Morning December

I don’t know why I woke up at 3 30 am.  It’s a favourite time for wakening.  Usually, when I do, I pee and go back to sleep.  Last night I didn’t. My dreams were fond, my brother and I by the lake.  Hiking.  Often I dream of people who have passed. The other world seeming closer. Other times I dream of the special peninsula where there’s a kind of spiritual gathering.  I’m thankful for the positive dreams, the messages from beside or from insider. The dream , the royal road to the the unconscious or the overlap with a parallel universe in the multiverse.

I tried to go back to sleep and just kept wakening. This happens but rarely. I looked at FB and then read the western I was reading. Then I downloaded a spiritual text and got distracted by the division in the church described so headed over to Safari to look for a discussion of this division. All spiritual and secular organizations have their divisions and these are more interesting now.  It’s amazing how anything stays together given ego and divisiveness. Herding people like herding cats.  So much for sheep.

I’m waiting a bit to die. Wondering what to do when I grow up.  Have a lifetime to reflect on , have ambivalent thoughts about how I’ve used my time on this earth.  What I’ve taken pride in now causes me wonder.  

I see the leadership do the exact opposite of what we are given to believe. Like a soldier who gets a bravery medal from a cowardly leader, I feel I’m in a similar situation. I have to assess my own life in the light of wisdom.  My father told me, never volunteer. I volunteered. I put myself forward.  I was transparent. I sacrificed. I served.  Now I learn that ‘every man for himself’ and ‘survival of the fittest’ are the measurements today.  I look at the words and actions of people and see a tremendous incongruence.

I consider my own insecurity.  

I increasingly don’t know, go through the motion. Read the words ‘anguishing monotony’ in relation to the world. Meanwhile I was enjoying the ‘routine’ and ‘mediocre’, tired of others drama and even weary of my own. Escape. Participate.

Virtue of necessity.

i care for Gilbert, a blind dog with an injured back.  It’s reason to live. That and a plant by the sink I just watered again today.  Family, friends and all else seem fine but not enough to stop me from beaming up if I was called upon to join the Rapture or save the intergalactic universes from invasion by Vorgon Borg Communist Bureaurcrats, a kind of slug creature with endless hot air and a fascination with covering their anus while walking about ignorant of the exposure of their minute misshapen genitalia.
I’ve no reason recently to ride a white stallion with armor which would have to be very light and not cause me any more concern with gravity.  Aging is not for the youth.  

I’m grateful and thankful but feel I’m just going through the motions. I did exercises today. Ate breakfast will dress and be the ‘good boy’. Working for the bad boy.  Looking at the bad girl on the cover of Time.  It’s the rain and darkness.

I feel invigorated by the sun.  I am a different person once I suit up. I’ve shaving and showering to do and then will rise to the occasion of the day.  I don’t feel tired just a bit despondent. It’s always better as I go through the motion despite the desire to return to bed. I have no really better alternative.

I am in God’s waiting room. Thy will be done not my will.  Maybe the second cup of coffee will be inspiring. There’s a certain lack of inspiration, a lack of variety, an ennui.  I feel disconnected. I have this at times. The derealizations and depersonalizations.  The knowledge that escape has never worked and the Borg seem always overpowering. City Hall with all it’s men that can’t put humpty together again.

It’s glorious really. This season. Waiting on the coming of the king.  The baby Jesus.  

I’m in the dying day and light of the year. A cold full moon promised today.  I’d rather be walking naked on a beach in the south looking back at my boat anchored in harbour dreaming of mermaids and friendly aliens from distant worlds.  

Thank you Lord for the flowers and colours.  The coffee and ice creams and chocolate were a special treat. The girls were pretty. The men strong. The.dogs such a wonder and the cats so much entertainment.  It’s Christmas season.  There needs to be bonfire and lovers who leap across the fires now not waiting till the spring solstice.  I remember standing about fires in parkas outside igloos. The northern lights were beatuful ,better than tv.  Like classical music. The skies royal symphony.  Thank you Jesus.