God

I talk to God everyday, in my head, to other, to God.  I believe in the beginning there was God, God the creator.  Not God and building blocks but God, primal, just God. From God came all. The One became many. I am part of the many now, going home. We say , we’re just walking each other home

There’s no race. I believe Jesus and Moses and maybe Buddha and who know maybe Mohammed , even Margaret Thatcher and Gandhi are waiting for us to come in. I loved the song Desperado, you’ve been out riding fences for too long.  

I dream some time of a great meeting place in the parallel life or after life.

Today is the ODAAT - one day at a time, carpe diem, be here now, practicing the prescense.  God is present, the gift. I’m present when I am grateful.  I love the Hound of Heaven, my God seeking is mirrored by God seeking me. We are running towards each other across a beach which itself is us. The Matrix and Tron.  The Beingness of life. That great Czek classic, the incredible lightness of being.  Moses asking the burning bush who he is. Yahweh. I am that is who I am .

I pray, Be still and know that I am God.  Be still and know that I am.   Be still and know that I.  Be still and know that.  Be still and know.  Be still and.  Be still.  Be.  I do it as round over and over agin.

Peace of mind.  

I remember him saying his mind was like a half fucked fox with it’s tail on fire in a chicken coup.  We laughed to hear him say that. Now my friends says his mind is a train station but he’s learned he doesn’t need to hop on every train.  I called it the Monkey Mind and thought of my mind as a ping pong game.

Anxiety is a measure of your distance from God, he told me. It’s equally a measure of your humanity. 

I just finished a Gentleman in Moscow by Towles.  It was a brilliant read reminiscent of the experience I had in my 20’s when I first encountered Somerset Maugham and Tolstoy.  I like to read.  But I like to participate too.  Watching tv and read are passive.  My life is active when I’m hunting sailing, working, communicating.  

I had planned to write novels.  I’ve stopped at writing blogs. I used to write poetry a lot more.  I played guitar a lot more.  Aging is a bit of loss.

I’ve worried recently about being known by one’s last play, this is who I am and yet I feel I peaked in high school.  It’s the body that no longer is a great lover, the drooping penis, the sagging breasts on the women my age and younger. The sadness of grief.

Thank you God