It’s been a mundane week mostly.Sometimes they run together. We’ve has some glorious suny days., I’ve even had the lawn chair out enjoying a bit of sun. The big event was selling the Harley last Friday. I enjoyed going to Metro Vespa and retrieving my Vespa. I really like my new leather jacket. I figured I can’t wear the Harley one I love beause I no longer can say ‘my other bike is a Harley’ I really like this new leather jacket. But when I left the motorcycle store at Commercial and 12th I couldn’t start the Vespa because the fob battery was dead. Service at Vespa told me how to start the Vespa when the fob is dead. The engineer’s think of everything. I returned and received a new fob and further education about the fob. I like the Vespa and now just have to ensue I can carry it behind the Jeep when I’m towing the Jeep with the motorhome., Laura and I have 10 days over July 1 in Harrison’s. I’m not sure if the public hot springs pool is open but I hope it is. I am looking forward to cold swims.
I really enjoyed putting the money from the Harley onto the Jeep loan . Now I have to put money into tax free savings accounts. It’s been a trial buying the jeep and paying taxes and paying for the hitch to tow the jeep. I’m interfading with merchants and sales men and feeling like I’m a doctor in a fight with my hands tied. Everyone else is wheeling and dealing and feel pride and cleverness and in my work I’m so restricted and controlled with our incomes fixed in so many ways and so much regulation. So that was my moment of self pity. Everything is fine and God is with me and I’m pleased to be making such good progress.
The storage locker remains as challenge. But I’m now at a point where I have a home and can pick up and go pulling my jeep. I still have a camper to be sold and a boat and trailer but they’ll maybe bring $10 or 20 thousand. Every bit helps. I’d like to pay off the Jeep loan but I need to put money into the tax free accounts to reduce my tax. This year I paid even more taxes. I muddle along though. There really is progress and the burden is lighter.
I think of travelling south again in the winter. I’d like to make 3 months in the south. In the last few years of snow birding Ive mostly donee a bout a couple of month. My back continues to cause pain but the winter hot springs and activities keep me functional. The chiropractor helps and I do 15 minutes of Foundation Training and tai chi. I really need to lose 40 lbs and increase my daily exercise from 5000 to 6000 steps to more than 10 thousand steps. With less weight my back would have less strain and my sleep apnea would improve.
I like to lie on the couch and watch tv and read and eat.
It’s a cloudy day. We’ve had cloudy days during the week ., No great rain but spitting.
I finished the historical novel about the Korean War. I’ve started another. I’m enjoying the 1916. Irish audio book. I was delighted to find that Evelyn Underhill wrote several books on Mysticism. Having read her classic and listened to the audiobook I’m now reading her Christian Mystics and looking forward to her Cloud of Uknowing. Last Sunday we had our monthly Western Canada Doctors in Recovery meeting. I’ve attended the Saturday morning MD@ Idaa meetings with Terry. I really enjoy the Wednesday night Burnaby Fellowship men’s meeting. I’ll go to church this weekend. I’ve a hair appointment with Sharin too.
May is a strange month. I sobered up in June and May was the month i was with the biker drug dealing low life criminal crowd. March was when the clinic died with Sherrie into cocaine and not showing up for work, refusing to get help , disrupting the clinic and doing her covert and angry doctor routine with all the lies and chaos. But she didn’t get treatment and she blamed me and I just didn’t want to continue. Nights to get sleep I’d had to take the dog ins search of a hotel or motel that would have us. Then I headed to the country knowing we’d be accepted and just unwilling to be fighting against her and patients and trying to keep everything going., She’d promised repeatedly she woujldn’’t do the destructive thangs again. Moving my shot gun so when the bear came into the back yard the dog and I had to chase it off with me carrying a broom and terrified for his life. Her changing the radar on call so we had no radar going under the Golden Gate Bridge in the fog and riding off the bow wave of the tanker . Her drunken night when she sped the car into the wall smashing my side of the car. The weeks and months she never left her office in the government refusing to dose patients and having rage attacks. I hate all the lies. It was borderline and narcissistic and betrayals and betrayals and insane. Her mother had all those notes calling her a whore and slut and they’d tried to kill her father . It was all so twisted and she was always spending my money and claiming she had none when she was a millionaires and had all this wealth but I was just keeping equipment going and getting the practice going and she’d had a grow operation in the house while I was away. I was terrified not knowing what she’d do next I finally said, “I can treat a hundred insane people or be with you but I can’t do both.” I think she knew that her not letting me sleep adn being up all night on cocaine would do the trick. Also hurting patients. I couldn’t believe how she would destroy p;hone messages and lie about tests and seeing the daily deceit and her causing other peoples suffering and treating poor people with disdain, I know it was the drugs all the pot and wine she consumed., I was there smoking dope and drinking wine but thought I was functioning. I certainly wasn’t trying to hurt her or others or cause such destruction. The mother’s death made everything worse and exposed the depth of the insanity of the mother who had tried to destroy the father and blamed him for all the death and disorder and treated her daughter abysmally. I wasn’t up to storm. I was also seeing a psychiatrist who was a company doctor and more interested in saving the appearances and ultimately lied to,
I so thanked Ray for getting ne out of hell hole psychiatry was with the drunken heads , corruption and perversion. I loved Graeme saying to me ‘some people run with the cheetahs and some people run with the turkeys, you’ve sure been running with the turkeys.’
I returned to church knowing that was good in my life and thanked seeing Willy. I was a year celebrate and thankful to return to prayer and meditation, That had been good too. I loved AA and the serenity prayer and was ready to return to general practice because that had been good but thanks to Ray I went to IDAA in Toronto and met Hank Olivier , the Louisiana psychiatrist who took me under his wings and convinced me that it was all going to better without the alcohol and drugs and being away from the alcohol and drug people. Then 30 world famous psychiatrists , names, from several countries stood together and said the Lord’s Prayer, I did another speciality in Addiction Mediccine and was glad to work as a sub specialist,. I’m still doing that 29 years later.
I have a cake coming up and am astonished that it’s been that long , I sailed solo in winter through Hurricane to the Hawaiian Island ., I worked several years as the psychiatrist ad MOA of the Mariana Islands. I’ve camped and hunted and fished. I’ve been there for my mother annd father in their final years and for my brother., It’s been a hard time, My closest friends have died and I’ve been present. I’m so thankful for AA and sobriety so that I could be present and of service,
Now my ship is gone and my truck and I’m living in this Thor motorhome which is sufficient and elegant,. Studart my Scotty died in Saipan. Gilbert died in Covid. I lost a couple of cats and now there’s Madigan and me. He’s 5 years old and a going concern. A bit crazy and had a tough start in Covid. I was almost ready to put him down when Laura and he had such trouble and he was trying to hump everything and chewing everything and peeing on everything. Alone with me he was okay but with her and me he was impossible. Dr. Biernacki the vet was special. Everything had gone sideways when the groomer hurt him and since then I pay for the vet to sedate him for grooming, I was thankful for so many people who helped me
I liked working at Royal Columbia with Lydia, Belinda, and at DocSide with Gary and Mary Lou. I loved Strathcona Men’s and Scotty and Michelle and then there was George and John and Vivian died in Covid. Art continues to be a brick. Now a colonel. I liked my Captain friend in Calgary and one day will meditate with him. Elliott was there too spiritually challenges., I thought to have a sex change and still consider it, I don’t see anymore masculine heroic challenges so thought maybe see the world from the female side like ‘black like me’ , Different challenges, I like the non binary and struggle with my own judgenentalness and ego and the unkindness I carry. I was happy with God and me but in AA I learned God works through other people.
Love God and love your neighbour as yourself, There is you and the other and you are not God. God is the first principe not the second so openness and receptiveness, Now with my back injury from Grandad’s home in Aberdeen. My election is intermittent too, Unreliable, It’s there but I don’t want to hurt my back more.
I’ve loved the travels study and pilgrimages ., I love museums and art galleries.
I didn’t sign up for IDAA in Chicago this year. I want to save money and have been to Chicago several times. I’m breaking Hank’s rule of going every year but I balanceing the costs of motorhome and travel and aging and feeling I will be okay. I may go to the west coast meeting, I’m planning the pharmaceuticals conference which helps my practice. I continue to supervise so am contributing to Gary and the College. I really would like to reduce the debt but am doing well and will be able to retire in 10 years though I could now as I have the money to pay off the Thor and Jeep but it’s best to just carry on ‘Good orderly direction’.
I feel blessed and grateful that I am where I am today. Thank you for Madigan. Thank you for Laura. Thank your for Adell and the nephews, great nephews and great neice and the God children, Thank you for patients and service and right livelihood Help me to progress and know you more deeply Lord and serve you,
Thank you Jesus
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