Journal - evening

I was in a pissy mood most of day.  I guess this is what moon sensitive folk feel. I’m just reacting to the rains and clouds or some past issue with Sept.  

I am glad I had enough sense to get out. I had to drop off some files at the clinic. Started out hoping for wind therapy on the Vespa but it spitting so I took Madigan and the Mini.  Good that. I listened to more Joseph Campbell about Homo Erectus. 

Phoned Laura and she was glad to go for lunch.  Parked and let her know I’d arrived.  Madigan was ecstatic. His favourite friend. I’ve given up calling her his mommy because he’s always trying to hump her leg so it makes him look invested.  Better a favourite friend.

Amoka was great.  Laura had Ham and Cheese and I shared the Turkey sandwich with Madigan.  Two cappucino’s. He was whining and wanting to jump on our laps.  I told Laura I was in a pissy mood.  Shared what was happening at work.  Thanked her for willingness to listen to drivel and anxiety.

She laughed. Said she was glad to see Madigan and Me.  We walked up to Blenz.  I’d a couple of hours parking. It was up so quick. Hugged and departed.

We’re getting together this Friday.

At home I order emergency rescue flares from Canadian . Again wanted to take the Vespa but it was raining. They texted me to say it was ready for pick up.  I picked up my Laundry and drove there.  Was at the door at 6:02 and the manager said they were closed. I remembered India and did a quick phone video.  Commented outside filming Canadian Tire. Just a pissy day.

Sent an email to support saying I’d been and refused service at 6:02.  He said it was 6:05.  I was back in my car pulling away at 6:04.  

I hope they deliver it tomorrow. 

I told Laura I’m always ‘wrestling with God’ and consider that an example of what I can learn. I prayed for him. I thought I never walked out of a delivery saying ‘you’re late’.  I think people are being rewarded if they are more robotic. Texted Laura and she said how her staff just walk out on the time while she left late. Rememinded me of the nurse that walked out of the surgery and the other nurse arrived ten minutes late.  I was able to hand the surgeon the tools, he was removing a lung and the nurse left because her shift ended.  

I’ve barbecued pork chops and had them with the corn and potato, butter and sour cream. Great meal. I’m looking forward to a bought meal but trying to use up the fridge food so I can defrost and have the freezer and fridge cleaned.  3 partridge still to go.  

Now watching Invasion. Not feeling as pissy as I did. I think it’s the weather .  

I was happy to be paid and to pay taxes and pay off my credit card.  I’m getting by but managing.  

Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. 

Journal - the rains return

I woke pissy.  The iPhone alarm went off and the phone fell of the side table. I reached down for it and turned it off.  

It’s Truth and Reconcilliation Day.  I remember ladies in our church all exited to be doing good, socializing with the savages and listening to the propaganda and sales pitches, husband’s long dead, children long gone, successful, needing a cause.

This year it’s antisemitism and the Palestinian’s.  Trudeau who wetted fantasies of pool boys has been passed over for the more sophisticated appearing con Carnie peddling his climate snake oil and raking in money from the Chinese communist Chinese peasant slavery.  Who cares if millions are killed.  The lobotomies remain to do the bidding of the leaders allied with other rich around the world gathered to protect their wealth with the maintenance of the status quo.  

I’m in a pissy mood.  I slept in.  This mood thing is disgusting. My brain will twist perception to despair with the flick of a neural switch.,

I must use gratitude and affirmations to resist the desire to suck the tit of despair. Memories of patients drinking toilet water and urinal water to get high.

I use both hands to close the door on yesterday. The false accusations, the betrayal, the lying psychopaths I left and carried on.  I carry on. Keep on truck. It’s just a journey. I’m a tourist.  I’m a spiritual being in a material world. This is God’s creation.  God is good all the time. That is the past. This is today.

I am lazy, I met with doctors and opened the crack on that chaos, the assault, the evil, the pure evil, the past. That vomit and piss in the road. 

Everyone made a big thing of her shitting in the bed.  I’d been there. She shit in the bed I made. She’d piss in the bed I’d made.  I’d clean. I’d manage appearances. Apologies for her.  Cocaine is a terrible drug.  I was drinking wine and smoking a reefer.

They psylicibin is good for depression.  I did mushrooms back then.  I remember Dr. O saying he’d get a symptom for any drug he wanted to try.  

I have a resentment.  He plays it cool. Superficial. Inauthentic. A hollow man. T.S. Elliot would write of him. I’m here doin the work and everyone else is playing their cards close to their chest.  The women never make amends to the men. Their concern is their children, Systemic predjudice and the lawyers and politicians turn woman and against man and anyone else they can instigate for profit.

But it’s all you God. I’ve just read Dr. Jordan Peterson’s “We who wrestle with God”.  And yes Buber is right and Jesus and Jung.  There’s just me and another.  Us.  You are my shadow.  Melanie’s withholding mother is bad and the giving breast is good.  The dichotomy made flesh with the breath or the gene that gives the triangle and spiral.

The mathematics in music.  

I see the sun has come up.  Like is better to my mind with light.  

I watered the plant and spoke to it.  I must name it. I left the plant with Nicolina and she returned it greener saying it likes it’s feet wet.  It was outside under the table where it seemed happy but now is inside hanging from the ceiling.  

I fed the dog.  He was eating his dried food.  He does that. So I emptied the last of it and cleaned his bowl and put out some fresh new Go dried dog food.  He nibbled.  

I let him out for a minute to pee. I was dressed in the sleeveless black sleeve I wear in the evenings and last night slept in.  One piece comfort.  I showered and washed my hair yesterday so could today., I mostly shower daily. In this new motorhome the stall is smaller and the hot water tank too so that unlike the Fuzion I don’t ‘languish’ in the shower as I did then,  The hot tub here no longer has jets so I spend less time there too. 

I have an errand to run to drop off papers at the clinic down town.  I see some blue sky so could consider a Vespa run taking the dog on the back.

Laura looks at the weather each day. I might do that because sunny skies uplift me.  Watching the weather is more appealing than the news.  Watching politicians these days in Canada is like watching cartel and gang leaders in wife beater shirts discussing criminal deals like dons in Vegas.  So sordid.

But that is God and my Shadow and the Other. I’m no saint.  I need to be forgiving.  Those ‘trauma’s’ of the past, rape, drugged, held hostage, threats, falsely accused.

I’m enjoying the Jan 6 replay given that the media coverage was so alien to what was happening that day.  They’re charging the White House, the news man screamed and I was watching a man in a wheel chair with another walking to them.  The same occurred with that weapon Trudeau and the Freedom convoy , all the lies and by contrast the celebration of terrorist while abusing working middle class Canadians.  

Now our leader aligns us with communist dictator XiJinPing and plays the ‘Hate Trump”  song like they did the “Hate Harper’ song.  I even saw a guy on face book well paid no doubt by liberals to say that the shortages in health care were caused by Harpers.  You can’t make this stuff up. The liberals and democrats will blame Neanderthals next calling them racist and fascist.

I’m making another coffee.  The dog is due a walk.  The sun is drying the canvas awning of the neighbour.

Peter and Larry are back along with Bella and Luka.  I’m looking forward to a dog walk with the three friends.  

I phoned Michael. I was thinking of him fondly and actually made the effort to pick up the phone 

I also phone Ron but there was no way to leave a message at their clinic

I phoned Telus because I was concerned about not getting the voicemail to text but I am . It turns out the iPhone 17 has a ‘unified’ and ‘classic’ mode so I just needed to presss ‘classic’ button so I can see whose called without going through all the calls.  

Yesterday I got the Garmin Inreach Mini satelittle messaging working so I don’t need my satellite phone. Alone in the woods I can text or send SOS and let Laura know my location.

I brought out my hamm radio and charged it.  I found another hamm with a few other options , something like 6 in 1 which I got when I took the hamm course. I have a VHF here too but not the charger . I found these radios in the storage locker when I went to get gear for next weeks hunt.  I have the black winter coat but think I may need a blaze orange.Normally I wear camo but this makes me look like a bear.  I have an orange toque. 

More blue sky.  Thoughts of hair net and shower coming on with second coffee.

I’m sure this neighbour saw me in my black sleeve letting the dog pee. I don’t care so much what he thinks but I thought of the couple next to him. She’s a beautiful younger woman stylish and the two seem wealthy while he looks unnattractive in a physical sense. We’re all old with pot bellies and also so few have a Hollywood look. I feel if I wear a skirt, no mattter how conservative I’m ridiculous. I’m not but I have this sense of ‘shame’ or ‘fear of being judged’ wearing skirts. Yet there have been times I wore kilts and jean skirts and even cross dressed in public. Now I’m lacking confidence or perhaps its the back lash against the radical trans leftist movement and the drag queen story hour. I agreed. Leave the kids alone and belonged to WPATH and felt that kids should wait till teens and children shouldn’t take hormone blockers. Yet there was the solidarity in the community with the the extreme it’s competing in woman’s sports.  Not fighting back with women are taking lawyer positions but claiming trans women are ‘biological females’ which they are not.  

I’m a lazy cross dresser and getting weary of the ‘role’ of ‘professional man’ and like the world of fashion and arts which had such Colour and variety.  I like the terms ‘au drab’ and ‘au femme’ and feel the later is ‘fun’.I’m rebelling against the seriousness of gender.  

Meanwhile I’m remembering reading ‘denial of death’ and people are asking if WWIII is coming.  Yet they don ‘t realize that Iran, China and Communists and Moslems were the aggressors wanting to ‘win and ‘take over’ and all the anti America rant is part of that polarity.

And I’m here playing peek a boo with Jesus and want to be back playing with teddy bears. I’m good with guns and I save lives and I am so highly trained and skilled and I don’t want more power but would like my motorhome paid off more. I really am just focusing on serving in my work but looking forward to my expedition south and the hot springs of Fountain of Youth.  

I continue to pay my bills and taxes.

I think nothing is happening and I’m not doing anything but this year I drove to Ottawa and Spokane conference and attended the world conference. Buying this motorhome I love and changing from the RV to this was a really big deal.  It’s been a learning curve with driving out for maintenance and camping. I’m preparing for another thousands of mile travel in this big machine with glitches like the Ford A/C.  I’ve solved the carrying my Vespa with me hitch issue and have even got my Camper and Truck and Quad out hunting grouse this fall.  I’ve kept up with continuing education and now am rocking and reeling from one clinic closing and transferring half my work to the other clinic.

I’ve not lost weight. That seems a holding pattern but i am actually exercising in addition to walking the dog 4-5000 steps most days.  I’m meditating and going to church and meetings so I’m managing.  

I’m not in the pissy mood I was waking and sleeping in.  Time to get dressed and out.  I’ve laundry to pick up and files to drop off and think with the blue sky I can do it on my Vespa or I could take the mini. If I had more money I’d trade the mini in for a Maverick. For now I need the F350 for the camper but I no longer need it to tow the Fuzion.  I imagine downsizing next year.I don’t need the maverick till then . It’s what I can dinghy tow after the Thor and carry my Harley . For now this all works for this year’s excursion south.

When I’m whining I am thinking of my desire to go to Venice, Vienna and Berlin.  I think 3 weeks with a medical conference in the next couple of years. I also have to finish the books.

I think the Psychiatry and Spirituality book would be a good thing.  Also I could sell it and hopeful get tax breaks and travel breaks with it.  

I fantasize about living beside a dog friendly medical library, going each day for several hours, writing the book with wifi and internet and some hard tombs.  I imagine some third world place would give me that in exchange for a couple of hours of rounds. I imagine parking my motorhome at the asylum so I expect the place would have to be in North, South or Central America with an English library.  Fantasies.  

I’m ready to move and perhaps Madigan will poop. I walked him twice yesterday in the rain but he didn’t poop. He marked his territory with his piddles, 2 by the door and by the bedroom, like magic messages.  I’m a shaman but the official scientific titles conceal the spiritual back ground. Healer yes. 

I really must get up. My coffee is finished and a shower with my hair kept dry for be a step forward.  

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God. Thank you Holy Spirit. Thank you God.  You are my Cato to the Pink Panther. I would reprogram our relationship. Thy will be done.  I fear you’ve given me the desires of my adolescence. I’ve had a life of excitement, thrill and wonder. I’m blessed and grateful. Thank you God for all . Please protect Madigan and I as we travel about on errands today and keep the Borg at a distance.  Thank you Lord for my health and mobility and sight. Thank you for my senses.  Thank you for autum and the sunshine and blue sky today.  

 

Journal - Fall, Clinic Closure

I saw Laura today.  Madigan and I road to Davie street to visit her.  Our cappuccino with pastry at Amoka today.  She loved lovely Madigan was so happy to see her.  She’d just been with her sister and John and Molly.

She told me her sister asks John each morning on the weekend, where do you think Molly would like to go today and off they go on dog friendly adventures

The Royal Columbia clinic is closing. I’m going to miss the staff.  Belinda and Karen have terrific as has everyone else.  Lydia is incredible and I’ve liked the other doctors so much too. Minos Antonnious is going back to Langley

It’s all been rather fast.

I thought to go to Maple or some other purely on line service but talked with Gary Horvath where I’ve still been working one day. He and Mary Lou were glad for me to transfer to them and continue rather seamlessly.

I’m off for a 10 day vacation then am preparing for a trip south for a month in Dec with Laura flying down to meet me. The trouble with that is booking and RV place.  The ones I’ve tried are all full up.

I really enjoyed the Pacific Clinical Psychopharmacology course on line. UBC has the best on line presentation I’ve seen better than courses at other universities. The presentations were excellent, perfect for the clinical questions I had.  A couple confirmed I was already using best practices. Another pointed to the future of novels treatments and the geriatric psychiatry presentation show citalopram worked but escitalopram didn’t. Who would have guessed?  So I learned lots and will change my practice. I’ve been in person in the past and really enjoyed the camaraderie and location. This was great too and I was tired at the end of the day from concentration and learning.

We had our Western Doctors meeting and I expressed my progress by being among doctors here. I’d been quite paranoid about doctors having had no support at different times when I exposed matters that were kept secret. Admittedly I’m anti authority. But it’s like our Government and Epstein Island and other scandals. I’m not just upset by the major participants it’s all those who say nothing and stand by. I had that experience. I was also several times addressing the terrible things which were new at the time but are now quite normal.  I felt badly after for expressing irritability but the message is ‘experienced, strength and hope’ and I felt that I’d exposed myself and others were being FINE and coming as a bit of voyeurs and minimizing their past.  At that same time there are a half dozen I admire and a coupole of people who I really loook up to , Ron and Michael.  It’s overall a great group and I’m surprised I can be comfortable and feel not quite safe like I do in IDAA and Cyberdocs but closer.  I don’t like being judged by junior arrogant people and have a life time of encountering that sort ,beurocrat so often.  There was just recently that emergency I attended to and the girl who knew no medicine but was attention seeking all fussy like the fellows collapse was a movie script thing.  She knew nothing and what she was attempting to do wa dangerous so there i was suggesting she not do it but then raising the issue to insist she stop, that I was a doctor and that wouldn’t help.  She was trying to get him water and I was observing his neck from fracture from the fall. I must be kinder and judge less

We were talking about Victor Frankl and meditation in the group and I mentioned reading Jordan Peterson ‘We who wrestle with God’ and how that Jacob story seemed central to my life.  I do think every encounter is with the anonymous Jacob or Pink Panther’s Cato.  It’’s all Buber too.  I’m always looking for a deeper meaning. It’s the psychiatrist.  

I’m glad that I resolved the clinic changes with least change in the midst of other changes. I’m focused on getting to LA as next endeavor and the first expedition with Thor.  The air conditioning issue concerns me but I have a maintenance meeting with Traveland and I’ve asked them about the TMX valve that Dam’s Ford says they don’t make at Ford.  I expect it will be solved like so many other things that materialize thanks to the Holy Spirit.

Before that Laura and I are off to a TG hunting week in Princeton off grid with Madigan. It’s always a good time in the autumn.  Hopefully the deer will be in rut and I’ll shoot a buck.  I’ve enjoyed the grouse I’ve been eating since the last hunt.  Madigan is such a good companion and hunting dog. He’s’ a biker dog too always so excited when I get out his box and start putting it on either the Harley or the Vespa.  

The rains are in the air and the summer is past. I noticed lots of girls wearing nylons and summer fall clothing already out. I’ll miss bikinis, sun dresses and short skirts for a while.  On Davie there was the vast range of gender and non binary presentations.  Madigan loved it all

Thank you God for Laura and Madigan and my Vespa. Thank you for Vancouver and Davie Street. Thank you for the changing weather. Thank you for people watching and coffee shops. Thank you for Amoka.  

Thank you Jesus

Journal -Transvestism, Cross dressing

A friend met me downtown wearing a dress.  I’ve been cross dressing since teen years when I played female parts in drama and belonged to the whole gender fluid universe of the world of theatre. When I was a dancer so many of us were gay though I was thoroughly heterosexual and deeply in love with women who were god’s creation on earth.

The scent, the beauty , the phenomenes, the laughter, and the incredible sex that there was never enough of.  They couldn’t either. I had sex with one ‘sister of mercy’ to coin Leonard Cohen’s term a dozen times in a night since we’d only met that weekend and she was taking a flight to Africa the next day.  

I liked that world. The creativity was amazing. Everyone was studying and sharing and being excited to share. I’ll never forget the day Fernand found Santana and had us gather around to hear ‘Black Magic Woman’.  Our faces glowed with the encounter with Latin music. I remember as teen years before when my friend invited me over to hear his Rolling Stones album, and there we were in his living room with the stereo cranked up scream ‘Can’t get no Satisfaction’.  Now years later we were counting out the sycopations to this glorious Latin. Soon the girls were swirling around the room lead by us guys in the wildest of Mambos.  The choreographer became my wife and years passed in bliss.

Off work we were cycling and travelling and I felt I was good looking, dressed in jeans and tshirts from my family world of camping, hunting, fishing, canoeing and then thee debonair glamorous world of dance and theatre.  

I would marry again and become a fly in doctor and the wife who was always loving and utterly beautiful became increasingly depressed and asexual. I’d thought we’d have children. I married to have children.  And the children didn’t come and the years passed and the sex stopped and months went by and I’d been cuckolded. I knew women who had men on the side but then she’d done her thing and I mine and she wasn’t leaving so I did. Like her mother she was born to play the victim woman. All her girlfriends celebrating divorce and condemning men for being cowboys and expecting us to shave our beards.  I remember the disdain I experienced when we were all expected to be like girls and they painted the homes pink and us guys lived in the basement or guarange.

I’d leave and be confused. The childhood sexual abuse and later rape as a man would return to haunt men and I’d wonder about my sexual identity.  In therapy my masculinity was questioned as compensation. I learned to love Jung and the Shadow, anima and animus.  I left the traditional home and left for the city.

Mom and Dad were thoroughly traditional, the greatest love story ever told, each other devoted to each other and the children and the family.  

The women I met weren’t interested in children and liked to call themselves the ‘princess’.  The sex was great. The fun was incredible, The red wine flowed and we smoked and little dope and the nurse did cocaine and thankfully I didn’t like it but then I’d be attracted to women who loved cocaine because they were sexually unrepressed on cocaine.

The only drugs I liked were nicotine and pot but I didn’t like wine, increasingly too much.

The men I became friends with were all hard drinking professionals with children and wives who did the traditional roles.  I’d never known such support.

I was wife and husband. I did everything I’d been alone and my mother had taught me to cook and clean and my father had taught me to fix cars and shoot guns.

The women complained less if I did everything for them.  Women did complain.  But the ones who complained the most back then when we were drinking were the best in bed.  Sex was so important till I was in my 40s’ and 50’s.  I miss the head turning girls and the scent of perfumes or pheromes that stopped me in my walk.

I missed all the women I had between divorces and the fun we had.  It was all perpetual adolescences and yet we work.  Doctors, lawyers, executives, millionaires, waitresses, dancers, artists.  Christian, Pagan, Hindu, Black, White, Brown, Yellow, Red, Long hair, girly girls, tomboy, bisexual, quiet, loud. God it was a wild time,

Then I stopped drinking and continued to sleep with a very few girls. I’d been monogamous for a couple of stretches of a decade at a time and then it was the one friend for decades and the one night stand with a woman or a man.  I liked to wear skirts and kilts and later silks and enjoy the epicurean delights of overseas work with days off and a maginifcient hotel room and a person met in the cafe who helped pass an evening, rare as this was a decade ago.

Older I’ve preferred my own company. I became obsessed with sailing and with motorcycling. The long term intimate friend remained and friends didn’t care if I had long hair and painted nails.  

I learned in my spiritual search I was a shamsn and that we healers were shapeshifters. I did whatever I could to cure a person, using the pychopharmacology of my chemistry trade but also studying herbs and native healing. I studied massage and hypnosis. I learned the philosophy and theory of the west and orient, did yoga and tai chi, trained under masters, and all the while prayered and meditated and healed and tried to heal the impossible. So many days I missed the easy cures , the times I was a gp when I was the first on the scene and the healing was easy. Later as a psychiatrist I loved the explorations and combined journeys of psychotherapy , the treasure hunts that unlocked the healing within , Then it was the non compliant, the nihilists and suicidal and the addicts of all kinds and the borderlinesx, sociopaths and psychopaths along with the schizophrenics and head injured.

I was told ‘it was just a job’ and remembered when I took an oath with a class and joined the calling.  

I loved reading Jordan Perterson’s book ‘We who wrestle with God ‘ recently because I’d learned to join with another and fight their disease but increasing entered a realm where the disease was within us and to heal we much fight the beast within together. It was a little more than walking in another man’s moccasins.  

The shaman spirit. The Druid. The healer.  

“You should act like a doctor,” the young administrator doctor said to me as he didn’t realize he was dressed and acted like a lawyer.  The power symbols were lost on him and he was scared and I was sad I’d frightened another. They are easy to tell They want to control. Control is their way of dealing with fear.”

I just want to be in the hotsprings with the girls. I liked the bikinis and the old and young. I like being pegged and laughed when a lesbian said, a penis is a very nice thing but unfortunately it’s attached to a man.  I can relate.  I have lots of male friends and we talk cars and sports and the last thing I’d want to do is go to bed with them but I can’t imagine any woman except the sick who would be fun to play with naked . Yet I realized decades ago I didn’t want to be naked with strang4rs and prefer intimacy with a friend.

I imagine if there had been children and the sex had not dried up or been used as a weapon I would have stayed married,  I loved my father and have followed in his footsteps so often.

I once thought of a sex change but only because like Leonard Cohen “Iwanted a new face’.  I am weary with the the men in suits, the suit being a replica of British military. I don’t like the robes. I think all men and women should wear gossamer silk and elastic body suits like the sci fiction wear of the future astronauts.  I love looking at the clothed bodies men and women in neoprene.  I liked the world of scuba diving.I could live on a beach.

I lived off the land weeks alone and sailed 30 days alone across the ocean.  I love hugging men and women in clothes and enjoy the company of my dog,

It’s a joy and privilege to grow older and have the memories of women who were the rose of little prince and to be among men and women who were all royalty. 

Namaste - the God in me salutes the God in you.

Jesus loves all all of the time.  C.S. Lewis said don’t look for God in the wall. I am a spiritual being on a material path. This too will pass, I am in a paradise though it’s hard to appreciate it fully because the lens of my mind is dirty with ego and shame and envy and fear 

I really ought to have joined a nudist colony. I’ve enjoyed them when I’ve spent days there but I do love fashion and enjoy the women and men who make such fun of art . I enjoy healing too. I enjoy serving, these days mostly the pharmaceutical industry and it’s multitude of wonders. I like being apart of the great industry a cog in the wheel, a prince among princes.  

Thank you Jesus. 

Burnaby - Apple, St. Barnabus, Davie Street

I was glad to make church this morning. The forecast  was rain and the clouds agreed. Still after prayers and a coffee I loaded Madigan’s box onto the Vespa and put him in. Then we had a spirited ride to St. Barnabus arriving just after a young woman who was late as we were.  Madigan had a poop which was very bless in the church yard and I cleaned it up.  

Sharon Solomons was covering for Emily.  She was in the midst of her sermon on money and God. You can’t serve both at the same time said Jesus.  

Matthew 6.24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other or you be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Matthew was written in Greek and the Greek word for money is Mammon.

Mammon is personified as a rival of God or ‘false God’.  The Jewish word for money “Kesef’ silver is ‘neutral.’ Wealth becomes an idol if prioritized over God.

I have been concerned about the debt I have with the bank for the motorhome which seems a right decisions.  I prioritized the spiritual over the material.  I think of myself as a spiritual being living in a material world.  I am a child of God.  Sober I felt my material anxiety lift but that was only in the last days.  All my life I have trusted in God but felt that I was so down it did look like up. I felt deeply betrayed by my wife and the addicts around her and me and my own dependence on smoke and drink.  I separated from that ‘world’ of ‘mammon’ then and returned through poverty again to wealth.  Today I am poor by the standards of my cohort ,all those with pensions and houses and wealth but I am okay .  I call myself ‘trailer trash’ at times but really I’m a Gypsy and the journey with the birds is a joy that keeps me well in this world.  

Madigan became interested in the girl behind me getting pets from here and later from deacon Neil Seedhouse. Martha told a lovely story of Helen who’d been with us till last year. I felt home a bit but didn’t stay for coffee fearing rain.  I detoured from the ride home to Rona and bought an electric heater to replace the one that up and died a few weeks past. The electric heat is less expensive than propane.  Winter is coming on.

I’d banged my neighbours side with the corner of my Starlink setting it up. I’d immediately knocked on his door and he wasn’t home then in the intervening time I’d considered not telling him as the cost could be hundreds for repair.  Nonetheless I did and he came out and looking and very kindly said it was okay and thanked me for coming to tell him.

I guess i thought that meant i could buy the IPhone 17 .  Every year or two I get a new iPhone as they are essentially to my work.  The good part is that the AI and tech and phone are all related to work but what I most enjoy is the improved cameras.  This iPhone 17 ‘s camera was very well reviewed along with the other advances.

I was delighted to ride the Vespa out to Coquitlam Apple where the service is stupendous and get the new iPhone 17 pro max.  The process of switching was the smoothest ever and Susak had me transferring the data from my iPhone 16 pro max to the new iPhone 17 in whizz. I remember when it took half a day to make the transfer and yet here I was leaving within a half hour pleased with my new technology.  

I reached out to Laura through the day and asked if she wanted to go for lunch so I worried about her and this morning contacted her and it appeared she’d not received any messages since Itold her I’d bought the new scope at International Shooting supplies when I got home, the 35 year old Bushnell scope for my hard working Ruger had fogged up and might even have had a crack.  The new scope Scott sold me and mounted was skookum. I sent Laura a picture and it was the last she heard from me.

Today we connected again her responding to my text saying yes she’d like lunch which I’d asked her the day before.  So I dropped off the Vespa and changed to the Mini fearing rain.

Madigan was ecstatic whimpering as we drove downtown and outright excited on Davie.  

I parked, using the only parking app to pay and texting Laura I’d see her in the Bute and Davie park.  

Madigan began barking seeing her and I let him off the leash so he could barrel over to her jumping up and down like a baby kangaroo.  It was great to hug Laura.  We had croissants and cappuccino at our favourite Amberdo cafe.  She was surprised I’d already got an IPhone 17 as they were just advertised and there were shortages. It’s an annual thing she remembers from years gone by as it’s a write off for work but I love the newest tech.  She’s happy with her iPhone 14 and has trouble learning the new phones.  She’s finally taking more pictures and probably knows this one.  

After lunch we walked to Blenz and sat looking on the rainbow walkway corner having another coffee. The sun was hot and it was fun to watch people. Then we were parting and Madigan and I had a great time.

I’m uncertain about the clinic and there’s a meeting on Tuesday.  I wasn’t able to book the beach RV parks but expect I’ll be able to get a place at Hollywood RV in LA. I’ll try after the Tuesday Meeting. There are a variety of options though I really was enjoying the present situation with virtual adn the clinic personal.  We’re booked for a Clearwater Huntin before Thanksgiving and until then i can make enquiries.  It’s uncertain and the sermon this morning was apropos.  

I was pleased on the Saturday to attend my Cyberdocs meeting.  God is good all of the time. I’m just continuing positively.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God for all these blessings .  

It really has been a most unusual week and this weekend has been quite amazing.  A good time if a bit touch by Mammon in the service of God. 

Thank you Jesus. 

SUNSHINE VALLEY RV SPA

I exist. Thank you creator. I had a great sleep with happy dreams of many friends in study halls overlooking the sea.  I love when I dream of colleagues from IDAA.  This was one of those nights.  I was also playing guitar, this whimsical tune that was angelic. 

I’d soaked in the hot tub last night, watched person of Interest then climbed into bed at 830.  I woke at 11 pm then went back to sleep till 730.  What a wonderful rest

I’d spent the week on Copper Mountain working 6-7 hours a day with the Starlink and computer. Then in the evening , morning and noon I’d made trips with the Honda tracker shooting grouse and enjoying sunshine and blue skies. The fall smells were exquisite.  I lost some of my olfactory function to an episode of sinusitis and bronchitis and antibiotics and have been thankful as over the years I smell more.  Initially I only smelt smoke and musk perfume. Now I’m being tantalized by rich smells like the pine scents in the forest and a cinnamon like flavor near streams. It’s like a blind man regaining sight. It’s especially noticeable on the quad driving into the wind.  I may just be telepathic with Madigan because he sure has his nose out there and loves the quad.

My Honda 3000 generator did a really good job of providing electricity to Starlink and charging my i phone and ipad and a MacBook Pro.  The one problem was smoke affecting my cellular connection.  Last year it had been fine but this year I had sos and1 bar mostly at my site so could only text and receive texts but when I went up the mountain 5 minutes I’d get two bars and was able to talk.  Only two patients who are new were affected by my communications issue. The rest worked well with virtual and cellular where I didn’t have access to the Starlink.  Pretty good I thought.  I’ll call someone on the weekend too

I had 3 tanks of propane and was running low on the third when I left.  I was concerned about water too despite only having one shower.  I had 10 gals of water in Jerry cans I didn’t get too. 6-7 days off grid boon docking and hunting and I was fine.  

I confess I was really happy to be here with sewage and garbage disposal, running water, electricity and good reception cell and wifi.  I love civilization and getting off the grid makes me really appreciate the luxuries of home. 

Today I’ll drop off my truck and camper and trailer with quad and drive into Burnaby with my mini. I’ll have to drop off my foggy scope with International Shooting and get it fixed or buy a new one. I’ve a run to the storage locker and will need to bring warmer clothes when we go out for the Thanksgiving hunt. All round this has been a good excursion.

My back pain has been considerable but I’ve done a lot of physical exercise moving about lifting, getting on and off the quad, walking in the woods, just a lot of good activity. Thank you Jesus for mobility

I’ve spent little time on social media and only an hour or two watching Prime tv.  

I miss Laura.  I am concerned about what’s happening at the clinic as I got news our fearless leader is ill and major changes are in store.  

I always remember my mom saying how pleased she was when I was in debt because she knew then I’d work to pay it off. She was concerned when I was clear because then she said I might sailing across oceans or heading off to Africa.  I’m not in debt but I’m presently wanting to pay off my new Motorhome so I have no plans to go wild.  

Before I headed out hunting this week I’d done the  terrible thing of comparison.  I know so many people some younger retired and they’re having good lives. I think it was hearing about the gardening that got me and taking courses.  I imaging gardening and taking courses in the future but frankly I’ve loved my work and serving patients and can wait another 10 years for that prospect. I really am happy with going south a couple of months in winter to avoid the rainy cold and otherwise life is really very good.  I had a moment of envy with hearing the old retired guys going north to spend weeks hunting till they got a deer or moose or elk.  I’ve always had a week or two at most to hunt and mostly limited by time to know far out in the wild I go. If I was retired I had the idea I’d travel north and fish and hunt for a couple of months in the fall to fill the larder.  

All it took to settle that was for me to get away from my old person routine.  This week has been terrific for variety.  I’ve shot grouse. I’d have liked to have shot a deer but I really did enjoy target shooting too and quadding was great. Being with Madigan in this camper , my little home, has been a joy.  Prayer and meditation.  I’ve no desire for any other life but this one and am so thankful I’ve worked to have the ‘toys’ that make this all so personal.  I love my mobility and lack of anchors,

I often think of moving to Alberta or Arizona but then I’ve come back to here and really like it.  I so enjoy visitting with Laura in her neck of the woods too.  I love my Wednesday night and enjoy St. Barnabus.  It’s all good and I’m so blessed to have been able to take a break and remind myself of how good God is.  

Good is good all of the time.

I really am grateful. I’m really thank to be in the greatest country in the world . Unfortunately management could be a lot better but when compared with alternatives we’re doing okay.  The key cognitive distortion so common to the left is intellectualiszatio and comparison against an idealistic perfection - adolescent thinking too common in Canada.  But I’m a pragmatist and know that everything is interconnected. I’m truly blessed and have been so privileged to know all the extraordinary people I’ve known family, friends, colleagues and patients,  I’m really blessed to have this little dog. He’s hinting to me now he wants to go out for a morning piss.  So time to close this up.  I’ve had a boiled egg, yoghurt and coffee. I’ll walk him and come back for another coffee before packing up. 

Thank you Jesus.. 

Princeton - Copper Mountain - BC Hunting

Thank you God for another day alive. Thank you for my sobriety. Thank you for Madigan, Thank you for family and friends. Thank you for this camper and F350. Thank you for my Honda Quad. Thank you for all my equipment, this break from routine. Thank you for Starlink and Apple which allows me to fulfill my work obligations and be here for the evenings.

I have enjoyed running about on my quad in the backwoods. I always think there are those who simply enjoy a drive in the country. There are those who like to bring a dog. There are those who like just to camp and those campers who have moved as I have from lying outside into this skookum camper with all the amenities. 

Thank you for Kevin Spence who did the additions like A/C to make it a home away from home.

Then there are this who like to bring quad getting off the beaten track onto the backwoods logging roads.  Then there are those who bring bows or rifles and enjoy target shooting out in the backwoods. Finally there are those of us who enjoy the all of this but add hunting and fishing to the mix.

I thought yesterday of those who like to ‘score’ and are focused on the ‘win’.  To that end they’re big game hunters and are only really happy when they shoot the large game,  I confess I was like that younger and have shot near, moose, Elk and deer.  Today I enjoy the journey more than the destination. 

I really like that I have the skills and capacity to do all this.  I like that I’ve been camping since I was a little boy with my parents and brother and continued on for 60 years  I like that I’ve been able to maintain my equipment and get the best of equipment for the tasks I have come to like.  

I had the F350 because I towed a 40 foot RV but it’s also allowed me to have a large Camper. I no longer have a camper with a slide because this one works just fine and I can ‘stealth camp’ . I take a nap on the side of the road and nobody minds. My last camper needed to have the slide out and suddenly everyone knew what I was doing,

I love my stainless steel Ruger 30:06 as it’s shot so much big game in my hands. But yesterday the most fun was target practicing with my relatively new 223 Black Creek Siberian semi auto rifle I bought at International Shooting Supplies. I bought it last year had a great day target practicing with vet Victor.  Then I shot off a few rounds in the woods but it was kind of alien to me, This year though it was ‘my’ rifle. I was shooting cans and 2 inch groupings around the centre of the target.  Looking forwards to more target practice. 

I”ve got it for rabbit hunting so hope to see a rabbit too. I almost had chance since the rabbit was very patient with me but the strap got caught and I could load the clip quick enough.  The rabbit got bored and left.  

I’ve really enjoyed taking pictures of the sunsets too, I’ve also enjoyed taking pictures of Madigan. I especially like the one of him sitting on the quad looking at the two grouse I’ve shot and he’s fetched and I’ve put on top of the quad.  

Mostly I’ve enjoyed the scents.  The pine smells are incredible but there’s also this cinnamon scent I keep coming upon like the musky scents when we pass by water. It’s a wonderful.  Nature’s perfumes.

I also enjoy the coffee and barbecues.  It’s all a trip. I enjoy working from here too. Such a change from my home office.  

Laura and I are going north in October for a hunt,  There it’s Just ‘bucks’ and I’m more hopeful Here its only been ‘4 point’ bucks.  Because I can’t separate the camper from the truck I have to be somewhere I can ride my quad directly from the camp.  Insurance has been impossible coming through on the strut that’s weak because of damage.  Thankfully I’ve been able to use the truck and camper together..

It’s one day at a time.  I’m practicing the presence of God, being here and now. When I’m riding about on the quad I work on praying unceasingly.  I have such peace of mind at times.  Then my poor me mind will flash back to some ancient trauma and I have to let it go, turn it over to good and enjoy the magnificent present. Get your head in the same room as your ass is.

The propane is holding up even though I’m using the heater through the night.  My gas is doing well. I’ve only used two 5 gallons Jerry cans. I’ve got lots of food still. I hope to return on Friday or Saturday. My only reall concern is water but I have an extra 5 gallon Jerry can and I have water purification tablets if I decided to get more water from a stream.   I’m definitely rigged out as a survivalist with backwoods cababilities.  This was once very important to me as it was when I was a solo blue water offshore sailing.  Today I’m less daring , more cautious and content with being closer to town. For work I’ve been thankful for the Starlink and the cellular. Cell coverage has been problematic apparently because of the smoke. it’s intermittent her while when I’m a ways up the mountain I even get 2 bars of coverage.

Thank you Jesus.  

Princeton - Copper Mountain with Madigan, Birthday Dog

 I had a good sleep. Without the mass of humanity pushing in on you from the city the nights are quiet and expansive. I feel I’m less constricted here.  Free is a different word.

Woke at 7 with the alarm. I’d decided not to hunt today. If I plan to hunt I have to get up at 530 and be out at 6.  The deer are moving at dawn.  I’m working today virtually from this camper office with my Apple Pro and IPad Pro and iPhone.  Thanks to Starlink and my Honda 3000 generator I can consult from just about anywhere. The problem has been cell coverage. Here’s it’s pretty good. 

I did this once last year and remember Kevin, Anna and the God kids visitting.  Kevin was on a Cariboo hunt with his friend already this year and his friend shot a bull Cariboo. It’s 4 point deer here. I’m lucky if I see a buck and rarely have I see a four point.  Grouse hunting is fun.

Last night texting Laura she reminded me that it was Madigan’s birthday, Sept 14.  2020.  Wow!!!!

We were up early yesterday.  We travelled all the way to Smith where I stopped at my usual look see spot and had some kippers.  Madigan ran about.  It was a good break.  Skies were threatening rain and it eventually began to spit so I headed back.  I was so glad I found poncho in my pack.  I’ve not looked in these packs since last year so it’s a lot of good surprises.  A hoodie I found kept me warmer

Just after it began to rain I saw three grouse and was fortunate to shoot 2 of the three on the run. Madigan was ecstatic noting the fallen grouse and running on to see if he could raise more. I’m not sure what he’s up to this year. Last year he was fetching birds but this year he’s letting me get the downed birds while he looks for more.  

The poncho kept me dry and warm. It’s the windchill driving on the quad.  I saw some more grouse but they were gone before I could get my gun free.  Back at camp I was glad for coffee and Japanese ramen noodle soup.  

The rain let up so we went out again .  There was drizzle but my Australian oilskin was sufficient.  Right off I saw a grouse.  I walked up closer to it and took a shot. It flapped so I turned and walked back to unleash Madigan from the quad.  When we got back to where I shot it it was gone.  Madigan wasn’t impressed. I looked with him for a while but couldn’t find it. He acted like it had flown off.  It must have .  

We drove up to the top of the mountain where the communication tower is. It’s very deer like up there but you’d have to be able to climb up into the bush and woods and wait. It was wet. It was slippery. I was happier just staying on the quad. I was there at the right time and it was a good ambush spot.  But I’m still anxious about climbing in the bush.  Don’t want to slip and fall. The quad is fun and grouse hunting is fun and safe.  I actually saw two deer on the way back.  I think a mother and small buck but it was getting dark, my eyes aren’t so good as they once were and I couldn’t be sure about horns.  Not four. Maybe two.  Still a good sighting.  Exciting moments. I saw a great hawk fly down in front of me too.  Love nature. Lots of squirrels.

Back at camp I made a pot of tea with the electric kettle then  microwaved the big potato.  I field dressed the grouse but cleaned it more before I put it on the barbecue with the steak.  Steak grouse and baked potato with sour cream and butter.  Madigan loved getting half a steak and half a grouse breast.  Laura texted me to remind me it was his birthday Five year olds.  Wow.  He had a good day and good meal. What a great buddy,  

I watched another episode of Person of Interest on the iPad and shared an ice cream cone with Madigan. Then sleep.  A great day.  A lot of exercise.  I’m aching with all the activity which is really good for me.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Creator. Thank you God!!!!  Happy Birthday Madigan 

Princeton - Copper Mountain -Grouse Hunt

I don’t know what got into me but after my meeting I decided I’d go hunting. First I phoned John at Chilliwack RV Storage. He was going to be there until one so I figured I had enough time.

What a rush.  I quickly grabbed my guns and hunting stuff that had got into the Thor.  I had a couple of bags of clothing and my office equipment.

I took down the Starlink to take with me and was off. I had to stop at the storage locker for some more hunting gear, mostly clothing and back packs with safety stuff.

Then I was on the road.  

John was still there.  I transferred my gear from the mini to the truck. The only delay was hooking up the trailer.  I tried to align the truck with the hitch a half dozen times before I got it. John was gone when I left at 115.  His wife had been with him. They’d just returned from a vacation in Netherlands.

I traveled up to Hope stopping to pick up Chilliwack corn and then doing my shopping at Hope store. Next stop Macdonald with a quarter pounder and cheese for me then a burger plain for Madigan.  I had coffee double double and actually had to pull over a couple of times because my eyes were tired. There was smoke in the air.

I got through Manning Park and headed up to Copper Mountain.  It was 6 pm. 

I actually got the quad loaded and went up the road a bit.I’d found when I took out my rifles that I didn’t have the hunting clip for the 223.  I also hadn’t brought the bags with the ammunition. I have a couple of boxes of shot gun shells and some 3006.  I can get by.  I’ve enough. Thank you. I haven’t found one glove though so I would like to find another. 

I saw a covey of grouse but caught my strap on the quad and trying to untangle it watched all three grouse run up the hill.  Still exciting.  Madigan loved it all.  

We came home as the sun was setting. Lovely sunset sky.  I’d left the door open. Nothing stolen. Nothing touched. Only a lot of little flies inside,  No biters and no mosquitoes. It was too cool’

I set up the generator and Starlink. Then put a bottom sheet on the bed. What a hassle. You’re supposed to find the corner but I couldn’t find the corner.  I got it on but it will likely pull up in a night or two. I did get the bed made.

Now I’m barbecuing chiken.  

I feel a little guilty with the generator going but it’s quiet and earlier my neigbour in his RV had his on. There are two RV’s up here.  

I just found out it’s 4 point mule deer and I’m thinking of moving. Yet its’ good for grouse and rabbits and good for work.  I’ve got Starlink and cell coverage and planned to spend a few days here.

Pretty incredible being out in nature. I love the scents.  

Madigan is lying on the table beside me.  We’re both tired.  Two days of activity.

Thank you Jesus for getting me here safely and for everything working out. Thank you for my truck and camper

Princeton - Hunting with Madigan

 I’m set up in Princeton for a few days work and hunting. Copper Mountain is pretty well hunted out with lots of hunters coming in recent years. I remember shooting deer here decades back when Whipsaw was the go to place.

Now I’m here because it has good wifi with my star link and Telus cell coverage. This allows me to work virtual for the next few days an then get in an evening or morning hunt as well.  I’d like to go to some other places near Chilliwack but the cell coverage isn’t sufficient for work.  I’m resisting the temptation to take time off which I rarely do but it’s not early that inconveniencing doing some work as well. The mid day is the least successful hunt.  Morning is the most successful hunting time.

This morning I slept in. I wake at 7 so did today when I really planned to wake at 6 and get out at dawn.  I’m here.  That’s a plus. You can’t shoot game in the city.  I also figure there’s a forumla that goe with the success following x number of hours hunting. These days I’m not really hunting very well. Ambush is the best, stalking second best and least successful driving around. At least I’m on a Quad.  

I had a fall a few years ago and have been slowly getting better ever since. I couldn’t walk a half block one year. I can still ride quad’s and motorcycles.  Thankfully riding hasn’t been affected. My main concern was slipping again. I’ve had so many patients got through hip or knee replacement due to falls or trauma.  I don’t like the idea of surgery but mostly I have witnessed them take 6 months of physio and sometimes a year to get back to fully functional.  I love the positive outcomes but cringe at so much time in recovery.  Prevention therefore is the best medicine.  

I used to run down mountainsides.  I’ve done the same riding horses, dirt bikes and quads.  The last couple of years I felt frail.  Chronic back pain interfering with sleep and walking.  Not all the time but enough.  I’ve resisted ‘poor me’ and watched myself getting slowly better.  This year I feel good with lots more stamina and hope to hike some. I can walk five miles now and am so thankful.  I’ll see how I do with gear.

In the meantime today I loaded the quad for hunting and was off about 8 am.  I love having the generator not just for Starlink but for my morning expresso coffee.  Delicious.  I made a second one to take with me.

It was a glorious morning.  The sky was overcast and it was a bit cool with the wind so I put on the jacket I was carrying. I had missed three grouse the night before because my gun strap got tangled in the carrier.  I was better prepared but one grouse was just too smart and fast.  

I waved a couple,of young hunters by their truck all dressed in camo. I just grabbed my Australian waterproof jacket and realize I look like a cross between a bear and a moose. I’ll have to find some Colour to take with me if I leave the quad.  

I began to rain when we were over on Smith but three grouse appeared eager to get some gravel and back to the woods before the rain came down harder.  I was luck to shoot two with the 20 guage. I had #4 so shot above the head and was luck to miss the body. The first shot took one and the second flew a bit and I was able to shoot it on a reload.I’ve a side by side Argentinian shot gun.  3 shots and 2 birds. One flew away.  Madigan was everywhere looking for more as I walked behind him and picked up the two birds.  

I was lucky to have a poncho and kept dry on the hour ride back to camp. Madigan was shielded behind me. The only problem was cleaning my glasses regularly with wet Kleenex.  So glad to get back to camp.  Filled the generator and quad with gas then made coffee. Cleaned the birds and have 2 in the freezer.  I made soup.  

Madigan wet and muddy climbed on my seat and wiped himself off before I could greet the towel.  He’s a happy filthy dog.  I’ve cleaned the mud off the floor.  

It’s a good day.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Creator. 

Texting Laura she reminded me it was Madigan’s Birthday .5 years old.  Wow!..  Happy Birthday Madigan  I guess he did well because he got half a steak charbroiled and half a barbecued grouse breast.  He’s been a character. What a wonderful companion.  He’s kept me walking.  Thanks to him I continue to hunt and we’re enjoying it. Thank you God for keeping him safe and well.  Happy Birthday Madigan!!!

Princeton

I don’t know what got into me but after my meeting I decided I’d go hunting. First I phoned John at Chilliwack RV Storage. He was going to be there until one so I figured I had enough time.

What a rush.  I quickly grabbed my guns and hunting stuff that had got into the Thor.  I had a couple of bags of clothing and my office equipment.

I took down the Starlink to take with me and was off. I had to stop at the storage locker for some more hunting gear, mostly clothing and back packs with safety stuff.

Then I was on the road.  

John was still there.  I transferred my gear from the mini to the truck. The only delay was hooking up the trailer.  I tried to align the truck with the hitch a half dozen times before I got it. John was gone when I left at 115.  His wife had been with him. They’d just returned from a vacation in Netherlands.

I traveled up to Hope stopping to pick up Chilliwack corn and then doing my shopping at Hope store. Next stop Macdonald with a quarter pounder and cheese for me then a burger plain for Madigan.  I had coffee double double and actually had to pull over a couple of times because my eyes were tired. There was smoke in the air.

I got through Manning Park and headed up to Copper Mountain.  It was 6 pm. 

I actually got the quad loaded and went up the road a bit.I’d found when I took out my rifles that I didn’t have the hunting clip for the 223.  I also hadn’t brought the bags with the ammunition. I have a couple of boxes of shot gun shells and some 3006.  I can get by.  I’ve enough. Thank you. I haven’t found one glove though so I would like to find another. 

I saw a covey of grouse but caught my strap on the quad and trying to untangle it watched all three grouse run up the hill.  Still exciting.  Madigan loved it all.  

We came home as the sun was setting. Lovely sunset sky.  I’d left the door open. Nothing stolen. Nothing touched. Only a lot of little flies inside,  No biters and no mosquitoes. It was too cool’

I set up the generator and Starlink. Then put a bottom sheet on the bed. What a hassle. You’re supposed to find the corner but I couldn’t find the corner.  I got it on but it will likely pull up in a night or two. I did get the bed made.

Now I’m barbecuing chiken.  

I feel a little guilty with the generator going but it’s quiet and earlier my neigbour in his RV had his on. There are two RV’s up here.  

I just found out it’s 4 point mule deer and I’m thinking of moving. Yet its’ good for grouse and rabbits and good for work.  I’ve got Starlink and cell coverage and planned to spend a few days here.

Pretty incredible being out in nature. I love the scents.  

Madigan is lying on the table beside me.  We’re both tired.  Two days of activity.

Thank you Jesus for getting me here safely and for everything working out. Thank you for my truck and camper