Admiral Angel likes to take the highest position in the cabin. When there's a bit of wind or she just wants to nap she prefers my sock cupboard/drawer a place where she weathered the worst of seas and several knockdowns on my winter sail down the coast to San Francisco and then across the Pacific to Hawaii. She was not impressed.
Another year and the Watches have been nominated and elected. Commodore Doherty continues her command of the motley crew of offshore sailors, the dreamers, doers and doners. Currents Magazine continues. Back on the Giri in the cold harbor I was glad to join the warmth and good cheer of sailors come together to maintain an institution that has served so many of us who have set out to cross big oceans in little boats. It was good to see Eric who has moved from Steveston's over to Poco Marine in Port Coquitlam. It's been nearly 8 years since Laura and I collected all the advertising revenues for Currents and the Directory. Since they've divided that job and hired people to fill the position we'd done voluntarily taking over from the volunteers before us. Good to see old faces. The internet site and message board are really doing well. Hopefully this year I'll make a rendezvous.
Alcoholics Anonymous Step 7 : Humbly Asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
The book Drop the Rock states "Let's fill that big self – centered hole in our being with spiritual usefulness…..we're taught in the Twelve Steps , the chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear. Mainly fear that we would lose something we already possessed or that we would fail to get something we demanded."
"F.E.A.R = Frustration, Ego,Anxiety and Resentment." Ibid
"The key ingredient in living the Seventh Step is humility…they have got down to their right size…Humility is understanding that they're worthwhile. It's the middle ground between extremes of grandiosity and intense shame. It's being our true selves. Humility for us means staying our right size – and remembering that we are as humble as we are grateful."
"For our definition we will use this idea from Sam Shoemaker: humility = gratitude."
"Humility is our acceptance of ourselves. …There exists within us, at all times, a Higher Power that is the builder of all successes and our comforter during times of trial."
"An aspect of humility that is often talked about at meetings is that of being teachable. If we are humble , we are open to new ideas and new ways of seeing things. Open mindedness is a very important part of humility. We don't know it all. There is still more we can learn. And maybe even more important, some we need to unlearn."
"Yet, how many of us in the Program aren't open to new ideas and thoughts? Especially after having been around for a while, how many do we see who continue to say and do the exact same things year after year? It seems that many of us resist a clear idea of humility so we don't have to conform to it."
"In the process of working the First through the Sixth Steps, I gained an ability to move through my fear and look toward God. I learned to talk honestly and openly in meetings and share my limits and fears with another human in an inventory. With the Seventh….it's suggesting that since I've done the groundwork, now is the time to "humbly" ask to change those things that stand in my way."
"I was used to arrogantly demanding spiritual enlightenment or groveling melodramatically for forgiveness…..Gentleness and patience were new to me."
"Another part of humility is service."
"The message in the Sixth and Seventh Steps produces other centeredness. We by the grace of God care less about ourselves and our fellows. In the words of Joe McQ:"We are born to help others."
"When we pass on recovery, we keep it. The spiritual paradox becomes an all determining reality for us…..Service becomes a way of life."
"If humility, being humble , is valuable to us , then we must learn to model it. Practice humility."
"What other values, spiritual and otherwise, do we hold and how do we demonstrate them? Have we examined closely the meaning and purpose of our lives. The Sixth and Seventh Steps are really asking us "What is important to us?" Here is where we have to get to the basics."
"What is the value in our life? How is our life giving meaning to others? Are we helping? Are we part of the solution or part of the problem? How does it show? How is our Higher Power part of our life and how does it show? What value do we give to spirituality and how does it show?From the answers to these questions comes our ability to share, give, act and practice humility."
Quotations from Drop the Rock, Removing Character Defects, Steps Six and Seven, by Bill P., Todd W. Sara S. Hazelden Books, 2005 p 54 to 64
Tom was by to winterize his boats. Some settle for a single light being left on. This alone may be sufficient to stop freezing in the pipes. The boat is in ocean water but still the condensation is a problem. Electric de humidifiers that draw very little electric power are a common solution, the most popular and one I've used is the little silver flying saucer type that sits flush on the floor. Tom's a fan of the one light bulb whereas we've both used the space heater on lowest, one of the kind with the automatic off switch if knocked over.
Over in my boat where I've got the diesel Dickinson heater going along with the radiator space heater I offered Tom coffee. I'd just bought fudge at the great Lonsdale market so we pigged out on that and mandarin oranges. He told me he'd been out east helping his father, then with JD working on JD's plane and back himself in Chilliwack fixing the engine on his Jaguar. I lamented bilge pump and propane water heater tales and we chatted about the Anglican apostate debate for a bit before playing some tricks on the cat whose convinced a moving hand under a blanket just has to be a mouse.
Now it's cold. In the morning despite the frost everywhere I opted to take the motorcycle trusting the main streets to be clear. They were but the windchill was the worst yet. Despite having the thermal Harley winter gloves my hands were really chilled driving. My friend Ed rides about on his Honda sport bike in long shorts. He's a big hearted guy but this is extreme riding weather. I love the Harley leather jacket with liner and have my cowboy chaps over the jeans and Harley boots with helmut but still it's cold.
At night the boat despite electric heaters and diesel stove was drafty and took a long time to heat up once I got the diesel lit adding to the electric heat. I'm having to rethink winter sailing. Anchoring is going probably going to be cold so it's likely going to be a marina with electricity in Nanaimo, Salt Spring or Victoria. The weather has been bad down south and I really don't want to get into any heavy sailing though the Strait's protected waters are a bath tub compared to the open coast I've sailed in winters gone by. Maybe I'm getting older or just wiser but I don't find any joy in unnecessary risk. That said, winter sailing is exquisite in the gulf islands. There's very few boats, marinas and anchorages are quiet and the views of ;ristine snow capped mountains are simply extraordinary.
The 2010 tourists would add a whole lot to their visit here taking the time to get out on the water in any number of rental options available from Vancouver or Victoria. I know Whistler and Blackcomb are the draw but the sailing in English Bay any time of the year on a clear day is elegance personified. I love meeting the dolphins in the islands and have simply gloried in the whales around the San Juans. There and north I've had them passing under my boat or surfacing alongside to take a peek at me in the cockpit awestruck by their size and majesty. Seeing a grizzly catching salmon along the shore is one of my fondest memories while eagles are always around somewhere. There screeching cries almost infant like often being heard before they're spotted soaring above or landing in the evergreens along the water.
I sure am looking forward to getting out on the water. And fishing. Catching some cod or salmon and maybe even getting some crab would be fun . I'm rather lazy as a fisherman though and prefer to just troll a hook while I have coffee and try to keep an eye out for big ships which really can make themselves a nuisance insisting that you move out of their way.
It's cold here but when I think of cold I think of Winnipeg, the windy city where the temperature can routinely drop below 40 below but the windchill makes walking seem like one's doing 80k on a motorcycle. Then there was London England where the heaters were on meters and as poor tourists we had to make choices between lots of heat or sweaters and woolens so we could take in another play or dine out on fish and chips. Of course there's the fly in doctor days in the north. Mostly then I was well dressed for the cold like I am when I'm skiing at Whistler or up cross country skiing on Cypress. The cold I remember was doing a rescue run across the tundra and going through the ice with the ski doo. Walking miles with my native guide, the two of us frozen in wet clothes was a miserably cold affair though saving a life at the end of the journey was heart warming. Certainly hanging outside on ski lifts at the end of a day wet and tired with some windchill happening can be right up there with motorcycling cold. My friend Kirk and I still think our parents would collectively be investigated for child abuse for sending us off to school in Winnipeg winters. Back visiting my time in Mexico and Saipain and his time in California had softened both of us up so we couldn't walk across the school grounds without being horrified that we did this when we were six. We were bundled like mummies but nonetheless it's a moonscape on a cold day in bleak January there. We played hockey outside. No wonder the greatest hockey players came from Canada in those days before indoor rinks. If you survived into adulthood playing hockey outdoors you were tough. Kirk and I probably opted for gymnastics because it was indoors.
The cat has tunneled into my sock drawer. It's where she hid in bad weather out on the coast and crossing the ocean. It's her own warm and padded cell. She's rather pleased with herself now she has her own little nest back. I'm probably going to have to buy some socks for my own use, she wails if I take any of hers.
It's only cold boat and motorcycle weather. All the land 'normies' in cars and such think these are the best of days, sunny , without rain, and the walk from car to car or outside shop to shop is to them at best "brisk". Now there's a lot to be said for central heating and alright since the weather is supposed to be really cold tomorrow too, maybe I'll take the truck.
I took my motorcycle to church on Sunday despite the cold. Father Matthew Johns, a handsome, open, pleasant young man greeted me outside the entrance to St. James Anglican Church at 303 East Cordova Street,( Vancouver, BC V6A 1LA (tel. 604 685 2532. Web: www.stjames.bc.ca ). A block long line up for the hotmeals served next door in the catholic mission to the poor was weaving its way along the street. You could see your breath in the morning chill. Enterring this anglo-catholic church late for old high mass was a heart warming experience. It's a great building of wood and tradition. The choir was richly singing the Canticle as I took my seat a few minutes late for the 11.15 opening.
I love the liturgy of the old church. It connects me to thousands of years of worship the world over. The ideas of newer schisms and splits from the church are refreshing and enriching to my spirit but there's still something in the old that speaks to my soul. St. James is that. Incense and ritual.
Yet Father Mark Greenaway-Robbins sermon was as fresh as new minted coin. Picking up on the reading of Malachi 3 he spoke to each of us individually asking what trials and testing were we experiencing in our lives. Were they 'grief, addiction, pain, mental illness, loneliness, memories we wanted healed?" he asked. He described 'testing as normal in the Christian life but "it is not to destroy or to punish but for refinement, purification and sanctification." He said it wasn't you that was being tested but "your faith". "The refiner's fire is also called the 'furnace of adversity'. Malachi said, "He will be a purifier of silver, and he will purify the descendants of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, until they present offerings to the Lord in righteousness." First Peter of the New Testament carried forward to image of the Refiner's fire." Not ironically the strength of our faith is what is always 'tested' and the 'tests' speak to our own humility and closeness and desire for God.
Following the Sermon and peace there was Eucharist, the sharing of blood and body of Jesus, that primitive barbaric ritual which reminds us of our roots, when God came to earth, we killed him, so to speak, cannibals that we are evolved from despite the highest claims of Darwin. Our past is murky with impurity. Stripped away of the dross though we each are God's children sharing in the light of creation. I remembered that on my knees and for a moment was wafted back to the trust I had for my mother and father who in their own way trusted in this day.
All my on self centered fears stand between me and God.
I was thankful I'd attended church this day to hear about the 'refiner's fire' and the 'furnace of adversity' thinking of my trials as testing. I'm more likely to think of God as the cannibal and me in the soup and him tasting the broth but when I think like that life is made unpleasant. It's also called projection. I'm the child, or creature, and God is the creator and really has brought me thus far safely.
Sam Shoemaker the Anglican minister who early influenced and was influenced by the 12step program AA, said "humility is gratitude". It's hard to feel grateful for a spicier broth but I can feel positive if the hot water I'm in is not only cleansing me but testing my faith which remains strong despite my Kelvin sensitivities.
At the Dug Out later it was good to see my friend Julie back from the wars of addiction. She and another had gone out and suffered again the ravages of abuse, experiencing the paranoia and chaos that came with the false promise of "fun". "I remembered how good I felt sober and how I'd done it once so I came back and now I want to stay. I want to have real friends and a purpose in life. I don't want to waste it in the lies of drugs and alcohol." She said.
She'd always been an inspiration, years sober and doing major service for others until one day something rocked her world and she lost her faith and ran back to the darkest corner of the cave where she found no solace and remembered she had friends now. It was good to see her strong in the spirit.
Al told me another of his jokes, "The intoxicated photographer says 'isolation ' is where he develops the negatives of his soul." After that Ed and I compared our Honda motorcycles, he has the sport version of my enduro. We sang the praises of motorcycle mobility and parking in a crowded city. "But it's a lesson in focus….you can't be thinking about fears and resentments, yesterday or tomorrow. It's a lesson in staying in the present." Right now the motorcycle is God's refiner's fire for me. If I don't keep focused it hurts.
I'm thankful for Father Greenaway-Robbin's teachings about the 'furnace of adversity' and God's love reminding me of my parents teachings which among other things contributed to my diaper training. Too bad I realize these things just this side of Depends.
Antonnio Banderas and Emma Thompson star in this extraordinarily moving political thriller directed by Christopher Hampton. It tells the story of just one of the families of the 30,000 who "disappeared" during the military dictatorship of Argentina 1976 to 1983 Amnesty International keeps a record of those "politically disappeared" around the world. The movie was brilliantly compassionately acted. Such drama. The loss of family and the search for them. The lucky ones found alive, the others 'hidden' in mass graves or dropped far out at sea. It's despicable how power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. But the movie despite the horror and suspense, the danger and drama, has such depth and hope. It's inspiring.
And just today I was envying the people who never question authority but live their lives like 'happy cabbages', the term a friend calls them. Movies like this help to remind me that life isn't just consumerism. If we don't remember, as the Jews keep alive the memory of Auschwitz and the Nazi terror, then without vigilance we're doomed to see history repeat itself.
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