Good Friday, Easter, 2026

It has been a tough week.  Mostly because I bought the Jeep and acquired a debt that bothered me. I’d traded in my 2017 Mini Cooper and last weekend decided to sell my truck, and camper. They were at Adventure RV waiting to have the one happy jack reinforced.  I worried the night before fearful of the drive out on the highway on my Vespa. It was just a foreboding, an uncertainty. I have this with age now, wondering will I live this truly minor event.  The ride was actually exhilarating .  I wasn’t cold either having dressed sufficiently.  

Kevin said they could get the camper off and I could take the truck in a couple of hours. I rode the Vespa over to Victors. In his Ram we headed out for breakfast. He had his regular omelette while I had sausages and eggs.  His other Veterans came in. Also some folk from the program. He enjoyed chatting with them as they passed out table. I enjoyed the sausages. All round pleasant country men connecting. We talked of guns and the gun buy back too.  

Then I was back at Kevin’s Adventure RV where he was kind enough to use a forklift to load the Vespa onto the F350.

Now I drove back to Vancouver and unloaded so much ‘stuff’ , good ‘stuff’ mind you , at the Maple Leaf Storage Locker, The Honda 3000 generator, tools from under the seat, dog toys of course.  Then I brought back the heavy tail gate and the 4 winter tires.  

The next day on the Grok AI its said the resale price was $40,000. I talked to Ford and the sales man hadn’t got back to me so I phoned next day. I’d taken a day off work to get the Truck because nothing was open on Friday Saturday.

Expectation was the key.  With myself I expected to pick up the truck , drive it home unpack it and sell it. I was exhausted and waited till the next day.

 Then I drove in to Ford and the salesman began dickering because he said I hadn’t told him it was gas not diesel. I lost it and said if I have to do surgery and need to know your blood type I’m going to ask that. I don’t expect you to know that. He wanted me to come back on Monday. He was trying to do the best but I wass frustrated so much that I couldn’t get turned around with all the new cars about. So I went into service which I’ve always loved at Ford.  Told the guy my problem and he understood and drove the truck out of the lot to the gate.  I then drove to another Ford and they suggested because it has the scratches that they wouldn’t buy it because they’d need to fix that .  Canada drives had offered me $33,000 sight unseen but the Journey folk had said that though they were Jeep I could bring it back there when I was buying the Jeep originally. 

I did and Ryan was great. He took pictures, come back next day if the price was fine. He put it out for auction the next day. $30,000 was fine. This was day 3 of the process. That day i drove the truck over. He got the service guys to take my Vespa off the back. I drove home on the Vespa. Great drive.

Monday their accountant was supposed to cut a check.  They didn’t get back to me. I’d signed over the truck and left the truck and was involved in a virtual clinic then I phoned their finance folk and really complained .I was dealing with a woman and police and a machete. I’d ridden my Vespa to the DTES. I had so many people wanting me and here I was catastrophizing about fianances.

I normally don’t think about that because I trust God yet it brings back the divorce where she was on Cocaine and crazy and not showing up at work,  up all night. The dog and I had no place to stay and it was raining and cold and I couldn’t ‘t get any food  or sleep. I had told her I can treat 100 crazy people or her but not both. I needed to get away from the screaming insanity but she refused to go to treatment or get help. I saw a psychiatrist who said my problem was my wife’s severe adiction.  I went to  my so called friends because I knew my dog would be welcome. We’d tried a couple of hotels but they didn’t take dogs.  The biker ‘friends’ realize that I was weak and vulnerable so took the opportunity to capitalize .I’d been their ‘friend’ when I was always financially = well but now tthey stole $30,000 from me along with my truck. In the past we’d all smoked some pot and drunk some wine but in the last year cocaine had hit. 

Fortunately for me I had a bad redaction but for them it was  severe addictions like my wife.  I was now the source of money .So there’s some anniversary trauma shit happening. She’d blown the transmission on my truck and continued to drive it and they kept the truck supposedly in exchange for a car I never got. I hate when the flashback and nightmares come back. I left her and the marriage and the practice that night when she continued drugs and wouldn’t go to treatment.  The lies were worst.  It was when I was with the biker friends drunk at night in the woods that I felt I was outside God’s grace.  That was the height of my ego that I felt I could be beyond God’s love. It was an epiphany of arrogance and self pity.  That day a Christian friend called and I told him I wanted to go back to church .   

Ryan then came through ant the Jeep  and gave m the cheque the accountant had screwed up with.  Now there was no bank open. Next day at noon after an easy morning virtual clinic with my cleaning ladies arriving I went into TD leaving the dog in the Jeep. I deposited the cheque. The loan is with RBC the bank I had with the ex decades back .and perhaps that triggered thing too..  I’ll move the money from TD to RBC after Easter.  

With all that I missed Maundy Thursday, the Last Supper and the Washing of the feet. I remember years I’d eat pancakes and participate each day of the Holy Week. That was when I was attending St. John’s or Christ Church. At. St. Barnabus I’ve been more lax.  

As my  friend George says., “it’s only money’ and today that’s the ‘caddilac’ problem.  We call it a caddilac problem because it’s not a real problem like the time the guy went through the stop sign and hit me on my bike throwing me over the hood bouncing off the roof and then landing on my head and neck on the road. I’d been going to see my Priest in preparation for adult baptism.  Lying on the road I felt I couldn’t fight anymore and was picked up in the stretcher and taken by ambulance to UBC. I was afraid my neck was broken and I couldn’t feel.   I just waited for the MRI results after I’d had the scan. The doctor came. His name was Dr. Priest. He told me nothing was broken.  I was so greateful.  That wasn’t a Cadillac problem  My close friend was quadriplegic and told me when the staff didn’t show up , some dispute with her boss,  he’d said he couldn’t empty his bladder and suffered all morning until his son showed up.

I’ve identified with Jesus’s suffering.  Money problems aren’t the cross but illness and death of loved ones and catastrophes are. I was just so self absorbed in things not going on my time.,  Something I planned would be done in a day maybe two took 5. The $40,000 I was hoping for turned out to be $30,000. I was physically utterly fatigued with my chronic back pain and weakness overwhelming at times .  But it was ‘my way’ not .;thy way’ and I was just catastrophizing and feeling sorry for myself.  These moods and paranoid thoughts were Norm in the days before I got sober. I went from a millionaires with yacht and swimming pools and my dangerously insane ex treated as ‘normal’ managing my affairs while I got help . Insane. Now I know that’s the world of alcohol and ego and the people I knew in that day.  That was a bad year financially and physically but spiritually it was the best.  I loved getting to know Father John better.  I met George and I prayed and meditated and walked my dog and was blessed to know Dr. Lam, Dr. Gutowski, Dr. Baker and Dr. Graham.  I considered suicide that year.  Now nearly 30 years later I have so much to live for.

The F350 Lariat edition super duty with sun roof and long box 4x4 had been with me 7 years. I thought of the hunting and fishing and all the good times camping with Laura and Gilbert then Laura and Madigan. It was a really good truck and now it was gone.  The mini had been Gilbert and Laura and my ride. When Gilbert  became blind I traded the Miata sports car  we loved in for the Mini so I could take Laura and him to the Oregon beaches and cry watching him run free knowing he wasn’t going to bang into anything.  Sailing we’d dinghy into a beach so he could run free on the sand 

I’m aging and dealing with loss. I sold the sailboat getting a pittance for it. I don’t have time to invest in sales. When I wrote a book I was supposed to market it and didn’t because it’d rather do clinical work. I like being of service.  

I’m here now in a motorhome with a jeep. The jeep with a tow kit will be able to be pulled behind my motorhome. I”ll probably sell the Vespa and quad because the jeep can do everything.  I’m reducing and minimizing. I have the money in the bank to pay for the motorhome and jeep but something to do with taxes and such makes it better I just have the loan and pay it off over he next 5 to 10 years but then I don’t know if I’ll have 10 years though I expect it’s another quarter country to go unless I get shot at again or go over a cliff or crash a motorcycle or car.  I have a guardian angel or many and have been blessed for sure.

I used to love the Travelling Wilburies “Handle Me with Car’.  Now I’m more likely to play Holy Holy Holy on the stereo.  I love Third Day and am enjoying the audio in the Jeep . I’m in transition.  From Sailboat to Truck and Camper I’m now in Thor Motorhome and 2 door Jeep Wrangler. It feels right. 

Laura is coming over today.  She has a week of holiday and Madigan and I are so looking forward to her being with us. When she came to LA I rented a car for a couple of thousand so I won’t need to do that . I’l have savings too not needing to pay licenses or storage on all the vehicles. 

I’ve been studying Orthodxoy.  Kevin Anna and the God kids have found a home in a Greek Orthodox Church. Because my church is going to hell in a hand basket with King Charles sounding more Muslim than Christian and the pope celebrating Islam I’m considering what church I can attend.  I’m enjoying learning about Constantinople and the Orthodox and Oriental churchs.  My priest was caught up in the Climate Change UN political money scheme.  She’s partial to the South Americans having lived there. I just see the IPCC as a scam created by the Communist Chinese and orchestrated by the communist Maurice Strong and supported by Pierre Trudeau who allied himself and Canada with Cuba and Castro.  Now Carney allies himself with Communist China and is annti anmerica and freedom. 

 Israel and America are at war with Iran who was the principle ally of communist China.  WHO went over to the dark side in covid when I studied the genetic code and knew they were lying about the poor Pangala.  Fauci then was lying to the President and the whole lies and corruption of Justin Trudea and autopen Biden was going on. Jan. 6th was a scam as big as the declaration of martial law in Canada over a peaceful demonstration.

I’ve been trying to maintain peace of mind.  I remember Anita telling me that she and Willy tried to play it safe in their latter years of service and work and remember how the wonderful wonderful Godly Phillip was persecuted by the authorities for his pro life stand.

I don’t want to be a martyr. I’m more like Peter and would rather be like John. I ‘m from cowboy stock and want to die with my boots on in bed at a hundred or so.  Dad wanted to go when they wouldn’t;t let him sit outside. I don’t think I’ll do well institutionalized.  But for now I want to camp 

I have everything I need. I’ve money in the bank but no pension so fear when carney gloats about having trillion of Canadian pension and his face and the Quatar faces all look like the my biking hunter ‘friends’ who betrayed me taking my money and belongings and dividing them among themselves.

The guards took Jesus’s clothes and divided them in four among themselves.  The Roman administrator Pilate had put up a sign calling him “king of the Jews’.  

Canada seems metaphorically to be plundered by Trudeau and Carney. The great replacement is the removal of the Christians and replacement of them with Muslims.  The Crusades are taught falsely.  Islamophobia is punished yet it is the Muslims persecuting Christians and Jesus. 

Our PM joined with the Hammas Palestinian terrorists and antisemitism  after Hammas killed hundreds of young Israelis at at music festival. It turned out all the billions of aid money was used by Palestine to build a veritable warrior cave system under Gaza to attack Israel.  Yet there’s Carney clelebrating terrorists like Trudeau did.

I feel sometimes looking at Canadian politics this last decade I’m in the asylum.  Not ironically the schizophrenics votes the same distributions in Canada as Montreal and Toronto.

I was going to go to church for the Good Friday mass but have stopped here to journal.

I will go to mass tomorrow with Laura .She asked me to get Hamm for Easter meal.   

I should stop social media contributions on Facebook. X is more mature.   Zuckerberg is pro communist china.  Communism is the religion of aetheism.  

Today is the day Jesus was crucified. In the Gospel of John his last words are ‘it is finished’.

In Mark ‘Jesus cried out “Eloi. Eloi. Lema sabachthani!’

“My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?”

Winterhaven, California, and St. Thomas Dental Clinic, Algadones, Day 20

It’s 230 am,  I woke at 130 having gone to bed at 830 after watching the delightful Cameron Diaz spy movie Back again and sharing  Barbecued chicken and microwave reheated wedgies with Madigan.

It was an exhausting day.  I was up early to walk Madigan around the Sleepy Hollow RV Park greeting the mourning doves and enjoying the dry hair with just a slight chill.  The wind was down and sun out.  The sun has been out most days I’ve been here.  No rain but some bits of clouds.  There’s border patrol helicopter and marine jets in the air as well.

My appointment in Algadones Mexico at St. Thomas Clinic was at 930 am.  The  California Pacific Times was  was 930 in Winterhaven California’s Sleepy Hollow but in Algadones Arizona Mountain time it was 830.  Mara, the administration, a lovely young woman proficient in English and Spanish explained what would be done. Then the female dentist also bilingual did a thorough examination and discussed it with on the male dentists I recognized from before. I think he must be a co owner.  Another couple did the cleaning then she prepared the lower left jaw with anesthetic.  Painless. I needed two root canals and crowns as well as a cavity addressed. In addition I needed some front crowns.  The fellow came in and did the upper post I believe. I was there till noon with one bathroom break. I am to come back this morning again.

When I left I just wanted to get home to Madigan who was alone in the camper. The trouble was that on Friday afternoon the line up to leave was too the hill and took three quarters of an hour to get to the border where thankfully the US customs fellow essentially waved me through when I told him I had nothing to declare and had just been there for dental work.  I gather this is common. Aldagones has the greatest density of top Mexican dentists used by Canadian and American Snow birds.

I have a great dentist in Canada,  The cost is definitely 4 to 5 times higher than in Mexico.  This year because the Canadian money after years of Trudeau was so weak it probably was only a third of the cost of Canadian equivalent.  However for me the gain is that I routinely get sick after dental work in the north in winter. I think it’s because I’m run down or the flu or whatever but I simply don’t get the bacterium is and flu like follow up illness that goes with even the least dental cleaning in the north. In the dry and on vacation I get the work done and recovery without a respiratory infections that lasts a couple of days. I don’t think it has anything to do with the excellent antiseptic surgery in the north but rather my personal stress. I invariably lose a few days of work in addition to the actual dental visit.  I also feel horrible with the respiratory illness.

Since Covid I’ve been anxious about respiratory illnesses. Apparently I got TB as a fly in doctor in the north.  Certainly I was exposed to it most days of my work but it was only discovered when I worked in the US and had an X-ray followed by a year of TB antibiotics.  Annually I’ve had a flu or bronchitis and couple of bouts of mild pnueomonia requiring antibiotics from the decade of smoking.  When I was in Delhi the year of Covid the air was so bad , horrid smog, daily stay in doors warnings that when I caught a ‘cold’ I was really sick. I was in Bombay and literally couldn’t get my breath, It was like the time when I was under the reef scuba diving and my air ran out.  Quite terrifying.  Thankfully in Bombay I could get doxycycline and Zithromax and a whole lot of tea and orange juice. I was able to get over the worst in a couple of feeling like death days before flying home masked.  

It’s not really the dental surgery in Canada but the ‘cleaning’.  The dentist who repaired my tooth which chipped in the fall and my own dentist when he’s done a procedure haven’t left me sick. What occurs though is that several appointments are needed spaced over a few weeks whereas here the labs and aeveryone are dedicated for the tourists so that root canals and crowns are done in a couple of days. I even heard one man flying in who would have his root canal done in the morning and the crown in the afternoon so he didn’t have to stay in Yuma overnight.  That’s the streamlined efficient nature of the practice of the whole town dedicated to this service.

Unfortunately customs slows the works but I did get home to a happy dog at 130 and was able to attend my on line cyberdoc meeting.  Then after a short walk I loaded Madigan on the back of my Vespa in his box and headed out to find a microwave. I normally microwave vegetables when I barbecue steaks. I also like microwaved meat and chicken pies and use it for reheating.  I missed it and decided since I bring out my tv from storage to use I could have a microwave I could set up to use too.  There’s no room for it in the small space in the camper.  

I didn’t take the freeway but used the backwoods road not wanting to carry a microwave home on the Vespa at high speed. The backwoods road was interested.  Beatiful scenery along the river, ducks and geese, a road runner, and then the agricultural acres and workers outside the little Yuma suburb of Winterhaven proper.  The fellow at the first appliance store recommended Walmart as he only had large ones like at Home Depot.  The smallest i could find on line is a Whirlwind 5 cu size but it seems .7 cu is the lowest available. That’s what Walmart had. They started at $60 and this retro .7 Gallanz Robin egg blue was just too adorable to pass on. It was also quite light and at $80 I wouldn’t feel too bad if I didn’t keep it but rather gave it away after this year.  I’m that way with kitchen appliances. There’s use justifies them because it helps with home cooking and the cost of eating out is prohibitive. I’ve had a variety of tools like ice cream makers and bread makers and such that survived a limited time but the savings in eating in rather than eating out and the variety that is the spice of life warranted the cost.

I took Madigan into Walmart with me by taking him in the box he rides the motorcycles on and putting it all in the buggy. He was along for the ride.  I had my microwave and I restocked my refrigerator.  The Vespa does carry. Unfortunately the microwave wouldn’t fit between my legs and I had to bungee it to the front rack creating a significant wind issue.  Still I could drive home with my back case full of groceries, Madigan behind me in his doggie designed carrier box and the microwave sticking way ahead on the rack.  I had to keep at 45 miles an hour on the back road and even then the wind was brutal at times. Again the Friday line up at the border resulted in an extra 3/4 hour delay. I did succeed in by passing the traffic riding on the gravel ridge beside the road but it was dicey in the loose sand with the unbalanced bike.  I did spurts of progress and hurried my return.

The sun set over the mountain as I got home.  That lead to the comfort food and evening with Cameron Diaz, barbecue chicken and store wedgies I reheated in the charming little microwave.  Exhausted I fell asleep at 830 only to wake at 130.  I take comfort in learning that medieval folk often had a break in the night and monks wake at midnight to do prayers. I tried to return to sleep but after an hour have got up again. For sleep hygiene it’s best not to make the bed a battle ground.  If you are not back to sleep in 1/2 to 1 hour best to get up.  I’m also amused because the Facebook joke said being adult is being tired all the time and then not being able to sleep. Certainly that happened to me last night.  The excitement and stress of the dental procedure for sure. It was a full day and I’m contented.  I really am. It was a good day. An adventure.  Self care.  That’s important. I don’t do that sort of thing often.  I’m good with homes and equipments and caring for others but these dental events and trips to chiropractors and such are a reprieve that seem essential. Because I am tired. I’m wearing down at times but this escape to the south and sun and dry air revives me. I fear pneumonia , the old man’s friends and were I to retire I’d just do the same , live in Canada 10 months of the year and come south for 2 months . The outstanding issue this trip is whether I’ll go on to Mexico as planned.  Staying here on the border hasn’t been costly and it’s been so convenient with being able to walk across to Mexico.  

Thank you Jesus.  Thank you God. Thank you Holy Spirit. Three in one.  Jesus Christ. God within, God will come again. 

Sleepy Hollow RV Park, Winterhaven, Ariz, Sunday, Day 14

I am enjoying this Sleepy Hollow RV Park. I had a great sleep last night waking to memories of a beautiful voluptuous girl in pink satin pyjamas.  

I showered and dressed for the Vespa ride into Yuma for church.  The only challenge is the wind. It’s unsettling.  Madigan rides in his box on the seat behind ne,  We arrived on tine for St. Park;s Epiuscopal Church Sercvice.  A very welcoming church I’ve attended the last couple of winters.  Reminiscent of Christ Church Cathedral in Vancouver but newer.  Dr. Paul Gambling is the minister. The organist is incredible. I remembered my hearing aids so enjoyed the readings sermon ,  Madigan was well behaved,

At communion, Father Paul Gambling blessed Madigan.  I was pleased. On the way out Father Gambling thanked me for coming and bringing Madigan.  I do look forward to coming back.  When Laura was here I took her there and she enjoyed it too.

I rode cover to the 449 Clubhouse arriving late for the AA meeting but finding out where they are.  I haven’t found Al Anon but have a meeting list for the 449 Clubhouse.  It was good to say hello,

At Home Depot I found a Magic Chef ,7 cu ft microwave that would work but I’m holding out for the Whirlpool ,5 cu ft one that’s even smaller and ashier to store,

The Vespa does 110 Km/Hr easily on the freeway but the wind was challenging. There ‘s about 10 minutes of excitement. I’m about 20 to 30 minutes from Yuma here .  

I like it.  We did the dog walk this morning and enjoyed the size of it.  There’s a gateway through the fence near here.  I saw a man taken his dog back there so expect I’ll take Madigan for a walk there sometime,

 

Thank you Jesus for this day and all of your blessings. 

3 am, character defects, nightmares, Vespa, WW3

I awoke last night at 3 am also. This time it was a dream of an ex wife refusing to get medical help. I remember my first death. He’d refused to take the medicine doctors prescribed.  He lied.  He died.  She refused to get medical help and I had to live with her knowing i could treat her.  But it had nothing to do with the illness.  Just more passive aggressive stuff. 

“I can treat a hundred people at the office or I can treat you. I can’t do both.”  

Virginia Satir called it ‘crazy making’.

I specialized in addiction medicine because it was the worst of the insanities. Ultimate non compliance and non adherence to medical regimen.  There are always a thousand excuses and it’s always aggression with a smile. I really want to get better they say but I want you to do it not me. I want a teleportation machine. I want a magic pill.  Are your fucking legs broken I say.

The ‘helper’ tried to pressure me today to give drugs to the addict. I’m the bad guy.  The proxy war. The pharmacist got in on it He make money if I give in.  I have been back stabbed repaeatedly by the authorities who say do the right thing then cave themselves and scapegoat you.  Two faced sociopaths.  

I’m caught truggling with character defects.  

Anger - I’m furious to be in the same relationship crisis as divorces ago and realize I don’t have control.  It’s her and not me.  She doesn’t care. She’s the addict. She’s self centred.  She’s hostile and angry and afraid.  But I can’t go to work all day and come home to the I can’t see a doctor. You’re a doctor.  I never asked you to help.  No you just bled in the bed and shit in the bed and pissed in the bed.  

I was so thankful about heard.  They’re so pretty.  They can’t be bad.  Men are bad. Women are good. Men are victimizers.  Women are victim.  Don’t you love your mother.  You don’t even know if that’s your father. But the courts deny you DNA tests. There’s a law for the rich and the powerful and a law for you.

I’m powerless

I listened to a friend talk about not being in control and how that usd to cause hr to drink.  

I was future zooming to.  Fear.  Living out scenario’s in my mind. 3 am.  A nightmare of an old marriage.  I can’t be your doctor. She had addiction,  Cocaine addiction.  I liked that about her when I met her.  

She was a princess and I liked being a shiny knight,

The children didn’t come and she took to wearing diapers in the house and talking with the baby voice.  She didn’t want children just for me to be her sugar daddy.

I woke at 3 am and felt trapped. The panic. The inability to breath. The feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack and letting it go because it’s not now. It’s then. The past is triggered and I’m just insane. I crawled out of the abyss.  I paid a lot for these late days of peace.  

Character defects.  

Envy - the affectations on face book. I am happy for them. I see them doing things I did before the age of selfies.  I remember the trips and journeys and rewards.  But that was then and this is now.   I had my time in the sun and now I’m really having a good time except for my mind which compares my insides wit their outsides.  I’m really thankful for my life. It’s a good life. I’m blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  I’ have so much.  I look though at the one thing I don’t have and forget about all I do. It’s the cognitive distortion of the one drop of ink in the glass of wart. It’s 3 am and I’m woken by a nightmare of a time in a marriage when she wanted me to rescue her from herself and said she really didn’t want my help but lay there bleeding.  I sent her off to a treatment centre but she didn’t arrive.  Denial.  I did the whole thing but they couldn’t help me help her and they thought they were so good.  I’m not the problem.  I’m not in control. I can’t control. 

I walk away.  At 3 am I wanted to leave. I wanted to take any one of my escape pods and flee. Cappadocia. Meteora.  The wilderness. The sea. I’ve studied them all.  I must let go and let God.

There are no children.  There’s a dog.  I have freedom and no real obligation.

Iran has attacked Israel.  Israel is prepared to attack.  Russia has moved forward in Ukraine.  Iran is the ally of China.  Nuclear war.  War and rumors of war.

The American election is weeks off.  There’s so much corruption and lies and communism and sharia.  Hundreds of Christian churches have been burned to the ground but no mosques or temples or synagogues.  

Character defects

Self pity - poor me 

I struggle to maintain an ‘attitude of gratidude’ but there’s this curse in my mind which takes me down.  I spiral.  Looking at the negative. Adding them and piling them and soon a litany of horror, the weight of the world

I’m powerless.  I’m not in control. 

Live and let live.  

She wanted her cocaine.  She wanted her addiction.  She wanted her mausoleum.

I wanted freedom. I always vote freedom.  Scots war have where Wallace lead.  Down with tyranny.  I’ll not be a slave.  My mother and father had my brother. My mother wanted a daughter.  She had me.  My dad had his son. I was the sensitive one.  

Today I want to write. I want to drink coffee in cafes and face the mysteries. I’ve been the manly man. I’ve done the heavy lifting. I’ve faced the tyranny and saved countess lives. But there’s no appreciation in home. Even Jesus wasn’t blessed at home. Taken for granted. Poor me.  My father My father why hasn’t thou forsaken me

And we all go to heaven when the curtain closes

I’ m reading obituaries.  Friends are disappearing.

Character defects

Lust

I was a celibate monk when I was young.  I was a nun in marriage months at a time when they would be depressed arguing with their mothers and I’d be left out in the dark. No children. Just a lone.  I needed four wives or a new religion.  She wan’t there for sex and yet if I had sex outside the sexless marriage I would lose all.  We become sexually immune. The Eunuch’s of Canada. All the married men who are ‘rationed’.  The Feminist love the Moslems and hate the Christians. Maybe if there were children it would make sense.  Sacrifice for family and children. But she’s taken jobs and competing and demanding to be treated like a princess but won’t be a queen. I don’t want to return to celibacy in old age but she’s had it with intimacy and sex.  She never really cared for it.  Wanted a bad boy. They go with the bad boys and destroy .  They hate us good boys.  They say otherwise but at the end of the day Jesus died on the crosss. The women weep. The men die.  Now there’s war in the Middle East. What ‘s new.  

Character defects 

Sloth

I’m so tired at times. I never knew such fatigue.  The chronic pain wears me down. The chronic uncertainty of knife stabbing pain. A sneeze , a sudden move, sitting too long.  A fear of death. A focus on dying A denia.  Sloth.  All is not. I’m comfortable on the couch. . I understand those who don’t get out of bed. More and more they cone to me.  Depression.  I walk the dog The dog is my saviour.  My bladder gets me up.  I’m uplifted by a need to pee.

I love late night peanut butter sandwich’s.  The nights between delivering babies or surgery.  The days and nights without sleep.  Nodding off standing.  

I suffer sloth

Character  defects

Gluttony. - the sins are the character defects. The rocks we hold onto.  I’m avoid metabolic failure. The inflammation is a product of the sloth and gluttony. Fat. Diabetes II.  Pre diabetes. Inflammation.  

Depression

I’m alone. I’m powrrless. I could not levitate. I could not fly. I dreamed that when I flew crowds would run after me and pull me down.  I couldn’t get away.

There’s nowhere but death to escape too.  But Christians must live and serve.  I live and serve. My dog needs me.  I am of service. I have purpose. But I’m overwhelmed

Attitude of gratitude.

Gratitude lists,

Forget the nightmares and remember how much fun she was and all the good times in the past.  I ‘ve been remembering my mother’s grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup and milk for lunch.  I’d walk home and that would be waiting.  I loved feeling safe with Dad , ex RCAF, and rifle in the cabinet and the Cold War.  

I’m supposed to be writing a paper.  I’m almost finished the research and readings. I’ve some pages that need to be editted. I hoped to do that today. I have work calls to make and photocopying to do.  It’s all like moving in molasses.

God is good all of the time, Thank you Jesus. Thank you God for the heat and the roof and the warm and dry. Thank you for the dog and technology. Thank you for my new Vespa. Thank you for good dreams Thank you for adventures. Thank you for this life. Thank you for family and friends. Thank you for all your blessings,  

Thank you

Thriving, Laura and Madigan, Davie Street

I’m grateful. Life is good.  I read that Joseph Campbell saw life as the ‘Hero’s Journey » , an adventure. I live one day at a time.  So each day I wake now with the idea of adventure.  Even though I’m working I remember summer holidays as a kid when the day was a Tabala Rosa.  I’d have breakfast with my mom, corn flakes and milk usually, with toast and jam.  Then I’d get on my blue single gear motorcycle and explore the world,  I drove everywhere everyday.  Sometimes friends would join.  We’d come home for lunch though sometimes Mom would pack a cheese or bologna sandwich and I’d not come back till dinner.  Every day an adventure.  

Now I have a Harley and a Mini Cooper , a Ford F350 and a Honda Tracker 420 4x4 quad. I’ve an electric biker but I’ve not used that much recently.  The car and motorcycle are for the city and the truck and quad for the country recently.

I was in looking at a Vespa. I sold my last one and miss it. I’m only allowed one motorcycle here so am thinking of getting the Vespa when I put the Harley down for the winter. I’m planning on travelling down to LA, Mexico, maybe Yuma and have been told not to take my Harley into Mexico.  

Today I attended an on line meeting and really enjoyed the group as always.  I shared. I listened.  I felt apart of.  After that Dr Ready called and said he could fit me in, So I headed over there for an excellent chiropractic adjustment. After that I called Laura who was just stepping into a bath and asked if she wanted me to visit we could go for a walk

It was an hour drive through Richmond using my new Garmin Drive 55 GPS I bought last night at Best Buy.  The GPS I take in the woods has too small a screen for driving while this one is as large as my iPhone.  Excellent.  I really enjoyed using. Also its hand held so can be taken off the mount with a rechargeable battery good for 12 hours.  I really liked it.

Laura met me at the Rainbow Side walk circle on Davie after I parked.  Madigan was ecstatic. He jumped up and down like a pogo stick puppy.  We walked back to Amoka.  Laura had a 

butter croissant she shared with Madigan I had a bacon egg breakfast sandwich. We both had Chai Latte’s.  Delicious.  Madigan loved all the passing dogs. Laura and I caught up on our Facebook friends and reading. I’m really enjoying Ray Kurwell , The Singularity is Nearer. I’d watched a presentation by Elon Musk of what motivated him as a young man when he developed Pay Pal and Tesla and then Space X.  I’m certainly enjoying his Starlink out in the woods,

Laura bought flowers,  I walked her home.  Madigan and I stopped at Vespa to ask them to watch for a second hand bike I could take to Mexico. I think I’ll get it in November December.  

I learned yesterday that an iPhone 16 won’t arrive for a month or so. It’s like the Cabbage Patch Doll equivalent of tech

I had my tooth fixed yesterday.  A week ago I’d broken off an old filling leaving a ragged hole .  I was so pleased to see Doug Lovely who repaired my smile and made a bridge to to conceal a missing tooth some 27 years ago, I really am vain and Doug was a life savior, He’s sold his practice but still works with New West Dentists. Dr. Tan an excellent dentist solved my dilemna with a new filling, I was simply elated and had to really pay attention riding my motorcycle home.

Now I’m having steak and potatoes.

Life is good

Thank you God for all your blessings, Thank you for Laura, Thank you for Madigan, Thank you for the vehicles and the city of Vancouver and Burnaby, books, TV, RV’s iPhones and Garmin GPS.  

Laura and I are planning our hunt for the October Long Weekend,  I’m haven’t decided wheere to go Clinton, Cache Creek, Princeton and Nakusp.  It’s great hunting but cold and snowy. Oh well, please guide me Lord, Thank you Thank you Thank you. 

Morning Limbo

I’m in limbo today. The aftermath of a full Halloween weekend with lots of exercise and activity.  I thought of going to church but remain ambivalent. I don’t know what to wear. 

I woke at 530 from a frightening dream.  A low life troll character in a beat up old car had stopped on the bridge, probably Granville.  He’d tried to steal my hard maroon  combination brief case. It was the one I had as a student. At this time i didn’t know what was in it. My valued student things from then, the Texas Instruments calculator, notes.  Or it could be Secret papers.  Stacks of money. My life savings.  I’d escaped the initial lunge and was rapidly backing up glad he was alone

When I woke suddenly I felt my physical vulnerability. The tenuousness of physical reality.  ‘Fear of economic insecurity will leave us,” hasn’t fully worked with me. I still have that fear that at times tormented my father in his final years as he worried about being cut off his pension.  He deeply mistrusted the Trudeau government. 

I also had that sense that I’d again been less cautious in public.  Showing any kind of success or wealth in this world attracts parasites. It’s the DTES on large scale. I’d enjoyed going out to the restaurant dressed fine wearing gold, trusting.  I’m older and a target for the theives.  I was lucky in the dream. There was only one. He had ropes too but his interest was money.  Kidnapping and theft and extortion. I’ve been in my head too much and not as situationally aware as I can be. The letting up of Covid restriction.  Going out to a restaurant and to a movie, being in the city, all are novel and I’ve not maintained the vigilance that was previously second nature. I think that was what the dream was saying. Also reminding me I like my ‘things’.  I’m still a materialist though spiritual. That brief case represented hours of extra work that allowed me to buy something that really was attractive and executive appearing but perfect for my needs at the time, carrying my notes and book and calculator and pens.  I have many little things like that whose value is in their functionality and selection.  I have one Swiss Army knife and one Leatherman that after countless trials of a life time are just the ones that suit my needs now. To another they are just a means to another hit of crystal meth or crack.

My next dream was apocalyptic. We were a group in my peninsula on the ridge where the hunting is. We were two groups in camps.  The other group was a family and I was with just a couple. We all had rifles and the other group had a collection of pistols. I’d been hunting meat and they’d been teaching their kids to shoot pistols target practising. I’ admired their weapons cases and a large amount of ammo.  The woman had asked me to transfer pictures of her kids to a different medium.  I had a computer base with Hamm and satellite.  It was post apocalyptic and I enjoyed the woman and the family. I’d not been able to do all she wanted there but would be able to do that more at  base camp with more equipment.  We were secure but someone was always on look out. The trucks were loading.  We were splitting up for the return to base camp. They  were up earlier and ready to go. I with my colleagues were late rising and waiting for coffee.  They were more vigilant with their children.  I was calm and not concerned.   Normally I’d been alone in the wilderness or with immediate friends and family out patrolling and aware of the danger. Now I felt I wasn’t alone but that others, like this family, we’re becoming aware and preparing. 

The dog jumps on my face and wants me to get up. Our routine is for me to to take out the garbage and walk him till he poops. .It was very chilly, clear sky, frosty. He pooped and we came home. I actually meditated for a little time, did stretches and sit ups. Now I  am on my second cup of coffee and feeling better.  

I feel in limbo.  I’m at that end of career pre retirement place. I think another 5 years of work would be fine but I want a longer break and I don’t. I’m content doing the same old same old routine, work easy like an old shoe. The difficulty is getting there,  Getting dressed and out is the difficulty.  Day by day I do the next right thing.  I want to travel more but that is all. Whether it’s here in Canada or the US with truck and RV or flying overseas doesn’t matter. I’d like to go to Aberdeen.  It’s an arbitrary calling.  Visit the land of my grandfather then return leaving as he did.  I had thought to leave the coast and return to the east or interior but right now I’m relatively content here. No place seems that much more secure.  

People I know and care about are dying.  The lights go out.  I miss Jean and John and George and Ron. There are others too.

In my uncertainty about the future I’m not quick to make new friends The friends that are dying are people I’ve known decades , the new friends I have are mere years in making.  I”m slow to trust with reason.  

I simply don’t know what more to do.  At one point this morning I woke and had a blank slate. I felt like I would likely feel retired.  I have nothing that needs doing today. I’ve a meeting but I skipped church and could skip the meetings as well though I look forward to the checking in as I once did on our Hamm radio off shore net. 

Everything else I could do is arbitrary. I have some chores and projects but they’re minor and nothing stops them from being put off.  I was pleased I got up and walked the dog. Now I’ve journaled.  I’m sluggish, My back hurts and I could go to the hot tub where there’s great relief or pop some naproxen or ibuprofen and feel relief as well. I don’t want to experience an upset stomach which occurs with the NSAIDS in time but I have some Tecta.  I can more than manage.  

I had a red dress I planned to wear for Halloween but couldn’t bring myself to go out to the Halloween party or the dance last night.  I watched Free Guy enjoying it from my couch, the dog happy I was home.  

I might have a nap and wake more ambitious or just read this morning,  Uncertaity and lack of direction,  The Meme said the ‘purpose of life is developing a relationship with Jesus Christ’. I’m certainly talking to him and listening, praying daily.  I’d meditate longer but cross legged my back hurts and yet the sitting is good for my knee and back. I think the riding so far on the Vespa yesterday strained it along with the extensive walking.  I’m stiff this morning. It’s a good stiffness.  

I suspect the elite have back aches but don’t realize them because their naked Asian masseuses give them a massage before their coffee. I would not feel pain if I rolled from bed into a hot pool then was greeted with a petite naked masseuse waiting  to walk on my back. Then I’d met with physiotherapist and chiropractor . Then maybe a swim.

I suspect my back wouldn’t ache in the morning if I was wakened to morning sex.  It’s a minor irritation that I focus on because of the lack of distraction. 

I’m weary with generating activity. I feel at times as a kid on summer vacation when I’d like to ask my mom what should I do today but she had chores as an answer.  I wanted fun.  I could go to the art exhibit but then I think of Madigan. He mostly wants to walk which I may feel like doing more after the morning shower. Cadillac problems.  

Right now I’ll lie back and read.  

Thank you Jesus for this brief reprieve.

Buying Madigan a new jacket at Mr, Pets because it got so cold last evening after early dinner on Commercial at Kitchen Whisky Cafe. We had to wait for a taxi. We rode  down to Metro Vespa to leave the Vespa for a part replacement and tune up. The service department is great there.

Then we walked up to Commercial and ate burgers outside at Kitchen Whiskey Cafe. Great food, great service, great people watching. . It got chilly sitting.  A jazz band began to play in the park across the way .  I was texting with Laura about Evie being sick and on antibiotics.  Madigan was beside me enjoying his ‘extra patty’, He actually climbed into and sat in his morocyce box I’d been carrying by hand.  I was dressed for Halloween in leathers with red lipstick.  I saw a tiger and a princess and jester go by on Commercial. I got a thumbs up from those I passed.  I dress this way sometimes when it’s not Halloween. 

I’ve wondered recently at all the costumes I wear.  I’ m many characters or roles.  Even within each role there are variations, the sports jacket and jeans to three piece suit, the cammo jacket and pants to shorts ,the off shore sailing jackets and the shorts, the skirt and gown.  

Within all these I’m myself, talking to God, asking direction and protection. Show me the way Lord.

Vespa 300 GTE Touring Motor Scooter

I am so pleased to be a Vespa owner.I woke up this morning and looked out to see the Vespa parked beside my Harley Electroglide and felt right with the world.  God is good all of the time.

The Harley Electriguide is the biggest Harley made. I rode it to Sturges South Dakota and back in 2013.  Nothing beats the Harley for highway driving.  However, it’s rather big for the city. And nothing beats the Vespa for the city. 

I know cyclists will tell you different. I bicycled across Europe with a gorgeous woman companion in my 20’s. I was young and athletic then. I’ve since had several bicycles and loved my latest, the Rad Electric Bicycle. But I’ve been a fan of scooters since I rented my first, in my 20’s riding about Hawaii and later in Cozumel, Mexico, having so much more fun. 

My first scooter was an Aprilia 50 cc which I bought when I lived in the Vancouver West end.  The Italians are famous for their scooters and motorcycles, world reknowned for their performance design and workmanship.   The next scooter I had was the amazing Honda Ruckus. The Japanese captured the American market with motorcycles in the 60‘s and 70‘s. My brother loved his Yamaha 125, back when the 100 to 150 cc machines were all the rage.  The big bikes, like the HD and Triumph 1200‘s used in WWII only became popular for cruising in later years. My HD Electriglide is 1600 cc and can carry myself, Laura and the kitchen sink at high speeds, all day without a care.

I passed my Honda 50 cc Ruckus onto Laura.  We both truly loved it as the ultimate inner city get about. It only weakness was the lack of power going  over Vancouver bridges. I‘d graduated to a Buell Blast 600 cc which had more than enough power to spare. I toured the whole of BC on that motorcycle.  

When I lived in Saipan, the jewel of the Northern Mariana Island I rented Vespas. Laura and I loved touring the island on a Vespa 250. It was grand riding through the jungles and coming out onto a stretch of endless white beaches with vast expanses of blue Pacific Ocean.   When we visitted Rome, not that long ago, I again rented a Vespa 250.  It was one of our favourite days travelling around  the ancient picturesque city, scootering from cathedral to cathedral to pray at the these famous sites of the most holy of relics.  It was a bit gruesome, finding the head of one saint at one magnificent cathedral and the feet at architectural.  The Vespa made it all so Italian. Really quite spiritual.  Cobblestone roads made by the Romans.  Places where St. Paul had walked.

Now I’m the owner of a Vespa 300 GTE Touring motorscooter and I’m thrilled.  

In Vancouver, it’s an unspoken rule that anyone on a motorcycle is fair game.   The trouble is female vegetarian yoga pant wearing liberal voters Huffington Post readers, with their unowned aggression in deep denial of their road rage loathing all things male, unfortunately, perceive motorcycles as masculine, It’s a life and death struggle with their constant negligence and insistence “I just didn’t see him, (before I smashed him like a bug with my Volvo SUV).”  By contrast scooters are treated like bicycles, somehow seen as not target worthy  metrosexual.  They are less triggering to the liberal arts college grads.  Riding a motorcycle in Vancouver is a serious matter. I’ve even a heard a Hell’s Angel say he wouldn’t ride his Harley downtown because of the poor drivers.  Vancouver drivers are definitely the worst in the world but they are equally passive aggressive.  However, they simply don’t target scooters.  Admittedly when I’m driving my Harley, Steppenwolf, ‘Born to be Wild’ plays in my head while  on the Vespa I’m hear opera arias or in the summer sun,  the Beach Boys.  People actually smile at me rather.  Part of it is that they don’t know my Vespa as gas powered.  Simply polluted with propaganda they believe electricity, even if coal generated, is ‘clean’  while all things gas is ‘dirty’.  Vespa even has an Electrica version and Harley Davidson has just put out an Electric 500 cc motorcycle

My Vespa maroon and sparkling which rich mahogany brown leather seats.   My Harley is black and I geared  up in black armoured clothing. I bought the Vespa wearing shorts, tshirt and sandals. I wore a helmet. When I got home I added armoured gloves. Once a surgeon and musician hands are forever important. The fact is I’d mostly miss the ability to type these days. I just don’t feel I need to wear leather on a scooter. My Harley is 800 lbs and my scooter is 300 lbs. In the city I mostly do 30 to 60 km and routinely bicycled at 40 to 50 km/hour when I was younger.  So while the chance of major injury remains it’s not the same as when I’m on the Harley on the highway doing 120 mph.  The Vespa 300’s top speed is 135 km/hr.  Admittedly less than a day old, I’ve had it over a hundred already.  I was only wearing t shirt and shorts and helmet and being stupid but it’s not at all like the day I took my Harley up to 140 mph and chickened out finding just how fast it would go. It goes a lot faster but I’ll never know. What I confirmed with the Vespa is that it really can go on the freeway.  If I plan on touring I’ll at least wear jeans and jacket.  Armour protects joints at higher speeds. 

The truth of the matter is I really like slower speeds on the Vespa. Sitting upright it’s a wonderful platform for sightseeing and looking about.  I have already taken it out to a country trail to confirm that it’s just fine on country roads. I’m so looking forwards to taking mine camping and having a camera or a bow along as I explore. Laura enjoyed riding on the back of the Vespa for a spin so it , will be fun again to ride with her about the city. We rode all over the province together on my HD Roadster but she‘s lost interest in the highway the road trips I still love with my HD Electroglide. The last year Gilbert, the cockapoo was my companion on the rides up the canyon to Merrit. 

Laura and even Gilbert, now,  much prefers riding out to the country in my Ford Truck with the Adventurer Camper. I carried the KTM 690 on the front or back so will now have to arrange to carry the wider but lighter Vespa the same way.   My Vespa is only 300 lbs. 

I’ve only had it a day and already made the trip to the market.  Like I found with all my previous scooters there’s lots of storage. My Vespa came with the box I’d had added to my previous scooters.  It holds too bags of groceries. The under the seat storage holds tools and there’s even a rack on the front and a dashboard storage compartment. There’s a little ring to hang bags from at my feet too. I love my Vespa. 

On the way back from the market and the post office I picked up burgers and fish and chips from the White Spot.  With Covid I’d had to take two post office trips a week and with the Harley I’d simply be less likely to make stops.  Not now. Scooters are just so convenient for multiple stops. I won’t even compare them to cars. Cars are cages and anyone who has ever had a scooter knows how much they open up a city.  Parking is everywhere and unlike a bicycle you don’t have to go through all that locking up and chaining up one has to do in Vancouver where a million bikes are stolen by the hour despite NASA titanium locks.  

Did I say I’m happy with my Vespa. Admittedly I’m happy with every vehicle. Vehicles are adventure to me.  Different vehicles, different adventures. I’m the same way with canoes, boats and yachts.  I’d really like a personal space craft. I asked my brilliant nuclear physicist engineer cousin I’m depending on him for a nuclear powered Harley Davidson with outer space capacity.  For now I’m really looking forward to more fun on the Vespa. Last night I took it for a spin too to check out the lights.  Perfect. Not only that but it was just quiet enough that I didn’t feel like I was disturbing the neighborhood. I don’t take the Harley out after 10 pm unless I have to and my KTM 690 was similarly, though not quite as loud. Loud pipes save lives.  Not the Vespa. It’s loud enough that Laura heard me come up beside her as she was driving the car but not so loud that I couldn’t go out for a late night spin and feel I wasn‘t  disrupting the neighbour hood. It‘s a trade off.

Metrovespa,the dealer was like a miniature, Trev Deely,  my Harley Dealership. Martin, the sales man was terrific, so friendly and helpful. The service department is there and they do everything as well as manage maintenance schedules like Trev does.  I confess,a major part of owning a two wheel machine, is trusting the service department. Harley and Honda have been great that way. Now I’m delighted to see the same kind of professionalism and concern in the Vespa service centre. The good news was that Vespa,  doesn’t require much service, less than Honda or Yamaha.  Vespa has always been known like Harley for being built sturdy.  Tough little machines.  Marten showed me where the oil inspection site was and added it doesn’t use a lot. He reviewed the walk around inspection bike owners need to know with powered two wheel vehicles. A tank of gas gets 200 km.  At the price of gas today the fuel economy is terrific.

Now I just need more time to explore. One of my joys is going for coffee at outdoor cafe’s. I love to carry a laptop , and journal thoughts and impressions outside.  A consummate blogger.  Now I’m looking forward to next weeekend, weather permitting, a run down to the New Westminster wharf area on my Vespa. New Westminister is one of the most marvellous and oldest areas of Vancouver but while it’s only a half hour away from where I am in Burnaby I’ve simply not enjoyed taking a car or motorcycle down the hills to the waterfront. The Vespa was made for such terraced roads and traffic. I remember riding about such places in Rome.  

Lots to look forward to.  Thankfully a friend will take care of selling my KTM which ,while being a skookum motorcycle is too off road for any of my needs to day. Older I just didn’t ,this last year like the risk of leaving the logging and forest roads or any of the  risk taking in the wilderness with an off road enduros deserves.  A decade back I’d ridden my Honda 250 on deer trails and literally off roads through pastures and fields, jumping rocks and barrelling through streams.  I didn‘t even think if I broke my body or machine,  it would be hours or days before someone found me.  This last couple of years I simply haven’t felt as  courageous or foolish alone in the woods as I did younger. Someone else will enjoy the full experience of the KTM while I scooter about, never planning on leaving a road with my new to me beautiful little friend.  Kaloo Kalay, he chortled in his joy! Thank you, Jesus!