In church we talked of Jesus. Castrated maybe. He probably was cavorting with Mary Magdalene or Peter or whatever. I always thought they were celibate monks. When I trained spiritually I was celibate a month. The idea was to focus on the divine not he mundane. I fasted too. I was stoic. Later I’d indulge in hedonism. I’ve not eschewed pleasure. I’d done my time in better living through chemistry.
I don’t want to be distracted. The gay church is sexual. The LGBT community of which I’m a part identifies with eroticism. The body as temple. I miss the Christian family church. Not because of heterosexuality but because I was part of this blood group and part of this community. And yes we were white and we were tribal and the LGBT folk were present but they weren’t family. The home of my child revolved around raising children , around mom and dad and us kids serving here. It was Rockwellian. I didn’t think of it as superior. I didn’t think of it much but rather lived it, family and community.
I wasn’t predjudiced or racist or any of those names uncreative people call people today. That was my home. That was my community. There were blacks and Jews and even Catholics but they were a minority. I was WASP. The focus of the community was Christian and White and bit British Empire and Métis. Canadian. There were Poles and Swedes and Ukrainians. It was a multi ethnic neighborhood. I was Irish and Scottish. We were all Canadian first though. Jesus was Jewish and we didn’t hate the Jews. We didn’t think the Jews killed Jesus. We read scripture and the story of the Bible was Everyman.
God was all of us. Jesus was the child within and the journey and the salvation. I was a child of God and I was on the path of righteousness trying to be the best person I could be. I went on to work as a doctor and servant of my people. I saw the washing of the feet of the disciples at crucial. I studied the Bible in Sunday school and later at university and in theology school. I study comparative religions and philosophy and psychology and eventually psychiatry and addiction medicine. I liked delivering babies and suturing wounds. I like healing. I liked teaching. I felt all I did was Christian.
A beautiful young woman walked by in pirates white long sleeved cream blouse and wide maroon gaucho pants with black ballet slippers. When I was younger I’d be distracted by her more than a sentence of writing.
Younger I was always distracted by women. Now I am thankful I don’t have that drive to reproduce or a desire for intimacy with strangers. I’m happy with the conventions, the nods and smiles and waves. That’s enough. With other dog folk we let our dogs greet and meet but we have no desire to sniff each others butts and genitals. We’re a proper people.
I’m here thinking about God and my relationship. There’s a sense of the holy. A feeling of being in the ‘flow’. There’s transcendence. There’s spiritual experiences. I live for those. I call it playing peek a boo with Jesus. Right now I’m waiting for my second coffee. I loved walking the dog and picking up his poop and depositing it in the waste. I liked the air and the exotic. I’m in a different city and place with my Thor Hurricane Motorhome as base. I’ve rented a car and driven about the hectic streets. It’s a busy intense active place. I miss the wilderness. I’ll be in the desert next month. Now I’m with people and God acts through people. God is all and God is Good. My God is a loving God. Thank you God.
Laura is coming tomorrow and I’ll pick her up at LAX at 1145 am at the arrival terminal. She is my friend. We’ve been intimate on occasion. Ours was a relationship of friendship and respect and caring . I like that I care for her and we care for Madigan together. She has a large family with three children and 5 grandchildren or maybe 7 and her sister and brother in law and their extended family. I have family out east and visited them last year. I’ve hoped to visit my father’s family in the north. I remember Dad and Mom when he retired liked to visit old neighbours and family and friends.
My friend once asked his 96 year old mother what kept her going. “Watching the family,” she said. I’m always curious to know what happens next.” Life as a captivating soap opera. Laura is like that. She’s entertained by the stories of her children. We all enjoy the pictures and videos of the youngest. I’m fascinated by my great nieces and nephews. The nephews sliding down a hill took me back to their grandfather , my brother and I sliding down hills on toboggans and sleds. Chopping trees with dad and mom. The rituals of the season. Parkas and snowshoes. Ice Fishing. I don’t think we caught any at all but dad built the hut and we sat around a hole with a heat and waited. Dad meditated but it was a wild hunters Canadian way of meditation. No incense sticks except maybe pine bows wood smoke. I like seeing social media clips of the god children helping their parents prepare wild meat for dinner. Great venison and bear stews.
Thank you God for this day. Madigan is watching the door. He’s like an old European grandmother keeping a look out on the neighborhood. He’s keen to see another dog first. On the lane one over there’s a dog sitting in the window of their motorhome , watching. I have no idea what they communicate in their barks of territory and greeting and alarm. It’s all community though. We grew up with dogs and dogs were apart of our neighbourhood and football games and bike rides and walks by the river.
I’ve made another cup of coffee. The Ethiopian Yergicheffe beans I’ve just roasted will be added to the communal coffee can making the mix more holy. Laura will have the best of coffee when she arrives. I’ve already bought steaks from the the Carne butcher. Mexican love their beef. Rancheros. I loved living in Mexico and look forward to visiting in the new year.
Philomena Cunk the comedian describedour relationship with God the almighty as ‘collective groveling’. I know that. Phillips book, Your god is too small resonates. I’m often praying to God like a 911 telephone I carry in my pocket. I fear punishment. I know God is love but I’m on guard. Life has been a series of trials and challenges. I liked learning that God made the Garden of Eden such that he needed Adam to be there for pruning, watering and such. I’m necessary. I’m doing my part. Intellectually I perceive spiritual laws and find that when I’m doing good good happens. Moderation is good. Love and kindness are good. Jesus said the key was to ‘love God and love your neighbour as yourself.’ I’m doing that but the ‘devil is in the details’. We talk of addiction and compulsion and care and self care.
After the coffee and a cookie I’ll make a run to Home Depot to get new sewage hose. Then I’ll drive to pick up laundry. That’s as far ahead as I’ve gone with planning today.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Holy Spirit
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