today

I woke up at 6 am .  I’d gone to bed at 10.  I opened to ipad and next thing I’m listening to Tucker interviewing a West Point general on the war in Ukraine.  Message, give peace a change. Stop the war. The Main Stream Media is lying.  Ukraine isn’t winning.  They’ve lost 400,000 and Russia has lost 40,000. The satellite coverage by Russia with linked artillery, drones and missiles results in near automatic response.  Even weapons given by US to Ukraine are last year’s model and the advances in tech are exponential.  

When it began the Crimea and a couple of Russian Ukraine provinces were at stake.  As things go bad it’s Vietnam all over again.  Before nuclear weapons stop and make a truce. Russia doesn’t want NATO on it’s border.  It’s the most corrupt country in the world, akin to Packistan and Russian. Ukranians are fleeing , 14 million refugees.  Military age men don’t want to go into the ‘meat grnder’.  It’s war.  Eventually a peace was made with Vietnam. North Vietnam took over south.  Communist China was the leader but today Vietnam is a tourist destination.  

I think of Buckminster Fuller who said if there could be peace then every single citizen on the planet would live at a style and level beyond their wildest dreams.  I remember when I was a peacenik hippy but found out that Russia, guys like Putnin, were orchestrating the peace movement to their end.  The trouble is ‘eventually’ the war in Vietnam ended.  

I love that Trump was anti war.

The war mongers got out of Afghanistan but left all their weapons to perpetuate war in that region.

War is big business.

It attracts war mongers like Trudeau, little men with big egos.  Freeland the Nazi descendent.  

It’s all above my pay grade and I don’t really know what’s going on because Trudeau is imposing Nazi Communist totalitarian censorship along with the gun laws those dictatorships use.  CSIS says the Communist Chinese have infiltrated the government, media and education system to the highest level. The last election was won by Trudeau because the Communist Chinese manipulated the Canadian election.  If this had occurred under Mulroney, Christine, Martin, or Harper a new election would be called.  Yet, Trudeau continues his lies and deceit and India says he was stoned on cocaine on his visit and half his presentations during Covid when I forced myself to watch and listen to the weasel he appeared and sounded more impaired than my DTES patients.

Thankfully when I’ve contacted leading beurocrats I know they always said the pessimism and fear mongering of the media is not the way it is.  There’s actually sane people even in the liberal party despite the nefarious impaired sick creepy leadership.  

I’m hopeful. I just bought a new book experience, strength and hope, an AA collections of stories of recovery. If so many individuals can get well there’s hope for the nation.  I love the ‘I’m in recovery and I vote’, or “I’m evidence’ t shirts.  I loved the laughter and fellowship at my meeting this week.  George and Jack and Mario sat at the table and when I was asked to share I said that our table was like the ‘cool’ table in the asylum and we all laughed.  Keep coming back.

I’m waiting for Laura. I woke up with no real plans.  I’ve a meeting I’ll attend. I thought of going hunting but we’re going hunting next week. I had planned to attend the Psychopharmacology conference but with being away last week and next week I forgot to notify the clinic. So I missed the first day and though I’d attend to day but when I woke up I was not motivated to sit and listen to lectures. I knew I had a lot of phone calls to answer for refills and questions. I actually phoned a half dozen folk only to leave messages. No one was home.  If they were they were asleep and I wasn’t at the party last night

I walked Madigan and he had a poop so we’re okay and he’ll be in heaven to have his mommy visit.

Laura said it’s as a good day for a stroll so the plan is to walk the lake trail.  I love that we’re planning exercise. We gained too much weight during covid lockdowns watching Netflix.  I’ve an rx I must mail and I’d like to motorcycle.  L

The Ladies came yesterday to clean and did a poor job, not compared to the ideal but compared to all the merry maids who ‘d come in previous months. When the manager asked as he does each month how they were I said only half as good as all the others.  Refridgeratr cleaned bu not freezer and I’d specifically asked for that to be done and turned the fridge off the night before.  At the end of the day I used the heater to have the ice done in a half an hour.  Then the bed wasn’t even made and the other ladies not only made the bed asked if I wanted sheets changed and even did the difficult bottom sheet sometimes.  Instead of that ‘it’s fresh and new and clean and ordered feeling that is so uplifting after cleaning ladies come’ it was the ‘this is okay’, it’s better but not professional more like it is when I spend a couple of hours which is rarely and the reason for the cleaning lady contract.

I’ve been making arrangements for going south in December.  The back room is full the hunting gear and camper gear I’ll be taking with me next week. Lots of adventure and activity.  

I’ve been more open about my gender dysphoria and yet I’m not fully out of the closet.  Meanwhile I’m ambivalent. I ‘m generally happy au drab with Laura about but alone prefer au femme.  It reminds me of the Rabinical saying, a man is not a man without a woman.   But ED and my back injury made male sports and sexual activity as a top dangerous. I was actually hurt in missionary position and spent months in pain and recovery.  Laura isn’t that interested and I really don’t want another woman. She’s the best there is but sexually I could like a active male.  I feel I’ve taken care of everyone and feel I’d just like to lie back and think of England.  Especially as the media women have spent the last decades demonizing men while I feel I’ve done the heavy lifting, when compared to women without children.  Laura has children and is a grand mother and has always worked hard so she’s not one of the privilege elite feminists who stole the egalitarian movement to ‘get back at men’ and ‘to beat them’.  I’ve always been meritocracy and egalitarian only to see this NWO being a replay of Hitler’s and Lenin’s fringe politic revolutionary play book.  Tokenism.  So men are condemned in Canada by Trudeau politics and I feel afraid to be an old man.  Being a trans woman for an old guy means you’re ignored and more sidelined that the regular elderly but you can still be a voyeur. As an old man I see in the eyes of the young drug using Marxist males that I’m a free target. When the street people threatened my dog and my life there was no consequences . When the psychopathic female lawyer for money falsely accused me there was no ‘truth’ just ‘mob violence’.  The same as when the College of Physicians assistant head , said ‘women don’t lie about sex’ after I fired my assistant when she relapsed on crack, stole my office stuff and said I ‘sexually harassed her”.

I don’t think I’ve felt safe as a man since I watched a quadriplegic man totally invalided in a wheel chair humiliate and pilloried and so utterly abused by young greedy godless women claiming they were victims.  this is because he asked them to touch his balls when they cleaned him.  

I’m afraid of young people raised in Trudeau land.  The most unethical PM in history and he’s setting the moral and ethical codes and the Supreme Court is doing his bidding just like the media.  And of course the WEF and Communist China are call ing the shots.

Well I’m actually crazy when I let these thoughts take hold.  It’s not real. God is a loving God. The world is okay. I’ve got a great life with rent paid, food and clothing, a great dog and a beautiful loving friend in Laura and other friends in my immediate world and in a lifetime of blessings. I’m really grateful. I’m so thankful for my Ethiopian coffee beans, alone, not to mention that my work allows me to have the new iPhone 15 which is a delight and I’ve upgraded the go pro so i have ‘men toys’ and clothes and I have a. Harley I’d like to drive today.  It’s so easy let the mind slide to the negative side but I like the idea of the mind as a radio and one has to keep both hands on the God dial.

Thank you Jesus.