Death Cafes

I heard on the radio of a new old idea. People are getting together for coffee to discuss death. It might sound macabre at first but it’s philosophically ancient and uplifting. In Medieval days there was even the notion of a 'good death'.  This was before 'physician assisted suicide'.  A 'good death' was about the completion of a 'good life' . This was before the age of amorality.  Relative truth was not a thing of the day and death was considered an absolute.
So many people live today ‘lives of quiet desperation’.  So much depends on our perspective.  The first path of the Noble Truth 8 fold path of Buddhism is 'right view.'  There is a certainty about the relativity of perspective. But there is also the perspective  of the future too.  No one knows.  The pseudoscientists and materialists ever loud as children would have you believe as they do.  But death has no simple answer and each view has it’s own unique reward and loss.
I believe in death as a time of transition.  There is ‘afterlife’ for me just as there is ‘morning after’ when I go to sleep. So far I’ve not ‘died in my sleep.’  Not that I know of.  Not that I would know either. This is 'belief'.  This is an 'idea'.  Even the great Houdini apparently didn't 'escape death' as he said he would.
The epistemology of knowing is itself frought with constant hazard.  Naturally knowing death, a purely private and subjective matter distinct from the public and objective event is too.  I’ve held the dying and felt the end of the body with relative certainty.  The works of Psychiatrist Dr. Moody about Near Death Phenomena and later works quoted by Neurosurgeon Dr. Eben Alexander in Proof of Heaven even challenge the notion of the ‘time’ of death.  As physicians we once used the idea of the death of the heart and loss of pulse and EKG reading, but with EEG advances Brain Death, where available,  has been used as ‘best time of death’ practice.
This is a long way from the days when one felt air around the nostrils and if it wasn’t moving declared a person dead.  Fakirs and yogis long ago developed methods of slowing breathing and heart to the point of ‘appearing’ dead with the subsequent apparent miracle of reanimation.  However even today there are those who have ‘revived’ after being declared ‘brain dead’ and that certainly challenges our ‘cutting edge’ perceptions of the simple ‘timing’ of death.  Science continues to expand our knowledge of the ‘event phenomena’.
What counts most is whether one believes death is a permanent or temporary end.  Is consciousness tied to the body and brain. Is there instead as Socrates believed a distinct body and soul separation, the joining of which occurs in this life whereas death releases the prisoner soul to rise or travel on.  Neuroscientist Dr. Mario de Beuregaard in his book Spiritual Brain does a superb job of debunking the prevailing myths of consumer society and the propaganda of "he who has the most toys wins".  He studied Carmelite Nuns meditating with PET Scans and showed the extreme ecstatic capacity inherent in the process which defies the reductionist egotism of the ultimately fearful.
Time is even a working principle but something which studied more in depth becomes the thing of Einstien and the perception of the "now'.
The Mathematician philosopher Pascal postulated a gamblers approach to belief in god which might well apply to belief in afterlife.  He said that if there was no god and one believed in God there was indeed no loss. However if there was a God and one believed in God there was a potential considerable win.  Not believing in an infinite possibility would by Pascals reasoning be an overwhelming loss.  "Pascal’s Wager" has gone down in history as one of the simplest approaches to positive thinking.
It’s challenged however by the Neitziean Superman complex who would do acts in life for which they’d not want potential consequence in afterlife. The very idea of a relationship between present life and after life is a posit itself.  The Superman who makes his own rules and lives without the restraint of the world might still be hampered by the ‘still small voice’ which somehow disturbs the sleep of the Caligula’s of the world.  Addicts and alcoholics who have done ‘monstrous’ things and tried to ‘numb’ themselves and overcome the ‘anxiety’ and ‘insomnia’ and ‘nightmares’ which accompany the obscene and offensive, don’t seem to find enough ‘sedation’ and seem haunted desperately desiring a subjective certain end to their own miserable existence. It’s not surprising that many world leaders even today involve themselves in philanthropy in later life not just for tax havens but rather to expiate guilt about earlier transgressions.  The Mob was notorious for it’s support of children’s hospitals.
Death being an end would appeal most to those most guilty whereas those most worthy might well have nothing to fear of an afterlife. Prevailing theories commonly might reflect the morality of an individual as much as unbiased observation.
Certainly world leaders and the elite might fear the afterlife and hoarding wealth this life seek immortality by any medical means.  The advances in stem cell research and body part transplants is not driven by the young as much as it is by the old and wealthy whose behaviour might in this life time be considered suspect.  They do not seem to wish to meet their maker quickly in the eyes of those who lack wealth or such choice.
Amazing Grace, the great testimony, written by a hardened slave dealer contains the memorable phrase, "I once was lost but now I”m found.'  The end of life 'conversion' is so common as to be a thing of movies and stories.
 The young have been given visions of glory and virgins with death to entice them to do the will of the old who cling to life fearing death.  Do they know more or by the way that they lived missed out on the life that sees some walk peacefully to their ends as if fulfilled. Thomas wrote the great poem for his father, "do not go gentle into that still night."  
How one lives superficially, fearfully or in depth, passionately, might well ‘fill’ one with respect to life that one is ‘ready’ for death whereas another might be ‘frantic’ and ‘lost’ at the prospect.  So many people live lives like ‘happy cabbages’ not ‘aware’ and seemingly distracted repeatedly say before death ‘if I’d only known”.
Jesus taught ‘be watchful’.  His parable of keeping the lamps lit speaks to the same message as the Buddha's which was to "be awake" .  Today's image of the 'zombie " is a contrast to the spiritual direction of the wisdom teachers.  Richard Rohr describes the wisdom fathers as generally teaching that this world is one of people asleep, sleep walker.   Dr. Scott Peck described it as a kindergarten for the soul.
What metaphor rules ones life, i.e. that life is a journey, a bowl of cherries, a place of suffering, a waiting for Godot, whatever,  defines the ultimate meaning one gives to death and may well create the nature of existence itself. The Secret and the Law of Attraction suggests that there comes a time where our very thoughts manifest our actual reality. This isn’t necessarily so or without discipline of mind but might well be an explanation for death.  Is one ever ‘ready’ for death.
Talking with a WWI vet who survived the trenches and countless opportunities for death, he told me once quite simply, " we all knew ’the bullet must have our name on it.'”  There’s the whole issue of ‘freewill versus fate’. The shallow 21st century opportunist speaks eloquently of genetics and ‘determinism’ but cranks out ‘selfies’ like the next one. The 'selfie' is the ultimate facile seeking of some form of timelessness or immortality.
The idea that ‘no praise, and no blame’ goes with fate is alien to this millennial culture which wants ‘all praise, and no blame’ no different from my OO7 culture which wanted a ‘license’ to kill because we all have ‘freedom’ to kill but don’t wish the ‘consequences’ that come with 'freedom'.  Death is a consequence.  Hence the success of the insurance agencies and all the silliness of individuals to sacrifice so many rights and freedoms for ‘safety’ as an ultimately illusory goal.
Life is temporal.
But is death different?  Again is it temporal or permanent?
I applaud the return of ‘death cafes’ . Can one truly celebrate life without discussion of death.  The whole cultural art forms of the zombie, vampire and the living dead suggest we cannot.  Might we not in kind embrace the angels if we shed some light on death rather than leave it to the nether regions.

Seventh Step Prayer

I enjoyed reading in Richard Rohr's "Breathing Underwater" that it was unlikely that a person, who was being rewarded materially and fully engaged in a superficial life with all the positive experiences of early attachment to that which can become addicting, would look deeper.  This is why youth seem clever but appear to lack wisdom which comes more slowly with maturity.  The 'education' process gives a great deal of 'intellectual' material which is most helpful and not really 'questioned' until there is a 'reversal' or 'set back'. 
I've prayed and meditated all of my life.  I was raised Christian and the prayer traditional was a central part of my childhood and youth. Later as a student of Paramahansa Yogananda I studied meditation and meditated.  Later in analytic work and philosophy I questioned my own 'ideas', thoughts and 'counter transference'.  The whole issue of personality and character were part of my training in psychiatry. 

The Seventh Step Prayer found in the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous addresses the issue of 'character'.  Television has superficial personalities but 'character' is a deeper developmental process with much of the basis laid down by the end of youth.  Habitual ways of relating to the world and other individuals are found in the depth of character assessment.  In diseases of addiction there are certain ways of thinking and relating which serve to perpetrate the alcoholism.

In contrast to what every alcoholic tends to think, that is "if you had my problems, you'd drink too', the journey of self discovery through the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous reframes this into the truer form which goes "If you create problems like I do, you must drink too", or "If you didn't create the problems I do, you wouldn't have an excuse to drink".

The Seventh Step Prayer goes as follows:

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.  Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do your bidding.Amen".

A fine prayer for me.  Under duress when life is not 'running' as smoothly as I feel it should I'm glad today to look under the hood and see if I can improve things by changing filters and tweaking matters a mite. (or more).  

Dinner with John, Jim, Rita and Helen

The lamb was cooked to perfection.  Appropriate fare for the Easter season.  But the conversation of these two greats was enthralling like I suppose the "last supper" might have been or other dinner parties reaching for that 'upper room' transcendence.  (I imagine were  I  in the 'upper room' it would have been as server at best.  Here I felt privileged and honoured to listen mostly to the wise, kicking myself whenever I stumbled to comment, choking on words, coughing and spluttering, needing a glass of water to complete a sentence.  All were so calm and centred, having such faith in the Lord.  While I was like the proverbial doubting thomas, afraid)
Arriving late I entered on the conversation about psychoanalysis and spiritual growth.
"We had our backs against the wall with the logical positivists, but Lewis was also concerned about the psychoanalysts.  Freud was rejecting the Old Testament and Neitze was outright killing God." said Jim.
"I think Freud was doing that but not consciously.  Pretty much single handed he re invented the unconscious but had places in his own he dare not go" said John.
"Yes, he saw it as an abyss he feared falling down into."
As we moved to the table for dinner we learned of Rita's inspirational work with a woman who'd been unable to connect with her mother but now knowing Rita she was finding herself.
"I think we're entering a new dark age. " Jim said and went on to explain what he meant.  He told a story about a wise man who faced with a man who said he was  a staticician and a psychologist said, "So that makes you a pornographer"  Shocked the young man asked why, "Because you promise everything but deliver nothing."
This was central to the devolution of society today.  The expulsion of Jesus today following the killing of God in the last generation left only the surface of things.
Talking of therapy John described the difficulty with trust that the young experienced.  "There is no intimacy.  Everyone is afraid."
 When Rita asked Jim to tell the truth about Christianity, he answered, "Well, it's like a ship.  It's been around too many seas too long and it's picked up too many barnacles.  It's wallowing low in the water."
"What's to be done?"
"It needs to get into a dry dock and have the barnacles cleaned off. That's what needs to be done!."
Helen described her coming to Christ in the forests of Papua New Guinea.  The tale was one of being lifted and carried.  John had often spoken with us of his own conversion as falling into the hands of God.  I could only say that I was forever struggling and running away only to be caught again by God's infinite love.  I imagine myself more like Jonah than other characters in the Bible.  Jim spoke of faith though the words he used were varied and beautiful.  I know from times past that 'personhood' and 'relational' are two of his favourite.
John discoursed on Kierkegaard.  He and Jim discussed his works on Love, Jim recommending Sylvia Walsh's "Kierkegaard, Thinking Christianly in an Existential Mode."  I'd only read his Suffering unto Death, but rememberedit as Myth of Sisyphus.  John corrected me by pointing out that Myth of Sysyphus wasn't Kierkegaard.  It was Camus whose conversations I'm indeed reading and Camus is discussing Kierkegaard's existential angst, the anxiety of existence.
"That's his mature work, " offered Jim.  "He speaks to the despair in this world".
John spoke of "Denial of Death", quoting from Ernest Becker, expressing the anxiety our aging population is feeling deprived of God and Jesus but facing in consequence a personal abyss
Jim spoke of 'embodiment'.  I had to ask him what he meant.
"It's what we do with our bodies as well as everything else."
"Jesus was fully human and fully divine but never sinned" added John
" I personally want a face lift and given what you said earlier, Jim, about the failure of promises, I believe there's not going to be enough plastic surgery to satisfy my needs and the public health care system isn't going to be able to give me the youth and immortality I want. We're an aging culture that worships youth. "

"It's about lust rather than love." said Jim.
"It's all the working out and body beautiful and health and exercise," added Helen.  "To what end?"
The conversation then turned to Charles Taylor.  Jim quoted his writing.  John hadn't read him but wrote down his name to add to his already vast reading.  I sometimes think that Jim and John between them are Milton and have read all the books of the world that have anything to do with renaissance of spirit
"He's a brilliant Canadian philosopher, " said Jim.
"I'm reading his "The Secular Age".  I quipped.  (I didn't add that I'm reading Macdonald's Flashman historical novel series with Flashman the most imperfect character.)
A discourse followed on secularity and modernity and loss of substance.
Both Jim and John waxed poetic together about Richard Rohr.  They were talking about the spirituality the world today was searching for. I knew Richard Rohr had written Breathing Under Water, Spirituality and the Twelve Steps.  I couldn't say I'd read him yet but offered that the 12 steps began with the example of Jesus.
There followed a discussion of the image of God as Servant King, Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, Jesus being anonymous, the prodigal son, and how this was so different from the great Gods of religion.  Here was God as man helping man and a spirituality that wasn't other only ,but as Jim said, involved "embodiment'.
"I really think that embodiment is the challenge of Christianity today, embodiment in all it's dimensions.  Paul spoke to this in his reference to the church.
Helen added, "Jesus said , this is my body."
Jim shared that he thought that the death of Jesus began in the Upper Room that night
Helen spoke to the woman washing his  feet with fine perfume.
There were silences at that table.  Great poignant spaces followed John's sharing his experiences of healing.  Jim talked of his son's desire to create a business corporate model that celebrated highest in humanity rather than the reductionism so characteristic of the modern workplace.
I'd shared I'd never have become a physician if I knew one day I'd be called a 'health care worker'.  Everything is so functionary.  Charles wrote of the disenchantment of modern times.
Jim described John's healing as flowing from his own embodiment of this and Helen spoke with hope of the joy she saw in the work she did in her church.
Rita laughed.  When her face lit up with light I felt like we were just little children and her smiles showed when we' 'got it' .  Her memory for details was slipping but her knowledge of what was truly important seemed way ahead of us all.  Jim helped Rita on with her coat and the two walked out into the night, holding each other.
As we all were leaving we hugged John thanking him for an unforgettable evening.