies over the trees. Thank you for this day. Thank you for a good nights sleep in safety, my friend Laura, my dog Gilbert, and the cat George. Thank you we are all together safe and well this morning. Thank you for our work and recreation and the opportunity for service. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for Christ. Thank you for saints of all religions. Thank you for creation. Thank you for the changelessness and permanence of your love in the changing impermanent world.  Thank you for this body and this mind and this existence. Help me ever to focus on you and find you in the hide and seek of existence. Help me face the Hollow Men and struggle through tthe Kafka Castle and the Camus Trial. Help me serve you and protect us from the communists and aetheists who know not what they do as they have temper tantrum and drama queen fits and steal and insist that they who are so so out of control want to be in control without any experience or training except their insane fear driven desire for power.    Quiet the hysteria of these political nut bars.  Help me to trust in Thee.  There is One God , One Mind. I am a co imaginer in Thy Imagination. Thy will be done, my Lord. Thy will not my will.  Help me to remember that you always want what is best for me and that you have brought me this far and will carry me home.  I am yours.  Help me to love more.
Thank you Lord.

Justin Trudeau the person, and Justin Trudeau, the politician - personal political ramblings

I feel badly sometimes criticizing politicians, especially spoiled rich kids like Justin Trudeau. I admit I’m envious of spoiled rich kids because I’ve taken such flak from others for being a spoiled rich kid.  So many of these ‘comparison’s’ are relative.  Personally I’d left active participation in politics decades ago. When I was young I ran in elections and was on student councils and in media and served as “youth representative to parliament’ and served in secular and church authority positions. As a physician I served in my section of the BCMA and attended meetings and rallies. In work I’ve served on committees and been directly involved in preparation and presentation of position papers.  I’ve been a member of the Canadian Human Rights Association, The Canadian Civil Liberties Association, the Psychiatrists Against Political Abuse of Psychiatry, and still am involved in a few community organizations. I am a member of a church and have done service in that church organization.  Today I’ve been on Boards but generally over the years limited my ‘political public service’ to voting, membership in a political party and contributions.  Often these days my favourite contribution in my community is attending charity funding raisers and contributing to the ‘silent auctions’.
I’ve not been involved in city politics and admire a friend who has served there. My mother was very involved in local community politics but I’ve been more involved provincially and  federally, When I last voted in a city election I didn’t even know who or what half the parties stood for.  Provincially I’ve voted and I have been involved in some provincial based debates.  Federally I’ve been involved almost continuously since I was in my 20’s.  Indeed I always considered myself Liberal, having met Pierre Elliot Trudeau and thought him really smart ‘for an old guy’.  I actually considered like many in my generation that killing off anyone over thirty might make for a better country.  I rejected the liberal party some 20 years ago citing Churchill who said, “If you’re not a socialist at 20 you have no heart, and if you’re not a capitalist at 40 you have no brains.” I was increasingly dismayed by the corruption in the Liberal party and as an English western Canadian incensed at all the wealth that Quebec acquired through the Liberal party at the expense of the West. My friend was a member of the Western Canada Party and increasingly I saw that if Canada as a whole could vote on Quebec Separation we’d likely do better without them.  Meanwhile increasingly the decisions of Pierre Elliott Trudeau were increasingly the cause for so much that was problematic in Canada. I understood that his nearly bankrupting Canada had caused both Conservative Mulroney and Liberal Chretien to have so little money for health care.  Trudeau’s principal constituency was Quebec and lawyers.  So increasingly instead of science we were getting more and more government and less and less service directly as a consequence of Trudeau ideology.
Meanwhile the communist ideas I ‘d liked as a teen ager became apparently brutal with each year of mounting evidence of the millions killed in Communist regimes. I began writing letters on behalf of scientists imprisoned in communist countries.  The eventual falling of the Berlin wall with the increasing release of information and transparency finally destroyed my love affair with Trudeau.  After the horrors of communism became known it was for me like the exposure of Auschwitz to the world, I could never again respect Communists as I could never ever respect Nazi’s once I’d seen their gas chambers.  Trudeau fell from his pedestal, his lapel rose poisoned by history.
Now I wasn’t fond of George Bush, Jr.  I liked that he was a recovered alcoholic and made no bones about that. I also liked that he was a Christian.  I loved his mother and his father had been one of the brightest men in American politics.  That said, he was a Dynastic Ruler.  Genetics is important, especially in race horses, but the European history and Eastern history of Dynasties said mostly that they were best at serving themselves and least concerned with serving their countries. I liked democracy and elections because of the competition and the belief that ‘meritocracy’ would lead to the ‘best’ choice.  Trudeau is a Dynastic Leader like George Bush Jr.  I don’t like him fundamentally because he smoked dope and did so at work.
Because my work is partly ‘police’ work, as a Medical Review Officer, it’s been my job to ‘monitor’ doctors, nurses, pilots, ships captains and drivers who themselves have ‘smoked dope’ or ‘drunk’ or ‘done drugs in office’ or ‘work’.  I personally am in recovery.  I was advised to smoke dope by a psychiatrist I saw about anxiety and bought marijuana from physicians.  Somehow the whole ‘illegality’ of the process and the ‘criminality’ of ‘drug use’ given my position as a psychiatrist began to wear on me.  When I saw a drunken doctor’s decision cause a patient’s death and saw a dope smoking doctor’s decision cause a patients death I became very concerned about the whole issue of ‘impairment’.
When I became open about my smoking dope and drinking wine, no more than judges, lawyers, hospital administrators and members of the College and Physicians or police around me and likely less than what was going on in the Trudeau home, I was severely “punished’ and ‘grossly stigmatized’ and ‘subjected’ to an unforgettable near death experience at the hands of very dangerous doctors who could justify their behaviour because I was a ‘dope smoker’.  I was ‘invalidated’ and ‘lost all my rights’ and was horrendously abused as I told the truth.
Now I appreciate that Justin Trudeau wants to ‘decriminalize’ marijuana.  Marijuania has been decriminalized essentially in Canada for more than a decade.  After my harrowing experiences which occurred as a result mostly because I did smoke marijuanai and associated with those who drank and drugged, albeit in high places, I remained ‘abstinent’ believing quite frankly with the political deceit and political dangers in Canada that I couldn’t afford to be ‘witless’ among so many rather sociopathic individuals. I found that the drug and alcohol abusers in general, especially those in high places, were the most sociopathic of all.  I gravitated increasingly to those who didn’t abuse drugs and alcohol and consciously didn’t break the law.  I simply like lawful people today. My brother has always been such and my family in general has been law abiding.  So it was fairly easy for me to return to my roots and accept that smoking marijuana hadn’t just been about the drug but had included an element of arrogance and just a touch of the ‘outlaw’ superiority that dominates the underworld.  I liked that I ‘got away with it’.
Yet I went to a psychiatrist and told him about my marital problems and anxiety and he thought my drinking wine and smoking a joint was just fine.
Today I would be smoking a joint and drinking a glass of wine if only because the ‘legality ‘of the thing’ would made that whole laissez faire easy going reality attractive.  Consciously not smoking, (I’d started smoking cigarettes which was my gateway drug for marijuana, and interestingly never thought anything of nicotine till I realized how dangerous it was) I began a journey of spirituality.  I also politically became increasingly informed and insightful about ‘morality’ and ‘ethical behaviour’.
I was meditating and very involved in pursuit of the truth and being in touch with my true self when I smoked marijuana again in psychiatry. I’d tried it over in Morocco but din’t really smoke it again till I was in psychiatry. Mostly my use of drugs or alcohol was highly circumscribed by my study of medicine, my work as a doctor and my onerous on call schedule.  It was only in psychiatry and on vacation that I used marijuana again, doing it with the psychiatry staff and gravitating to psychiatrists who drank and smoked dope. Most don’t.  It’s actually only about 10 % of physicians and 20% of lawyers and judges who abuse drugs and alcohol.   It’s amazing given the opportunity we all have that more than 80% of professionals are not impaired.  The head judge of the Supreme Court of Canada was a falling down drunk but the other four judges were sober caring.  I know the head of obstetrics was a drunk but the rest of the obstetricians I knew weren’t.
When I was younger I was highly critical of the one bad apple. Today I am utterly amazed and grateful for all the men and women in positions of power who do not abuse that power.
I have made amends for my poor behaviour. I caused no death, caused no harm to individuals, double and triple checked my work and asked colleagues opinions more if I was ‘hung over’. I was considered an exceptional doctor and psychiatrist and highly celebrated for my work and even my integrity both before and after my ‘disclosure’.  The worst doctor and most immoral unethical and corrupt was a doctor in position of power who was indeed to the best of my mind sober.  Psychopaths and sociopaths don’t need drugs and alcohol to hurt people. Yet drugs and alcohol commonly makes bad behaviour worse.
I worked on ‘wet reserves’ and ‘dry reserves’ when I was a physician with the Northern Medical Association and noted that despite all other variables the ‘wet’ reserves were the places of utter hell, depravity, disease and abuse while the ‘dry’ reserves were heaven by comparison.
Justin Trudeau’s mother was an addict and I have known so many Adult Children of Alcoholics and Addicts to appreciate the difficulties children experience growing up in families with active addiction.  Justin Trudeau brother was an addict as well. His father was aloof and intellectual.  Justin indeed has a fine sense of humour at times talking about his father.   But again I’ve had too many friends and patients who have been the children of the famous. It comes with major burdens.
My parents believed in work and I didn’t get an allowance but rather got a ‘wage’ for work I did in my home. I have this antagonism about the ‘idle rich’ a communist Canadian thing.  Yet, with protestant parents I was inured with the “protestant work ethic’.  I was also raised with a lot of ‘duty’.  It was my job to help those who were less fortunate, the young and the old.  I was raised on ‘noblesse oblige’ and ‘charity’ and heavily criticized if I ‘looked down’ on the disabled’.  It was however perfectly acceptable to criticize the lazy and the drunken.  When there was work to be done everyone had to pitch in and those that didn’t do their ‘share’ of work shouldn’t get any reward. This was fundamental in my upraising.
There was also this idea that as a member of the middle class we had a taxation system that was wrong as it supported ‘white collar welfare ‘ and ‘blue collar welfare’ , the ‘takers’ and the ‘cheaters’.  I loved singing Christians songs about Glory trains and what they carried and how they didn’t carry ‘cheaters’.
I have friends who were born wealthy.  A lawyer stole my grandfather’s estate. He stole the estate of a dozen of the richest men in northern manitoba.  Since the lawyers didn’t ‘catch’ their own, and our family and our friends family lost ‘millions’ we learned at a young age that the ‘courts’ were corruptible and judges there were laws for some and laws for others.  I loved Animal Farm. It was one of the very best books I ever read.
I don’t know Justin Trudeau.  As a person he suffered the loss of his father and the loss of his brother. I’ve lost both my parents now and empathize with those who have lost family.  I admire that Justin Trudeau is a family man but having married brilliant equal feminist female doctor and done 10 years in that rodeo I see Trudeau and his marriage as a 50’s sort of union and understand why he gravitates to the Islamic chauvinistic traditions despite his parroting the words of his female writer “It’s 2015”.
He’s an actor.  I can’t understand why the Elite in Canada don’t hire the Sutherland.  Both father and son are better actors than DiCaprio and certainly way better than Trudeau. But Trudeau has the ‘brand’ name. He’s like Kardashian’s in that way.  I’d love Keefer Sutherland for Prime Minister.  He’d give us a show like Reagon did.  America went with an actor and I don’t know how much material of his was ‘original’ but do know that when Trudeau ‘improvises’ he tends to put both feet in his mouth. He’s not that bright.  I am considered very bright and I know people like Colonel Hadfield who are extremely bright. So I rue the new politics where ‘accomplished men’ like Colonel Hadfield aren’t able to be prime minister because we get ‘brands’ or ‘lawyers’ or ‘actors’ instead.
I liked Mr. Harper because he was a western English Canadian who was an accountant and kept Canada from the fate of Greece during the world’s toughest economic times.  I’ve increasingly like the Conservative economic model too.  The Liberals and Conservatives are really two sides of a corporate coin. I like think the Liberals are Quebec Mafia and the Conservatives are American mafia.  If I have to pick between the Hell’s Angels and the Tongs being western I’m going to pick the Angels. It’s not very advanced. I make decisions in my area of expertise with great erudition but in politics I’m often limited by the horrendously dumned down and biased media filter. I miss the early days of the Winnipeg Free Press when you could actually read a newspaper and learn what was going on in the world because journalists were picked based on their knowledge not on the ability to sell cereal.
The fact is that if Justin Trudeau were to go against ‘legalization of marijuana’ and agree to be randomly drug tested (especially every time he smirks) I’d be less antagonistic. He seems like a pretty nice guy as a person.  I have a friend who is an actor and he’s a hell of a nice guy.  Good father and family man too.
It’s just that in Canada we are encouraged to question every aspect of the person who is our leading politician. I objected soundly to Mr. Harper being demonized. The Liberal followers called him Nazi, Hitler, and some actually said he ate babies.  I didn’t like the tone of the new politic discussion but since that’s where we are I find I have a real penchant for this kind of mud slinging. The Democrats and Republicans in the US have been attacking each other since the days of Nixon. I learned later that Nixon’s impeachment for what he did was only because he go ‘caught’. The democrats were doing the same.
They say ‘all’s fair in love and war’ but in truth ‘politics is mostly a war of words’ and the victimization of Mr. Harper was no greater than the victimization of Mr. Ignatieff. That poor intelligent fellow who left academics to teach Canadians was pulverized by everyone.  Canada is a collectively stupid thuggish country with little respect for accomplishment or intelligence.  Some say this is the consequence of the Brain Drain to the US.  It’s like the “tall poppy syndrome’ of Australia. Stand up and you make yourself a target.  It’s the new politics.
Justin Trudeau is our Prime Minister. He has won an election with a third of the popular vote but he’s the winner nonetheless.  The corporate party of greed of the Liberals has beaten the corporate party of Greed of the Conservatives and the NDP.  Each ‘Party’ represents it’s own base of Big Money.  The pollyanna lies each tells comes down to let me ‘spend your money’ and ‘make myself and my friends rich’.  Also all Canadian and American parties ‘promise change’ but in fact the very nature of government is to stop change because ‘reform is the enemy of those who benefit from the status quo’.
I loath the corruption in the liberals with the Chief Financial Operator having the greatest investment in the Legalization of Marijuana. Conflicts of interest like this are common. Given the recent ‘physician assisted suicide’ position I wouldn’t be surprised if some politician didn’t have an investment in a particularly effective gas agent for killing people.  But that’s just politics.
It’s all just politics.
People didn’t think America would survive George Bush and then they didn’t think we’d survive Obama.  The same was true for Mulroney and Chretien and now Harper and Trudeau.
I think it’s all above my pay grade.
In the Scottish Irish home of my birth if anything went wrong you first blamed it on the weather.  Next you blamed it on government. Then you could blame anything that went wrong on the Communists or the Catholics.  Bankers and the Elite were sometimes the cause of blame if weather, government, communists, catholics didn’t cover it. Always the tax man was as bad today as he was in the day of Jesus.  Then you could blame things on outsiders or newcomers.  As kids we liked to blame things on the old.  Then you could blame things on religion. Now you can blame things on polluters.  For a while there you could blame things on science and always you could blame things on lawyers.  We never blamed things on each other. We loved our dogs but we did blame things on the dog especially farts.
So the bottom line is we collectively get the leadership we deserve. That’s the spiritual way of looking at things.  Justin Trudeau for whatever negative I think of him represents those negatives I won’t own within myself. That’s called projection.  I am not all I could be so I blame someone. Justin is the devil in the secular world. He could be the saint too. It’s really just a matter of weather or whether the dog farted in the end.
Personally my own struggle is always with God.  I am the orubunga and I mostly think I’m the tail of the snake being bitten by the head of the snake.  Does the butterfly think the philosopher or the philosopher think the butterfly?

Justin Trudeau and Me

I don’t know Justin Trudeau. He’s just an actor and an act. I’ve never met him personally. I met his father, shook his hand and when I was young thought him a great man. My father thought him dangerous, a French intellectual who hated the English and didn't even know where Western Canada was.   Now older, I think everything I dislike about Canada stemmed from Pierre.
I’ve met Mr. Chretien and Mr. Turner and Mr. Harper. They were all great men in their own right.  Mr Justin Trudeau will likely be another fine prime minister.  I hope so.
I’ve been particularly critical of him.  This stemmed I think, most from the vicious, low class, low brow attacks on Mr. Harper.  I have this thing that goes back to playing defence in hockey as a kid and doing martial arts. If you hit me or mine, I’ll hit you back harder, lower and longer.  I'm not proud of it.  Something genetically Irish and Scottish.
I’m a Conservative.  Apparently a red tory. I used to be a blue liberal. I’m proud of being a Canadian and a Conservative. The elections were disgusting.  So I’ve stooped to the same level. You want to play dirty. You want to fight dirty. I’ll fight dirtier. I'm not proud of it. It's just that this is the trait that has kept the 'true north proud and free'.  Pierre changed the flag to a Liberal Quebec flag. Maple leaves don't grow in western Canada.  Megalomaniac that he was he took out the blue that had always been part of Canada and said 'fuck you' symbolically except being a liar, he just said 'fuddle duck'  I paid some million for saying 'fuck' and admitting to saying 'fuck'.  No one knows the high price of truth in this country. I do.  I've paid a fortune for saying 'fuck'.  By the time Trudeau's lies were really apparent and I was much older I was thankful for Mr. Turner. I knew him and admired him. He was a true western Canadian.
Now Justin Trudeau is PM.  And I can’t help but criticize him. Not just because he’s doing everything he promised but because he represents everything I dislike and always have. And that’s why it’s more about me and less about him. He probably doesn’t deserve half my loathing and distaste for him.
I’ve analyzed my feelings a bit and I know I've just got a skin of the onion still what I see isn't very good.
1. He was born with a silver spoon.  What’s wrong with being born wealthy with a huge trust fund.  What ’s wrong with coming from a line of wealth like his father too inherited.  What is it about me and the Lords.  There’s a twinge of Scottish Irish Working Class hatred and envy of the ‘betters’. I carry this quite possibly inheritted working class taint even though quite frankly I was raised middle class. My grandfather left Scotland to get away from the Lords and Monarchy of Engand. He came to Canada because a man could be free and equal. Canada was a meritocracy. He worked hard and became the Reeve through his service. Pierre Trudeau turned Canada from a Meritocracy to the Mediocrity it is today.  This welfare nation. This communist country of upper class dictatorship.  
Maybe it’s a middle class loathing for the ‘idle’ rich. Meanwhile the rich I have known and known well have been anything but idle. Further I’ve admired my friends who have passed on to their children the best.  Justin is Pierre’s son and Pierre loved his family by his work and what he left, as in Justin’s trust fund. Pierre might have been the worst Prime Minister Canada ever had but he was still a good father, not a good husband and probably not a good lover but obviously a great father.  Justin was blessed with Pierre as his dad just as I was blessed with my father and grandfathers.
2. I don’t think Justin had a better childhood. I don’t envy the rich their growing up. I was fortunate in my school and associations so I have never thought it would have been better to have met the Queen as a child.  To me as child, my Toronto Aunt was royalty.  I loved my friends and my neighbourhood and the wonders of childhood.  I like the teen years and can’t say i have anything against Justin. I didn't think of in crowds and out crowds until I was a teen.  As a kid I had my friend and we all had bicycles and we explored and rode and played sports and talked.
3. I did dislike the ‘rich kids’ when I was a teen though.  I disliked the way the ‘law’ favoured them and how their father’s money got them off.  I disliked the lack of a level playing field and the protection and special status that money bought. I disliked the kids who because they were rich got away with rape and theft and bullying.  I was actually happy when I heard the rapists were caught as lawyers and businessmen and their father's money and family couldn't keep them out of jail.  I don’t know if Justin got away with anything. He was probably one of the good guys a party boy, not very bright but not stupid.  There's no doubt his father was bright but Justin is like George Bush. George senior was a genius but the sons didn't get a whole lot of father's brains.  Even the already famous, "It's 2015" line was fed to him by a woman.  He's an actor. His father was a writer.   Some of my teen friends were good guys and they were rich and they didn’t get any ‘special breaks’.  Sure their parents took them to Hawaii and some had great cars and  trips to Europe but I hunted and fished with Dad and my brother. I  had a mother that loved me more than a kite loves the wind.  I had an idyllic childhood and youth. I’d never change for a thing. And Justin lost a brother and I didn't lose a brother so I know Justin has had the deepest pain of all. So he's more than the pretty boy he comes across as and I don't give him credit for that.
4. But my friend smoked dope and got caught. He went to jail and one thing led to another and seven years later he was out and riding with a biker gang. We’d meet up years later. He was hard.  He’d been punished for breaking the law.  I smoked dope and paid a very high price, maybe a million dollars in time and amends for breaking the law smoking dope.  But Justin and his mother were potheads.  All the while my friend was in jail and I was paying my dues for having smoked dope here was our future Prime Minister breaking the law, being a criminal, with his criminal family, not once, not twice, but over and over again. And all around me in British Columbia my neighbours were making billions of dollars owning houses and buying fast cars and living the lives of rich drug dealers, breaking the law.
So I even appreciate that Justin would want to ‘decriminalize’ marijuana.  I don’t think the State should criminalize half the behaviours it does. I think that thanks to Pierre we're living in a legal theocracy and that since Pierre Canada is no longer the land of the free. Communism makes men slaves.  I don’t think my friend should have gone to jail for what he did and the guards in the jail should protect young guys from what the guards and other prisoners do to young guys. Then maybe they wouldn’t want to break out of jail to get away from being gang raped again or beaten by dirty guards or raped by guards. I believe my friend.  I believe that he was wrong to smoke dope but the punishment didn’t fit the crime and he’s a hardened criminal biker today.  I think it’s great that Justin Trudeau wants to stop guys going to jail.
That’s a good thing but it doesn’t change for me that he was a criminal and his mother was a criminal and I paid a huge price and my friend paid an even huger price and now I’m supposed to respect this guy who got away with being a criminal because he had money and didn’t have the conscience I did. I self reported my smoking dope and stopped smoking dope. I haven’t smoked dope in 17 years. I spent half a decade getting urine tested and subjected to all manner of humiliation and punishment and condemnation. Always I was told I should be grateful. I am grateful.  I just can’t help loathing , utterly loathing and despising the rich of this land and the way they are so far above the rest of the people and how they hypocritically act like they’re one of us.  I think the law of the land was more for everyone before Justin Trudeau but today there's a law for the rich and a law for the poor. Justin Trudeau is no more like my very human friend than a lizard is like a man.  My friend is hurt really really badly and he got hurt just for smoking dope.  And yes I think this should stop but there are a lot of people who got hurt and I can't look at Justin Trudeau and his mother and not see Hanoi Jane. Jane Fonda and Justin Trudeau seem like peas in a pod to me.
I don’t think pot should be legalized, decriminalized yes, but not legalized.   I really don’t think pot should be legalized.  I am deeply offended knowing all I know about pot and pot addicts and the industry and the criminals in it and the effects of addiction and here’s this swaggering smiling acting fellow who not only lies and smokes dope breaking the law and smoking dope but I’m in a country of people who don’t seem to get why there are American soldiers who don’t forgive Hanoi Jane for her betrayal.  Even her apology sounded like a lie.  I’ve not even heard Justin Trudeau apologize for being a liar and a law breaker and getting away with it.
Probably in his circle ‘everyone was doing it’.  I know ‘in my circle’ everyone was doing it.  All sorts of academics and colleagues were smoking pot. I smoked pot with university professors, heads of departments and lawyers and yet I’ve stopped and by telling the truth I have paid a hefty price, maybe a million dollars. I’ve worked two jobs and paid off major debts because of the massive punishments that I was told was a ‘privilege’ for me to be able to undertake. Meanwhile from all accounts Justin Trudeau and certainly his mother were sicker than I ever was and yet Justin Trudeau as impaired as he was , as a teacher and now as a PM is quite simply above the law.I've seen a lot of teachers who smoked pot and paid a huge price for doing it, some losing their jobs, others going to treatment all being fined in time and money for 'breaking the law.'  Justin hasn't paid his dues.  I think Putin is more of a man than this swaggering play boxer pretty boy.  But I carry the scars of knifes from the fights I was in and I've faced a lot of guns.  Stupid of me.  But Trudeau is playacting being a man and I know Mr. Harper was a man. Mr. Chretien was a heavy dude and Mr Turner was a good man.  None of them acting like 11 year old boys act.  I can't help but think of Isaiah and his 'long necked women and their boys" when I see Justin play acting a man.
And that’s what gets me. I don’t like the unfairness of it all. I remember when we got caught doing harmless pranks our parents grounded us. I remember the teachers condemned my friend and I and we had to stay after class. I remember that the rich kids smashed a bunch of stuff in the school and their fathers with lawyers came and paid for the damages and that was that.  No extra time in school. I heard one didn’t get his $100 allowance that week.
So it’s ‘unfair’ and I’m ‘projecting’ all my anger and unresolved frustration and resentment at our ‘system’ that’s ‘unfair’ on this guy I don’t know.
I owe him an apology personally. He probably only deserves 90% of my disgust with him and all those like him. And the fact remains that I’ve broken laws too. I’ve sped and done my share of cutting corners but I ‘confess’ and have paid the price.  And I certainly wouldn’t suggest that all the highways speed limits should be 160 km an hour because that’s what I’ve driven my harley at.  i’ve paid a whole lot in speeding tickets too so it’s not like Trudeau who hasn’t done a night in jail or got a record for breaking the law.
I just can’t help thinking of my friend whose now as much a law breaker as Trudeau maybe is and I wonder why I have a conscience and why I tell the truth.  We joke and say that when a politician opens his mouth he lies but in fairness Canada has been fortunate in it’s politicians.  I love this country but the fact is I’m afraid of where it’s going. I think Justin Trudeau is promoting war and division in Canada. And frankly given how the Liberals have treated western Canadians as shit for as long as I can remember I really would like Canada to separate.  I keep coming back to the fact that I can’t find it in me to support this guy who I really would like to be drug tested and  pay a year or more of his life for doing drugs and law breaking without consequence.  I know I was wrong to break the law and drive my Harley at 160.  I don’t recommend everyone do it.  That’s where Justin really gets to me.
He’s an emperor. The French like Emperor's. But I'm Scottish Irish Canadian and we like democracy. The Greeks may have invented democracy for the rich but the Scots made democracy work for all people.
Now for my peace of mind I have to let it go. I have to accept Justin Trudeau is our Prime Minister until British Columbia separates from Eastern Canada and stuffs Quebec where it belongs. It's the most despicable province in Canada and has taken billions and whined endlessness threatening to divorce all the while no one but Quebec was allowed to vote on their separation. I and any real Western Canadian would have said. Go.  Now they've taken all Alberta's money from the fuel and they're taking all the Navy Contracts and other Government Contracts all over again.
 I some how have to heal that sense of self pity that there are two classes of people, the rich and everyone else.  Justin Trudeau is the rich and I’m just one of everyone else. That’s paranoid thinking, as stupid as communism which I hate so what I’ve got to do is understand what Justin Trudeau represents for me personally and what it is in him I don’t own in myself. Because when we hate someone intensely we are admitting that they are something within our selves that we haven’t owned.  I don't like Mila Cyrus but I know that she represents my inner slut and I envy her being able to essentially be the equivalent of male trailer trash and get paid for it.  I have to come around to thinking Justin Trudeau  just a really sick person like his mother is a really sick woman.  I have to feel sorry for him and accept him as another human who is deeply flawed and very disturbed. I have to move beyond this place of hurt and defensiveness to acceptance of the way life is.
I’ve got to recognize too that I’m growing old and ready to die.  I want to die peacefully. I want to have some time for retirement and some time for myself. I’ve given my life to others and served and worked and I see Trudeau as a major under achiever , a ‘slacker’ and ‘playboy’ and then because of his ‘name’ he’s ‘found’. Justin Smith would never have got to be prime minister. This is a dynasty thing and I hate that for Canada. That's where inbreeding killed Europe. That's what caused the Charge of the Light Brigade.
Like the guys who get jobs in acting not on their own merit but because their father was the King. I admire our young royals because they served in the military and they did ‘serve’. Trudeau by all appearances is a major narcissist but then I see him as a good father and husband and I’m neither so I’m probably jealous of him, his youth, hopefulness, his young family and his security. I don’t feel secure. I ‘m afraid and he frightens me more than ISIS or street gangs.  But my jealousy and my fear are as much about me as about him.  I cringe every time he gives Canada’s hard earned money to some hair brain cause or some french gangster thug friend.  I remember his father bankrupting the country, nationalizing energy, turning the country into a communist state, destroying democracy and making the laws a perversion of the appointed supreme court. And now his son is going to destroy democracy more and entrench his french favourites and his communist corporate buddies into powerful roles and it’s just me. I know it’s so much me.
It’s seeing all the torture victims that come from communist countries, hearing all the personal tales of the family members of those killed by communists and then watching him destroy the monument to victims of communists.

I have to let him go. I have to forgive him and his father and make peace with the ‘government’ .  I have a resentment with authority that goes back to all the strapping and caning I got  in my school and the stupidity of some of my teachers. But the majority of my teachers   were great. I've got to focus on the positive.  I've not seen one positive thing Trudeau has done yet but I've got to look for the half filled glass and not focus on the glass being emptied by graft and stupidity. My school principal was a violent man, a sadist by today's standards.  But if I was in Russia or China or Isil I’d have lost a limb so I have to be grateful.
I have to be grateful that Trudeau isn’t Hitler or Stalin or Obama or Mila Cyress or the Kardashians.  Things could be a whole lot worse.  I am sorry. God help me to see Trudeau and his family as just sick people that need love not hate and help me to let go of the fear that I have from my imprisonment.  Help me know God that you are in charge. Help me find peace in you. This is a world of lies.  The Trudeaus are liars.  Help me to accept them as sick and not see them as sociopaths. Help me to love and help me  to let go of fear.  God help me restore my peace of mind.
God grant me to serenity to accept the things I cannot change (Justin, Justin’s Mother, The UN Climate Change Hoax, the Corruption of Buffet and Obama, Hanoi Jane, the Mafia Biker Gang run Quebec and Pedophiles)
The courage to change the things I can (my bad attitude, my fear, my critical finger pointing judgementalness,  my self pity and resentment).
And The wisdom to know the difference (between me and everything else).

God help me. God help Justin Trudeau. God help Canada.