I’m older. So now I’m worried I won’t have time to
- get a Nobel Peace Prize - I never wanted one. I’ve not worked to get one. I’ve just thought though that if I did want one I’d probably not have time to get one. I don’t want to change my life either.. I’ve become accepting of my past. I’ve made amends where I can. I’ve worked to forgive some. I’ve forgotten others. But just generally I’m incredibly grateful for the life I’ve had and proud of my many accomplishments. I’ve had lots of awards and achievements. It’s like I’ve done well. Maybe not one of life’s A students but a B plus, sometimes A and sometimes C but I’m alive and it has been an adventure
- time to travel to all the places I’d like to go. I’ve had a life of travel and work. I’ve bicycled across Europe, lived in London for a year, Mexico another year, been a flyin doctor in northern Canada and the Polynesian Islands. I lived in Saipan a couple of years, I’ve lived in Toronto, Winnipeg and Vancouver . I’ve mortocycled across the northern states to Vancouver to the Black hills and back for the Surgis rally. I sailed my 13 ton sailboat to Alaska and Mexico and then solo through winter hurricane to Kona and back from Honolulu in exquisite weather. I ‘ve hiked mountains, the Rockies, and hiked the Sierra Leone Trails of Northern California, and the West Coast trail on Vancouver Island. I’ve done 50 mile walks but not a marathon I’ve white water canoed and skidooed across tundra, snow shored and stayed in igloos. I’ve scuba dived. I’ve been a successful bird and big game hunter as well as fisherman. . I’ve flown to Japan, Moscow, Ethiopia, Costa Rica and lots of other places.
- time to explore museums and art galleries. I want to visit more art galleries and see more impressionist paintings. I want to visit old cities and revel in the architecture and see more cave paintings and prehistoric monuments like Stonehenge.
- time to write books. I’ve three in progress but don’t work on them steady so easily distracted by work
- time to walk the dog more in nature
- time to read old books I loved and see old movies I’ve loved. I once thought I’d have time to do this, having enjoyed these studies go back and read Doystoyevski and listen to Joni Mitchell.
- time to meditate and pray. I imagined I’d do retreats and maybe be a monk, contemplative. I’d find peace of mind sitting by a river like Buddha or experience ecstasy in contemplation like St. Theresa of Liseux, Avala or St. John of the Cross
- time to see the birds in Brazil or the animals of South Africa.
I have been so blessed but I’ve not been asked by the Prime Minister or President what I think is best even in my areas of greatest knowledge areas I have felt I knew better than the politically connected. I’ve not been politically connected. I’m too much a libertarian , a Christian libertarian at that.
— time to be a multi billionaire.
I’ve not wanted more money most days. I’ve been granted enough except in those times of divorce when I’ve left a course taken as it didn’t feel like it was safe even or likely to be the road less travelled. I’ve avoided conflict where I can and moved along. I’ve fought for family and patients and even friends but for myself I’ve not felt the same need to engage in war or ego based rivalry for money or status. I’ve been offered positions of security with indexed pension, high paid, steady status and even positions guaranteed to make a million or more but my clinical curiosity lay elsewhere and I’ve been able to work in a humbler more focussed way. I’ve done good. I’ve worked in areas of greatest need. I’ve delivered babies, done surgery, cured a lot of infections, diagnosied and treated a lot of conundrums and mostly been a little Dutch boy with his thumb in a hole in the dyke. I’ve treated the wounded on the field after the war has gone through. I’ve been unremarkable. I’ve worked one on one like a singer who teaches individual students rather than takes the stage and sings to the largest audience. I’ve talked to God every day and know that I have an audience like my mother who cares and often encouraged me to be where there is no fame or fortune though I’ve wanted fame and fortune too. But I ‘ve got it and I don’t think it’s fair to complain. I’ve had the opportunity to hunt and fish and dance and sing. I’ve been truly blessed. I’ve been sober 27 years but before that I was young and wild. Today I’ve grown older a rare privilege with so many I know having already passed,
Seriously I don’t know if I have time to give thanks enough. I don’t know if I have time to be more surprised by joy. I don’t know if I have time for more love having known love all my life. I don’t know if I have time to figure it out. Whatever it is. I am grateful. I have faith.
Time to walk the dog. Thank you for this time to walk the dog. I don’t worry walking the dog. It’s good. I’m doing good. We’re walking our bodies and that itself is good. I can get too much in my mind and forget there’s more to life in nature. I ‘ve too often been inside when life is outside. I don’t know and even worry I won’t have time to find the ‘balance’ to get back ‘into the flow’. To witness the synchronicity over and over. I like playing hide and seek with Jesus. He’s always there but I’m terribly forgetful and so easily distracted . Thank you Jesus for love and all. Peek a boo.
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