Turn down day

I woke from a complex dream.  Lots of action and people. Not my normal peaceful place by the ocean but rather a forest scene with bare trees.  I’d incorporated some of the previous night’s tv show into it.  I hit the snooze bar three times.  I had to get up to go to the chiropractor. My back was better than a few days before and way better than months before but it had been a tough week.  Now I was looking forward to the chiropractor.

Nothing else was planned. I hoped to ride on my new motorcycle but despite having a coffee I was a little slow on the clutch change in 1.  I’d choked going up the hill.  I was anxious learning and distracted.  I had held up others taking off from the light.  I’d no difficulty all week then yesterday I had the problem. Out of sync. Now I was doing it consciously noticing the difference from the glide. The Glide has much smother gear shift.  I resented learning but the rest of the day. I was fine. The problem arose on the up hill starts.  I’d rev and let off the clutch but not get the revs high enough to let off the clutch then I’d clutch again and choke. It’s happened a couple of times,  Otherwise I’m loving the bike.  Just more learning.  I remember the same with the Roadster and how I’d loved the gear shift on the glide by comparison. Now I like the light weight and sportiness of this bike.

I was surprised at how well Dr. Ready identified the place of pain and loosened it up. As always when I leave his office I’m so much better. It’s something that lasts weeks and then I do something. This time it was the way I slept I think, also the tension sitting in my desk at work and the weather change.

I stopped at the store on the way home picking up lox, bagel and cream cheese sandwiches.  I’ve only my packsack till I get saddlebags next Friday.  It limits what I carry.

Before I went to the visit I’d sat in on the international virtual IDAA meeting at 8 am.  Good to see the folks I know. I’d walked Madigan but it’s been raining all day and he’s not been that keen on walking much.  He was keen on sharing the salmon sandwich though.. 

I’ve finished reading Ken Follett’s ‘ on the wings of eagles’ about the Ross Perot rescue of his executives from the corrupt Iranian regime and the daring escape when the Shah’s regime was overthrown by the Ayatollah.  It was awful to read the extortion, the terrible abuse of prisoners.  I thought of the Michaels who Xi Jinping kept jailed and Trudeau delayed release because it was politically better for him.  I was touched by Follett’s story of the men in jail and their families.  1979. I remember my friend Simon’s brother was involved in the escape of the Canadian and US embassy.  I was finishing medical school then.

I still feel toxic.  I feel that I associate with such sick people that I carry disease myself.  I feel like a leper doctor at times. Then I don’t want to be around others since Covid. I feel lonely but at the same time I turn down invitations. No different from so many of my social phobic patients.  I also feel I’m still grieving all the loss, the run of deaths the last few years. I don’t want to get close to any more people.  I fear intimacy.  Yet I like the people I know and feel badly I’ve not followed up on the phone numbers and invitations.  It was a big deal after the isolation of Covid to get out for dinner.  I did get to Harrison a couple of times but didn’t socialize.  I hang out with Laura and Madigan and talk casually with others.  I miss those people I knew so deeply, their deaths leaving such raw holes.  Meetings are good . I must get to church more too.  

In the evening I scroll social media and watch tv. I could do one evening of Tai Chi.  Any day now I hope to have my Adventurer Camper back. There’s been a terrible time getting parts for it. Given the problems with it I certainly can’t recommend the brand though I know that when Kelvin finishes the repair it will be better than before and the demons that came with the original lies and sale with be exorcised.  Nothing stops me from taking a tent out to the woods either.  I just really look forward to the camper with the luxuries.  

My home is comfortable.  I’ve all I need and life is good now.  I continue to work and hope to travel with the camper while I continue to work later this year.  I am looking forward to carrying my new motorcycle on the truck with the camper.  Maybe at the front like I did the Honda and Vespa.  I checked and there’ a lift rated for 750 lbs just like my 500 pound rated lift but better .  I will enjoy camping with the quad so will tow the trailer for that and the dinghy. I ‘m looking forward to quadding again.  I even plan to fish some.

It’s been raining all day and despite riding in the rain and walking in the rain I’d been grumpy,.  The morning meeting helped me let go of resentment and comparison and get more into gratitude.  I’ve just come back swimming laps and that feels good.

Thank you Jesus for life and depth. Thank you for spirituality. Thank you for love and colour. Thank you for the sun. Thank you for the smell of spring rain. Thank you for the robins and daffodils and magnolias. Thank you for Harley Davidson and Trev Deeley. Watch over my family and friends and patients.  Help them. Thank you for Madigan and protect him. Thank you Lord for all your blessings, May I know you more fully and do thy will.