Saturday, February 13, 2010

Electroscan Inauguration

Jim told me he'd completed the plumbing on the installation of the new Elecstroscan. He didn't really give me any warning but I hoped I had it in me to test the machine. Because of the river water running into the sea nearby the saline content wasn't apparently sufficient for a good reaction. He gave me a salt shaker and suggested a tablespoon or so would be sufficient to salt the shit so to speak. Pepper and other spices are sufficiently added the usual way. The low salt craze perhaps contributes to the need for add salt directly to the water in the bowl before sitting to contemplate the task involved.

I was able to look at the shiny clean machine with all the wires and hoses coming off it while I was preparing for the final push. It wasn'tt as productive as I might have wanted but sufficient for a test and satisfying. I think just knowing there was salt in the bowl flavoured the whole event positively. It gave me a charge to pump my achievement up the hoses and into that amazing feat of engineering wizardry. Quite satisfied with my self I pressed the 'START" button. Ampere and voltage registered on the display as amazing grumbling and grinding sounds emanating from the box as if I was listening to the belly of a beast after a particularly satisfying meal.

Reminded me of my dog who I had to shoo away from eating my shit out in the woods. Cured him of that bit of trouble but never could keep him away from the cat's litter box. No wonder she wasn't as fond of playing with him as he was fond of playing with her. Naturally she didn't like playing his favourite game with her as his 'squeaky toy'. I'm sure seeing him lunch at her litter box before he mouthed her might well have contributed to her not being a particularly good sport about his idea of fun.

There was a kind of whosh sound when it was done. Whoosh. Like the whole matter was taken care of. The display lighted up with a very joyful communication of completion and indication of readiness for more water sports and brownies. I felt really good. And told Jim.

"That was very good, Jim."

And he said, "I'm really glad you're happy with your new Electroscan."

"I am, Jim, " I said. Now I know my shit doesn't stink and I think that few can say that with the certainty I can, especially those of the politician class especially.


Well, then that was the inaurguration of the Electroscan. I was just sorry that I didn't have it in me to give it another go. I'm confident though that I'll have plenty of bullshit to pass on to the little beast in future and look forward to many happy moments just feeling positive all over about my Electroscan shit zapper. It's a great country and a very fine day in one's life when you can own an Electroscan. Every time I poo I'm doing my bit for the planet. That's the feeling I get, thanks to my Electroscan. It's really saved me from being an ecological throw back.


Laura being catholic was the first to notice that I had a halo around my arse. When I looked in the mirror I could see it too. A regular saintly halo, right there around the old hole. And I owe it all to my Electroscan. I think anyone who can own an Electroscan will be as happy with their product as I now am.


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