Thursday, December 3, 2015

Justin Trudeau and Me

I don’t know Justin Trudeau. He’s just an actor and an act. I’ve never met him personally. I met his father, shook his hand and when I was young thought him a great man. My father thought him dangerous, a French intellectual who hated the English and didn't even know where Western Canada was.   Now older, I think everything I dislike about Canada stemmed from Pierre.
I’ve met Mr. Chretien and Mr. Turner and Mr. Harper. They were all great men in their own right.  Mr Justin Trudeau will likely be another fine prime minister.  I hope so.
I’ve been particularly critical of him.  This stemmed I think, most from the vicious, low class, low brow attacks on Mr. Harper.  I have this thing that goes back to playing defence in hockey as a kid and doing martial arts. If you hit me or mine, I’ll hit you back harder, lower and longer.  I'm not proud of it.  Something genetically Irish and Scottish.
I’m a Conservative.  Apparently a red tory. I used to be a blue liberal. I’m proud of being a Canadian and a Conservative. The elections were disgusting.  So I’ve stooped to the same level. You want to play dirty. You want to fight dirty. I’ll fight dirtier. I'm not proud of it. It's just that this is the trait that has kept the 'true north proud and free'.  Pierre changed the flag to a Liberal Quebec flag. Maple leaves don't grow in western Canada.  Megalomaniac that he was he took out the blue that had always been part of Canada and said 'fuck you' symbolically except being a liar, he just said 'fuddle duck'  I paid some million for saying 'fuck' and admitting to saying 'fuck'.  No one knows the high price of truth in this country. I do.  I've paid a fortune for saying 'fuck'.  By the time Trudeau's lies were really apparent and I was much older I was thankful for Mr. Turner. I knew him and admired him. He was a true western Canadian.
Now Justin Trudeau is PM.  And I can’t help but criticize him. Not just because he’s doing everything he promised but because he represents everything I dislike and always have. And that’s why it’s more about me and less about him. He probably doesn’t deserve half my loathing and distaste for him.
I’ve analyzed my feelings a bit and I know I've just got a skin of the onion still what I see isn't very good.
1. He was born with a silver spoon.  What’s wrong with being born wealthy with a huge trust fund.  What ’s wrong with coming from a line of wealth like his father too inherited.  What is it about me and the Lords.  There’s a twinge of Scottish Irish Working Class hatred and envy of the ‘betters’. I carry this quite possibly inheritted working class taint even though quite frankly I was raised middle class. My grandfather left Scotland to get away from the Lords and Monarchy of Engand. He came to Canada because a man could be free and equal. Canada was a meritocracy. He worked hard and became the Reeve through his service. Pierre Trudeau turned Canada from a Meritocracy to the Mediocrity it is today.  This welfare nation. This communist country of upper class dictatorship.  
Maybe it’s a middle class loathing for the ‘idle’ rich. Meanwhile the rich I have known and known well have been anything but idle. Further I’ve admired my friends who have passed on to their children the best.  Justin is Pierre’s son and Pierre loved his family by his work and what he left, as in Justin’s trust fund. Pierre might have been the worst Prime Minister Canada ever had but he was still a good father, not a good husband and probably not a good lover but obviously a great father.  Justin was blessed with Pierre as his dad just as I was blessed with my father and grandfathers.
2. I don’t think Justin had a better childhood. I don’t envy the rich their growing up. I was fortunate in my school and associations so I have never thought it would have been better to have met the Queen as a child.  To me as child, my Toronto Aunt was royalty.  I loved my friends and my neighbourhood and the wonders of childhood.  I like the teen years and can’t say i have anything against Justin. I didn't think of in crowds and out crowds until I was a teen.  As a kid I had my friend and we all had bicycles and we explored and rode and played sports and talked.
3. I did dislike the ‘rich kids’ when I was a teen though.  I disliked the way the ‘law’ favoured them and how their father’s money got them off.  I disliked the lack of a level playing field and the protection and special status that money bought. I disliked the kids who because they were rich got away with rape and theft and bullying.  I was actually happy when I heard the rapists were caught as lawyers and businessmen and their father's money and family couldn't keep them out of jail.  I don’t know if Justin got away with anything. He was probably one of the good guys a party boy, not very bright but not stupid.  There's no doubt his father was bright but Justin is like George Bush. George senior was a genius but the sons didn't get a whole lot of father's brains.  Even the already famous, "It's 2015" line was fed to him by a woman.  He's an actor. His father was a writer.   Some of my teen friends were good guys and they were rich and they didn’t get any ‘special breaks’.  Sure their parents took them to Hawaii and some had great cars and  trips to Europe but I hunted and fished with Dad and my brother. I  had a mother that loved me more than a kite loves the wind.  I had an idyllic childhood and youth. I’d never change for a thing. And Justin lost a brother and I didn't lose a brother so I know Justin has had the deepest pain of all. So he's more than the pretty boy he comes across as and I don't give him credit for that.
4. But my friend smoked dope and got caught. He went to jail and one thing led to another and seven years later he was out and riding with a biker gang. We’d meet up years later. He was hard.  He’d been punished for breaking the law.  I smoked dope and paid a very high price, maybe a million dollars in time and amends for breaking the law smoking dope.  But Justin and his mother were potheads.  All the while my friend was in jail and I was paying my dues for having smoked dope here was our future Prime Minister breaking the law, being a criminal, with his criminal family, not once, not twice, but over and over again. And all around me in British Columbia my neighbours were making billions of dollars owning houses and buying fast cars and living the lives of rich drug dealers, breaking the law.
So I even appreciate that Justin would want to ‘decriminalize’ marijuana.  I don’t think the State should criminalize half the behaviours it does. I think that thanks to Pierre we're living in a legal theocracy and that since Pierre Canada is no longer the land of the free. Communism makes men slaves.  I don’t think my friend should have gone to jail for what he did and the guards in the jail should protect young guys from what the guards and other prisoners do to young guys. Then maybe they wouldn’t want to break out of jail to get away from being gang raped again or beaten by dirty guards or raped by guards. I believe my friend.  I believe that he was wrong to smoke dope but the punishment didn’t fit the crime and he’s a hardened criminal biker today.  I think it’s great that Justin Trudeau wants to stop guys going to jail.
That’s a good thing but it doesn’t change for me that he was a criminal and his mother was a criminal and I paid a huge price and my friend paid an even huger price and now I’m supposed to respect this guy who got away with being a criminal because he had money and didn’t have the conscience I did. I self reported my smoking dope and stopped smoking dope. I haven’t smoked dope in 17 years. I spent half a decade getting urine tested and subjected to all manner of humiliation and punishment and condemnation. Always I was told I should be grateful. I am grateful.  I just can’t help loathing , utterly loathing and despising the rich of this land and the way they are so far above the rest of the people and how they hypocritically act like they’re one of us.  I think the law of the land was more for everyone before Justin Trudeau but today there's a law for the rich and a law for the poor. Justin Trudeau is no more like my very human friend than a lizard is like a man.  My friend is hurt really really badly and he got hurt just for smoking dope.  And yes I think this should stop but there are a lot of people who got hurt and I can't look at Justin Trudeau and his mother and not see Hanoi Jane. Jane Fonda and Justin Trudeau seem like peas in a pod to me.
I don’t think pot should be legalized, decriminalized yes, but not legalized.   I really don’t think pot should be legalized.  I am deeply offended knowing all I know about pot and pot addicts and the industry and the criminals in it and the effects of addiction and here’s this swaggering smiling acting fellow who not only lies and smokes dope breaking the law and smoking dope but I’m in a country of people who don’t seem to get why there are American soldiers who don’t forgive Hanoi Jane for her betrayal.  Even her apology sounded like a lie.  I’ve not even heard Justin Trudeau apologize for being a liar and a law breaker and getting away with it.
Probably in his circle ‘everyone was doing it’.  I know ‘in my circle’ everyone was doing it.  All sorts of academics and colleagues were smoking pot. I smoked pot with university professors, heads of departments and lawyers and yet I’ve stopped and by telling the truth I have paid a hefty price, maybe a million dollars. I’ve worked two jobs and paid off major debts because of the massive punishments that I was told was a ‘privilege’ for me to be able to undertake. Meanwhile from all accounts Justin Trudeau and certainly his mother were sicker than I ever was and yet Justin Trudeau as impaired as he was , as a teacher and now as a PM is quite simply above the law.I've seen a lot of teachers who smoked pot and paid a huge price for doing it, some losing their jobs, others going to treatment all being fined in time and money for 'breaking the law.'  Justin hasn't paid his dues.  I think Putin is more of a man than this swaggering play boxer pretty boy.  But I carry the scars of knifes from the fights I was in and I've faced a lot of guns.  Stupid of me.  But Trudeau is playacting being a man and I know Mr. Harper was a man. Mr. Chretien was a heavy dude and Mr Turner was a good man.  None of them acting like 11 year old boys act.  I can't help but think of Isaiah and his 'long necked women and their boys" when I see Justin play acting a man.
And that’s what gets me. I don’t like the unfairness of it all. I remember when we got caught doing harmless pranks our parents grounded us. I remember the teachers condemned my friend and I and we had to stay after class. I remember that the rich kids smashed a bunch of stuff in the school and their fathers with lawyers came and paid for the damages and that was that.  No extra time in school. I heard one didn’t get his $100 allowance that week.
So it’s ‘unfair’ and I’m ‘projecting’ all my anger and unresolved frustration and resentment at our ‘system’ that’s ‘unfair’ on this guy I don’t know.
I owe him an apology personally. He probably only deserves 90% of my disgust with him and all those like him. And the fact remains that I’ve broken laws too. I’ve sped and done my share of cutting corners but I ‘confess’ and have paid the price.  And I certainly wouldn’t suggest that all the highways speed limits should be 160 km an hour because that’s what I’ve driven my harley at.  i’ve paid a whole lot in speeding tickets too so it’s not like Trudeau who hasn’t done a night in jail or got a record for breaking the law.
I just can’t help thinking of my friend whose now as much a law breaker as Trudeau maybe is and I wonder why I have a conscience and why I tell the truth.  We joke and say that when a politician opens his mouth he lies but in fairness Canada has been fortunate in it’s politicians.  I love this country but the fact is I’m afraid of where it’s going. I think Justin Trudeau is promoting war and division in Canada. And frankly given how the Liberals have treated western Canadians as shit for as long as I can remember I really would like Canada to separate.  I keep coming back to the fact that I can’t find it in me to support this guy who I really would like to be drug tested and  pay a year or more of his life for doing drugs and law breaking without consequence.  I know I was wrong to break the law and drive my Harley at 160.  I don’t recommend everyone do it.  That’s where Justin really gets to me.
He’s an emperor. The French like Emperor's. But I'm Scottish Irish Canadian and we like democracy. The Greeks may have invented democracy for the rich but the Scots made democracy work for all people.
Now for my peace of mind I have to let it go. I have to accept Justin Trudeau is our Prime Minister until British Columbia separates from Eastern Canada and stuffs Quebec where it belongs. It's the most despicable province in Canada and has taken billions and whined endlessness threatening to divorce all the while no one but Quebec was allowed to vote on their separation. I and any real Western Canadian would have said. Go.  Now they've taken all Alberta's money from the fuel and they're taking all the Navy Contracts and other Government Contracts all over again.
 I some how have to heal that sense of self pity that there are two classes of people, the rich and everyone else.  Justin Trudeau is the rich and I’m just one of everyone else. That’s paranoid thinking, as stupid as communism which I hate so what I’ve got to do is understand what Justin Trudeau represents for me personally and what it is in him I don’t own in myself. Because when we hate someone intensely we are admitting that they are something within our selves that we haven’t owned.  I don't like Mila Cyrus but I know that she represents my inner slut and I envy her being able to essentially be the equivalent of male trailer trash and get paid for it.  I have to come around to thinking Justin Trudeau  just a really sick person like his mother is a really sick woman.  I have to feel sorry for him and accept him as another human who is deeply flawed and very disturbed. I have to move beyond this place of hurt and defensiveness to acceptance of the way life is.
I’ve got to recognize too that I’m growing old and ready to die.  I want to die peacefully. I want to have some time for retirement and some time for myself. I’ve given my life to others and served and worked and I see Trudeau as a major under achiever , a ‘slacker’ and ‘playboy’ and then because of his ‘name’ he’s ‘found’. Justin Smith would never have got to be prime minister. This is a dynasty thing and I hate that for Canada. That's where inbreeding killed Europe. That's what caused the Charge of the Light Brigade.
Like the guys who get jobs in acting not on their own merit but because their father was the King. I admire our young royals because they served in the military and they did ‘serve’. Trudeau by all appearances is a major narcissist but then I see him as a good father and husband and I’m neither so I’m probably jealous of him, his youth, hopefulness, his young family and his security. I don’t feel secure. I ‘m afraid and he frightens me more than ISIS or street gangs.  But my jealousy and my fear are as much about me as about him.  I cringe every time he gives Canada’s hard earned money to some hair brain cause or some french gangster thug friend.  I remember his father bankrupting the country, nationalizing energy, turning the country into a communist state, destroying democracy and making the laws a perversion of the appointed supreme court. And now his son is going to destroy democracy more and entrench his french favourites and his communist corporate buddies into powerful roles and it’s just me. I know it’s so much me.
It’s seeing all the torture victims that come from communist countries, hearing all the personal tales of the family members of those killed by communists and then watching him destroy the monument to victims of communists.

I have to let him go. I have to forgive him and his father and make peace with the ‘government’ .  I have a resentment with authority that goes back to all the strapping and caning I got  in my school and the stupidity of some of my teachers. But the majority of my teachers   were great. I've got to focus on the positive.  I've not seen one positive thing Trudeau has done yet but I've got to look for the half filled glass and not focus on the glass being emptied by graft and stupidity. My school principal was a violent man, a sadist by today's standards.  But if I was in Russia or China or Isil I’d have lost a limb so I have to be grateful.
I have to be grateful that Trudeau isn’t Hitler or Stalin or Obama or Mila Cyress or the Kardashians.  Things could be a whole lot worse.  I am sorry. God help me to see Trudeau and his family as just sick people that need love not hate and help me to let go of the fear that I have from my imprisonment.  Help me know God that you are in charge. Help me find peace in you. This is a world of lies.  The Trudeaus are liars.  Help me to accept them as sick and not see them as sociopaths. Help me to love and help me  to let go of fear.  God help me restore my peace of mind.
God grant me to serenity to accept the things I cannot change (Justin, Justin’s Mother, The UN Climate Change Hoax, the Corruption of Buffet and Obama, Hanoi Jane, the Mafia Biker Gang run Quebec and Pedophiles)
The courage to change the things I can (my bad attitude, my fear, my critical finger pointing judgementalness,  my self pity and resentment).
And The wisdom to know the difference (between me and everything else).

God help me. God help Justin Trudeau. God help Canada.

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