Thursday, February 18, 2010

Genius: the Hidden Handicap

Finally Genius has been listed as a compensatable disabity. For long this hidden handicap has excluded it's sufferers from advancement in government or institutions. It's naturally excluded them from participation in politics. Excluded by the mediocre, geniuses have been often forced to work for paranoid megalomaniacs and sometimes the just plain stupid. Otherwise they have suffered severe poverty or been made inmates of jails, though more commonly, asylums.

Wanting to find peace as a cure for war or a means to save mankind from disease, they have as often as not been required to develop weapons of mass destruction and create diseases for the mercantile benefits of stupid bullies.

Now geniuses will be able to carry a card designating them as disabled. Designation will allow them to have access any number of government jobs previously limited by quota to various other designated minorities. As an extreme minority, long bullied and persecuted by the majority, geniuses will finally be able to have equal access to work and advancement in the work place.

In addition they will have parking passes allowing them to park their big brains in otherwise big brain non parking zones. They will be allowed to park in all original parking areas not usually designated as such but just waiting for the extreme creativity of normal genius.

Finally geniuses will be exempt from the dirty looks and overt eye rolling discrimination that they normally get when asked what they're doing and they respond, thinking. In a feeling and doing culture hell bent on destruction, creative thinking will no longer be judged inferior and useless. Imagination will even be allowed in experimental situations that have non military applications.

As genius is a matter of opinion, given the political abuse of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association, the cultural and political biases of majority rule applied to existing IQ tests such as WAIS and Raven, future genius designation will be decided by a quotient of dog sniffs divided by cat huffs factored over baby gurgles times the nods of a long demented adult for the time it takes for an average egg to boil at sea level during a lunar eclipse.

Geniuses will further be immune from 'unreasonable expectations' and phrases such as 'somebody as smart as you should be able to regularly floss now, shouldn't they?" A number of such political incorrect phrases will be identified and individuals using them will be open to being brought before a panel of geniuses who will decide what appropriate 're-education" is indicated for the offending members.

Genius insensitivity classes will be held and those who would rather be reading Cosmopolitan or Sports Today will be required to leave their televisions and busy hair dresser schedules and pay to listen to Bach, hear what Einstein had to say about r atomic matter, while speeches by Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha and Newton will be recorded simultaneously with episodes of Simpsons and played backwards by teen age DJ's. Discovery Channel homework will be mandatory along with select PBS viewing. None of this information will ever be relevant to their work as airport security guards, government censors, guidance counsellors and administrators in general, along with others most likely to be politically incorrect, but will give otherwise unemployed geniuses opportunities to develop genius propaganda for future decimination at government expense the masses. The reading of the Song of Songs will be required for all evangelicals and reading of the Little Prince will be mandatory for military personell

Universities, long an institution given to expelling genius for activities like Godiva Rides, Political Rioting, and pranks such as hanging VW Bugs off Bridges, streaking through dormitories of other genders and presidential offices, various forms of political incorrectness, and general creativity and imaginative use of University years, will be required to have a Department of Genius. This deparment will study genius, self aggrandise genius, destroy all idea of genius as universities generally do to any subject and finally give tenure to anyone who has to date never been tenured at an academic facility despite having completed excessive training and received multiple grades.

Those who have successful patents without attendance at learning institutions will also get honorary degrees from the Department of Genius. Graduation will be accompanied by an unmanned space flight, a cash grant and their own personal yoga mat and prayer shawl. Parents will be asked to stop wailing ," why couldn't my child be normal". "If only you were normal, you wouldn't be in all the trouble you've been." Parents will finally be thankful to have a genius as children.

The motto of genius is "One and half steps since one step ahead of the crowd makes you a leader, while two steps ahead you're doomed a martyr"

Classes in how not to appear smart and how to dumb down will be part of the special education package instituted for genius at an early age. At an early age genius will be specifically taught how to talk to parents, teachers, ministers, policemen, judges, psychiatrists and government officials in general so as not to 'threaten' them. Videotapes of stupid people will be included in remedial class room materials so that geniuses who don't learn sufficient lessons watching others, the tv , especially the soap operas, news and sports networks, will be prepared for the future and not be blamed individually for the gross inadequacy of present day education systems dominated by teachers from kindergarden on who like those who are like themselves, ie stupid. Geniuses are early identified by those neglected or given negative attention by teachers, unless of course the teacher is a genius trying to disguise themselves to avoid working in a bank.

Drama of the Gifted Child by Ms. Miller will be required reading for all teachers while parents will be allowed to have black market copies of the Omnipotent Child by the Mr. Miller.

Thanks to the new legislation, Genius will no longer be associated with increased increased morbidity and early mortality. Further more geniuses will be able to reproduce when women of reproductive age see geniuses portrayed equally in tv shows and ads, geniuses themselves being allowed to freely run ads for genius.

Hollywood will finally be required to have a Genius category at the Oscars. Best genius actor and actress qualities and movie with most genius will go along way to making amends for the countless geniuses that have died of suicide or homicide as a consequences of watching movies, feeling themselves utterly alienated, or being killed by those who know that the world doesn't in general care for genius. Another genius dead would likely get no more attention than the loss of an endangered swamp beetle despite the fact that genius has never been more endangered than it has now in recent global and economic times.

A new 'Stupidity' quotient will air along side the Dow Jones Average, Weather and Pig Stock prices so that geniuses can plan their day on whether or not to leave their beds or homes thereby gives geniuses some guidance in daily activity.

All together, Genius: the Hidden Handicap will get the attention it deserves. However it must be remembered that "He is a fool who cannot conceal his wisdom".

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