Friday, November 7, 2014

Night fears

It is good this minute.  The pains are minor.  No screaming cells. Only aches. Reminders.  The hair is white. Death awaits. The mind considers lack of pensions, lack of homes, failures, financial losses, the investments in love and real estate. All the sour deals.  Materialism, capitalism, feminism, sexism, racism, globalism. All the isms of an age.  I am afraid.  In the night I awake.  Afraid.  The darkness is dispelled with the flick of a switch.  Thoughts of cancer, of disease, of disability, of loneliness, of all the fears awoken by the site of a bug that lept from one human to another. Lice in this day and age.  Modern times.  In the seat of affluence.  So many drugs. So little self care. The delusions and illusions.  I’m awake.  I sip a Canada Dry.  Turn on a computer.  It takes time to remember God.  To remember the Good. To stand in the present. To know that here there is no fear. Now there is no fear.  All is well. All is well.  The child self has dreamt a night mare. I have been attached to this tragicomedy of life. I am he. I am he. Blessed spirit I am he.  Lord Jesus.  Holy Spirit come. I’ve been in the depth of abyss, in the horror. I am free. I am joy. I am free.  Lift up my eyes.  Sing a song of peace.  Awake to sleep.  I struggle with the fear, whack it over the head. Tell it to be gone. Get thee behind me Satan.  There is only Love.  Depression creeps in the pores but exhaling I am rid of the beast. Exhaling I am purified.  Rise up.  Rise up.  Sing a happy song.  Shout out. This too will pass.  Self soothe.  The panic a baits.  The heart rate calms. There is never anything to be that afraid of.  A myriad of scary images from tv and movies.  Imagination run amok.  Focus on nature. See the leaf and stars and breathe. Breathe more, slowly deeply.  Now consider returning to bed. Go back to sleep.  Dream of your mother and father.  Remember your family, friends and dogs.  Look to the positive. Search for the good.  Let go of the past.  Surrender to the love and peace. It is all around you, in and of everything. There is only Love.  Only love.

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