William Hay, Writer: April 2026

It has been a tough week. Mostly because I bought the Jeep and acquired a debt that bothered me. I’d traded in my 2017 Mini Cooper and last weekend decided to sell my truck, and camper. They were at Adventure RV waiting to have the one happy jack reinforced. I worried the night before fearful of the drive out on the highway on my Vespa. It was just a foreboding, an uncertainty. I have this with age now, wondering will I live this truly minor event. The ride was actually exhilarating . I wasn’t cold either having dressed sufficiently.

Kevin said they could get the camper off and I could take the truck in a couple of hours. I rode the Vespa over to Victors. In his Ram we headed out for breakfast. He had his regular omelette while I had sausages and eggs. His other Veterans came in. Also some folk from the program. He enjoyed chatting with them as they passed out table. I enjoyed the sausages. All round pleasant country men connecting. We talked of guns and the gun buy back too.

Then I was back at Kevin’s Adventure RV where he was kind enough to use a forklift to load the Vespa onto the F350.

Now I drove back to Vancouver and unloaded so much ‘stuff’ , good ‘stuff’ mind you , at the Maple Leaf Storage Locker, The Honda 3000 generator, tools from under the seat, dog toys of course. Then I brought back the heavy tail gate and the 4 winter tires.

The next day on the Grok AI its said the resale price was $40,000. I talked to Ford and the sales man hadn’t got back to me so I phoned next day. I’d taken a day off work to get the Truck because nothing was open on Friday Saturday.

Expectation was the key. With myself I expected to pick up the truck , drive it home unpack it and sell it. I was exhausted and waited till the next day.

Then I drove in to Ford and the salesman began dickering because he said I hadn’t told him it was gas not diesel. I lost it and said if I have to do surgery and need to know your blood type I’m going to ask that. I don’t expect you to know that. He wanted me to come back on Monday. He was trying to do the best but I wass frustrated so much that I couldn’t get turned around with all the new cars about. So I went into service which I’ve always loved at Ford. Told the guy my problem and he understood and drove the truck out of the lot to the gate. I then drove to another Ford and they suggested because it has the scratches that they wouldn’t buy it because they’d need to fix that . Canada drives had offered me $33,000 sight unseen but the Journey folk had said that though they were Jeep I could bring it back there when I was buying the Jeep originally.

I did and Ryan was great. He took pictures, come back next day if the price was fine. He put it out for auction the next day. $30,000 was fine. This was day 3 of the process. That day i drove the truck over. He got the service guys to take my Vespa off the back. I drove home on the Vespa. Great drive.

Monday their accountant was supposed to cut a check. They didn’t get back to me. I’d signed over the truck and left the truck and was involved in a virtual clinic then I phoned their finance folk and really complained .I was dealing with a woman and police and a machete. I’d ridden my Vespa to the DTES. I had so many people wanting me and here I was catastrophizing about fianances.

I normally don’t think about that because I trust God yet it brings back the divorce where she was on Cocaine and crazy and not showing up at work, up all night. The dog and I had no place to stay and it was raining and cold and I couldn’t ‘t get any food or sleep. I had told her I can treat 100 crazy people or her but not both. I needed to get away from the screaming insanity but she refused to go to treatment or get help. I saw a psychiatrist who said my problem was my wife’s severe adiction. I went to my so called friends because I knew my dog would be welcome. We’d tried a couple of hotels but they didn’t take dogs. The biker ‘friends’ realize that I was weak and vulnerable so took the opportunity to capitalize .I’d been their ‘friend’ when I was always financially = well but now tthey stole $30,000 from me along with my truck. In the past we’d all smoked some pot and drunk some wine but in the last year cocaine had hit.

Fortunately for me I had a bad redaction but for them it was severe addictions like my wife. I was now the source of money .So there’s some anniversary trauma shit happening. She’d blown the transmission on my truck and continued to drive it and they kept the truck supposedly in exchange for a car I never got. I hate when the flashback and nightmares come back. I left her and the marriage and the practice that night when she continued drugs and wouldn’t go to treatment. The lies were worst. It was when I was with the biker friends drunk at night in the woods that I felt I was outside God’s grace. That was the height of my ego that I felt I could be beyond God’s love. It was an epiphany of arrogance and self pity. That day a Christian friend called and I told him I wanted to go back to church .

Ryan then came through ant the Jeep and gave m the cheque the accountant had screwed up with. Now there was no bank open. Next day at noon after an easy morning virtual clinic with my cleaning ladies arriving I went into TD leaving the dog in the Jeep. I deposited the cheque. The loan is with RBC the bank I had with the ex decades back .and perhaps that triggered thing too.. I’ll move the money from TD to RBC after Easter.

With all that I missed Maundy Thursday, the Last Supper and the Washing of the feet. I remember years I’d eat pancakes and participate each day of the Holy Week. That was when I was attending St. John’s or Christ Church. At. St. Barnabus I’ve been more lax.

As my friend George says., “it’s only money’ and today that’s the ‘caddilac’ problem. We call it a caddilac problem because it’s not a real problem like the time the guy went through the stop sign and hit me on my bike throwing me over the hood bouncing off the roof and then landing on my head and neck on the road. I’d been going to see my Priest in preparation for adult baptism. Lying on the road I felt I couldn’t fight anymore and was picked up in the stretcher and taken by ambulance to UBC. I was afraid my neck was broken and I couldn’t feel. I just waited for the MRI results after I’d had the scan. The doctor came. His name was Dr. Priest. He told me nothing was broken. I was so greateful. That wasn’t a Cadillac problem My close friend was quadriplegic and told me when the staff didn’t show up , some dispute with her boss, he’d said he couldn’t empty his bladder and suffered all morning until his son showed up.

I’ve identified with Jesus’s suffering. Money problems aren’t the cross but illness and death of loved ones and catastrophes are. I was just so self absorbed in things not going on my time., Something I planned would be done in a day maybe two took 5. The $40,000 I was hoping for turned out to be $30,000. I was physically utterly fatigued with my chronic back pain and weakness overwhelming at times . But it was ‘my way’ not .;thy way’ and I was just catastrophizing and feeling sorry for myself. These moods and paranoid thoughts were Norm in the days before I got sober. I went from a millionaires with yacht and swimming pools and my dangerously insane ex treated as ‘normal’ managing my affairs while I got help . Insane. Now I know that’s the world of alcohol and ego and the people I knew in that day. That was a bad year financially and physically but spiritually it was the best. I loved getting to know Father John better. I met George and I prayed and meditated and walked my dog and was blessed to know Dr. Lam, Dr. Gutowski, Dr. Baker and Dr. Graham. I considered suicide that year. Now nearly 30 years later I have so much to live for.

The F350 Lariat edition super duty with sun roof and long box 4x4 had been with me 7 years. I thought of the hunting and fishing and all the good times camping with Laura and Gilbert then Laura and Madigan. It was a really good truck and now it was gone. The mini had been Gilbert and Laura and my ride. When Gilbert became blind I traded the Miata sports car we loved in for the Mini so I could take Laura and him to the Oregon beaches and cry watching him run free knowing he wasn’t going to bang into anything. Sailing we’d dinghy into a beach so he could run free on the sand

I’m aging and dealing with loss. I sold the sailboat getting a pittance for it. I don’t have time to invest in sales. When I wrote a book I was supposed to market it and didn’t because it’d rather do clinical work. I like being of service.

I’m here now in a motorhome with a jeep. The jeep with a tow kit will be able to be pulled behind my motorhome. I”ll probably sell the Vespa and quad because the jeep can do everything. I’m reducing and minimizing. I have the money in the bank to pay for the motorhome and jeep but something to do with taxes and such makes it better I just have the loan and pay it off over he next 5 to 10 years but then I don’t know if I’ll have 10 years though I expect it’s another quarter country to go unless I get shot at again or go over a cliff or crash a motorcycle or car. I have a guardian angel or many and have been blessed for sure.

I used to love the Travelling Wilburies “Handle Me with Car’. Now I’m more likely to play Holy Holy Holy on the stereo. I love Third Day and am enjoying the audio in the Jeep . I’m in transition. From Sailboat to Truck and Camper I’m now in Thor Motorhome and 2 door Jeep Wrangler. It feels right.

Laura is coming over today. She has a week of holiday and Madigan and I are so looking forward to her being with us. When she came to LA I rented a car for a couple of thousand so I won’t need to do that . I’l have savings too not needing to pay licenses or storage on all the vehicles.

I’ve been studying Orthodxoy. Kevin Anna and the God kids have found a home in a Greek Orthodox Church. Because my church is going to hell in a hand basket with King Charles sounding more Muslim than Christian and the pope celebrating Islam I’m considering what church I can attend. I’m enjoying learning about Constantinople and the Orthodox and Oriental churchs. My priest was caught up in the Climate Change UN political money scheme. She’s partial to the South Americans having lived there. I just see the IPCC as a scam created by the Communist Chinese and orchestrated by the communist Maurice Strong and supported by Pierre Trudeau who allied himself and Canada with Cuba and Castro. Now Carney allies himself with Communist China and is annti anmerica and freedom.

Israel and America are at war with Iran who was the principle ally of communist China. WHO went over to the dark side in covid when I studied the genetic code and knew they were lying about the poor Pangala. Fauci then was lying to the President and the whole lies and corruption of Justin Trudea and autopen Biden was going on. Jan. 6th was a scam as big as the declaration of martial law in Canada over a peaceful demonstration.

I’ve been trying to maintain peace of mind. I remember Anita telling me that she and Willy tried to play it safe in their latter years of service and work and remember how the wonderful wonderful Godly Phillip was persecuted by the authorities for his pro life stand.

I don’t want to be a martyr. I’m more like Peter and would rather be like John. I ‘m from cowboy stock and want to die with my boots on in bed at a hundred or so. Dad wanted to go when they wouldn’t;t let him sit outside. I don’t think I’ll do well institutionalized. But for now I want to camp

I have everything I need. I’ve money in the bank but no pension so fear when carney gloats about having trillion of Canadian pension and his face and the Quatar faces all look like the my biking hunter ‘friends’ who betrayed me taking my money and belongings and dividing them among themselves.

The guards took Jesus’s clothes and divided them in four among themselves. The Roman administrator Pilate had put up a sign calling him “king of the Jews’.

Canada seems metaphorically to be plundered by Trudeau and Carney. The great replacement is the removal of the Christians and replacement of them with Muslims. The Crusades are taught falsely. Islamophobia is punished yet it is the Muslims persecuting Christians and Jesus.

Our PM joined with the Hammas Palestinian terrorists and antisemitism after Hammas killed hundreds of young Israelis at at music festival. It turned out all the billions of aid money was used by Palestine to build a veritable warrior cave system under Gaza to attack Israel. Yet there’s Carney clelebrating terrorists like Trudeau did.

I feel sometimes looking at Canadian politics this last decade I’m in the asylum. Not ironically the schizophrenics votes the same distributions in Canada as Montreal and Toronto.

I was going to go to church for the Good Friday mass but have stopped here to journal.