Dark Morning

It’s dark outside. I woke at 530 am, Darkness,  Now it’s 730 am and there’s some light in the southern sky. 

I read social media and news. Epoch and Tucker, Facebook, Instagram and X.  I felt tired and depleted after that. I’d woken from dreams of being with friends.  Kayaking at the beach ,  Community. I loved seeing Art,  He’s a reserve Air Force colonel,  He became excited showing me a transport plane he was cleared for,  I know the feeling of having larger boats gives me, The increased sense of power but I do like the nimbleness of my Vespa today,

There are two sides to me, Anima and Animus,  Vespa and Harley.  The Vespa takes me back to when I loved to cycle everywhere but the Harley is part of my Ford F350 truck and trailers.  I supposed I long these days for both a house and parking lot and my simple truck and camper,  

I do identify with the idea of ‘twin spirited’.  Yet the bible bemoanss the double minded.  I’m clearly wanting God, I meditated today on my rekatiuonbship, I read of the fellow who talked to God driving to work, He called that meditation,  Prayer to me is talking to God ,  Meditation listening,  Today I repeated the word OM as I sat mindful of my breath., My mind would flit to various thoughts and scenarios and I’d bring it back, I liked wherein the circle of light formed in my mind dnd I thought of times past as I explored this ‘may the circle be unbroken’. Moment. Other times I counted flaming numbers in my mind, I was creative in days past,

Today there is just today. Memories are just that. I’m in my routine and slowly progressing.  I’m not pulled or pushed and certainly not in a hurry.  I was once so driven.  Today I’m not in a rush.  I might even develop some patience,  I will know God today in your actions and ny actions and the unfolding of the day,

I prayed to be sober and alert, I like the parable of the candles and waiting for the master’s return,  

That’s another part of me I miss, the hippy.  God seeking hippy.

Probably these thoughts are coming to mind as the war between Russia and Ukranie is stirred up by outgoing Biden regime,  Politics is draining,  All these people wasting lives.  Malthus.  War and plague.  

I miss dancing too. I become whistful about past activity.

My circle of friends is narrowed. I’m not nearly as active. I walk the dog.  When the Jets were taken out of the whirlpool I stopped going there and swimming at the same time. I thought to do that today.  

A part of me is in limbo waiting to head south,  Long hours of driving.,  Great views, Challeges.  Adventure. I’d just as soon drive across Canada but the snow makes driving a truck with a camper a bit too challenging, The attraction of the south is heat and sunshine. I’m uncertain whether to head for Rasarori or Algadores.  I hope to stop in LA on the way south so I can cvisit some art galleries, I’ve been enjoying the impressionists,  I’m reading the history and lives like someone might read the stories of rock stars,  I’m a bit of a groupy that way.

Tonight I’m seeing and hearing thee VSO performa Stravinsky.  I pick up Laura at 6.

There’d s meeting at noon,.  

I certainly could make a run to the storage locker to drop things off but that could wait till tomorrow There’s some work I could do, phone calls to be made.  I’m also enjoying the thriller I’m reading and could do a litttle read and nap on thee couch with a nearby cup of coffee,

It’s a fairly blank slate I ask myself how best I can fill in the spaces.  I do a lot in spurts, I’ve done a week of work some days even more than 8 hours and gone out a couple of times to clinics, It’s the off time I’ve been questioning,. I’ve completed a variety of government forms and licenses, I rely on a PO Box and the mail strike is certainly negatively affecting my business and Christmas preparation,  Peter has a private mail service and I m now seeing the merit in that. Mail should be an essential service if I’m considered an essential service.  I filled out he new dog travel to the US form and received the receipt.  That was a coup.  Madigan’s need for eye drops alerted me to the new border crossing regulations, 

I’n enjoying Elon Musk’s progress on Sarship and his complaints about government overreach and cover regulations.  I feel the weight of government especially the WEF ditactor want to be Trudeau and all the totalitarian moves with censorship and communist chinese involvement in our elections and government. Indeed the media emphasis is irritating.  I’m seduced into their pet peeves and the propaganda invades like rats,  I know it’s Friday.

I’m Alive, I’ve food and shelter heat and safety and purpose and plans and family and friends, I’m blessed.  I’m grateful. Thank you God for this day.