Sunday, December 14, 2008

Vancouver Snow

Snow in Vancouver. It began last night when I was at the Rainbow Church Christmas party carolling. We sang Silver Bells. "City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, in the air there's a feeling of Christmas...." This is rainy Vancouver. When it snows the 'air' has no feeling of Christmas but rather rank terror. Even as I speak cars, silly enough to try it, are plummetting down the alpine Oak Street to an adult rendition of Bill Cosby's Baby Coach Wheel go cart spectacular descent to sure destruction in the unsuspecting freeway traffic of W6th.
Vancouver drivers, notorious for buying driver's licenses under the table, stoned on the principal billion dollar crop, BC Bud marijuania, (which also explains the bizarre local politics ), now have an excuse for fortified egg nogs in the morning. Those who are older with aging livers and a potpouri of geriatric medicines never 'share' their 'recreational usage' with their unsuspecting neurologists, cardiologists and psychiatrists because they consider marijuania a herb and alcohol an elixer. 60's flashbacks then compete with hearing aid feedbacks as horns honk and cars collide. "Hey man, we're tripping."
In addition there's multicultural bedlam with half the southern immigrant drivers never having seen snow let alone driven on ice. Meanwhile the west end traffic police have only been issued bicycles or if they're lucky, motorcycles. Canadian Tire sells out it's slim supply of snow chains in one day. Displaced Winnipeggers are en mass teaching emergency counterintuitive ice driving techniques to awe struck Vancouverites.
In Vancouver we 'go to the snow'. That means Whistler, Blackcomb, Grouse or Cypress Mountain. It's not supposed to come to us. The City Planners would never use salt on the roads as they need all the salt they requisition for their tequilla.
By afternoon the sun usually comes out. The ice will turn to slush and everywhere relief will reign. Then Robson Street will again be festive without the snow as everyone hurries to buy a Christmas tree and chat over Starbuck molkas about the surviving the latest 'blizzard'. Only if the rains return will the 'air' of Christmas again sing on city streets of Vancouver. Silver Bells. White Christmas! Humbug! A good monsoon. Now that's a Vancouver Christmas!


Randy said...

I wish you a very rainy Christmas.

Thanks for the writing it is so true of Vancouverites, we go to the snow.

At times I felt that you were talking about me.

Very hilarious to read your way of seeing things.

robert m said...

hi bill,

lets go back to hawaii

merry xmas